


Dead gods still dream

by l8rose



Series: Unforgotten [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Destiny, F/M, Gen, I suck at tagging, Loss, Madness, Magic, Multi, Not Beta Read, Not-Fade, Plot Twists, Post-Canon, Regret, Spoilers, Time Travel, Torture, Trapped, Unforgotten, cause i can, solavellan hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-27 22:31:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 136,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5067037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l8rose/pseuds/l8rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ethara Lavellan has always had a spirit watching over her. Guiding her. Teaching her. But it goes nearly completely silent when she becomes the Herald of Andraste, only speaking to provide guidance when she needed it. From Herald to Inquisitor, that spirit was there. It was there as she fell in love. As she discovered the truth of the man she loved. As she defeated the evil threatening her world.</p><p>And it was there as it led her to a place that made her question who and what she is, but when she needed it most, she was left with only the whispers.</p><p>In a past that is uncertain, Ethara Lavellan has taken on the identity of Ethanara but there are some among the elvhen who call her Ash'ter, the first god betrayed by Fen'Harel.</p><p>Even as time catches up with itself, she is forced to deal with the truth that there is another foe waiting behind the veil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> While this will feature moments from the game as memories, they will be in a more summarized form and focused on Lavellan's thoughts/feelings about those scenes.
> 
> Tags and stuff will be updated as the story progresses cause I suck at that kind of thing.
> 
> Commentary is welcome as is pointing out any mistakes. I do not have a proofreader and some of this started out in third person (you can kind of see it in the earlier chapters).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan's thoughts on the opening moments of the Dragon Age: Inquisition story and a lead up into the beginning of the post-canon story.

I used to sing when I was among the people. Songs of what we were and what we had lost. Songs to bring the halla home and songs to soothe the children in the night. Keeper told me I had a beautiful voice like the elvhen singers of old. I had a gift, she said. Just one of many.

The magic poured from me as easily as the songs did. I did not remember a time when magic was not a part of my life. I brought life to fire when I was a child. They worried what would happen. Our clan could not have too many mages. To do so was to court danger. Other clans would send their children out into the wilds to fend for themselves but not us. We often send our children to other clans that could afford another mage.

I was chosen to stay. To remain and learn. I would become First to the Keeper. One day, I would have to put away my singing and focus on what was needed for our clan. What was needed for our people. We were the Dalish and we were proud in our own way.

It was responsibility given to me by decree of my birth. I had not wanted it but I would not shirk from it. The keeper taught me but she was frightened of me. Something about my magic scared her. She said it was wild and unlike anything she had known before. She taught me to control it but she was not my only teacher.

My other teacher was a spirit. It was kind and understanding where the Keeper was stern. It comforted me at night when I woke from bad dreams. It healed the little scrapes when I became too daring in the forest. It promised things I did not know to ask about.

Keeper told me I had to go to a conclave that could decide the fate of all of Thedas.

I did not want to go.

The spirit told me that I had to. That it was time to leave my clan behind.

I went.

  


There is pain.

It flares along my hand like fire kissing on my skin as it sets itself within my very being.

The spirit is weeping for me. Did it know?

So much pain.

 

 

I do not understand. I cannot remember what happened or how I came to be in this place. It is shifting but solid. The sky is tinged with green and yellow but there is no sun. Only an endless sky of nothing.

I can hear the dripping of water and the crackling of energy like lightening magic. I frown as I feel a wave of energy pulsing in my left hand.

Looking down, I can see that my hand has taken on a green glow that seems to spark with energy. The very power flows around my fingers. It hurts but it was not as bad as it had been.

“Falon?”

I called out to the spirit but there was no answer. It could not hear me.

It frightened me. I was alone in this place.

I looked around and tried to find a way out of this strange landscape.

There, crackling with the same energy as my hand, was a portal. I could hear other things moving behind me and I willed myself to move. At first I walked but fear drove me to run. Then I was climbing.

I could see a figure at the top of the hill and I thought it was my spirit friend. It glowed brightly with a light that was almost golden. One hand was stretched out towards me.

I made the mistake of glancing behind me. There were things in the dark. Skittering on many legs with eyes that sought me. Fear clutched at my heart.

I climbed faster.

Her hand was there.

I could almost reach it.

  


I woke to the feel of cold metal about my wrists. The pain sparked across my fingers and into the palm of my hand. There were footsteps that approached, heels clicking on the stone floor.

I could see them. Two women. One hooded with the look of secrets behind her lips. The other was fierce and stern. They demanded answers but I had none to give. I remained silent until accused of destroying the conclave.

I did not do this.

I did not remember.

The stern woman. Cassandra. She took me from my cell and guided me through the mountains. I chafed under the control of this woman but I knew that this was the only way to prove my innocence.

_Protector._

In the daylight, I could see the sky torn asunder with the same green magic that warped it's way around my hand. I almost cried out in fear but it was pain that brought my voice rising.

A sharp crackle that made my nerves feel like they were on fire. She told me that it was killing me but I knew.

It happened again. I knew. It was growing with each pulse. It felt like it was burning away my life to fuel the madness in the sky.

There were demons. Demons I had never seen in the forests of my childhood but I still fought against them.

I made plans to leave the moment they were convinced of my innocence. I wanted to return to the forests and my people. I had no desire to be anything to these people. And then I saw him.

He was tall, proud and his eyes spoke of things that I could only wonder about. It was he that showed me how I could stop these demons from travelling the world. They came from the rifts that were of the same magic as the mark on my hand. He thrust my hand into one of those rifts and I could feel the power within me willing it to close.

He seemed surprised that it worked but there was also a self assured smile like he knew that it was going to work. He had far greater confidence then was found even among our best hunters. Still, he looked at me with slight sadness. Like an elder looking upon a child about to learn a painful lesson. He called himself Solas.

_Pride._

A dwarf was with him, a surface dweller by the name of Varric.

_Friend._

I had never seen one before so I found myself marveling at his voice and the way he seemed to joke easily with the stern woman or was it jokes at her expense? I could not tell but it did not matter. He was kind and he smiled at her. There was also a sadness within him but it was different then that of the elf. It was fresher.

We travelled to the top of the mountain and found the large rift that seemed to fuel the others. They all said that this was the first one. The one responsible for causing the breach in the sky. It lay at the heart of a ruined temple that had once held the hope of a peaceful future. Strange red crystals grew out of the walls and bodies lay all around it. Varric said that the crystals were things called red lyrium and that we should not touch it.

Approaching the rift revealed some of what had happened. A woman bound by magic, a sacrifice to some unholy deed, and myself, an unwilling participant in the act. I could not understand it all but I had interrupted something. The woman had called to me for help and to warn the others of what was happening.

There was nothing more to the vision we all shared but it caused renewed vigor on the part of the Seeker. She demanded answers but I still had none. It was Solas who spoke, explaining that the rift appeared sealed but not closed.

The decision was made. We opened it and fought what appeared.

A demon unlike anything I had seen. One of pride that laid blow after blow upon us. I willed my magic into being, fighting back as much as I could but the rift called to me. I could feel it pulse and flow and knew what had to be done.

Somehow, we managed to defeat the creature and I threw my will at the rift. I sought to close it. I knew I had to.

I could see that vision playing out in my head once more. Of me standing in the doorway and the woman calling to me. If not for that moment then I would not bear the marking on my hand.

The rift closed and I fell into unconsciousness.

_Fate._

 

 I grimaced as I came awake, trying to shake the dream from my mind. I had no wish to relive memories at this moment, even if they were on the more pleasant side of things. It just reminded me of what I no longer had.

The morning was cool and crisp. Winter would soon begin but the forest still clung to the last hope of fall. I had left her friends several weeks earlier and had made the trek to this place on my own.

They had all agreed that I could use time for myself. We had won, we had beaten back the threats that had threatened the world. All save one. Perhaps that was why they did not push things on me. The thought of the Solas being the Dread Wolf was still an ache.

I had turned to my spirit guide for answers but there was none. How could it provide help on something as mortal as a broken heart?

No one knew of the spirit that had been my constant guide and companion since childhood. That had been a secret I kept from everyone. I had wanted to speak about my friend but the spirit had wished for it to be kept secret so I did as it asked. I had not even told Solas despite his familiarity and friendliness to spirits.

Now, however, I wished that I had spoken of it to someone. Any advice was better then nothing when the spirit did not answer. No matter how hard I tried to call to it, there was no answer. This place was a last ditch effort. A location hidden far away from prying eyes that my spirit had once mentioned.

It was a small, but beautiful, grove. I had expected to see ruins or some sign of something but there were only trees.

So I set myself to wait. I chose one of the large trees and leaned against it with a sigh. I must have dozed off as I soon found myself in a more perfect version of the grove. I could not help but begin to sing.

I did not choose the song but sang what came to me. The song was an old one that one of the elders of the clan had taught me when I was young. I continued to sing even as I felt eyes watching me.

It was not my spirit but the presence was familiar and I did not fear it. I had grown used to my dreams not being just my own so my song changed to one for the being watching me. I knew it was Solas who lurked in the shadows but the joy of this place chased away the ache of loneliness. I tried to lure him closer with my voice. Something I had done every night since he left but like always, it did not work.

Still. I tried. I sang and for a moment, I thought he was going to come closer.

And then I woke up.

I was still in the grove but things had changed in the short time I slept. My throat ached and I could feel the crackle of magic across my body but that magic felt different, it felt wrong.

I got to my feet just as the world began to lurch beneath them. Waves of purple light seemed to radiate from everything. A terrible agony settled into my very bones as I found myself crouched on the ground. Waves of pain continued to hit me and my vision blurred. I could not focus on any one thing as even the trees themselves seemed to dissolve into a multitude of trees. Figures danced amongst those trees.

The Elvhen were there, ghost like forms that seemed to move at a speed that was almost sickening. Each time I tried to focus on one of them, they would disappear and be replaced by a new person.

The power erupted out from where I knelt, blasting away all the shadowy people around me. I struggled to stand and it felt like my entire being was being pulled apart. I could not bite back the scream of pain and terror as everything seemed to be exploding.

“Vhenan, no!”

I knew he was not in the grove with me but his voice sounded like it was nearby. There was pain in that voice but there was also fear. I could not think to reason why, not with the pain riding my mind into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Falon is the name Ethara Lavellan gave to the spirit, meaning Friend in the language of the elves.


	2. And Once More with Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memory of the destruction of Haven only to wake up in the care of some new but familiar friends.

_We had seen our enemy and faced him down. He was angry because we stole the mages from him. He was angry with me. I had become his rival. The hero to his villain._

_The rift was gone but then so too was Haven._

_An avalanche of snow used to destroy his force and to bury what remained of village. I did not know the names of everyone who had flocked to the banner of the Inquisition but my heart grieved for those who had died in it's name._

_I had survived by some fluke and found myself in a cave system beneath the village. I stumbled through it. Cold. Alone._

_The mark on my hand reacted to the magic of demons and I found myself fighting through the small few that had managed to make their way here. Fighting hurt but it was better then dying._

_I stumbled out into the snow. Each step was agony. Bones had been broken in my fall but I was determined to live._

_In the distance, I could see the faint glow of a light._

_People had survived and so would I._

_I would not give up. I continued on through the snow. Blessed Mythal but it was cold. That cold sunk into my bones but I refused to give up. My friends were waiting for me._

_I do not know how long I had stumbled through the snow. I followed that glow in the distance but it faded in the dark. The howl of the wind was all the company I had._

_I refused to give in and lay down in the snow. I would not die here. Not now. The world was counting on me._

_**~** Atisha ~ _

_It was little more then a thought but it brought some relief. The spirit was still with me. I fought the pain and continued on, letting it guide me when I could see no longer. I thought of forming fire with my magic to warm myself but I found that I had little will to do so. Fighting to live against my injuries and the cold was sapping what strength I had._

_I fell to my knees in the snow. I thought about giving up but then I heard them. They were calling out to me, my friends. I could tell by the sound of their voices that they had thought I had been killed in the avalanche that had bought them the time to flee._

_Blessed creators, it was good to hear their voices._

_They did what they could to heal my wounds. The bones were easy to set but I would need rest. More then just the few brief hours laying on the bed in a tent._

_Mother Giselle sat by my side, soothing my hair back from my face and generally acting like a nursemaid. I felt a little silly that she was there. She was one of the better women of the Chantry that I had met since leaving my clan. Kind and seeking only to help the people around her._

_The arguing of the three leaders of the Inquisition kept me from any sleep. They argued over what happened at Haven and how to best react to it. Blame went from one to the other and made me want to shout for them to stop. Only Mother Giselle's company kept me from doing so._

_Still, I could not help the words that fell like rain as I complained about them. My thoughts seemed to be like a runaway halla and led the conversation to myself._

_Many who had joined the Inquisition believed that I was sent from the Maker to set things right. That I was the Herald of Andraste, the most sacred of couples to the humans. Yet I had learned that I was a mistake. No god had chosen to bestow me to the world as some joke saviour. I had intercepted the plans of a madman and ended up with magic he had coveted._

_Mother Giselle had realized my apprehension and walked out amongst the others. She then did something I did not expect._

_She began to sing._

_Then the whole Inquisition began to sing as well._

_The song sent a tremor up my spine but it still left me feeling uncomfortable as it seemed that they were singing at me. I did not say anything nor did I join in their song._

_I was grateful when Solas asked me to accompany him for a moment._

_We stepped away from the camp to a place where he summoned veilfire and spoke to me of the orb I had seen in our enemy's hand. He told me that it was elvhen._

_Fear clutched at my heart again but he soothed it with his words. We made plans then to not tell the humans until it was necessary. It was a relief to find myself in his company instead of in the awkwardness that filled the camp behind us. I stayed to listen to his stories until I became aware of something that began to make me uncomfortable in a different way._

_The passion in his eyes when he talked of things that had been. The way his lips curled up in that little smile._

_Oh, Mythal, his lips._

  


  


There were voices nearby. I could hear them through the darkness that clouded my mind but I did not understand what they were saying. It sounded elvish but it was unlike any I had known. A few words did stand out and sound familiar but they made no sense with the context of what I knew. It sounded like something Solas would say when I irritated him or did not perform a spell the “proper” way.

“Solas?”

I croaked out the name and decided against speaking again for the moment. My throat felt raw and speaking made me wish for unconsciousness again. The thought of him also set another ache that I did not want to think about. We were estranged, my strange elf lover and I. He was determined to end the world and I was determined to make him see reason. Still, he would have been here at a moment's notice if he knew I was hurt.

Yeah, unconsciousness was the better option.

There was a flurry of words and I could hear movement nearby. Someone was beside me where I lay. I think it was a bed as it was far too comfortable to be the floor or ground or anything else that did not have padding.

I felt someone pull something from over my face. It seemed to stick to my skin, tugging on wounds I now became painfully aware of.

I screamed in pain, arching off whatever supported me.

I felt the charge of magic in the air and suddenly the pain bled away to nothing. A gentle hand pushing down on my chest to help me settle down on the bed.

“Atisha.”

The voice soothed and accompanied the magic that seemed to flow around me. I could feel the power and was briefly terrified. There were not many in this world who held such power and the person speaking sounded way too womanly to be Solas. There was something almost familiar about her voice but I could not even tell where I was, let alone match that tone to a memory.

“Dithara na renan.”

Once more I could feel the pulse of power running over my skin. Terror clutched at my heart and I lashed out with my own magic. It was fumbling in the darkness, trying to reach for that well that had always existed within me. Magic had been my calling and it had always been easy to pull it forward but it was like trying to drag an uncooperative Halla through mud.

I found myself faltering but I refused to be weak. Somehow, I felt the flow of fire erupt along my aura and I tried to fling it towards the source of this new magic. Anything to protect myself against this threat that I could not see.

My magic was suddenly snuffed out. The only sound being a slightly annoyed snort before the room went completely silent.

Then there was laughter and I found myself irritated. Someone found this situation funny and I most certainly did not. I found myself wrinkling my nose even though it hurt just a little.

“Easy.” The voice still spoke in that strange elvhen language but I could understand it now.

I must have looked surprised as that laughter rung out again.

“Now, most of your wounds have been healed but I felt it best that you recover some on your own.” The voice was soft and gentle, almost motherly.

“My.. wounds?”

The words sounded so foreign. I must have looked quite surprised as that laughter rang out again. There was a sympathetic and gentle squeeze on my arm once more.

“Simple magic.” The woman said. “We could not understand you and you did not seem to understand us.”

“Oh.”

“It is of no concern.”

“Why can't I see?” I wanted to ask about my magic but the lack of sight was much more disconcerting to me at the moment.

“Your eyes were badly damaged. Here.” The hand left my arm and I felt the unwinding of bandages from around my head. “Let me.”

I was surprised as I had not even noticed that a narrow band of cloth had been wrapped around the upper part of my face. The cloth had been the softest I had ever known in my life. Even the expensive blankets from Orlais paled in comparison. I lifted my hand by instinct to shield it from the suddenly bright light. I stopped to marvel at my hand an audible gasp escaping my lips.

“My hand?!”

I could not help but stare at it. I had lifted up the arm that once held the anchor. In an effort to save my life, Solas had removed everything from just above the elbow. Yet here, I could clearly see fingers, a thumb, a whole hand bracing against the light in the room. I could see that it was not a real hand, not flesh and blood like my other hand. Silver designed into intricate patterns of swirls like a fancy carving. It obeyed just like my real hand.

“Yes,” Came the woman who lightly took the new hand in hers. “How did you come by such an injury?”

I looked towards the speaker and I found myself at a loss for words. The woman looked like the Elvhen should. Willowy with eyes that reflected starlight. She was pale but more like the softest fall of new snow as opposed to the pallor of pour health. Long white hair was done up in fancy braids and buns that seemed nearly impossible. Her smile was kind and gentle.

Her dress was just as fantastic and awe inspiring as her appearance. It was a green and delicately made with threads of gold woven into strange little patterns. I think they were supposed to be an artist's idea of stars but it was really hard to make out. That still did not take away the beauty of it, in fact, it seemed to make the gown far more beautiful.

“It..” I did not want to lie to her. I had no idea why but I simply did not want to even consider the idea of lying to her. I tore my eyes away to focus on the silver hand once more. “It was done to save me.”

“To save you?” She prompted gently.

“Yes, my...” I paused, thinking of Solas. “friend removed my hand. There was a bad magic that was spreading and it was the only way to stop it from killing me.”

“Oh child, I am sorry.” She said, gently patting the new hand. “We felt it was best to restore your hand to you. It does not feel so strange, does it?”

“Oh no, it feels wonderful.” I wiggled the fingers in her hand and could not resist the smile at it. I had never considered the possibility of a new hand but here it was.

“Tell me, how did you come to be here?” The woman asked, continuing to prompt for information.

“I don't know.” I answered truthfully. “I was in a grove and there was magic. I didn't understand the magic but it seemed to distort everything. Nothing I did stopped it and then I was unconscious.”

“Perhaps Falon'din is at it again?”

I almost pulled a muscle as I whipped her face to stare at the person who spoke. The familiar laughter suddenly made sense and my heart skipped a beat. There was no mistaking the person who stood there, leaning nonchalantly against the door frame.

He was regal and somehow seemed to stand so proudly despite the way he leaned. Indeed there was almost arrogance in that face. Dark brown hair was somehow both tied up at the back of his head and then cascading down over his shoulders. The hair had called my attention because it was unfamiliar but the eyes called more to me. They were an intense blue and I ended up staring.

He clearly noticed as he sauntered from the door towards the other woman and I. His gaze was downright predatory as he looked at me. It made me just a little nervous but I was sure even my ears were blushing with that look.

“Do you see something you like?”

“Now, now, Fen'Harel.” The woman said, much in the same way a mother would chide an impatient child. “We do not even know her name.”

I tore my gaze from him as it occurred that he did not recognize me. This was not the Solas I knew. The eyes were less angry, less sorrowful. Whoever this was, it was not my Solas. She called him Fen'Harel and it made something tug at the back of my mind. One of those “things are wrong” instincts that had kept me out of trouble.

“Etha...” I thought better of giving my full name. “Ethanara.”

“A pleasure.”

He said it with enough seduction that I almost leaped out of the bed at him. That same seduction was also what kept me there. My Solas had admitted his feelings to me after much coaching but he had never been quite so blunt about it. Sexy had been a word that came to mind when I had watched Solas practice magic but reserved was the word when it came to seduction.

“Fen'Harel.” The woman's voice rose again and there was a hint of a cautioning tone there.

“Very well, Mythal.” He said with a laugh as the look turned to one that was more playful. “I have never seen a woman with hair so red, I just wondered if everything matched on our little enigma.”

I stared at her when he said her name. Mythal. Fear clutched at my heart as I just stared. The last time I had seen the goddess in the flesh, she had been mostly human. Powerful and frightening but human. This woman was elf. Young and beautiful.

My mind began to work over what I was faced with. A young, elven Mythal, and Fen'Harel.

“Something troubles you?”

“Are..” I swallowed against the fear clutching at the pit of my stomach. “Are we in Arlathan?”

“No.” Fen'Harel said with a look that said I should have known better. “We are within one of Mythal's temples.”

“Well... shit.”

Thankfully, I passed out at that point. Less questions to answer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided against using a lot of elven language on account of they wouldn't exactly be speaking any other language to her. Just kept the names as they were as well, typing Dread Wolf seemed hella weird.  
> I also use elven and elvhen interchangeably and I don't feel like looking to change them all.
> 
> Halla is the deer like creatures that the Dalish use to pull their wagons.
> 
> Also going with italicized for dreams from this point on to make it easier to differentiate.  
> Commentary from the spirit is noted with a ~ ~ instead of " " to make that easy to differentiate.
> 
> Some Elvhen words.  
> Atisha - peace  
> Dithara na renan – Learn your voice


	3. Friends, Servants, and Gods, Oh My!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Ethara briefly meets two additional members of the elvhen pantheon for the first time.

I woke up on my own and was greeted by the sight of a magnificent mural above my head. The style was foreign to me but yet familiar. I knew I had seen similar paintings before but the location eluded me as I took in the beauty around me. It depicted a smiling elf maiden with long flowing silver hair. By her side was an equally beautiful golden halla. There were trees and flowers surrounding them and it covered the entire ceiling. The colours were bright and vibrant like it had only been painted yesterday.

I lifted my hand up towards the ceiling and suddenly remembered my other hand. I held my breath as I lifted it up above my eyes. There it was, plainly visible and real. A new hand to replace the one that Solas had to take to keep the anchor from killing me. I had thought it had been made of metal, perhaps silverite, but today it was clear that it was something closer to crystal. Different layers of crystal wound about in those patterns. The hand felt smooth against my other hand and I was a bit surprised that I could actually  _ feel _ with it. 

The sense of touch was muted but it was there. A morbid curiosity demanded I test out whether I could feel pain but I focused instead on the magical aspect of it. This kind of magic did not exist and yet, here it was. Proof as I wiggled my fingers in the air over my head. I do not know how long I stared at my new hand and turned it in various ways in the light. Even as I marvelled, my mind began to wander to the thoughts of what had happened yesterday.

Could it really be possible that I was here in ancient Elvhenan? That thought brought a chill of terror up my spine. I had encountered time magic before but never like this. This was far beyond the scope of what I thought was even possible. My last trip through time had been a short hop compared to this. A year was nothing compared to several aeons.

I wrinkled my nose as the memory of Solas' voice in the grove came back. I knew he had become far more then a simple mage since our last meeting but I could not believe he was capable of this. Even if he was, I doubt that he would ever intend to send me back to this era. He had told me that he wished for me to live out my remaining time in peace before he unmade the world.

One hand went to my forehead as it occurred to me that this could be like the anchor. Another of his spells that I had just blundered into by accident. My new hand began to ache with that old memory as if my thoughts willed it to be so.

I shook my head to try and erase that thought from my mind. No, Solas would not be so careless to let that happen again and his voice had seemed to be genuinely terrified for me. Still, the doubt remained in my mind as I pushed myself to a sitting position. I chewed on my lip as I sought anything to hold my attention then thoughts of him.

The room was just as equally beautiful as that mural, with carvings completely covering the walls in intricate designs. It was almost too much as I could not focus on a single carving. There were elves, buildings, animals and so much more. It was clear that I was not in the same room I had been in before.

I swallowed nervously as I realized my magic felt muted. I could not explain it but it felt like I was blindfolded with a thin cloth. Thin enough that I could make out shapes and colours, but nothing of great detail. It set me on edge and I could feel fear creeping in.

“Falon?” 

I could not keep the tremble out of my voice as I called out for my old friend. I listened for a response but there was nothing. Just the silence of this room.

“Falon... please.” 

My voice was a whisper as I closed my eyes against the budding tears. Falon had once said that they were old and it was a foolish hope that they would be here in this time.

_ ~ Peace. ~ _

I jerked in the bed as I heard and felt the response. It was like a whisper from a great distance but it was there. Relief flooded through me. Falon was here. 

“Falon! Where are you?” I called out again, my voice becoming a little shrill within this room.

_ ~ Peace, child. They will hear you. ~ _

I remembered where I was and nodded to myself as Falon was definitely not in the room, perhaps not even any where close to me. Swallowing against the fear, I moved to climb out of the bed.

The floor was warm. Far warmer then I expected and I cast a quick down to be sure that it was indeed stone beneath my feet. There was no great design but the stones had been laid down skillfully and I could not see where one ended and the other began.

Perhaps the more intriguing thing was the green material that gathered around my ankles. I gazed for a long moment at the gown I was now wearing. It clung to my body in a way that a fully tailored bit of clothing would. There were even fancy patterns along my midsection and hips. I felt a bit of a blush hit my cheeks when I realized that it was curving along my chest and revealing a little more then I was truly comfortable with.

There was a knock at the door and I stared for several long moments. I thought perhaps they would go away if I did not answer but no such luck as there was a second knock followed by a voice.

“Lady? Are you awake?” The voice was muffled by the door but I could understand her well enough. I knew this was not the King's tongue we spoke but it did not matter, I knew her words and she knew mine.

“Uh... yes...?” 

There was a pause before the person spoke again. Her voice a little terse as I had obviously done something wrong.

“May I enter?”

“Yes?” I coughed before speaking again. “I mean, yes, you may enter.”

The door swung open and I was treated to the delicious smell of food. It was something that resembled a bird but I could not quite place what it was. The person holding it was a brown haired elf with kind eyes. She smiled gently at me as she swept into the room with all the flourish of someone used to caring for others. There was a sweeping tattoo across her face, it resembled a tree but was done in an artistic fashion instead of based on realism. I knew it as the markings of Mythal and once my face had worn a similar tattoo.

“Are you hungry, my Lady?”

I did not get the chance to answer as my stomach rumbled at the sight and smell of the food.

“Yes.” I admitted somewhat guiltily as the brown haired woman gestured me towards a table in the corner. I had been too enraptured by the carvings in the room to notice it, or the chair that was nearby. I stole a quick glance around to see that the room came with all the typical trappings, dresser, mirror and even a wash basin.

“Her Worship Mythal requested that you eat and then join them.”

It sounded strange to hear her mention Mythal so easily. Mythal was rarely spoken of among my people, only when we said our prayers to her or when it was necessary to invoke her name for justice. It was just another reminder that this was not my time and place.

“Uhmmm thank you.” I managed as I went to sit. The woman proceeded to arrange everything on the table like this was completely normal for her and I had the feeling that she was used to it. “You don't have to do that, I can..”

Her face stopped me in her tracks. It was not a scowl but the kind of look a parent gives a child that was misbehaving. She even went so far as to shoo my hands away from the platter.

“You are not well, my Lady.” She said again, shaking her head at me. “Her Worship requested that I take care of you. Had you not been awake, I would have fed this to you.”

The mental image of this woman feeding her in her sleep was almost amusing. I bit back any retort that was building and merely allowed her to do what she was dead set on doing.

“I am not sure how they do it where you are from, but I will not shirk my duties.” The woman said with a shake of her head. “Her Worship is kinder to us then we deserve but that does not mean I will not serve.”

I let my face go blank as I tried not to stare. Instead, I focused on her cutting up the meat into easier portions. I had forgotten that the tattoos on her face, the vallaslin, marked her as a slave. Solas had mentioned that many Lords had marked their slaves with the vallaslin of their gods and I wondered if perhaps this woman had been marked by Mythal or one of her followers in the name of Mythal.

_My Lady._

The realization dawned and I tried not to let my gaze shift from a bare fascination of the food. This slave believed I was one of the nobles of Elvhenan. There was the possibility that Mythal thought so as well.

“My Lady, are you alright?” There was genuine concern in the woman's voice.

“Oh, yes.” I said with a weak smile. “My mind was just elsewhere.”

The woman nodded, satisfied with that answer or just more accustomed to nobles never giving her a full answer. She stepped back to reveal the plate of food. Everything was cut up like one would chop up food for a baby. It was hard not to hide my grimace but it did bring a small chuckle from the brown haired elf standing beside me.

“You are to eat as much as you feel you are able.” She prompted before motioning to the fork and knife.

I ate in silence, not wanting to put my voice to anything in case I said something too revealing. It was trying but I managed to remember all the comments about etiquette and how to behave. Not that this woman would have cared but if they believed me to be someone of noble birth then I had better play the part. Less chance of not waking up.

The woman stood there the entire time I ate. When I was finished, she hastily bustled me out of the chair and proceeded to take a cloth to my face. I put up as much protest as I dared but that only brought a stern look and a 'tsk' noise of disapproval. When she was done, she prodded me towards the door.

“Come, her Holiness is waiting.”

I did not have much of a chance to protest as we were quickly out the door and into the hallway. Once more I was stunned by the sheer beauty of this place. There was carvings, tapestries and murals as far as the eye could see. Each one done in a different style but each one matched in a symphony for the eyes. I must have gasped as I heard a small chuckle from the woman at my arm.

“Come, you can explore the hallways later if you are permitted.”

She tugged gently at my arm and I moved to follow. She would give me a small tug every time I became too slow. There was no explanation given for this strange little trip and I had the feeling that she was used to simply doing her job with much more problematic people then I was being.

Finally, we came to a large door that was far more intricately carved then all the previous carvings I had ever seen. I had not thought it was possible but yet, there it was.

Without a warning, she pulled the door open and pushed me through. I felt the push of air as the door was hastily closed behind me leaving me with no escape from the people within the room.

I swallowed against my fear as I faced the people within and looked around the room quickly. While everything before now had been carved stone, this was a room full of life. Large flowering plants seemed to spring from the very walls, carving their way upwards towards a ceiling that was made of a glass like material. The sun shown through it and illuminated the three elves that sat within.

One was Mythal, her blonde hair let loose about her shoulders. She was leaning close to the dark haired elf at her side. The sight of him sent a chill up my spine as he had the look of a cold warrior. Compared to the others, his hair was short but his outfit was just as elegant. Shades of black and brown. His yellow eyes moved from Mythal's face to fix on me with a hard gaze. Something about that look made me feel uneasy so I looked away to where the third was sitting.

Fen'Harel. Of course it had to be him. He was staring intently at me and I could not make out the expression on his face but I could see his jaw working. His fingers tensing on the arm of the chair but he made no move, or sound for that matter.

I sucked in a lungful of air as his eyes finally shifted and met mine. Those eyes were familiar, Solas stared at me from out of them for the briefest of moments before they looked primal. I steeled my thoughts as I regarded him as calmly as I could even as I felt a blush travel up my cheeks. One of his eyebrows quirked and I knew that look. I had seen Solas develop that look so many times when we had talked. It was something that spoke of a feeling somewhere between curiosity and interest.

“Ah, there you are.” Mythal's voice was warm and brought my attention away from Fen'Harel. “Come, sit.”

Once more I was faced with the reminder of how much Mythal was like what a mother should be. She practically radiated warmth and I found myself not wanting to disappoint. Of course, that could have been the bond I shared with her but I did not want to think of that. She gave no sign if she noticed.

I moved with whatever grace I could manage in this silly gown to sit down on the chair that was on the side of Mythal away from Fen'Harel. Once more, I reminded myself that he was not my Solas. It seemed strange to think of it that way but it was easier and not as hard on my heart.

“Ethanara, I would like you to meet my husband.” Mythal said with a warm smile. “Elgar'nan.”

I did my best not to look like a small animal caught in a hunter's trap. It was not everyday that a person found themselves sitting with the two people who would become the basis for legends of gods. I could not help but see them as such even though Solas had told me they were nothing more then powerful mages, the Evanuris. That might be worse considering what they were capable of.

“Mythal tells me that you stepped out of a rift in the eastern woods?” Elgar'nan's voice was like metal, hard and unyielding.

“I am not sure,” I responded in a respectful tone. “Other then being in a grove before I was pulled into someone's magic, I do not remember anything prior to waking up in one of the rooms here.”

Elgar'nan made a hmph sound deep in his throat before he turned his attention to Mythal. The very way he turned his face made it clear that I was not worth his time. Part of me seethed at being dismissed but another was just glad he was no longer focusing his gaze on me. There was something about him that made me think of the men back home who used their power and position to get what they wanted, and I had no doubt that Elgar'nan would do anything for power.

I heard a small chuckle come from Fen'Harel and looked over to find him wearing Solas' smile. It was quickly replaced by a look that was almost like a warning before once more, his face was a mask of boredom. My face must have shown my thoughts about Elgar'nan and my blush must have deepened at getting caught as Fen'Harel chuckled once more.

“I was planning on _investigating_ ” Fen'Harel said, his eyes locked on mine as he emphasized the word in an almost lewd fashion. “to see if any of our fellows were up to magic in the area but Mythal wished your opinion on the matter.”

I sunk a little lower in my seat and found myself staring at something else. That carving on the legs of the table, it could be more fascinating then Fen'Harel.

“I have no idea why you would wait for me.” Elgar'nan said with a slightly dismissive tone, even waving a hand in Fen'Harel's direction as if he was beneath him.

“Because, dear heart” Mythal's voice was warm and she had a radiant smile just for Elgar'nan before she leaned to whisper into his ear.

I could not hear what was being said and I felt a little uncomfortable as if I was peeping in on an extremely private moment. There were stories that Mythal and Elgar'nan were married but it was another thing to see the pair together like this. The way they sat together spoke of love that almost made me ache.

“Very well.” Elgar'nan said with a resigned sigh as he pulled away from Mythal's whispers to fix me with another of his steely gazes. “You are to remain in the care of Mythal and her servants. Anything you remember, you will speak to her. Now be off.”

He waved his hand, dismissing me as easily as he had dismissed Fen'Harel's previous statements. I did not know what to do at first as this meeting was far too short but the rather irritated look Elgar'nan suddenly cast in my way made it clear that I should be quickly leaving.

I got to my feet with haste and gave a quick bow to them and hurried for the door as fast as the gown would allow me. I did not look back as I opened the door and stepped through.

I was surprised to find that the door was held open and I turned to see Fen'Harel standing there.

“Yes?” I croaked and he clearly found it amusing.

“Allow me to walk you back to your room.”

His smile was pure Solas and it was like a knife digging into my ribs. I managed not to say anything but I knew I failed on keeping my face schooled as he looked at me with a confused look. I just hoped he was not as perceptive of me as he would one day become.

“I'm sure you have other things to do with your time.”

“I insist.” That smile was back. He bowed low before me, one hand extended to take mine while his other was curled behind his back. Those eyes staring at me were unreadable and I did not want to know what he was thinking.

“Alright.” I mumbled as I took his hand.

His grip was firm but almost gentle as he pulled me near to him. He made no move to bring me within his personal space but I was definitely close enough to be very aware of him.

“Mythal had to inform Elgar'nan about you.”

“Why?”

Something in the way he looked at me said that was a stupid question. He did, however, answer me.

“Your arrival was noticed by a great many.” Fen'Harel said as he pulled me to a stop. “If she had not informed Elgar'nan, and have him declare you under his and Mythal's protection, then some of the others might become a little more interested in you then Mythal would like.”

The surprise must have shown clear on my face as he quirked an eyebrow at me.

“You find this surprising?”

“A little.” I had thought that my arrival would hardly make a ripple. “Why would they become more interested in me?”

“As I said, your arrival was noticed.”

Fen'Harel suddenly paused and suddenly pulled me closer to him. It was almost painful that I was pressed so firmly against the side of his outfit and at such an angle. His eyes were not on me but I heard the little hiss of his voice in my ear.

“Whatever you do, do not speak. Let me handle her.”

I blinked in surprise as I remained there, pinned against him. I breathed deeply but it was a mistake to do so as I had that scent in my nose again. After several thousand years, you would think that Solas had taken to some other smell but no, it was him. That smell of earth and tree was as clear as it had been each time he kissed me. I almost felt dizzy with it.

“Why, Fen'Harel, what brings you to Mythal's temple.”

I began to turn my face away from Fen'Harel's chest.

_ ~ Do not look upon her! ~ _

I resisted the urge and shut my eyes tight while leaning into Fen'Harel's shirt. I wedged myself tight, hoping to block out both the woman and that scent of Solas. It was hard but fear told me that I should listen and not look at whomever was speaking. I recalled the stories of how there had been the old gods that Fen'Harel had tricked as well but there was no way one would walk freely into the temple of Mythal, was there?

“Am I not allowed to visit an old friend?” Fen'Harel's voice was low but charming. 

“Ah, but you do not come hunt with me.” There was something almost seductive in the woman's voice and she neared, her voice bordering on spiteful. “Or am I interrupting your own hunt?”

There was a hint of a laugh in the woman's voice and I felt a slight tug on my hair. It was something done out of cruelty and malice. Still, I held fast and did not move. I felt a sudden jostle as I was lifted and practically slung over Fen'Harel's shoulder. His hand was on my ass and that grip was far into the realm of personal space breaching. 

While I had thought about Solas carrying me off in such a way, this was something I knew he would never do. Solas was much too reserved for the old over-the-shoulder carry. That thought alone helped to differentiate the two in my mind. It also helped keep me from saying something I would regret later.

“You most certainly did.” Fen'Harel's voice held a laugh that I knew was forced. “Now if you'll excuse me.”

I wiggled and tried to get free but he held me fast over his shoulder. He kept me turned so that I did not see the woman, nor did she see my face. I had no idea why but I knew it had to be important. We were well away from where she had been before he put me back onto my feet.

“I apologize.” His voice was calm but he was glaring back the way we came. Something like disgust was in his eyes and I knew it was for the woman. “I did not expect Andruil to be here.”

“That was Andruil?” My voice caught in my throat. Maybe I should start keeping a check list and hope to meet all the gods of my people. “Why did you not want me to speak to her?”

“It is complicated.” Fen'Harel said before looking at me. Concern flitted across his features before they became neutral.

“Does it have anything to do with your _own hunt_.” I said with a pointed look. There had been so many ways to take that but I wanted to see exactly what had been meant by that statement.

“Partially.” He said with that smile before he grabbed my hand to pull me close against him again. “Would you object to my hunting of you.”

His face was inching closer to mine with each passing second. Those intense eyes staring intently into my own with a look that was nearly completely desire. His hand had once more returned to my rear as he held me pinned against him. I ached to give in to the promise that mouth held. To let him kiss me and carry me off as he had never done in the future. 

“No.” I said with a shaky breath, putting my hand against his chest. “Why did you not want me to speak to Andruil?”

I pushed again with my hand to try and break the distance between us but Fen'Harel did not move. He merely looked at me with a confused expression which quickly became a grin and then a laugh.

“Very well.” He leaned in to place a chaste kiss on my forehead. “Andruil likes to hunt and she does not limit herself just to animals.”

“Oh.” I managed with a stutter. I was not certain whether it was from the knowledge of Andruil or for that small kiss.

“It would be better if she did not know you.” Fen'Harel's voice was kind and for a moment, I could almost forgot he was not my Solas. “Indeed, Mythal has decided that only us three so far should know your identity.”

I looked up at his face but he was not looking at me. He had returned to looking down the hallway again. I took that moment to study his face. There was not much difference between him now and the man he would become. The same jawline, the same lips, the same look when he was thinking something over. I could not help myself as my hand went from his chest to touch his cheek. 

His other hand came up instantly to grab my wrist and those eyes were fixated on my face. Once more, I was blushing to the tip of my ears.

“I should... go.” I coughed as I pulled my hand away. “Back to my rooms.”

“That would be a good thing.” His voice was low, almost dangerous but he did let go of my wrist.

I did not hesitate as I hastily moved, almost running, back to my rooms. I did not leave there and the servant brought me food later. Still, my mind played over the events of the day before I finally succumbed to sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it's my headcanon that Elgar'nan is a scary dude and that Mythal is hopelessly in love with him. He loves her too of course, in his own weird kinda way but when you've got the power the Evanuris had... *shrug*  
> And yes, I also think Andruil is constantly trying to lure Fen'Harel to go hunt with her. Dread Wolf and all that. And doubly yes, she's already insane at this point but not at the 'bringer of plagues' level of nuts.  
> And triply yes, I believe that Fen'Harel did know the Evanuris. My mind just goes to at least him, Mythal and Elgar'nan were all friends at one point on account of Mythal's greeting Fen'Harel as an old friend and her supposed marriage to Elgar'nan.
> 
> Also, my spellcheck is apparently stupid and likes to add/remove the letter U to certain words so it might be lying about other words. Apologies if there are any ones that I missed.


	4. Future's Myths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara has a conversation with Mythal where they learn that Ethara cannot lie to the Evanuris. Unfortunately, that leads to Mythal learning far more then Ethara ever wanted to tell.

_ Solas shook his head and turned from me but I knew I could not let him return to the rotunda. It would hurt too much to leave it like this. _

“ _Don't go.”_

_ I almost begged him not to go. My hand went of it's own accord to grab his arm and keep him there. I knew my face was flushed, both from the cold and from how close he had stood by me. _

“ _It would be kinder in the long run.” He turned just a little to face me. “But losing you would...”_

_ I could hear the pain in his voice but it quickly fled my mind as he moved to kiss me. His mouth hard on mine. His hands went to my hips and pulled me against him. I did not resist, could not resist. I slid my arms around him and eagerly kissed him back.  _

_ In that moment there was nothing else. No impending doom, no questions about my nature. There was nothing but us. A man and a woman. I wanted the kiss to last forever but he pulled away from me. _

“ _Ar lath ma vhenan.” He said and then he was gone._

  
  


I woke up to my eyes full of tears. That dream was one of the ones I had often had since the day we defeated Corypheus. One that reminded me of how blindingly stupid I had been back then with my belief that I would get a happy story with Solas in the end. 

That dream was just another reminder of what was never going to happen. 

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to will away the thoughts of him. Our last kiss had been bittersweet, a goodbye after I realized that he was Fen'Harel instead of just a simple elvhen apostate. How ironic that the Herald of Andraste would fall in love with the trickster god responsible for destroying Elvhenan.

My thoughts went to the Solas of this time and I could not help feeling conflicted. Fen'Harel was the young man Solas had once been. Just as passionate but far more direct. Solas had looked at me with the same kind of hungry look but he had never held my gaze when I caught him looking at me like that. Fen'Harel, on the other hand, never broke that gaze. He always let it linger until I looked away. 

My thoughts drifted over the other similarities between the two before it went to the thoughts of my situation.

Here I was, stuck in the past with mythical figures. If this had been some trick, something would have happened by now. No one really asked about where I had come from beyond how I got here. Eventually they would, but Mythal seemed to content to just help me. That was how the stories portrayed her, the kindly mother like figure.

Of course, this could be an elaborate set up but I really doubted it. There were other people that were far more important then me. I was once the leader of the Inquisition but I had little sway in the present day of Thedas and I sincerely doubted that people would go through this level of duplicity for my past connections as Herald.

This definitely had to be the past and I needed to figure out how to get home. I did not want to think of what would happen if I did something to alter the flow of time. 

There was a brief moment when I was struck with a moment of wonder. I could change things. I could prevent the fall of Elvhenan. Mythal would not die, Solas would not spend thousands of years regretting. The elvhen people, my people, would never be slaves to Tevinter. I wondered for a moment if my life could have been better, happier. Would I have known my parents? Perhaps even had a sibling or two. 

“I could change everything.” I whispered to myself in awe.

It was tempting. Just go to Mythal and Fen'Harel, tell them everything and have them do what needed to be done to prevent the end of Elvhenan.

“No...” I whispered to myself as I stared up at the ceiling. 

I knew that even if they believed me, I had no right to make that decision. Simply undoing several thousand years of history because I thought it would be a better choice was so far into the moral black that it was almost frightening. No, I needed to find a way back or find some quiet place to stay until I died. The latter filled me with an almost heartbreaking loneliness.

Could I really spend the rest of my life without seeing any of my friends or Solas again? I did not want to consider that.

“Falon?” I whispered, hoping that the spirit could hear me. “Are you there?”

_ ~ Yes, child? ~ _

There was a bit of relief as I heard the spirit. The voice was not as strong as I remembered, as it was more of a soft whisper then a real voice like Falon had spoke. I guessed that Falon was still just a young spirit in this era and not as fully formed as the being I knew.

“What should I do?” 

_ ~ You already know what you must do. ~ _

I sighed. The spirit was not as helpful as I would like but then, I was not sure what I was really expecting. Falon was a spirit and they were not known for talking in an easy manner.

“Must and should are two different things.” I mumbled under my breath as I climbed out of the bed. “I just don't know... should I try and find a way back or simply wait things out?”

_ ~ You must choose that path on your own. ~ _

The Falon in this era was far less helpful then I had hoped.

_ ~ Be forewarned, others are coming. ~ _

I bit my lip against an answer as I heard the approaching footsteps in the hallway. I could not help the frown as I moved to find something to wear that was not what I slept in. The footsteps stopped just outside the door as I found the chest of clothing at the foot of the bed.

“Ethanara, are you awake?” The voice was Mythal.

I thought about remaining silent but guilt at the thought brought a small “yes”.

“May I come in?” 

“Yes.” I managed again.

Mythal opened the door and I was a little relieved to see that it was just her. I did not think I could handle meeting any other Elvhen god at the moment.

“I would like to talk.” Mythal said with a smile as she moved to the single chair in the room and sat down with a grace that almost boggled the mind. Her dress spread out around her like a wave and I found myself staring.

“What would you like to talk about?” I returned to the bed to make myself comfortable.

“Exactly who are you?”

“Me?” 

“Yes.” Mythal said, her hands folding in her lap as she regarded me with a calm expression. “In the time you were unconscious, no noble house has remarked on the disappearance of a daughter nor have we found any splinter groups of elvhen who have left the kingdom that could be responsible for you.”

I swallowed nervously as she began to outline what she knew.

“You are powerful enough to be a child of an Evanuris but you are hardly trained to the level of magic you have, and I do not recall any of them having a child your age.” Mythal continued. “I have not consulted the Alinuris but I doubt they would tell me anything about you.”

“The Alinuris?” I asked, slightly baffled as I had never heard of such beings in the stories of my clan. I glazed over the fact that she seemed to judge me as a child but then, this is the time when the Elvhen were practically immortal. I was little more then rain drop in a torrent compared to their ages.

“Your reaction also makes me believe you are not one of theirs.” Mythal said with a small laugh before growing serious once more. “So, that leaves you as a mystery and that could be dangerous.”

“ Trust me when I say that I have no interest in hurting you or anyone.” I said quickly. 

“That is another part of the mystery.” Mythal fixed me with a hard stare. “I believe you. In fact, I don't think you can lie to me, can you?”

I felt her power reach along that bond that we shared. I had been warned what the well of sorrows would do to me but I had never pictured that I would actually have to deal with Mythal. Yet life had proved me wrong on that twice. At least this version of Mythal was not demanding I restrain someone for her to make up her decision.

“No.” I said meekly and felt a tug on that bond. It was far greater then what it had been in my time but I guessed that had something to do with being in ancient Elvhenan with a fully powerful Mythal sitting nearby. “When did you realize?”

“That you were bound to me?” Mythal asked. “The moment Fen'Harel first brought you to me. You were near death but it was still strong enough for me to feel it. How exactly did you come by it?”

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you.” Mythal had not exactly commanded me to explain and I was hoping she would be satisfied with that incredibly vague response.

“You do not know how the bound works, do you?” Mythal said, a small smile twitching at the corner of her lips. “If you speak the truth, I will believe you. I could also command you to tell me but I would rather you just tell me on your own. I am not asking for all your secrets, I just want to know how you ended up as the same as one of my followers.”

“Alright.” I said with a sigh. “I drank from the well of sorrows.”

“I told you that you wouldn't believe me.” Mythal just stared at me. I looked down at my hands, my natural one clasped in the magical one. I focused on the feel of the material again, it was better then facing whatever was going to come next with Mythal.

“I believe you.” Mythal said with a shake of her head. “It is... just impossible for you to be able to get near the well let alone drink from it.”

I remained silent.

“It would bind you to me like it would one of my sentinels but you would have to have broken in at some point in order to reach the well.” Mythal said with a sigh. “No one has broken in since long before you were born.”

Mythal had no idea how true that was and I had no intention on telling her. I continued to be silent as she worked through this new information. She paused for a moment and I knew she was thinking over what next to ask. It was not like I would deny her if she truly wished to know but it did make me feel better knowing she was not going to abuse that connection. She was definitely living up to the legends of her.

“Why would you drink from the well?”

I visibly flinched and did not answer. I hoped she was going to move onto something else but then came the compulsion from Mythal and I blurted it out.

“I did it to keep a crazy guy from gaining the knowledge it contained.”

“Why could I not stop him from drinking from the well?” Mythal compelled me to answer.

“Because you were dead.” 

My voice was flat as I said those four words. I did not look up at Mythal but the silence that followed was enough to know that she had not been prepared for that answer. She knew I was not lying, the connection between us meant she knew it was the truth. I continued to stare at my hands even as I felt her power building in the room. 

“Child, you had best explain everything.” Mythal's voice was no longer that soft kindly tone of a mother. She reminded me more of Cassandra's angry tone when she had thought I was responsible for the death of Divine Justinia.

“Mythal, I can't.” I said with a tremor. I could feel her power crawling on my skin. I tried to resist but it became more insistent, first like little bugs crawling all over my skin. Somehow, I managed not to start swatting at my arms like a mad woman.

“Why would you try to deny me?” Her voice was angry but there was a hint that told me she knew. 

“Because...” I tried to fight it but it was like trying to swim up a waterfall. I could not resist that power. It dug into my skin and my mind, forcing the words through gritted teeth. “I'm from the future.”

Once more, there was silence in the room. It had been a little obvious earlier from my comment about her being dead but it seemed Mythal had needed to hear it from me directly. I swallowed nervously and just focused on my hands instead of really looking over at her. I could still feel her magic on my skin and I felt mildly ill from it.

“The future?” Her voice was quiet, almost like a woman defeated.

“I didn't want to tell you.” I said truthfully. “I don't even know what effect my being here will have on how things went.. or go.”

“How things go?” Mythal started before shaking her head. “The future.. Don't tell me.”

“I won't.” I said with a soft sigh before looking up at the woman. Mythal looked quite miserable, and even though she had been the one to push, I felt a little miserable. “I didn't want to tell you or anyone. I was just going to find out if I could get home and if not...”

“You were going to go and hide somewhere out of the reach of history.” Mythal finished.

“Yes.” It seemed that my plan was far closer to a logical one then I thought. I tried to feel proud about it but I just could not manage it.

“That explains how you knew Solas.” 

“Yes I know... wait, how did you know that?” I asked, suddenly perplexed.

“You were calling out for him while you were unconscious.” Mythal said. “I did not understand what language you were speaking but it was clear you were pleading with him for something.”

I knew I was red to my ears when she answered. I only hoped that I was asking for his help instead of some of the other things I would beg Solas for.

“Yes, I knew him.” I gave a nervous cough and found myself clutching that magical hand in my good one. I just prayed that Mythal would not make the logical leap that would tell her that my missing hand was caused by Solas. That would end up revealing too much about the future.

“Were the two of you close?” Her voice was guarded as she asked that question.

“Yes.” My hand tightened on the crystal even harder.

“How close?”

“It's complicated.” It was the truth but I continued before she made me speak. “We aren't together now... then... but we...”

“It's alright, you don't need to explain.” Mythal said with a sigh as she rubbed her face. “We will need to get you back where you belong before things go wrong.”

I stared at her in shock. I knew that Mythal had been the best of the Evanuris, according to Solas at least, but I had not expected her to be willing to help me. Honestly, it would probably be easier for her to just eliminate me to keep the world safe but there were never any tales of Mythal murdering people.

“Is it even possible?” I whispered, my voice almost breaking again.

“Perhaps, I am not sure.” Mythal sounded thoughtful. “If it is, then I will need to train you to actually be able to use your natural gifts as you cannot return to your time with the band.”

“The band?” I stared at her in confusion.

“The marking just above where the crystal meets your body.” She said with a motion. “It is actually a piece of Elvhen technology, keeping your magic from being too ...reactive.”

I almost immediately pushed up the sleeve of my shirt to look. I found myself staring at the silvery pattern that wound around my arm completely. I felt even more confused as I realized it had been there all along but I had simply never noticed. 

“It is part of the spell.” Mythal said with a small laugh. “If you did not know that it was there, you would have never noticed. I devised it for children who came into their powers a little too early but it appears to be working fine for you.”

“I can control my magic just fine.” I could not keep the mild annoyance out of my voice.

“Perhaps where you are from, you can.” I could hear the frown in her voice. “However it seems that your magic has been increasing as your strength returns. You practically shot a fireball at Fen'Harel during your second week here.”

“Second week...?” I stammered, suddenly shaken from being insulted about her implying that I could not control myself. “How long have I been here?”

“Several months.” Mythal did not look at me when she spoke. “You were only really conscious at one point several weeks ago. Yesterday and today are the first days where you've been up and moving.”

“Several months?” I felt panic rising. “My friends! They'll be looking for me!”

“Easy.” Mythal said and raised her hand at me to try and calm me. “You are not in your time, it does not matter how long you spend here.”

I tried to calm myself with that thought but it was hard. Even if I was here for a long period of time, it was still hard to think that I could be here for years and not have it affect anyone in the future. Mythal seemed to notice as I suddenly felt myself becoming calm.

“Until you get a better handle on your emotions, it might be best if you avoided Fen'Harel.”

Mythal's voice was soothing and I felt myself relax a little more as she spoke. 

“Avoid him, why?” I realized how stupid that question was just after I asked it.

“Unless you wish to explain all of this to him and deal with the consequences?” Mythal asked, an eyebrow quirking at me.

“No.” I looked at the floor. “Solas did not know me when we met.”

“I see.” Mythal's voice made it clear that she understood. “To be certain of things, I will ensure that he will not remember you.”

I found myself staring at her once more. Magic was not like this in my time, not even remotely close. Mythal seemed quite at easy with slinging around the idea of coming up with new spells but then, of course she would. There was a reason that Mythal, and the others, had all been known as gods to my people.

“That does not mean for you to rush off and confess your undying love for him.” Mythal fixed me with a stony look. 

That look was the same one a small dwarf had given me in regards to Varric. I almost started to laugh at the mental image of Mythal threatening me if I hurt Fen'Harel but it did bring up a question I could not stop from blurting out. 

“Are you two... together?” 

It would explain a lot of things but the look on Mythal gave that answer plain as day.

“You do realize I am a happily married woman with grown children right?” Mythal's face was nothing but shock that I would ask such an outlandish question. “Fen'Harel... Solas and I have been friends for a very long time.”

“Sorry, it just...” I felt a blush creeping along my face. “I don't even know why I asked that.”

“It's fine.” Mythal said with a small laugh before shaking her head at me once more. “He is a good friend, that is all. Besides, I am not his type.”

“Type?” I swallowed that word and it tasted like something akin to horror. 

“Red hair, curious, focused.”

Mythal's eyebrow continued to arch higher and higher with each word she spoke, just as my cheeks went redder and redder. I did not want to even think about any of what Fen'Harel liked as that was a room in my head that had to remain closed.

“Though he does prefer hair a little longer then yours.” Mythal said with a laugh.

It took a few seconds before I realized it. She was teasing me. I had no idea why but that just seemed so wrong for her to be teasing me. She was Mythal and I was just me.

“Well, I wouldn't know about any of his conquests, I didn't ask.” I said, wrinkling my nose. “And I don't think I want to know.”

Mythal merely gave me a knowing smile before she stood up. I focused instead on the way the gown moved around her feet instead of the conversation we were having. This was one thing I did not want to talk about. Fen'Harel and whatever women he had been with in the past, not that I would be with him in the future. It was just something that rubbed me the wrong way.

“Today you must rest again, do not hesitate to send Ailani for me if you feel unusually weak.”

“Ailani?” I asked, not knowing the elf who answered to that name.

“The woman who has been caring for you.” Mythal said simply as she walked towards the door. “Tomorrow, I will begin to teach you to better harness your abilities and in time, I will remove the band.”

“Alright.” I said, knowing I did not have much of a choice. I could run away from her temple but that would get me no where close to getting back home.

“Oh, and Ethanara?” Mythal had the door opened but she paused to look back over at me.

“Yes, your Holiness?” I could not help but use one of her titles as it seemed somehow wrong to call her by her name.

“Be wary of the advances of Fen'Harel, he usually gets whom he desires.” The door closed behind her but I could hear her parting words. “And I've never seen him desire someone as he does you.”

Any response I came up with just came out like a string of gibberish. Mythal was long gone by the time I got my mind into something that focused on coherent words instead of what she just said.

Once more I thought of Solas and his kisses. The passion and need that he never acted on. Fen'Harel did not have centuries of uthenera to temper his desires into that quiet reservation of Solas. There was always that possibility that he would pursue me beyond simple flirtation but I had never given much thought to it actually happening. Fantasized plenty the night before but fantasizing was safe, it was never something that would become real.

Creators help me, I did not think I had the strength to resist if he actually acted on his desire.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking! Yay, Talking!   
> Couldn't think of a snazzy name for the magic inhibitor type thing so yeah... band.
> 
> Alinuris – Combination of Alin (meaning other, stranger, person) and Evanuris cause I believe the Evanuris would have a name for the “evil gods”. Alin taken from Project Elvhen by FenxShiral


	5. Passage of Time and Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time spent learning passes quickly, only to discover that someone has been watching her dreams.

The next day I began to learn magic the Elvhen way. I knew that the circles of mages taught differently then the Keepers of the Dales but I never imagined that there were actual different ways of doing magic. The principles were the same, mages shaped magic with their will. We pulled from the Fade and made what we needed to make our spells. In Elvhenan, they took that up to a whole other level.

The first day, I watched as Mythal seemed to bend the very reality around her. It was like she could make the world do exactly what she wanted. With a simple thought, she made fire and made it dance along the stones in the garden. The fire never touched the grass or the flowers, it just stayed hoping from one stone to the other. My feeble attempts were either a straight wall burning everything it touched or a fireball. Mythal would just patiently turn the fire away from the plants before they were consumed. She even seemed capable of coaching life back into the ones that were partially burned.

It was the first time I had a real indication of what the Evanuris were capable of, and it was downright frightening. I could see why they had believed themselves to be gods and why the general populace had followed suit.

Then there was the way Mythal began to teach me. I thought she was just performing spells for the benefit of me seeing but on the third day of watching, I felt the spell in my head like I was the one doing it. By the end of the week, I simply knew how to do it. There were no words spoken, it just simply was.

Mythal explained later that all teachers and students joined together in such a way. That this connection showed the students how to do it instead of drowning their minds in endless explanations.

I was so engrossed in our lessons that the weeks began to fly by and I truly lost track of time. I never really had to resist Fen'Harel as he rarely seemed to be there while we learned. Each time he was there, he always fixed me with a strange look that was somewhere between want and pain. He never talked to me and never stayed long in my presence. There were a few times that I caught the tail end of angry conversations between him and Mythal, and I knew they were about me. Sometimes I wondered if she had told him to stay away after all.

Each night I returned to my bed to restless dreams. It seemed the less I saw of Fen'Harel during the day, the more I dreamed of Solas at night. Some were of him leaving and others were of him in his room painting, but I woke each morning feeling hollow. Time never seemed to make the dreams fade but I had long since guessed that it had to do with Elvhenan's deeper connection to the Fade. There was no veil here, nothing to separate it from the waking world.

Perhaps that is why I seemed to be reliving my greatest moments in my dreams. I even dreamt of the defeat of Corypheus. Sometimes the dreams were the true memories and other times there was a wackiness about them that could only be from dreaming. I even had a dream of Iron Bull sitting in Mythal's great hall, sipping tea while flexing his muscles at Solas who only responded with how much he hated tea.

I grew in strength with each passing day but I knew I was no where near the level of Mythal and the others. Still, I began to understand things that only the elvhen understood. Knowledge that had been lost long was now mine, if only I could get home.

It was thoughts of home that brought me to restless sleep and a dream of one of the days after we had defeated Corypheus. Even as I began to dream, I felt like I was not quite asleep. I was aware that it was a dream but yet, things took a direction to Solas' rotunda.

  
  


_It was in the weeks after we had defeated Corypheus, when I had crept to the empty rotunda and hid beneath his desk. It blocked out everything else in the room but still left me with a clear view of the single unpainted space on the walls of the rotunda.. A space I knew he would never return to paint._

_I had thought about painting it but part of me did not want to. I hoped he would return to Skyhold and that he would finish it. It was a vain hope but one that I clung to._

_The paintings were all that really remained of his. Everything in the room had been given as part of the Inquisition but he had done the painting. Sera had suggested we paint over the murals but I refused. I needed something to remember him by._

_I stared at the bare wall for a while before I got to my feet and walked towards it with a paintbrush in hand. I laid the bristles against the wall and began to paint even as I heard the door open._

_I did not need to look to know that it was him. His quiet steps moving to stand behind me in that almost protective way of his. I did not want to look in case it was just my mind playing tricks on me._

“ _You never came back.”_

_My voice was low as I the brush moved form the bare place to start painting. Right now it was a large green blob but perhaps it would turn into something. Maybe it would become an image of the grove where he took the vallaslin from me._

“ _My heart.”_

_I did not respond as I felt him step up right behind me. My back was against his chest and his hands moved to cover my own. One hand gripping the paintbrush and guiding my movements along the wall. For a moment, I lived in that dream. There was just the two of us. Our bodies swaying back and forth as I painted. I did not care that there was nothing taking shape on the wall, I was just content to have him there._

_The dream seemed to go on forever but that green blotch never got any bigger. My mind began denying the absurdity of the painting or was it the absurdity that no one had come to look for me in Skyhold. Even in my dreams, someone always had a problem that I needed to solve._

“ _You never came back...” I mumbled again, this time with a little more certainty._

_He stopped painting._

“ _You left.”_

_I felt that warm embrace fade away to nothing but still, the dream remained. I stared at my hand where I had been painting and could not shake that feeling of his hand on mine. I willed away the thought of it and tried to focus on something else._

_I sighed before I turned around and came face to face with Solas._

“ _Why do you look at me so, my heart?” There was tenderness in his voice but then there was something else. Something not quite right about the Solas before me._

“ _You... you're the Dread Wolf.” It was like coming out of a haze as the rest of the memories tied to Solas came back. My left hand evaporated in the dream as if it had never been there but I did not notice._

“ _Well done.” He said with a nod, his outfit changing to match the armour I had seen him wearing last. “I was Solas first. “Fen'Harel'” came later... an insult I took as a badge of pride.”_

“ _This is... wrong.” I frowned but I could not quite recall why it was wrong._

“ _The Dread Wolf inspired ho...”_

“ _No.”_

“ _No?” Solas quirked an eyebrow at me._

“ _We did not have this conversation here.” I stared at him. “You lured me through an eluvian to have this conversation with me.. to save my life.”_

_I continued to stare at him before it suddenly dawned on me. I felt like I had been slapped as I regarded this man before me. I became fully aware that this was a dream and this man was not my Solas. Rage bubbled up and I could not keep my voice calm._

“ _You are the Dread Wolf!” I took a step back. “You're Fen'Harel.”_

_He took a step closer and gave an almost wolfish smile. The armour faded into the clothing he traditionally wore even as the dark hair seemed to spring into existence. I felt my new hand return to existence but it was lost as I glared at him._

“ _Well done, indeed.”_

“ _Is that what you've been doing all this time?” I sneered at him. “Stalking my dreams?”_

“ _It began as a curiosity.” His eyes were fixated on mine. “And then you dreamed of him.”_

“ _How much did you see?” I felt my heart skip a beat._

“ _Enough.” Fen'Harel's hands came against my wrists and I found myself pinned against the wall. “Yet, your dreams do not answer all my questions.”_

_I squirmed against his grip but gave up when it was clear he was more in control of this dream then I was, or at least I hoped it was a dream. It was either that or I was finally going mad._

_He pulled my wrists up to pin them above my head while he leaned down to whisper into my ear._

“ _Tell me, does Mythal know?”_

“ _Know about what?” I asked, not quite feeling as defiant as I managed to sound._

“ _About you, about us.”_

“ _There is no us.”_

“ _Oh, but how your heart makes lies of those words.” His voice was a whisper along my neck._

“ _Please.” I whimpered._

“ _Please what?” Fen'Harel asked and his tone sent a shiver up my spine._

_His body was pressed as close against mine as he could get with the strange position he was standing in. I could feel his chest hard against mine and it took all of my will power to remember that this was a dream and more importantly, it was my dream._

“ _No.” I repeated as I had when I was awake. It seemed easier to reject him in this dream._

“ _As you wish.”_

_I felt him let go and take a step back from me. I just stared as I could not understand how things were that easy. There was no way it could be that easy to tell a lusty god no and have him behave. It felt like an eternity before either of us spoke._

“ _I will not take an unwilling woman.” He said before I asked the question. “Something you know full well.”_

“ _Still, you push each time we're close.”I replied with a snort._

“ _Of course.” That gaze was almost hungry. “I want you and I know you want me. How else do you think it's been so easy for me to be in your dreams.”_

_I paused for a moment and shook my head._

“ _I suppose the fact that you're extremely powerful has nothing to do with it.”_

“ _You underestimate yourself.” He said with a small laugh before he shook his head as well. “Had you wished it, I would have simply disappeared the moment you realized it was me. Of course, I could return easily but no, you let me stay.”_

“ _Like I can really stop you.”_

“ _Stop being a fool.” Fen'Harel said with an irritated tone. “You have been strong enough to prevent me from truly understanding what happened between you and... I.”_

“ _What do you mean?” I asked, anger fleeing in the face of sudden surprise. I was no dream mage, I could not control what came to me when I slept._

“ _You have realized that I have been in your dreams several times,” Fen'Harel said before reaching out to touch the magical hand. “Yet I could not get you to dream of what happened to your hand or of what happened in the end of your relationship.”_

“ _You know what happened to the relationship, you just heard it.”_

“ _Yes but before then.” Fen'Harel sounded frustrated and just a little bit angry. “Why did it end?”_

_How could I tell this younger version of himself that he would one day try to give his people a new future free of would be gods but only end up destroying them? That he would awake from thousands of years of sleep and see a future that would make him ache to bring back a world responsible for murdering someone like Mythal. I just knew I could not._

“ _You made the decision for us.” I could not meet his eyes when I spoke. “You felt that it was the best choice.”_

“ _Why would I do such a thing?” Fen'Harel practically raged as he started to pace the rotunda._

_It was then that I realized that it was not the years of uthenera that had tempered the Dread Wolf but the actual death of Mythal and the creation of the veil that would change him. I could feel the sadness creeping into my heart as I looked at him walking back and forth. His actions made it clear that he was unaware of those events, and of the true events of our battle with Corypheus, and I was more then content to let it stay that way._

“ _You had your reasons.” I spoke softly, if sadly._

“ _You will not tell me.” Fen'Harel turned to look back at me and it almost looked like he wanted to make me tell him but he made no move to do so._

“ _No, I will not.” I said with a shake of my head. “There are things better left unsaid.”_

“ _Ah, but you do not believe that. Not truly.” Those intense eyes stared at me as if he was trying to stare into my very soul. “You are afraid.”_

“ _You sound surprised.” I managed a chuckle._

“ _What are you afraid of?” He took a step towards me, that hunger still in his eyes but tempered with concern and curiosity._

_I looked away, not wanting to meet his gaze in case I was tempted to tell too much. His line of questioning did bring my thoughts to Solas and I. I watched as the rotunda seemed to flicker and shift, as that memory began to take hold of that dream._

“ _Shit.” I gritted my teeth and forced myself to focus on the rotunda. To remember how it was._

“ _It seems drawing you this conscious has lessened your grip on your control.”_

“ _You shouldn't be in my dreams anyway.” I said with a glare._

“ _Like I said, it began as a curiosity.” He gave a small shrug. “This, however, is the first time you have been aware enough in your dream to actually speak with me.”_

“ _Yay for me.” I managed._

“ _Indeed.” He responded before gazing at the unpainted wall. “I will paint all of this save that one space. Why?”_

“ _You did not finish the end as you left after our final journey together.”_

_The answer seemed to perplex him and I watched as he began to pace once more. I found myself watching him walk, comparing that act to how my Solas walked. It was mostly the same. A confident little swagger to his step but this too was made more flamboyant by Fen'Harel. I found my eyes glued to his rear as he turned around._

_My distraction caused the dream to began shifting once more. I was no somniari but the strength of the veil and Fen'Harel's presence made my dreamscape as easily changeable as clay. Perhaps it was because of what I was staring at, or my subconscious was going to bring up a different dream, but suddenly we were no longer in the rotunda._

_I blinked, startled at the sight of my old room back at Skyhold. The lavish bed was behind me and the large windows opened up onto the balcony behind Fen'Harel. A massive mountain range rose up to touch the clear blue sky. I tore my gaze from Fen'Harel even as I felt the blush travel up my cheeks._

“ _Having other thoughts?”_

“ _Yes, well, this was home.” I said with a lame excuse, focusing on looking at the ceiling then at him. “You stayed in the rotunda.”_

“ _I did not share your bed?”_

_I almost started to laugh at the sound of his voice. It was somewhere between dejection, confusion and surprise._

“ _No, you did not.” I looked back at the bed and wrinkled my nose. “You came to be my friend as Solas, I did not know you as Fen'Harel.”_

“ _I'm aware.”_

“ _By the time I learned who you were, it was too late.” I found myself gripping the crystalline arm as I stared at the bed. It looked strange to me now, once familiar but so foreign compared to the style of bed in Mythal's temple._

“ _What do you mean?” Fen'Harel paused before he spoke quickly. “Did I die?”_

“ _No, you didn't die.”_

_I did not want to tell him that it would have been easier if he had died. I might not have recovered from it but it was better then living each day knowing he had chosen to leave me._

“ _But I did something.”_

“ _You're doing something right now.” I said gruffly, shaking my head and trying to dispel the memory prompting me to speak. My hand still tightening on the magical one he and Mythal had made for me._

“ _Stop.” It was more of a command in my ear as I had not noticed him approach so quickly. He laid his hand on mine where I was squeezing the second one. The touch was gentle but just as commanding as his voice had been._

“ _Still not used to it.” I mumbled but did not turn to look at him._

_Silence seemed to reign once more in this dream and I almost longed for the strange lessons with Mythal. Standing there, I was painfully aware of his dreamself so close to me. My new found misery kept me from thinking any other thoughts that might affect the dream. Finally, I heard him speak a low whisper._

“ _I was the one who took your arm.”_

_It was a statement rather then a question so I said nothing. His hand briefly tightened on mine before he let go with a painful sigh. Once more I could hear him starting to pace._

“ _I do not understand why I would hurt you.”_

“ _You did it to save me.”_

_Then I turned to look at him and he seemed more Solas then Fen'Harel for a moment. Those dark eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tried to sort this out. It was clear that he still did not understand that chain of events and I had no desire to explain it fully to him._

“ _I may not be the best healer but surely so...” He paused and cocked his head as if he was listening to something I could not hear._

_It was sudden, a pain in my chest that seemed to be pressing the air from non-existent lungs. I took a step but only staggered as I tried to breathe. His face contorted and he closed the distance to catch me as I fell._

“ _Solas?” I whimpered in confusion._

“ _Wake up!” His voice was a roar in my ears. “You need to wake up, now!”_

_It felt like I was being sucked down into a pool of water. Everything that was light faded away to black before suddenly..._

  
  


I was awake and in the room Mythal had decided was mine. I opened my eyes in terror to see a lithe woman sitting on my chest. One hand was pressed over my mouth while another was dragging the point of a knife across my chest. My dress had been torn open and blood seeped from various cuts that had been inflicted.

“Sing for me, little Ash'ter.”

Everything about her appearance was lost as I recognized that voice through the haze of pain and fear.

Andruil.

Andruil who was trying to kill me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would have had this up sooner but had to revise a few times as I didn't like the feel of the conversation between Ethara and Fen'Harel. Still not 100% with it but spent enough time on this chapter. 
> 
> Somniari – Mages that are capable of entering the Fade by sheer will.  
> While being a somniari is pretty rare in present time Thedas, it was probably quite common back in ancient Elvhenan but with less power as there is no veil to separate them from the Fade.
> 
> Ash'ter – Name made from combining various words. Credit again to FenxShira's Project Elvhen  
> Ter – rock, stone, pebble, earth  
> asha - woman


	6. The Mad Huntress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara is faced with the madness of Andruil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Torture ahead. I don't think it's overly descriptive but putting this here.

She had me pinned beneath her, one hand over my throat while the other carved into my chest with a knife. I could not see what she was doing but I could feel each slice of the blade's edge. I tried to ignore the pain but it was hard as Andruil seemed to be taking her time with the knife. Her knees were over my shoulders and arms in such a way that I could barely move my hands.

I tried to buck her off but she seemed to possess an impossible strength. My efforts did little except amuse the woman.

“Sing for me, Ash'ter.” Andruil said again, her lips curling in a cruel smile.

“Mythal..” I tried to shout the name but it came out as more of a gurgling choke from the pressure of Andruil's hand on my throat.

“Is with Elgar'nan.” Andruil's smile was becoming more of a leer. “You are alone here.”

I tried to think of the legends of Andruil but the pain was drawing a blank. I knew she was the huntress but this was not like anything I could think of. How many Dalish hunters would still pray to the “Great Huntress” if they knew she was downright psychotic.

There was a brief respite as she pulled the blade up to her face. The silent hope that she was not going to lick it was quickly lost as she did precisely that. Fear and pain kept the disgust from showing on my face. On instinct, I took that moment to try and cast a spell but I had forgotten about Mythal's band. My spell worked brilliantly, a bright flash and then it was gone to nothing. The room lit up for that brief instant but I saw nothing but the elf that kept me pinned with supernatural strength.

The spell did get Andruil to let go of my neck but it was followed with the knife hilt coming hard against the side of my face. The hit nearly knocked me senseless, my vision went a little blurry and I could taste blood in my mouth. I tried to focus on something but there was just too much pain.

“Now, now.” Andruil chided me. “You don't want to spoil all the fun, do you?”

I did not say anything but I closed my eyes so I would not have to look at her. I got another smash against my jaw for my efforts.

“You're going to watch.” Andruil's voice was somewhere between sweetness and anger. “I've made sure of it.”

I had no idea what she meant and I did not want to know.

I opened my eyes before she hit me again and did my best to stare defiantly at her. She smiled at me, a grin that went from ear to ear. That knife was dragged along my throat with just enough force to bring a line of blood up to my jaw.

I could only watch as her eyes became lidded and she pursed her lips in such a way that made me feel sick. A quick slash of the knife made me forget that nauseating look as she cut along my right cheek, just beneath my eye.

“Oh, don't worry.” She cooed. “I won't take your pretty eyes or mar your face too much. I wouldn't want my trophy to be too hideous.”

I could feel my false bravado fading at the words and I could not stop the scream that pulled from my lips as she drove that knife in just below my collarbone. I could feel the blade dig against the bone and slide through muscle. The smell of blood hung heavy in the air but I did not notice as it seemed like my whole body was alive with pain. I was quickly becoming delirious.

Once more I tried to will my magic to work but another stab of her knife into my arm broke what little concentration I had left.

She worked deftly, sliding the blade under the skin without tearing it up too much. She did it with all the skill of a hunter used to skinning an animal but also with the gleeful excitement of a child with a new toy. Spots formed in front of my eyes and I felt lightheaded but yet, I remained conscious.

I knew the sensation as the one you had just before you passed out. That quick feeling but this time, it was not quick. It was an unending feeling that seemed to overwhelm me. I felt disconnected from everything, even the pain, and some part of me knew this was wrong. I had never been one for the healing craft but I had been knocked unconscious enough times to know this feeling was only supposed to be temporary.

“Tell me, Ash'ter, shall we remove your fingers first?”

I giggled but managed to speak through my bleeding lips.

“Fen'Harel...”

“Yes?” Andruil paused, looking at me with some confusion. “What of the Dread Wolf?”

“E's 'onna kill ouuu.”

The knife was yanked roughly around in my arm and I received a slap for my words. Any attempt at speaking after that became more garbled and less coherent thought.

“I'll send him your pretty arm when I'm done.” Andruil's voice carried a promise that I did not want her to keep. She tapped the crystal arm with the edge of the knife and a soft 'clink' echoed through out the room.

I tried to spit blood in her face but only ended up dribbling blood down my face. Andruil laughed at my effort and shifted, driving her knee painfully against the my collarbone. My vision swam with the pain as blood gushed out around the leather of her pants.

The pain kept me from having thoughts of Fen'Harel's reaction at a dismembered arm. Once more I felt my mind slip just to that point of darkness but it seemed the bliss of unconsciousness was going to be denied to me. The seconds turned into minutes and I felt time getting away from me. I simply could not think straight enough to realize time going by.

At some point, my eyes seemed to stop working but I knew I was still conscious. I could still feel the knife; each little cut, each probing shift beneath the skin, I could feel it all. Andruil stopped gloating at me but she still spoke. Her words were whispered things that I could not understand, sentences that were just at the edge of my hearing. Even in my state, all I could think of was that Andruil was crazy and that I was going to die here in the past. Would my friends look for me? Or would I be forgotten and just another foot note in the history of Thedas.

Then the knife stopped. The pain remained for a few moments longer before I felt completely numb as if I had been dipped into freezing water. I could not feel anything beyond that numbness. I tried to speak but I could not tell if anything happened. I could not hear my words or feel my lips moving. The part of my mind still capable of coherent thought wondered if I was actually dead. I did not want to die but death would be better then being Andruil's plaything.

I had no idea how long that strange numbness lasted but it felt like an eternity.

“Shhhh...”

The voice sounded drawn out like it had been slowed considerably. I could make out other noises that could be words but they were just sounds to my ears. I could not think straight enough to understand what the sounds were supposed to mean. I think my name might have been said but it could have been anything.

The numbness remained but there was a sudden presence that seemed to fill my mind. It was comforting but almost overpowering. Dimly, I knew that it was Mythal. I should have felt relief but I felt nothing and nothing was better then the constant pain I had been subjected to.

There was pressure on my chest but there was no pain. It was steady, like someone was applying something and then removing it. I lay there, in that place where I could not make sense of anything when I finally heard that voice again. It was soft, but not emotionless. There was anger and relief in that voice.

“Sleep. I will be here.”

Fen'Harel's words were short and I finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A relatively short chapter I know but this is to get things moving again. Sorry about the delay on updates, I've had one hell of a year.
> 
> Also, apologies for any errors or slips out of first person as this is straight from me to Archive of our own.


	7. Decisions Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen'Harel steals Ethara away from Mythal's temple to a place where he believes she will be safe but more secrets wait among these mysterious elves that never made it into Dalish lore.

I began to feel something again. The faint press of cloth against my face as if someone was washing my skin. Instinct had my hand flying out to bat away at the feeling. My arm did not quite obey and it felt more like a flopping. Pain shot through my limbs but it was not like a bad wound. No, it felt more like my whole body had been asleep and I was now faced with that tingly pain as the blood flow returned.

“Lady Ethanara!”

It was a panicked gasp from the woman who had been assigned to me by Mythal. I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out or perhaps they did as the woman was on her feet and running out the door. At least, I assume that's what the thundering sound was. The sound of her feet hitting the stone floor was like a hammer driving into my skull.

I was dimly aware that there was shouting further away but I had no idea what was being shouted. Only that it was noise that almost sounded like it might have been words. It died down quickly and I sighed with relief.

“Ethanara,” The voice was almost breathless but I recognized it as Fen'Harel. “It is alright, she is gone.”

I turned my face in the direction of his voice and found something warm being pressed against my face. It was a most peculiar thing as it felt like I was nuzzling into my pillow but that was not right as I was aware enough to know my pillow was beneath my head.

Then I was being lifted. I must have flailed in some manner as I heard Fen'Harel's soft whisper above my head.

“It's alright, I have you.”

I frowned even as I began to make out vague splotches of color. The colors were as familiar to me as the room I lived in had become but there was something a bit off. Something that said this was not the room I had spent so long within. It was similar enough to let me know that this was still Mythal's temple but it was definitely a different room.

“Where are you going?” It was Mythal's voice and I craned my head to try and see her but even that hurt. I should not hurt like this and yet I did.

“I'm taking her out of here.” Fen'Harel said, his soft voice taking on an edge.

“Fen'Harel, that would not be wise.” Mythal said in response and I wanted to question the two of them but my lips still did not obey me. “She is protected here.”

“Protected?” His voice was dangerous and I felt a little bit of fear creeping into my mind. Something had happened, I was sure of it, but I could not quite recall it all. “Mythal, look at her! Andruil was playing with her when I got here! If I hadn't been in her dreams, I wouldn't have realized what was happening and she would have been killed or worse.”

I remembered the dream. He had been pretending to be my Solas in an effort to learn more of what had happened to make me deny him. That was less pressing of a thought when he mentioned death or worse. I snorted a little as I had no idea what could possibly be worse then death, and then I remembered the tranquil mages. He definitely had a point there.

“That won't happen again.” Mythal said, but the tone of her voice was clear, Fen'Harel was beginning to win this argument.

“Remove the band.” Fen'Harel said, even as I felt my arm being jolted towards Mythal.

“Where do you plan to take her?” Mythal asked without moving.

“Where none of the Evanuris will dare touch her.” His voice was pure venom.

I felt a strange sensation on my arm then. Just above where the anchor had been taken, it was like a tugging. As if magic was pulling on the scab from such a wound. I jerked in pain and I felt Fen'Harel's grip on me tighten even as his voice was once more soft and directed at me.

“Shhh.” There was tenderness there that I did not feel like I deserved.

“You know I could stop her from going with you.” Mythal's voice was not cold but it was a little distant, like she did not enjoy this option.

“But you won't.” Fen'Harel said with that harshness returning to his voice.

“Fen'Harel... “ Mythal started before she sighed. “I'm sorry. I thought she would be safe here, I did not realize that Andruil would be so brazen as to invade my temple for one of her hunts.”

There was no response from Fen'Harel but I knew we were moving. The blobs of color had taken on more form and I could make out what was clearly the door, then more rectangular shapes that I guessed were murals or maybe tapestries. It did not matter, Fen'Harel moved quickly through the halls like a man on a mission. Mythal did not follow us and that was a bit surprising. Through the connection the well had given me, I felt a sense of sorrow like Mythal was truly sorry for what had happened to me.

I turned my head away from ceiling to bury my face against the front of his clothing. I became aware of the faint smell of wood and spice. That almost earthy smell that I associated with Solas. It was comforting as it lulled me back to sleep.

  
  


It was a short time later that I woke again. It was a much better waking at that time, and I did not feel like I had asked one of my warrior companions for an extensive training session. I shifted a little only to realize that I was still in Fen'Harel's arms. A blush crept up to my ears as I looked up at him awkwardly.

“You are awake, that is good.” His face was set in a determined look.

“Yes..” I found that I could speak this time but my voice came out a little slowly.

I blinked a few times when I realized that while one of his arms held me, he was not exactly walking with me. I turned my head to see the back of a halla's head. It was a majestic thing, pure white with antlers that curved upwards to grace the sky with at least thirty points or more. I felt a pang of sadness as I gazed at it, knowing full well that such a regal creature would never be found in my time.

I shifted and realized I was also now wearing a cape of sorts, the hood pulled over my face and shielding my eyes from the sun. It was a soft thing, and I felt a little guilty as it seemed too finely made to be practical for long rides.

“No need to speak,” He said and I felt his arm tighten around me just a little. “You are alright, you are safe.”

“Where?” I took a breath and tried to sit up. “Where are we?”

“On the path to the Alinuris.” He responded, his hands moving to help me into a sitting position in front of him but one remained around me in an almost possessive nature. “They have long removed themselves from the network of eluvians, so travel must be done by halla.”

“Oh... well, that makes sense.” I managed before I coughed.

“Easy,” He said, his normally cocky face was torn with concern. “Mythal healed most of what Andruil did but wounds done with magic must heal in a different way.”

“By done with magic, I take it that you don't mean fireball.” I said, an attempt to make him laugh and look less concerned.

“Yes.” He said simply and then we rode in silence.

I do not know how long we had gone but it felt like hours had passed. The halla was a wonderful creature but even it was hard on my bruised body. I memorized every little thing of what I could see of the animal. It was a lovely white shade and the saddle was well made. Some sort of leather that I did not recognize with faint lines embroidered in an intricate pattern. It seemed the elves of this era never did anything simple. My mind eventually went to him. He was warm and I could feel each breath of air as his chest rose and fell against me, his arm never left where it held me. It did not instill lustful thoughts in my mind but it was not an unwelcome feeling. It was almost peaceful.

Finally, as the sun was beginning to set, he pulled the Halla up to a near vertical cliff wall. His voice came urgent in my ear.

“Stay on the halla and do not speak.”

I nodded as he let go of me and slid down the side of the animal. I watched as he approached the head of the animal. One of his hands coming up to rest against the creature's face in a friendly sort of manner. His outfit was typical of what he always wore, something lavishly designed, but this outfit was a little more sparsely decorated and seemed more like travelling clothes. I remembered seeing him in something similar before and felt another pang in my chest. It looked like the outfit I had seen him on the day he had taken my arm.

“I've come seeking the aid of Ethyrne.” He called out to the wall.

It seemed a silly thing. Him standing there and shouting at the wall of stone like he expected an answer.

I was about to ask what he was thinking but even I heard the sound of the rock moving. I stared at it blankly as a part of the cliff seemed to sink into itself and fold away. I had only seen the magic Mythal taught and seen examples of other magics; to see it in practical application was a bit different and I could not help but be awe struck. How different would the lives of my people have been if we could still perform feats like this.

“Well met,” Came a voice from within and a young elf walked out. He had soft brown hair and laughing green eyes. His outfit was simple, a jerkin and breeches and he seemed to wear no weaponry on him. “State the nature of the aid you require.”

“That is something I will discuss with Ethyrne only,” Fen'Harel's voice was stern as he regarded the man.

“Very well, and what of your companion?”

“She goes with me.” Fen'Harel's response was quick and held the tone that he would allow no question on that.

I watched the back and forth between the two of them with a guarded expression. On one hand, I knew I trusted Fen'Harel. He could probably lead me blindfolded to my death and I would still go willingly. It was a frightening thought that I put so much trust in him when it was based on the man he would become and the feelings both versions of him rose within me.. On the other, I was feeling nervous at the way the other elf was speaking to Fen'Harel. I did not want to deal with any problems caused by being there but I had the feeling I had little choice in that matter as well.

I could not stop the cough and clung to the saddle as it wracked my body. Pain shot through my chest and I tried not to think of it.

Fen'Harel was by my side in an instant, his eyes looking up at me with concern. I managed to get my coughing under control but I still hurt. The concern in his face was comforting and for a moment I could forget that he was not the Solas of my time but the Fen'Harel of ancient Arlathan.

I cursed myself for that weakness even as my mind worked towards trying to think of a way to escape him. I would need to flee before long and let history take it's course.

“Your companion is not well?” The voice was curious and just mildly concerned.

“She is injured.” Fen'Harel said as he turned back to the other elf. “It is part of why I must speak with Ethyrne.”

“Very well.” The elf said with a strange expression before leading the way. “Just remember yourself, Dread Wolf.”

Fen'Harel said nothing as he moved back to the head of the halla and took the reins. He led the creature along as I clung to that saddle with what little strength I had. The tunnel we were in seemed to thin a little but an army could easily fit through it if they had reason to.

I heard the sounds of stone grating on stone and knew that the doorway had closed behind us but I dared not look as I felt that I would fall off the halla if I tried. A light up ahead grew brighter as we walked until finally, we stepped out into a wonder unlike anything I had ever seen.

Within the mountain was a little pocket of the forest. Trees rose high, plants surrounded a stone walkway. I could make out stone houses all through out the area, and even further on, I could see a temple like building. High above, a light source seemed to glow and give off light like the sun. Looking around, I found something new to see with each new place I looked in. There was even a brook skirting through the village within the mountain.

“Welcome to Adahldur.” The elf said with some pride and she guessed that her face must have shown some manner of wonder at what she was seeing before her.

He continued to lead the way until they reached one of the larger houses. He glanced back at Fen'Harel with an expectant look. Fen'Harel then moved to the side of the halla and reached his hands up towards me with the clear indication that I was to climb down with his aid. I was still too tired to fight the idea of it but I could not keep the ire off my face as I slid down without his aid as best as I could. Still, one of his hands went to steady me as I wobbled when I stood.

I was determined not to lean on him and lifted my head up as high as I could manage given that my entire chest still felt like Andruil was playing with me. I heard a small chuckle from the other elf but I said nothing to him. I simply followed Fen'Harel into the house.

The other man did not follow us in and Fen'Harel closed the door behind us before he turned to me.

“We will need to wait.” He said as he put his hand up near his mouth to think. My breath caught in my throat for a moment as that movement was so very much like the Solas I had known. How many times had he looked like that as he pondered my questions.

He seemed to notice me watching him and he smiled at me, but there was not the suggestive smile that I had seen on this Fen'Harel so many times before. There was genuine concern in that smile. “You should lay back down.” He said simply before taking my hand and leading me to one of the smaller rooms just off this main one. A large bed was against the wall, and while it was not as lavishly decorated as what was within Mythal's temple, it had the look of comfort.

“Alright.” I said, too tired to argue and I lay down in the bed.

Fen'Harel leaned and gently pressed a kiss against my forehead. I stared up at him for a moment and I wished for a moment to have the courage to actually instigate a more passionate kiss but the moment passed and I felt myself drift off.

  
  


_I was sitting on the halla again but there was no pain this time. His arms were around me as we rode. His mouth at my ear and things were whispered that made my heart pound against my chest._

_We rode together on that halla, far from the temples of Mythal and the blade of Andruil._

_He took me into the woods, Fen'Harel. The Dread Wolf._

_It was there that he helped me down from the back of the white creature and I did not deny his hands on my waist. I stood there, staring up into those vivid eyes of his._

_He leaned down to me and his mouth was against my neck. I could not resist the shiver that followed in the path of his lips or the lean of my hips as his arms slid around me. I remembered that this was wrong, that I had chosen to ignore the part of my heart that wanted this. All to ensure that time would flow as it should._

_But this was just a dream and his body was warm against mine._

_His grip was tight around me but pleasant._

“ _My heart,” It was whispered against my skin. “I will not allow Andruil to hunt you again.”_

_There was a fierceness in his voice but the words were what hung in my mind. He had called me My heart. Ma vhenan. It was said the same way that the Solas of my time would have said it. Full of love and longing, and things that had been left unsaid for far too long._

_I swear, even in the dream, my heart was beating against my chest and my breath caught at his voice._

_He pulled away to look at me, his fingers coming up to run gently over my lips before he cupped my chin and tilted my face up even more. He leaned down to kiss me and I struggled with myself. His eyes burned with emotion and I knew I could not allow this to continue. With regret, I put my hands against his chest and gently pushed._

_There was a faint look of surprise in his eyes as he peered down at me. The surprise turned to confusion._

“ _Ethanara?” His voice had suddenly become quiet._

“ _I already told you, we can't do this.” I managed, glad that this was a dream and that it was not the real Fen'Harel looking at me like that._

_His face became unreadable as his hand tilted my chin back and forth, turning my face back and forth before he hastily let go of me and took a step away. There was uncertainty there in those eyes as he regarded me with a wary look._

“ _This is not right.”_

_I blinked, startled at how he said it. The way he looked at me was like an animal that had been caught in a cage and now had it's back against the wall. I had only ever seen him look so uncertain when I had tried to press him before he left me at that pool._

“ _Fen'Harel?” I asked, uncertain, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion._

“ _This is my dream... not yours.”_

_I did not quite understand what he meant, and I stared at him for what seemed like an eternity._

“ _Your dream?” I finally asked, licking my lips after I said it. Realization sinking in that this was Fen'Harel. That it was not some dream version I had conjured up to taunt myself. It still did not make sense what he meant that it was his dream._

“ _Yes, my dream.” He seemed to think for a moment before a look of comprehension crossed his features. “Mythal's band...”_

_I glanced down at my arm instinctively, looking at where the band had once been. Of course, I could not see if it was there or not as my sleeves went down to my wrists but still, that itch at the back of my mind told me that it was not there. My thoughts went back to that foggy moment when I had woken in the temple and Fen'Harel had told Mythal to remove it._

“ _You asked her to remove it?” I glanced back up at him even as the dream seemed to fracture around him._

“ _Yes,” He breathed and once more was up close against me. His hands travelled along my arms, to my sides and even to my hips. Just touching me with an awe struck look. “I had not thought of this.”_

“ _Thought of what?” I asked as I tried to take a step back. The halla that had been behind me in the dream was gone, replaced by a tall tree and I felt my back make contact with the firm bark. A soft 'eeep' like noise escaped my mouth as I looked back at him._

“ _You are quite powerful,” His eyes had taken on that lusty look again as he followed. Both hands taking mine and pressing up against the tree. “But I had no idea you would begin to learn from me while I came into your dreams.”_

_The way he looked at me showed so many things. There was that need, that hunger like he wanted to devour me on the spot, but there was also pride. He even looked almost impressed._

“ _I don't know what you're talking about.” I said gruffly as I struggled against his grasp._

“ _It seems you may have picked up some of my tricks subconsciously.” He said with a smile. “I had thought you were not a dreamer but it seems you can learn it, it would explain how easily you discovered me in your dreams.”_

“ _I only realized you were in my dreams the last time... just before... Andruil...” I trailed off as my thoughts went to that night._

_The dream began to shift and I saw the tremor that crossed his face but it was the vision behind him that held my attention. Part of the trees seemed to meld together and become a stone hallway. I recognized it as the one in Mythal's temple. A place I had wandered frequently. Then there was a door, and it was thrown open. Inside was that room, another familiar place, but it was the figures on the bed that held my attention._

_Two women, one pinned beneath the other. The one above held a knife, flashing in the faint light from the doorway. Her eyes glancing towards us even as she held her hand out, beckoning to us. The one beneath her did not move, she was so still. Everything was awash in red. Bright red. The lithe elf threw her head back and laughed even as her face seemed to be bathed in that blood._

_My blood._

_Oh creators._

“ _No...” Fen'Harel's voice was a strained whisper and he shook his head._

_My gaze flicked to him and I could see the look of pain in his eyes. He struggled with himself and I realized that it was not me that was calling this image, that it was him. My heart almost stopped as I knew that this is what he had seen. He had come to save me and had found that. I could not imagine what thoughts had run through his mind the moment he had arrived there to find Andruil doing whatever she had done but I could guess. It hurt to see him so pained over something he had been unable to protect me from._

_It was then that I threw myself off the precipice._

_I leaned up and pressed my mouth against his. His hands let go of mine as I startled him, and I took that opportunity to pull him down against me. It took him a moment to realize that I was kissing him. Willingly and almost forcefully. But that moment was all he needed, and his mouth was kissing back. His lips would have bruised mine if this had been the real world and I relished the feel of him. It may have been the dream version of Fen'Harel but it was Fen'Harel and that was just as good._

_The image behind him faded to nothing and once more returned to the trees of this little glade in his dreams. He seemed to forget his pain as I chased it away with my tongue. Finally, he broke the kiss and gazed down at me with a gaze that made me just want to strip then and there._

“ _Ethanara,” His voice was strained again but this time it was not pain that had taken hold of him. “Not here.”_

_I quirked an eyebrow as his hands stopped roving over my body, one coming to gently cup my cheek as he went to explain._

“ _Things are easier here... freer.” He said with a whisper. “You would give yourself to me here without a thought to why you were trying to deny us earlier.”_

“ _You've said that before... or you will... something similar anyway...” I said, my voice breathless._

“ _Yes, I believe I would.” He said with an almost wistful smile. “If you truly desire this. Then tell me when you are awake and not within my dream.”_

“ _What's the difference?” I asked._

“ _Within my dream, you are affected by what I want.” He said as he leaned down to whisper it into my ear like a lover, his teeth grazing my ear lobe for a moment. “And I want you.”_

  
  


I woke in the bed that Fen'Harel had guided me to earlier. I could hear voices out in the main part of the little house. I frowned to myself as I wondered how long I had slept. A quick glance to the window still had light streaming through it but then I recalled that this place was within a mountain and had some strange magical light source high above. My body had the ache of laying in an awkward position too long and I realized I still had the hood and cape. Even my boots were still on, not that I remembered when they had been put on my feet. I arched to try and pull one of them off.

The voices stopped as if they were aware I was awake which they probably were. It was getting to the point that I should stop being surprised by the wonders of the elvhen magic I was being introduced to.

The door to the room opened and I felt a hot flush creep up into my cheeks at the sight of Fen'Harel. The memories of the dream came back. His hands, his mouth, his voice in my ear.

I tried my hardest not to look like I was reliving that. If Fen'Harel noticed, he gave no indication. He stepped through the door to let his companion through and he seemed almost respectful with how he stood near the other elf.

“Ethyrne, this is Ash'ter.” Fen'Harel said, using the same name that Andruil had called me when she was carving me up.

“I see,” The voice of the elf was clam but warm. “If you would leave us for a moment.”

I stared at the elf even as I felt a sense of panic when Fen'Harel nodded and stepped back through the door, closing it behind him. I felt betrayed for a moment that he would leave me with a stranger but then I knew that he had brought me all the way to see this particular elf. Clearly, there was trust from Fen'Harel to this unfamiliar person. Ethyrne looked at me for several minutes as if studying me with a curious sort of expression.

I sat up in the bed and did the same and noticed the peculiarity of this Ethyrne. I realized he was old. Grey hair was tied back and there were laugh lines crinkling at the edges of his eyes. It was with a start that I realized that he was the first old elf I had actually seen since coming to Arlathan and it made me wonder. It was his eyes that held me the longest, a bright and sharp golden color but with an age that seemed to make even his old appearance seem even older.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Ash'ter.” He said with a warm smile before moving to get closer to me. “Fen'Harel has informed me of what happened to you.”

“He has?” I asked, startled. I could feel fear creeping in as I worried that Fen'Harel may have told him more then I was willing for people in this time to know.

“Yes, how you were found, brought to Mythal and then the recent attack by Andruil.” He said with a small smile that almost seemed to be just a little secretive. “He informed me that she carved runes into your chest, I would like to look, if I may?”

I had not realized that Andruil had been carving with a purpose but then it did make sense. Andruil the huntress, driven mad by hunting things in the void. She would be the type to have some goal that made no sense to anyone but her.

I shifted a little and pulled off the cloak around my shoulders. I discarded it to the side before unclasping the top of my dress to reveal the top part of the cuts that Andruil had made. This was the first time that I had seen them and I stared for a moment. I recognized the general shape of the top, it almost looked like a rune carved on hunter's bows. Something about awareness on the hunt. I glanced up and almost missed the look on Ethyrne's face. It was somewhere between wonder and shock but then it was gone.

“Ah, yes, I see.” Ethryne said as he moved to hover a wizened hand above my skin. Not touching but I could still feel a warmth from it. “It will take time to heal but it will heal. Mythal has done her work and undone the purpose of the runework so it will just be a matter of your body healing the magic.”

“What was the purpose of it?” I asked, suddenly curious.

“It is difficult to explain the full nature of it,” He said with a slightly sad look. “From what I can see, it looked like she was intending for you to remain awake.”

“Well... I do remember getting that feeling just before you pass out but not being able to go unconscious.”

“That would have been the runework.” He said with a nod. “Andruil is quite fond of her victims being aware of what she's doing to them. Especially if it pushes them to the point of madness before they die.”

“I believe that.” I said with a shudder and began to close my clothes.

“But, nothing to worry. You are safe here.” He said with a warm smile at me. “The Evanuris do not come here, only Fen'Harel does so and not as often as he once did but I am glad he finally took you here.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, suddenly on guard.

“I have been expecting you for some time,” His smile was still warm. “When you first arrived here, I had sent out elves to bring you here for safety reasons but Fen'Harel found you first. Not that there is any harm done in that. He is a good man.”

I stared at Ethryne with a confused expression. He laughed before shaking his head at me.

“In time, Ash'ter.” He said and moved to gently pat my hand. “For now, you need rest and food.”

There was something comforting about his words and I could feel myself drifting off again as I sat there. I frowned and tried to shake my head to resist the compulsion to sleep.

“Wait, I don't want to... sleep...” I mumbled, realizing that he was using magic to lull me to sleep again.

“It will be alright. Fen'Harel will watch over you.” He turned and walked to the door.

I watched him go as I settled back into the bed. It was hard to keep my eyes open but I managed to keep my eyes open long enough to see Fen'Harel enter the room. There was a look of relief on his face as he pulled a chair next to the bed and sat there. Not quite close enough to touch but he was there.

He looked at me with a mixed expression and it seemed like he was going to say something to me but then he merely sighed and looked away. I sat up further to lean towards him but he turned and caught my hand in his. His body angled and I felt his other hand against my face as he guided me back to the bed.

“Sleep,” He said, and his own magic added to the spell of sleep and I was out like like a snuffed candle.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adahldur :  
> adahl – tree, wood  
> dur – low, beneath, below, under 
> 
> As always, taken from FenxShiral Elvhen Lexicon Project.
> 
> Ethyrne is made up from my head cause not everything needs a reason and just sounds cool to me.


	8. Time Catch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Alinuris have welcomed Ethara but secrets are revealed that threaten to change everything, or keep them exactly as they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, people like to keep Ethara/Ethanara sleeping. I really need to find a new trope.

I slept for a good portion of time. I had no idea how long it was but the periods of being awake were not long enough to really mark the passage of time. I just knew that it was a while. It didn't help that I did not dream but I guessed that was the work of Fen'Harel or perhaps I really was just that tired. I rarely left the bedroom and many times, I would wake to find him sitting in his chair next to me with a faraway look in his eyes.

He had become distant since that single shared dream and it was becoming unbearable. It was like he wasn't there even when he was around me and I couldn't figure out why. Despite that, he remained at my side but there was a change in the Dread Wolf and he almost seemed to be... brooding.

I could never remember a time seeing Solas brood in my time. There had been times where he had been more thoughtful, and looking like he was debating on something but there had never been a truly broody moment.

Finally, I could take no more of it and spoke up to him on one of the days I had woken early.

The blankets were still pulled over my head and I peeked out with a wary glance in his direction.

“Did I do something wrong?” I mumbled.

He looked startled but his eyes met mine. For a moment, I could see that heat that had been there in the beginning. That need that was almost painful but then it was once more a calm mask.

“No, no you did not.” He said with a smile.

The smile was strange, I had seen it before and knew it as that look Solas had when he was trying to hide something while keeping me oblivious in case it was a bad thing.

“Then what's wrong?” I sat up in the bed.

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something. Everything about his pose and the way he looked at me made it seem like what he was going to say was going to be important but then he looked away.

“Ethyrne wishes to speak with you,” He got from his chair and moved to pull a dress out of the small trunk at the end of the bed and laid it on the edge of the bed. “Here, a change of clothes.”

Then he was gone out the door without a word.

I stared at his retreating back and felt a little lost. It was completely unlike him. Everything I knew of him, this was something new. For all the knowledge I had of the histories of my people, and the personal experience with Solas; this was not something I knew how to deal with. I just sat there for several minutes as I tried to puzzle out what to do.

I sighed when I realized he wasn't coming back in the room. Looking down at the dress, I could see it was a soft green colour and I sighed again. It seemed like every elf in Arlathan wanted to dress me in green.

I glumly got to my feet to change out of my clothing. I whimpered a little as my hair got caught in the buttons of the dress I was wearing. I bit back his name even as I thought about calling to him for help. That wouldn't do. Not at all. I was supposed to be independent, yet here I was constantly needing the help of the Dread Wolf himself. Somehow, I managed to get out of one dress and into the other but then I realized I was going to need his help after all.

“Fe...Fen'Harel?” I called and was pleasantly surprised when the door opened and he peeked in. “Can you help? I can't do up the buttons in the back.”

He gave a small nod before slipping into the room. The door closing gently behind him as he moved over to me. I pulled my red hair over my shoulder and turned my back to him. He was close, but he did not say a word. His fingers deftly moving to do up those buttons. He moved with such a speed that I was wondering how many ladies he had ever helped into their clothing. Or worse, how many he had helped them out of.

“Your hair is a mess.” He finally spoke but it was not the kind of words a girl wanted to hear.

“I haven't brushed it since before...” I trailed off, not wanting to think about what happened.

He nodded and stalked over to the trunk once more. He rummaged around in it, only to return with a delicate hairbrush. He did not ask, did not say a word, as he began to brush out my hair. I was a bit surprised at first but I gave into that gentle movement of the brush. His hand was tender against my hair, and somehow, he managed to untangle all of the knots. I leaned back against him when the brush came to a stop.

I didn't even think about it, I just leaned back against the strength of his chest. I felt the ragged breath that came out of him but he did not do a thing. He just stood there, pressed against my back. The dress I wore was not revealing but it clung to every inch of my curves, almost like it had been tailored specifically for me. I had hoped that the movement would instill something in him. Even if I had rejected his advances several times before, there was something unsettling about his silence.

Something was definitely wrong and I did not know what it was.

“Ethyrne is waiting for you.” There was strain in his voice but nothing else. He took a step back and gently pushed against my back to get me moving. “In the garden.”

I wanted to the door and glanced back at him but by then, he had turned around. I knew the pose he was in. That thoughtful, ponderous look with his chin in one hand while his elbow rested in the other. I had seen it so many times before at Skyhold. It was frightening for a moment as I wondered if I had passed the moment.

I reached for the bond I had with Mythal and even through the distance, I could feel her so it was not that. Mythal still lived and so did Arlathan.

I sighed and moved out the door and into the main room of the house before stepping outside.

Once more, it was breathtaking. That strange light source shining down on the earth and acted like the sun. I glanced around at the small little village within the mountain and shook my head in wonder before I tried to figure out where Fen'Harel had said to go.

Thankfully, I did not have to wonder as a voice called out just behind me.

“Ah, Ash'ter,” It was the old elf, Ethyrne, and he beckoned me to him once I had looked in his direction. “Come, sit with me.”

I felt a little more confident as I walked over to him even as he looked at me with a quizzical look. He sat on a bench that looked like it was grown from the very earth. Almost like it was molded from clay but with bits of stone woven in. In his hand was a small cane, it looked gnarled but natural, as if it had been grown from the roots of a tree itself.

“Ethyrne.. right?” I said, a little unsure of myself. “Or do I call you Lord Ethyrne or?”

“No, Ethyrne is fine.” He said with a laugh and a small shake of his head. “There are no Lords among the Alinuris.”

I moved to sit next to him, and felt a little awkward. He reminded me of Mythal. Warm and welcoming, with that craggy little smile and hearty laugh.

“I apologize for not getting you out of the house to talk sooner,” He said as he waved his cane towards the house. “But it was most important that you took the weeks your body needed to heal what was done.”

“Weeks?” I stared at him. “I've been here for weeks already?”

“Yes, you have.” He looked surprised by my reaction but then he made an intuitive leap that I had not quite realized yet. “You don't realize how much time has passed, have you?”

“It's been...” I thought about it, trying to sort out how long it had actually been since I arrived in that little grove. “A year? Maybe two?”

“No, my dear.” He said with a shake of his head. “Fen'Harel found you nearly ten years ago.”

“Ten?” My voice was a squeak. “But... but it did not feel like that at all.”

“Of course not.” Ethyrne said with a small smile. “You were wrapped up in Mythal's power and your mind was caught up in your studies. Fen'Harel also tells me that Mythal, until recently, had placed a band on you. All of those things would affect your ability to determine time.”

I took a few deep breathes as I tried to steady myself. Ten years. A decade. No wonder Fen'Harel was so put off by my most recent rejection.

It also brought the immortality of the elves into front and centre of my mind. I had not aged much in the last ten years, at least not physically anyway. Had I been affected by the magic of Elvhenan?

“It is alright,” His voice was still kind. “It is as things are meant to be.”

“What?” I said, staring at him even as my voice raised a few notes. “Fen'Harel... he didn't tell you then?”

“Tell me what?” Ethyrne asked, his head tilting. “That he is hopelessly smitten with you. That Andruil tortured you in Mythal's temple. That you are not from this time. That you are becoming a dreamer.”

I gaped at him. Just staring as my mind tried to process all of that.

“He told... all of that?” Some of it I didn't want to think of. Namely the dreamer part. I really did not even want to consider _that_ possibility.

“Yes, he did.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“He didn't need to say how he felt,” Ethyrne said with a strange expression. “The others needed to explain some... curious things.”

“Curious things?” I asked, suddenly finding my throat very dry. “What curious things?”

“That is complicated.” Ethyrne said simply. “Tell me, child, what do you know of time magic?”

“Not much,” I chose my words carefully. “I never encountered something like this. A year into the future but never several thousands into the past.”

“Thousands?” He asked. “Truly, you are from that far into the future?”

“Yes.”

“You have been hesitant towards Fen'Harel despite such a long time...” He paused thinking.

“In my time...” I swallowed nervously and looked down at the crystal hand Fen'Harel had made for me. It glinted in the sun, completely perfect. Without thinking, I blurted out one of my biggest secrets. “Fen'Harel is considered a god. The trickster god. _May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent.”_ I couldn't help the slightly bitter note in my voice. For both betraying my inner thoughts and for the memory of Solas leaving me.

“But with that distant of a time span, why would that matter?”

“I met him in my time, not as he is now, mind you.” I found it easy to talk to this Ethyrne There was something about him that was familiar and warm. He almost reminded me of the Keeper of my clan. “In my time, he did not know me. Did not recognize me.”

“That is quite peculiar.” He responded, thinking again.

“And I have no way to explain it because I know I look as I did then.” I said with a sigh. “Maybe with fuller cheeks but I highly doubt I'd look so different from what I am now.”

“Or,” Ethyrne paused for a moment. “He will love you because he loves you now.”

“That would be all well and grand but I doubt it's that easy.” I said with a sigh. “Otherwise, he would have brought it up. Besides, why are you so interested in my romance life here or in the future?” I said as I eyed him with some caution and a whole bucket full of suspicion.

“Ah, sorry, do forgive me; I can get side tracked occasionally.” Ethyrne said with a small sigh. “It was just a curious thing as it had to do with time magic.”

“Oh.”

“Yes... I can see now that you are afraid of what effect you would have back in this time.” He continued. “You expect that your arrival was like a stone dropped in a pool of water, leaving a ripple effect?”

“Yes.” I said with a nod.

“My dear, I am certain it is more like a a droplet of water being added to a raging river.” He paused, waiting for me to understand his analogy. “You are already swept along in the current but you are part of it. The followers of Mythal already call you Ash'ter. The Crystal Goddess.”

I stared blankly at him, my jaw going a little slack as I thought about what he was saying. It actually made sense to me but it filled me with a terrible sense of dread. There was the faintest memory of a tale about a god by that name but I couldn't quite remember it. It was something about the first gods that Fen'Harel tricked but that couldn't be right, could it?

“So... you believe that I am rushing towards a destiny that I cannot change even if I wanted to?” I asked, struggling with the words.

“No, not exactly.” He shook his head. “All rivers lead to the sea but not all water is in the sea. Whether you are meant to be there, returned to the river, in the sky as rain or somewhere else; that is something you must see for yourself.”

I rubbed the back of my neck with my crystal hand as I pondered over what Ethyrne was saying. A small glimmer of hope that maybe it was possible. Just maybe.

“That being said,” I said, trying to divert conversation away from the topic of me being a droplet in the sea. “I don't think you wanted to talk to me to be Fen'Harel's wing man.” I laughed nervously after I said it.

“Oh... yes, you'll have to forgive me, I'm quiet old and my mind easily wanders especially when a puzzle is involved.” He chuckled. “And you are quite the puzzle.”

“I suppose you elves don't get many time travelling visitors.”

“I believe you are the first,” He said, that chuckle turning into a full bodied laugh. “No, the puzzle is more of what to do with you now.”

I went right back to being nervous as I heard the words.

“Nothing bad, I promise.” He said. “It's just that... you have placed us all in a bit of a predicament.”

“Is there anything I can do to help solve it?”

“Unfortunately, no.” His face took on a saddened note. “I promise that we will not turn you or Fen'Harel out but... there are complications.”

“Lovely.”

“You see... there is an issue.” He seemed to be thinking before speaking. “Tell me, do you know of the Alinuris in your time?”

“No, I didn't even know they existed until I arrived here.” I answered truthfully.

“But you know of the Evanuris?”

“Yes, they were the gods of my people.”

“Strange, strange...”

“What's strange.” I asked.

“Nothing to be worried about.” He said with a smile. “Now, later there will be a feast. Both you and Fen'Harel are expected to attend.”

He got up from the bench and slowly began to wander off.

“I believe you should go talk with Fen'Harel, lest the poor boy go out of his mind.”

I got to my feet and watched him shamble off into the rest of the village. I sighed before I went back into the house.

“Fen'Harel?” I called softly as I entered but there was no answer. My foot steps were light as I entered the room with the bed. There he was, curled up on it and sleeping soundly. I looked at him for a moment before I tried to pull the blanket up over his chest.

“Etha...”

It was mumbled under his breath and I froze. Not moving as I heard the sound of his voice mumbling my name. I went to draw back but I felt the steel of his grip on my wrist as he pulled me into the bed with him. It was a sharp jerk but it was not painful.

“If this is a dream...” He whispered lightly. “You're wearing far too much clothes.”

I blushed all the way to the tips of my ears before I attempted to wiggle out from under his arm. It was failing, however, so I decided to do something different. I stretched as much as I could manage and press a small kiss on his cheek.

“This is not a dream but go back to sleep,” I stopped for a moment before adding. “I will be here when you wake.”

That seemed to be enough for him as he drifted back off to sleep, his grip around me loosening as he drifted into deeper slumber. I decided I didn't want to get up and merely snuggled myself closer against him. He shifted in his sleep for but a moment, just long enough to pull me tighter against him and then he was once more slumbering.

It was an almost awkward position but I felt myself drifting back off to sleep.

  
  


_The dream felt familiar but I knew it was somewhere I had never been. It was a cliff edge overlooking a wide expanse of land. And there were small elvhen holdings as far as the eye could see. There was smoke rising in the distance and there seemed to be a wind that carried something dark on it._

_Fen'Harel stood at the edge, surveying everything._

“ _Fen'Harel?” I asked, tentatively as I approached._

_He sighed and turned to look at me. “You went to sleep as well, you should have remained wake.”_

“ _What? Why?” I asked, suddenly feeling a little perplexed but I was almost struck dumb by looking at him. He had seemed to age from the last time I saw him. Gone was the usual cockiness, and in it's place was an almost tired expression. “You haven't been sleeping much since we left Mythal's temple.” I accused, knowing it was true._

“ _No, I have not.” He said in agreement. “I... have spent most of my time keeping your dreams calm.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _You tell me.” He challenged._

“ _You think I'm becoming a dreamer...” I remembered his surprise in the dream and what Ethyrne had said._

“ _Clever girl,” He said with a smile before he shook his head almost sadly. “I do not think. I know. And you are not becoming, you are.”_

_I felt a little ill, remembering Varric's tale of the somniari they had encountered in Kirkwall. A young man beset by demons who could alter the dreams of others. He had eventually gone to Tevinter to find some way of learning to control himself._

“ _That's impossible.” I said simply. “I had no talents towards that all my life.”_

“ _Ah, but you are in Elvhenan now.” His smile was slightly weak. “It has awakened a great many things in you.”_

_He still seemed sad and a little distant. His eyes did not spark at me nor did they rove over my body. It had been distracting and a little unwelcome at first but then it had become just another facet of what I was used to with him. That absence settled into a small ache in my chest._

“ _You say that like it's a bad thing.”_

“ _It is.” He turned away and surveyed the landscape before him. “This has played out before with the ones I once called friends. You will grow, become more powerful and you will be as the Evanuris are.”_

“ _Like hell I will.”_

_His head whipped back to me as I stood there with my hands on my hips. I would not let myself fall into that darkness that claimed the Evanuris. I knew what they would do, and I would not become **that.**_

“ _Then why did you not give warning?” He asked as he stalked towards me._

“ _Warning?” I asked, holding my breath for a moment. There was only two events that I truly knew about and I did not believe that either had happened._

“ _They have begun to war amongst one another.” He said and his body was against mine, pushing me up against a wall that seemed to materialize out of nowhere. I was really beginning to hate his powers or my subconscious, whichever brought that into existence. “Andruil escaped Elgar'nan and he accused Dirth'am'en of assisting her. He invaded. Now they war.”_

_I felt a bit of panic rising up in my chest. That was not part of the story that I knew. A civil war between the Evanuris._

“ _So, you did know.” His voice dropped and the look on his face was completely unreadable. “They will tell tear this world apart in their anger, not even Mythal has been able to calm Elgar'nan.”_

“ _Fen'Harel...” He went to pull back and I grabbed at his hand and tried to keep him close. “I swear to you. I did not know this would happen.”_

_He seemed to war with himself before he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I believe you.”_

“ _Just like that?” I asked even though I could not keep the shaking out of my voice._

“ _Just like that.” He intertwined his fingers in mine for the briefest of moments before it was gone and he was turning to glance over the landscape once more. “I need to end this madness before things progress too far.”_

“ _You're leaving... aren't you?” I whispered._

“ _Yes, for a little while.” He glanced over his shoulder at me. “I will return, I swear to you.”_

“ _Fen'Harel...” I struggled with what to say as I took a step towards him. I did not want him to leave but I knew I had no right to ask it of him. It had always been my decision not to pursue things with him. To chase him away because of what I believed to be the right course of action._

_He turned and his lips were pressed against mine before I knew what was happening. His fingers curling in my red hair, almost yanking painfully to drag my mouth up against his. His other hand was against the small of my back, pulling me against him. I was willing this time. My mouth open and welcoming, as he devoured my lips with that hunger that I had seen the first time. That unbridled passion when he had been completely unguarded. My arms were thrown over his shoulders as I pulled myself up against him. My whole body begging just to be against his but it was only a kiss, and he saw it no farther then that._

“ _My heart...” He whispered against my lips as he broke the kiss but he did not let go of me. “You will be safe here, Ethyrne will protect you. And when things are done, I will return and we will do this properly.”_

_I could feel the dream beginning to slip away and I didn't want it to happen. I tried to cling to it but I could almost feel the sadness from him as it began to shift to shades of grey._

“ _There will be nothing between us then.”_

_His voice had become a whisper._

“ _Not even dreams.”_

  
  


I woke up in the bed but to my misery, I found that it was empty. My heart felt heavy as I got up from the bed. I knew. The house was empty and he was gone. Still, I could not help myself as I ran to the door to throw it open and look into the larger room. Moments later, I threw open the doors to every room of the house before I fell to my knees in despair.

Fen'Harel was gone.

  
  


I did not know how long I remained there, just clinging to myself. Upset that I had not been able to give a real farewell to him and the fact that he left me here. I had not realized that my magic had spread out from me. I did not realize it but tendrils of magic rose from my body, licking the ceiling of the house like flame. Nor did I realize that I had crushed the chair in the corner in my misery.

I looked up as the door cracked open and Ethyrne was standing there, looking a little saddened at me.

“Child, you need to calm yourself.” His voice was kind but there was a commanding tone there.

I wanted to tell him to fuck off but I could not. He was too gentle. Too nice.

I took a ragged breath as I tried to regain control of myself. Each breath hurt at the simple thought of being left behind. It was that same betrayal that I had felt when Solas had had left me standing on the battlefield after defeating Corypheus.

“It's alright, he will come back.” Ethyrne said with a nod as he moved closer, holding out a hand to me.

I struggled with my emotions before I moved to take his hand. It was calming, and I could feel like things were beginning to right themselves.

“He... he left me.” I choked it out.

“Of course,” Ethyrne said with a shake of his head. “You don't really think he would bring you into the danger he is leaping into?”

I stared at him.

“He left that which he prizes most.” Ethyrne said. “He's already gotten a taste of what it would feel like to lose you. It would destroy him.”

It would destroy him.

The Evanuris fighting.

Mythal unable to soothe Elgar'nan.

_Oh._

_Oh, no._

“What is it?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

“Ethyrne.. I... I need to follow him.” I got to my feet, swallowing against the fear that had risen up within me.

“No, that is out of the question.” He said with a shake of his head.

“You don't understand...” I said as I let go and began to pace in the room. “I'm... I'm running out of time.”

“My dear, this is the past, you have all the time in the world.” He said but there was a hint in his voice that made it clear he did not believe that.

He knew something.

“You...” I stopped and pointed a finger at him. “What do you know.”

I spoke with all the commanding I had learned as an Inquisitor. Even if Ethyrne was strong enough to grind me into paste, I would not bow down. Not now.

He turned away for a moment before he sighed. “Time is catching up.”

“Time... you know!” I stared at him and my hand fell. My heart was in my throat. “You know what's going to happen!”

“Not fully, no.” He said with a very sad shake of his head. “What I do know... is things are going to go bad. Very bad.”

“Tell me.”

“It would be easier if I showed you, I think.” Ethyrne's voice had taken on a small edge as he turned from the house.

I did not question or wait, I followed him out into the light. He had already started down the path, deceptively fast for an old man, and I followed him in that direction as well. We walked in silence, passing houses and elves. None of them paid us any mind. Then we arrived at the temple that I had not entered before.

He led the way, heading into the stone structure and took me to a balcony that peered down into a large room below.

“I was not lying when I said we were expecting you... but it... it was not how you think we were.”

I stared at him blankly before he motioned me to look down below. I clenched my jaw before I did as he directed, staring down into the area below.

There were several elves. Groups all sitting together and talking. They were eating some communal meal.

I glanced back up at him with a questioning look.

“The far table, near the window.”

I turned back and looked where he directed. Sitting there was a tall elvhen man with golden hair and green eyes. He was smiling as he talked. Looking completely delighted with his companion. My eyes flicked to her and all I could discern was that she had bright red hair, done up in intricate braids. Red was a common colour among the elves here beneath the mountain so that was not important.

I stared as I tried to figure out what he wanted me to see. And then the woman stood up and turned. I felt my knees buckle as I saw her face. Her eyes were that hauntingly familiar shade of golden and her cheeks had a familiar shape. Everything about her face, I knew. I had seen a similar one in the mirror since I was a child but that her face was not the thing that held me the most.

_Oh._

She was pregnant.

 


	9. Droplets in the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara has discovered what she had never thought was possible even as she tries to come to terms with this new information and her place in the world.

I was on my ass on the floor. I felt light headed and a little dizzy, and I couldn't seem to catch my breath. I felt cold and hot at the same time. Shock running through me as I tried to process what I had just realized. My heart was pounding against my chest and it seemed to echo all the way to my head like the thunder of a drum.

Ethyrne was crouching next to me, his hand gentle against my back. He was saying something but I just could not get my mind to wrap around what was being said. Finally, his urgent whispering got me to say something.

“Who... who is she...” I choked out. It was a stupid, _stupid_ question. I knew it already.

“Her name is Wynthren.” He said with a small sigh. “But I am certain you have already determined **who** she is.”

“How... how is this possible?” I stared up at him.

I wanted it to be a lie so desperately but I knew he wasn't lying. I didn't know how I knew, I just knew. I felt nothing towards the woman, she was a stranger, but still the realization that she was my mother sent shock waves through me. Nothing made sense to me and I fumbled for some manner of thought process.

“I told you,” Ethyrne said as he moved to sit next to me. “Droplets in the river, returning to the sea.”

It made me wonder. Had he meant the flow of time or just me returning to this place where I was born... or would be born. This was all beginning to make that growing headache worse.

“How long have you known?”

“Since the moment you arrived in our time.” He looked in the direction of the balcony.

“How?” I stared at him. “How would you know?”

“Magic has identifiable and recognizable traits. Each person brings their own uniqueness to it but you can feel the training behind it,” He said as he eyed me. I had only ever noticed that with the Tevinter mages but I didn't bring that up now and just let him speak. “The magic that brought you here was felt but then so was another magic. It... well I don't want to use the term corrupted but, more along the lines of changed. It was redirecting the magic, changing it. I do not believe that ten years ago was the intended time of your arrival.”

I kept staring. This was only bringing more questions, and a lot of them were too horrifying for me to really think about right now.

“We all felt your magic as well, and while it was raw and untrained, it felt like ours. Like her's.”

“Oh... merciful creators...” I buried my face against my knees. “This is insane. Not possible. I'm Ethara Lavellan, First of Keeper Istimaethoriel, herald of Andraste, leader of the Inquisition... **”** I continued to babble on, just spewing out everything that was my past and the future. Everything, even mentioning my friends. Trying to cling to it even as the thought that I was born here, in ancient times. A truth which threatened to drown me.

Ethyrne gave me a sympathetic look even if he seemed a bit uncertain about everything I was saying.

“Magic is a strange thing. Someone used time magic to bring you here but...” His face suddenly became pained. “You did not grow up with us.”

“No... no I did not.” I did not look at him, a mix of emotions running through me. I drew in a ragged breath before continuing. “I was raised by a Dalish clan. They found me as a babe, alone in the woods.”

How could I tell this man, this old elf who genuinely seemed saddened by my life, that I did not want to have this connection to the past. I was fine with who I was, who I had been all my life. I did not want this sudden addition of being some long lost child of an Alinuris.

“Then your time is indeed running out.” His voice was heart wrenching in it's pain and sadness. “It seems, that what is to happen will happen soon.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“If you were found as a baby...” He choked and I looked up to see tears in the old elf's eyes. “She is already nearing her time. At most, I would say a year.” There was something else there that he did not say and I did not want to pry. My mind simply going to the fact that time was catching up to me.

I breathed against the tide of emotion as I tried to focus. “Did you tell Fen'Harel?”

“No.” He shook his head as he got to his feet and moved to the edge of the balcony. “I have told no one, not even her.”

I stared at his back and could see how much this conversation was taking out of him. Still, I did not move to get to my feet. I was still reeling from the revelation. “I... I need to tell him.”

“None of the others may know, especially not the Evanuris.” He said with a sigh. “That includes Fen'Harel.”

“Why?” I asked, suddenly wanting to be with the Dread Wolf. There was nothing kinky about my thoughts, I just wanted to feel his arms around me and comforting me. I drew in another ragged breath. He was not here.

“What do you think the Evanuris would do if they learned of your bloodline? Mythal already has a claim on you, it would be only easy for Elgar'nan to sidestep any issue to claim another source of magic for himself which would inevitably lead us to...” He trailed off.

I did not need him to finish. I knew what it would lead to. More war.

I felt misery rising to add to the not so wonderful cacophony of emotions. It seemed I had been brought here to spark war, one way or another. Whether it had been indirectly through Andruil or indirectly through Elgar'nan's lust for power; it seemed I was the droplet that started the flood. If only I had told Mythal more.

“Mythal...” I choked it out even as I put my hand across my face.

“What of her?” He asked, turning to look at me.

“I... oh creators... she knew!” I knew it. She knew. Why else would she offer to train me? To teach me magic that was clearly of this time and not from the time I was from. “She had to have known! We share a connection. Like she has with her sentinels, in my time... I... I drank from the well of sorrows.”

“Mythal is a kind woman,” Ethyrne said before looking back at the people below. The set of his shoulders was a little tight as if I had physically slapped him when I said it. “I do not wish to know what lengths would drive you to drink from the well of an Evanuris.”

“There are others?” I asked dimly, trying to focus on some other topic.

“Indeed but that is not the thing you must focus on.” He said as he turned around to face me again. “You cannot change time. What happened to bring about the world you were raised in, it will happen. No mater what you do. The puzzle we must solve, dear child, is why. Why were you taken from us and why were you returned.”

I got to my feet and slowly walked to look down into the area below and nodded at him. Looking at the woman down below again, I felt a strange sense of urgency. I glanced up at him for a moment before I voiced the thought I had earlier.

“What... what if I was brought back to cause war among the elves?” I had to ask. It was a possibility and it made sense in a twisted sort of way.

“No.” He said with a shake of his head. “I don't believe that's why you are here. A war was coming with the Evanuris soon enough, even if your presence may have hurried that along – not that I'm saying it did – they would have found some way to go to war with themselves or us.”

It brought a little bit of relief as I heard him say it. It was a steadying feeling despite everything else. I closed my eyes for a moment, committing the small differences in her appearance to memory.

_I may not want to meet the woman but I think... Yes, I could handle her being my mother._

“Come, I will tell you what I know of the magic we felt when you arrived ten years ago.”

  
  


It was slow going, pouring over the information that Ethyrne had. The Alinuris had carefully documented everything about that day. They even had what the weather was like. I had questioned the amount of knowledge but Ethyrne had simply said that they had always kept track of everything. A habit from long before the birth of Arlathan.

I read every bit of it anyway.

Most nights, I became too tired to even dream but when I did, it was brief glimpses of Fen'Harel. He never stayed long in my dreams but he was too withdrawn to notice the change in me. It was better that way. I did not think I could face him now that I had a good idea of the truth of things.

Time continued on and we were getting no where. I desperately needed an answer. I had to make this all mean something when I could have gone to warn Fen'Harel. To tell him everything. If I could not change what was to happen, then maybe I could at least soothe the heartache he would feel.

I chased the thought from my mind. Fen'Harel needed the pain to become Solas.

How I hated knowing that.

“This is impossible.” I said as I threw my hands up in the air.

“Not impossible.” Ethyrne said but there was a note in his voice that said he clearly agreed with me.

“There is nothing here that helps.” I sighed before looking over at him. He had become more drawn, tired looking. “Are you well?”

“Oh... I am fine, child.” He said with a warm smile. “Just tired. I am quite old you know.”

“So you keep saying.” I said with a chuckle but I didn't really find it amusing. I just found it heart wrenching. The days had ticked by but we were finding nothing to explain why this had happened.

“It'll be alright, Ethuwyn...” He mumbled under his breath as he started looking over some more documents.

I looked up at him and stared for several minutes. “What did you call me?”

He blinked in surprise before looking a little sheepish. “Sorry.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, a habit that I myself had and I was looking at him in a new light.

Ethyrne.

Wynthren.

_Ethuwyn._

“You... you're my grandfather, aren't you?” I said, pointing a finger at him accusingly. I felt a little stupid for not having realized it sooner. The sad looks when he spoke of my past, the way he smiled when I did.

_Voids, he practically oozed what a person would think of for a grandfatherly figure._

He smiled at me in a sad sort of way. “I would be, yes.”

I felt a little weak again but it wasn't as bad as seeing my pregnant mother. The realization that I had family that I would never truly get to know was a little disheartening. I squeezed my eyes shut for a minute as I tried to take a deep breath through that sad little thought. At least I was spending time with him, although it was not like the fantasies I'd had as a child.

“Allow an old elf his indulges.” He said with a small smile as if he understood my thoughts. “I had thought we would have more time but I dared not send anyone to Mythal's temple to fetch you.”

I opened my eyes and looked at him curiously then. I did not feel any ill will towards him for never coming to get me. It was not like I even realized how long I had been caught up in Mythal's spell.

“To do so would have been disastrous. Elgar'nan would have taken affront and it would have lead to...”

“War.” I answered. Not that it mattered any more. The Evanuris were at war with one another now. Something that was becoming clearer to the inhabitants of Adahldur. Nights were haunted with the dreams of their fellows that were suffering at the hands of the petty squabbles of the so called gods. The kingdom of the elves was descending into madness. Something, I believed, that was a little bit my fault.

“I would have mentioned it earlier but I truly did not wish to cause you further harm.” He said it simply enough. “Seeing your mother was a different thing altogether.”

I had never once asked to meet her and I knew I never would. It had nothing to do with cowardice or regret. Every part of me screamed to stay away from her. It was like a throbbing at the back of my eyes that only intensified when she neared but it was more then that, it was a pain that I couldn't describe. Not worse then anything I had felt before but just strange. Like things weren't quite right.

It was a feeling that had been getting progressively stronger.

“It was nice to see her though.” I said as I looked at the paper.

And for a moment, my mind wandered and I thought of how differently my life would have been. Growing up here, surrounded by collectors of knowledge with many more books then I could ever possibly read. I would have been happy. My grandfather watching me grow up. Knowing my parents. Would I have ever known the Dread Wolf?

I felt a pang of pain at the thought of his absence. I wanted to go to him, to explain everything but I had no idea where he was. He made sure that when he did visit me in dreams, that he hid that as if he knew that I would try to follow him.

Suddenly, Ethyrne's face wrinkled in that way that said he was thinking but those eyes were fixated on me. “Are you alright?”

“Me? Oh... yes, just thinking...” I said but that pain began to grow. It crept along my scalp, like it was tugging on my hair. I shook my head as I tried to clear the sensation away. “Or maybe I've been sitting in a dusty room too long...”

“Well, we should perhaps take a breather from all this.” He said, his hands sweeping over the room in a broad gesture. “Tell me, has anything you've found seemed any bit of relevant?”

“Relevant?' I shook my head. “No, nothing at all seems to fit with what is happening.”

“No, child.” He said with a small chuckle. “I mean with you. Your past. Is there anything in our records that fit with that?”

I thought about it for a moment. Thinking over everything that I had read when a sudden nagging thought bubble up. “There was something... hold on..” I said before flipping through the books that I had been reading. Different accounts of the same span of time, from different people and different spirits.

Finding what I wanted, I flipped to one of the pages quickly. “On the... blah blah.... Windy... uh... where was it.” I continued to flip through it before stopping. “... the spirit we called friend has left his glade.”

I glanced up at him with a questioning look.

“Ah, yes, I remember that.” He said with a small nod as he thought about it. “Strange spirit. We thought it was a spirit of wisdom but it never really seemed interested in speaking with us. It did associate with the children.”

I wrinkled my nose at that. Had this been the future, that statement would have been far more disastrous.

“However... about... perhaps a week? Maybe longer?” He thought about it but he did not bother looking for anything to confirm the date. “Prior to your arrival, he simply left. We believe he went on to find somewhere new to explore.”

I had that itch at the back of my mind again. There was something missing from that little puzzle. Perhaps it was something, perhaps it was nothing.

“Ah, I just wondered...” I said as I thought about it. “I had a spirit I called Friend but when I was a child.”

“That is highly likely. Especially if it is one that existed since our days, it would have felt a familiarity with you.” He said with a smile. “They have not come out to see you but they have been watching over you.”

“That's...” A little creepy I had to admit but spirits were different then mortals, with their own ideals. “I guess they don't want to deal with someone from the future.”

“No, it's not that...” He got a far away look in his eyes before a quick look of terror crossed over his face. “No... it's too soon.”

_Too soon?_

My mind raced for what he could mean as he was out of his chair and moving. He grabbed my hand and urged me to my feet. His golden eyes looking at me with worry as he ran straight out of the study.

It felt like I was flying, I had never moved so fast in my life.

“You must leave.” He said as he tugged me along to one of the small barns.

“What? Why?” I asked, suddenly surprised and hurt that I was being rejected from this place just after his little revelation. “What did I do?”

He glanced back at me before quickly shaking his head. “You did nothing, dear child.”

The doors of the barn were flung over as he advanced in. There were several halla resting within but they were not fenced in. An open door at the back allowed them to wander in and out as they pleased. This was merely a shelter for them. One halla, beautiful and white, approached and I recognized him as the halla Fen'Harel and I had ridden here. He bowed his head to me and I just kind of stared.

Ethyrne grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. His eyes were full of concern.

“Trust the halla, he will bring you to Fen'Harel.”

I stared blankly even as my stomach began to churn. That feeling of wrongness began to intensify but it was more then that now. It felt like I was being dipped into the ice cold water of a partially frozen over stream, the tingling pain running across my skin.

“What...” I managed even as he was ushering me up onto the halla. My steps were sluggish, like I was drunk.

“Whatever you do, do not let go of the halla.” He said, his eyes full of panic. That feeling was for me and I could not understand why.

“Why...? “ Even my words were slurred.

“You must not be near. Not when you arrive.” He said as he led the halla out of the barn before giving it a gentle pat on the rump.

I did not get to ask any other questions as the creature was moving. I clung to it's back for all I could manage as it ran in a smooth gait. I had never ridden one that ran this fast. The houses passed quickly and then we were into that tunnel, that too passed quickly. I did not hear the sounds of the stone wall opening but we were out into the world outside in a blink. The halla did not slow at the change in scenery. Continuing to run with me clinging to it's back. My crystalline hand firmly entrenched into the fur on it's back.

That pain began to intensify and it felt like it was all over me. Pinpricks of pain that went all the way to the bone. Perhaps the halla sensed that pain as it suddenly sped up.

I felt a pain like a tearing inside and I arched in pain.

I screamed.

 

 


	10. The Lies we Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara wakes up in an unfamiliar place but it is dark and full of whispers. Unable to touch the fade, she calls to her friendly spirit, hoping he was still with her but instead finds help in strange places.

 

I didn't remember how I got there but I felt painful all over. I got to my feet unsteadily and took a good look around. I was standing on what looked like a bridge but there was no river beneath it. There was only... a vast expanse of grey. Above me, below me, all around. The only change was the bridge and the stone road that lay out after it. Stone pillars, broken and in pieces, littered the way.

I felt my stomach churn as I looked down into that grey without ending. I vaguely remembered the library in the fade that we had chased Qunari through but this was something totally different. It felt _foreign._ It was like my whole body was trying to rebel against the place we were in.

I could see no lights ahead, nothing to give me an idea of where I was. It was unsettling. I began to walk up the bridge and slowly walked out onto the stretch of stone that lay out before me. For the briefest of moments, I wondered if I was dead. There were stories of the places we go when we die but none of them mentioned a place like this.

I chased that thought away as I knew I still felt. My side hurt something fierce. I glanced down to see the crusting of blood on my side. I felt the strange bit of confusion as I knew it as the bit of horn from a halla. I dared not pull it out, not until I got further. Still, I put my hand over it as I willed my magic to heal it somewhat. It was then that the unsettling became clear.

My magic did not work. There wasn't even a trickle of the power. I reached further with my senses as I tried to sort this out.

I could not feel the fade. I felt... nothing.

I pushed down the fear as I stopped and sagged against a stone pillar. I tried to think.

Then, for whatever reason, I shouted out. “Falon?”

There was no answer and I felt despair beginning to creep in. If the spirit could not hear me here, then I was so far beyond the realm of normal.

“Please... Falon.”

I begged the spirit to hear me. I had not spoken much with the spirit of this time but spirits did not change that much. He would still be that friendly spirit who helped me when I needed. Hot tears were on my cheeks as there was still no answer. Nothing from the spirit that had been my guide as a child.

“Hey! Why are you yelling?”

I almost cried out in fright but I muffled whatever noises that threatened to spring from me when I recognized the response.

Andruil stood just down the road, her eyes glittering in the gloom of this place.

“What are you doing here?” Her tone was half accusation, half surprise.

My breath was caught in my throat as I gave a quick glance around to try and find something that I could use as a weapon, just in case she decided to go crazy and try to attack me again.

“I could ask you the same.”

She stared at me for a moment, then recognition dawned on her face. She pointed an accusing finger at me.

“You're the one I wanted to hunt!”

“You did hunt me.” I said dryly.

“Oh...” She looked a little guilty, and almost apologetic.

I was not going to be fooled by this. I had experienced first hand what this woman was capable of and I did not believe she could be sorry for that whole thing.

“It may not mean much but I am sorry,” Her face wrinkled up as she spoke. “I'm not well, you see. I know that. It's why I come here.”

I latched onto that sentence with all my heart.

“You came here?” I asked. “As in... you know a way in? And... a way out?”

“Yes. Yes. And Yes.” She said with a nod. “I can show you how to get out. I know it's not going to undo whatever I did but well, being here isn't good for you and you should get out before you start going mad.”

I froze and stared at her again. Fear creeping back in.

“Andruil... where are we?”

Those eyes almost looked black when she stared at back at me. Comprehension dawning on her face that I did not know where this place was. The look she gave me was almost sympathetic.

“We're in Sum'Banal.”

Her voice was flat like that was supposed to have meaning. Clearly, the confusion showed on my face as she continued and explained.

“This is the crossroads... to the void.”

I suddenly felt very cold and afraid. The void was another thing I had not thought of since I came here but it featured in the lore of the Dalish. That was where the dark gods, the ones who opposed the Evanuris, were said to dwell. There wasn't much in our lore about the place other then that but it was still terrifying to find yourself in a place that was connected to all the evil of a people's legends.

“Well, clearly you know what that is.” Andruil said with a chaotic kind of laugh before she shook her head.

“Is that why I can't feel the fade?” I mumbled, more to myself then to her.

“Pretty much.” She answered anyway. “This place is... a place between places. No magic can work here but neither does time.”

I felt another chill go up my spine at her words.

“I will take you out. I will show you.” Andruil said with a twisted smile. “You won't end up like me. Can't end up like me. No, no. Wouldn't do.”

One moment she had been apologetic and now she had gone to just down right strange. The thought of ending up like her spurred me to actually follow her when she started to talk off. It was not like I had any other direction I could go in. Either forward with her or back the way I had come and something told me not to go in that direction.

“Boy, that looks like it hurts.”

I blinked at her in surprise as I realized her eyes were drawn to the wound on my side.

“It's nothing.” I said with a shake of my head as I moved forward.

“That looks like... did you fight a halla?”

I was about to say something when a small memory flashed in my mind. The white halla I had been riding. Power raising through my body and the pain.

“No.. no...” I muttered before pushing past her.

“Hey, not going to judge.” Andruil said with a shrug. “The males are tough suckers, I don't even go after them without weapons and it looked like you fought one bare handed.”

I ignored what she was saying and ignored that thought. The irony of her hunting the halla was not lost on me but I had no time to smile or laugh about that.

“If you don't have anything helpful to say, don't say it at all.” I snapped at her.

“Hey, now.” Andruil said with a frown before she grabbed my crystalline hand. “Ash'ter. You must not become angry here.”

I stopped in my tracks as I felt her hand on mine. I quickly pulled it away and glared at her.

“It's dangerous to do that.”

“I thought you said I can't do magic here so what's the problem?” My voice was a sneer.

“You'll attract... them.”

I froze again, what little anger I had floating away like dust on the wind. “Them?”

Things were never easy. I should have known that from everything I had experienced since I had gone to that conclave. Of course, this place would be just as problematic as everywhere I had ever been. Why couldn't there be a span of time where there wasn't something dark hanging over my life.

“Yes, them.” Andruil said with a nod, casting a wary glance around. “They're the whispers in the dark. The blackness that crawls into a man's heart and twists it like a gnarled root. ”

Andruil was definitely nuts but there was something that was akin to fear in those crazy eyes of hers. That was never a good sign.

“You've encountered them before?” I asked.

“Yes...” She shivered. “I tried to kill one once.”

I watched her face contort. For a moment, I saw the Andruil that had been. A huntress that lived for the thrill of the hunt. Someone who's home was the forest with only a canopy as stars for her roof at night. A vibrant soul who understood the balance of things in the wild. Then that moment was gone and her face went dark, and she looked away from me.

“It didn't die.”

I shivered before I turned. “Well... perhaps we should get out of here before we attract their attention.”

I couldn't see her face but I could only imagine the dark looks crossing over her face. Perhaps it was a dumb idea to turn my back to the woman who had taken great joy in torturing me but I was already trusting her enough to lead me out of here. She could kill me or leave me to die, yet I believed she did want to lead me out.

“Yes, yes!” She said with a cry before she took off again at a run.

I tried to keep up but that nagging pain made me slow.

“Andruil...” I managed before coughing.

“Oh... right, sorry.” She came to a stop, waiting for me before she began to walk at a slightly normal pace again. “Well, one thing about being in here with that injury. You won't die.”

“Oh that's... what?” I asked, staring at her.

“Time. It's different here.” She brought her fingers up and began lightly threading it through her hair. It was always the same lock of hair that she was tugging between her fingers. Slowly, like it was a calming thing. “This particular part of Sum'banal is... locked in time. Can't age, can't change. The outside world will march on and you'll get to stay the same.”

I sucked in a lungful of air as I thought about that. Stuck forever in a place that didn't change. That would be a maddening existence.

“There's another part, just before you get to the void,” She shivered as she said it. “Where time is just completely broken. It's weird being there. I saw myself there but it wasn't me.”

I didn't ask about that. Not wanting to know what she had seen as I was certain that would give me a splitting headache.

“Do you know how this place came to be?” I asked, curiosity to pass the time as we walked. “Did one of the Evanuris make it?”

“Evanuris?” She cocked her head before laughing and shaking her head. “No. No. This is old. Older then me. Older then them.”

“So you don't know do you?”

“No. No, I don't know.” Andruil said with a shake of her head. “It was here before we were the elvhen and it will be here long after we're elvhen no more.”

I felt another chill up my spine as she said that.

“As long as there is a void, this place will be here.”

“That's... not that comforting but thanks.” I suddenly wished I hadn't asked.

“Of course.” She bobbed her head in an almost childlike manner. “Can... can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” I answered.

“What... what did I do to you?”

I stopped walking and stared at her. Trust fading for a moment as I wondered if she was playing with me. My gaze got a little hard and I could feel the glare begin to form on my face.

“I'm sorry... you probably think I'm trying to relive that.” The look was pure misery as she started staring at her feet. “I don't remember... you see. The things I do. I don't remember them.”

I rubbed my face with my hand as I thought about what she was saying. “You're having a go at me.” I said with a small growl.

“I swear, I'm not.” Andruil said without looking at me. “It's always been the same. I'll be me, I'll do things and nothing will happen. Then... I'll see someone. Feel them. And everything changes. Suddenly, I'm not me any more. I'm someone else. Watching.”

“Enough.” I said with a bark. “Let's just get out of here.”

It was easier this way. I didn't want to feel sorry for this woman who had attacked me and had then sparked a war between the Evanuris. I honestly doubted that she was truly as she made herself out to be but it was not something to think about now. We had to get out of this place. I had to get out of this place.

She looked a little meek but she started walking again. Her face was turned down, and she looked almost sullen but she kept herself silent.

I didn't say anything either but I let my thoughts wander. I went back to thinking about Ethyrne and my flight from the Evanuris. My mind picking apart his final words.

_You must not be near. Not when you arrive._

That made no sense at all to me. Was another me arriving through time?

_Another me._

My step faltered when it dawned on me. It's too soon, he had said.

_Me._

I rubbed my forehead as I thought about it but I knew with a certainty. It had been my birthday.

“Great.” I muttered under my breath.

“What?” Andruil jerked her head up towards me with a curious look.

“Nothing... just... realizing some things.” I responded, keeping my voice neutral.

“No... “ She tilted her head, like she was listening. “Did you say something?”

“Just a word.” I said, paying her no mind.

“Then you didn't...” She grabbed my arm painfully tight and started to run.

“What?” I swore under my breath as it jerked my body painfully with that wound. “Let go!”

“Not now!” Andruil's voice was a hiss. “We need to hurry!”

“What?” I asked again.

“They heard us.”

I flinched with how she said that, realizing she meant the things from the void. The things she feared. Terror began to seep into my mind as I knew what she was referring to.

She ran like the wind and I struggled to keep up, I could feel blood oozing from around the bits of halla horn in my side but I was trying not to think of that. Focusing instead on running. One foot in front of the other.

I stumbled and I heard Andruil swear.

“You have to get up!” Her voice was almost a shriek and seemed to be distorted.

There was something else in the air. Like a hum at the edge of my hearing. I floundered for a moment before I struggled to my feet.

“I... what is that...?”

“Don't listen to it.” She cautioned before she pulled me along again. “You need to get out.”

It was harder to run, my feet fumbling on the stone. That humming had become a buzzing.

“No. No. No.” Andruil's voice was a shrill noise now. She stopped moving and grabbed my face. “Focus! Ash'ter, focus!” There was something hard about her hands as they held onto my cheeks.

I drowsily closed my eyes as I thought about sleeping. Sleeping would be wonderful here. So peaceful. So quiet.

“Fen'Harel!” Her shriek cut through the drowsiness like a knife. “Think of Fen'Harel!”

“Fen'Harel?” I whispered, trying to focus through the fog that was suddenly in my head. “What... what about him.”

“You want to get back to him, don't you?” She asked, her voice urgent. “If you go to sleep now, you won't get back to him.”

“Yes...” I felt a surge of warmth as I thought of Fen'Harel. So proud and beautiful in my head. The way he stalked towards me in Mythal's temple. The feel of his mouth on mine. That image didn't last as instead, it bled into the Solas of my time. His quiet smiles. His breath on my skin. “I want...”

“Good. Now focus.” Andruil let go of my face and dragged me to my feet.

I hadn't even realized I'd fallen.

“I cannot get you back to him.” Andruil's voice was a lamented wail. Was she actually concerned for me? How strange. “But... I can get you somewhere else.”

Her hand had gone to mine and she had a death grip on it as she dragged me along. Pulling me against that buzzing. I could almost make out...

_Voices._

_So many voices._

It was dizzying to hear them all and I thought my head was going to pop at all the noise. It was far more then had ever been in Skyhold. More then the Dalish Camp. More then Arlathan. Oh, merciful creators, it was too much.

_~ Yes, sleep here with us. ~_

_~ Stay, you'll be safe. Warm. Loved. ~_

_~ Stay. ~_

_~ No War. No Anguish. No Pain. ~_

_~ Stay, child of wayward time. ~_

It seemed to appear out of nowhere. A second path stretching off towards an archway. It seemed strange, looking like it was from a building but there were no walls around it. It just stood there by itself with nothing beyond it.

Andruil's steps faltered and her face went up. I followed that gaze and gasped.

There was something above the arch. I had no words to describe what I saw as my mind seemed incapable of truly understanding what it was looking at. I thought I saw faces, twisted and leering, but then I was pretty sure I also saw nugs and rainbows. Rainbows made of grey nothingness.

It physically hurt to look at the thing.

“Don't look at it!” Andruil had turned and grabbed my face, forcing my eyes to the stone beneath our feet.

“Wha...?” I fumbled even as she dragged me by my head towards that arch. My face was cradled against her chest like a ball as she forced me with her.

I could swear I felt it reach down and touch my back just before we ran through the arch. A jumble of sensations that all just bled together as one huge feeling of wrong.

And then... we were somewhere else.

It was a very complete disconnect from the grey of the place before. The design seemed the same, grey stones, a few pillars but the area outside was not that fathomless grey but a myriad of colours. Flashing like little stars. There was a rainbow of colours all across this little space but it looked somehow very _right_ but it was more then just that. There was a sense of familiarity in this place. I knew it but I had no idea of any place that looked like this short of the grey expanse of the place we just left.

“What... what was that?” My mind finally came back to itself as that fog cleared completely. I still felt weird but now I could actually realize it. It felt like the whispering voices had crawled beneath my skin and clawed at the back of my mind. I knew they had been saying things and, yet, I could not figure out what it was that they had been whispering.

“That.” Andruil said from where she was laying face down on the stones, gulping in lungfuls of air. “Was madness.”

I had hoped for a name to put to the grey thing but that was good enough for me. I glanced over at her with a curious look as I suddenly had an epiphany.

“Is that what happened to you?”

There was a brief moment of silence before she sighed. “Mostly, yes.”

“Mostly?”

“There are things... that are worse.” She shivered as she got to her feet unsteadily.

“Worse?” I asked even though I truly did not want to know.

Clearly, she felt I shouldn't know either and did not speak of it. Instead, her attention was turned to the stone pathways that laid out before her. A small smile spreading over her lips.

“Come, I think I can find us a way back to the waking world.”

“The waking world...?” I blinked before staring at her. “We're in the fade... aren't we?”

Andruil turned to smile at me and nodded before she frowned and then nodded again. “Well partially anyway. This is... well I don't really know what you would call this place. I just call it the hall of memories.”

“Memories?” I got to my feet, dusting off my legs before jerking to the side at the intense pain in my side. Bits of the antlers popped out with the move and blood began to gush.

Andruil was over by my side before I could even blink, her hand coming up and the magic pouring from it to heal the wound. It was warm but not quite as friendly feeling as Mythal or Ethyrne. Regardless, I was grateful when the wounds closed over enough not to bleed. The pain lessened too but it was a joy to know I wasn't going to bleed out in some strange alter reality version of the fade.

“There, that should do.” She said. “And yes, memories. It's like... a collection of events that happened from all over our history.”

I was shocked by the thought that such a place could exist. If the Keepers of the Inquisition's time had ever learned of this place, how different our existence would have been. That was a thought left for another time, like when we got out of here.

“Alright, now where do we go from here?”

“Right, this way.” Andruil said and began to lead the way.

Andruil seemed happier now then in the other place and I wondered if it was the change in scenery. It definitely seemed to cheer me up a little but then, that could have been the fact that my side no longer felt like I'd been impaled by a halla or that we were getting out of this place.

“How did you end up in there anyway?” Andruil asked.

“Not sure,” I responded truthfully. “One moment I was riding Fen'Harel's halla and then...”

And then there was pain. A lot of pain. I stopped as I tried to think of what had happened to bring me to the crossroads but I could not think of it. It was like my mind had simply shut that part out and refused to remember what it was that happened. I did not know if I had gotten there myself or if someone had taken me there. I just knew that it had been the most painful thing I had ever felt.

“That sounds dirty.”

“What?” I stopped in my tracks and stared at her.

“You were riding...?” She looked back at me and went to make a motion with her hands that was a clear innuendo for something a little on the naughty side. I felt my ears turn pink and I scowled at her.

“No! His halla. Like actual halla.” I said with a snort. “You know, the thing that everyone rides.”

Andruil laughed at my words like I was an old friend as I did nothing but glare at her.

“You're sick. You know that?” I said with a shake of my head.

“Hey, you're the one implying everyone has...”

“Shut up.” I said through clenched teeth.

“Fine.” Andruil said with another laugh as she started walking again.

We walked like that for several minutes, silence hanging over the two of us which was better then where my thoughts were going.

Andruil finally decided to voice a thought that was troubling me. “How did you get there anyway?”

“I don't know.” I admitted. “I remember... pain. A lot of it.”

A small frown crossed over her features.

“I swear I heard... something at the end.”

She stopped and stared at me for a brief second. “Did... what did it sound like?”

“I don't know.” I snapped but she looked at me expectantly so I thought hard about it. “It was like a waterfall but it wasn't water, it was... I don't even know what it was, it was just there.”

“Tu'Salhasis...” Andruil mumbled.

“What's that?”

“That's... that's the thing in the crossroads.” Andruil answered. “It... can do things.”

“You think that's what brought me there?” I asked, my lips suddenly dry.

“No, it's not capable of that.” She shook her head. “It's not really in the crossroads, you see. The thing we encountered is just it reaching into the crossroads.”

“Well... that's terrifying.” I muttered. “Still doesn't explain how I got there...”

“I think...” Andruil didn't quite look at me. “I think you brought yourself there.”

“How?” I made a face and dismissed the idea completely.

“Well, how else do you explain you being there with no one around save me?” Andruil said. “ **I** did not bring you there, that's for sure. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.”

I went silent as we walked, not wanting to think about that at all. Was it possible that I had somehow pulled myself between realms and into the crossroads? That was absurd. There was no such thing as that kind of power. There was nothing in the history of magic that I knew of that was capable of that but then... the elves had the Eluvians, they had no need to know of other ways to travel. And magic in the Chantry's era was repressed and monitored by the templars.

But then there were the Magisters. They had found a way to pierce into the fade physically. That had required a lot of blood magic and the death of an untold number of slaves. I did not practice blood magic as a general rule and I didn't end up in the fade.... but...

_Oh creators... please say I didn't kill the halla._

“Wait.” Andruil jolted me from my thoughts. She held up her hand towards me, taking a cautious step forward. “Is that Fen'Harel?”

I blinked, looking over at the woman before looking where she motioned.

Off between two pillars, we could clearly see a ghostly image that seemed to be from dozens of different perspectives. The image shifted and tilted but it never flicked from the scene. It looked like Fen'Harel alright. He was kneeling next to the body of a halla. Dimly, I was aware that it was the halla I had been riding. It's horns were broken and it's fur looked slick with what I could only assume was blood.

My hand went to my side where it had been punctured by a halla's horns. Andruil glanced over at me but I wasn't paying attention to her. My eyes were glued on the image before us with a sudden horror creeping up into my gut.

He was screaming. Were those tears in his eyes?

“Andruil... we... we need to get back.” I choked out as I understood that look and that sound. He looked like someone who had just found the corpse of the person they loved.

“Yeah, we better hurry... this memory isn't new.” Her voice was a low whisper as she turned back to me.

“What? How can you tell.” I demanded as I looked up at her.

“There are others...” Her voice sounded distant, almost frightened.

I turned and glanced down the path of stone pillars. I could see them. Lining the way.

Fen'Harel in his armour speaking to other elves.

Fen'Harel walking through a field of the dead.

Fen'Harel standing over another armoured elf.

Fen'Harel challenging Elgar'nan to combat.

Fen'Harel.

Fen'Harel.

_Fen'Harel._

There were hundreds of them. Images from spirits all over Arlathan. It was all laid out before us.

“Oh.... creators...” I stammered before I took a step towards Andruil. “We need to get out of here. **Now!”**

Andruil needed no second warning as she took off at a run. I was a few steps behind her. Dread filling her as the images began to give way to worse and worse scenes. Andruil did not look and ran straight for an archway that seemed to appear out of the swirling colours around them. My steps were a little slower but there was not much distance between us.

I felt a slow creeping of power rising up around me and I felt my own magic answering back to it. Andruil stopped just at the archway, looking frightened and confused. I knew she could sense it as well.

Then, in a blast of light that came through the arch, I was struck down. I was knocked to my ass and I looked up at Andruil. She was on the ground too but was less affected by it then I was. She groaned as she jumped to her feet before she stared blankly behind me. I didn't look, instead I was focused on the shimmering I could see. It was like the haze that rose from the heat of a fire.

I got up and stretched my hand out but I knew without touching it. Despair rising up.

“It's too late...” I whispered.

Andruil blinked and turned to me. She put her hand up when she noticed the same strange sheen. A frown on her face as she touched it and found that it was solid. A nearly invisible wall between us.

“What... what is this?” She was frightened. One of the gods of the Dalish people, terrified of the unknown.

“This...” I wanted to tell her but I didn't bother. I just gave her a simple answer that I hoped would suffice. “Fen'Harel's magic.”

“His magic?” She responded before she got a determined look. “Then I will go find him and make him undo this.”

“Andruil...”

“Stay here, and don't go back into crossroads. You will be safe here.”

“Andruil.” I said again, more forcibly.

“I'll be back soon.”

“Andruil!” I shouted but she was gone through the arch.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I slid to my knees. My forehead pressed against the wall that was there as I started to cry.

I knew what this was. I knew what had happened. I did not need the images to tell me that.

This was the veil and I was trapped here in this place that was the fade but yet wasn't.

Fen'Harel would never come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might be delayed as I'm still working things out with it. 
> 
>  
> 
> And yes, the veil isn't something that they can normally touch but the place she is in isn't quite like the usual reality.   
> As usual, Sum'banal and Tu'Salhasis taken from FenXShiral's lexicon.  
> Sum'banal – Crossroads to the void  
> sum – across, along, over  
> anbanal – hell, the void, place of nothing  
> Tu'Salhasis – Enduring Madness  
> Tu - continuing, still, existence, existing, enduring  
> Salhasis - Insanity


	11. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trapped in a place beyond the waking world, Ethara learns things she wished she never had to know. Eventually, she has resigned herself to wandering until she dies but it seems fate has other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took about seven rewrites, including a change in direction. Oi.

I knelt against that physical manifestation of the veil for an unknown amount of time. I knew that Fen'Harel was not going to come and rescue me. That was not what happened in the stories. No, the stories only ever talked about his trickery of the gods, and how he brought mischief to the common elf. Things had played out exactly like the legends said.

Ash'ter, the first god to be tricked by Fen'Harel. Oh, the story certainly fit. I had been spirited away from Mythal's temple and never seen in Arlathan again. It would definitely look like Fen'Harel had spirited me away. At least to the elves like the servant woman Ailani.

And then there were all the others who would be cast out afterwards.

I cried until I couldn't cry any more. Maybe I slept. It didn't matter, there was no way to mark the passage of time.

Finally, I summoned the will to get to my feet. I was determined that I would not die in this place.

I was Ethara, I was the Inquisitor, and damned be the world if fate thought I was going to roll over and die in a place that wasn't of my choosing.

I started to walk. Travelling along the images. I stopped a few times to look over certain ones.

There were ones that showed of my time in Arlathan and others that held traces of the lives of other elves.

The worst one, however, was the one that had begun with him by the halla. I had no idea why I went back to it but I did.

I watched the way his shoulders hunched. The despair wracking his entire body. I reached for a moment, forgetting that this wasn't him or even a dream of him that I could touch. And then I saw it. Or rather, I saw her.

Shining like a spirit and standing tall. There was no mistaking the woman that stood there in the guise of a spirit. Her hair was pulled back by a crown, forming dragon like horns behind her. Armour graced her form but those eyes were intense, piercing.

It was Mythal but not the Mythal of ancient Arlathan. It was the woman I had met in the grove, Morrigan's mother. The person I had been bound to in the future.

He was begging her not to do something. She was telling him that we all had our parts to play.

Then I understood.

I screamed in anguish, dropping to my knees as I watched it unfold. I had already cried all my tears but this overwhelming grief rose up and left me feeling empty.

Everything always came back to Mythal.

She was only one who had the power. Who had the knowledge. My power reached out and I could feel the stone pillars crack from the press of it but I didn't care. I was beyond caring.

I was betrayed by the person who had acted as teacher and friend. It was worse knowing that she had done this to Fen'Harel who had often claimed her as his oldest friend, both in Arlathan and then in the future.

I stopped watching the memory then.

I just wandered _._

  


My steps eventually brought me to another set of memories that I had wanted. It took a while but it seemed like something had kept the spirits away from the event. Most of them anyway.

It was one of the only memories that did not shift and flick. I guessed it was because there wasn't as many spirits watching this one.

It was the day I fled from the Alinuris. I almost didn't want to watch it but something compelled me to do so. Something at the edge of my mind, almost like a whisper.

It played out just as I remembered. Ethyrne leading me away, panicked. Then it followed him which seemed a bit peculiar in itself. It was like his own personal spirit.

Ethyrne was pacing the halls just outside a particular room. One of the occupants came out and looked ashen faced. I could not make out the whispers but there was something going on. Something that made Ethyrne pale visibly.

My chest tightened as the only thought that came to mind was that the woman that was my mother did not survive the birthing process. Then came out another woman, carrying a tightly wrapped bundle. Ethyrne nodded and took that bundle from her. Through the room, I could see that red haired woman crying while the man was holding her close.

Confusion reigned as I tried to focus on what was in Ethyrne's arms but I could not even see that. All I could see was that his face looked like he was in a tremendous amount of pain. The vision seemed to follow him as he walked until he got to a solid wall. He held up his hand and uttered a word, his hand somehow becoming slashed and bleeding. He placed that hand on the wall and it swung inwards.

_Blood magic!_

I had a bad feeling about what was happening. I stared as he stepped into the new opening and then... the vision ended. Just like that, it was back to him and I sitting in that little library before he led me away from the temple.

I did not understand what was happening at all. Ethyrne used blood magic to open the door. They were all distraught about something. Yet there was no explanation found in the little memories.

I frowned and got to my feet to search out more of the memories of the Alinuris. Every other one I found up until the veil went up was the same. That normal flickering and shifting as if seen from a hundred different sets of eyes. There were ones of the people in Adahldur, and there were even ones of my parents holding a little bundle of joy that I was guessing was myself. I walked and watched every single vision. Drinking in the love that my parents clearly had for me. It was only after I had watched about a hundred or so that I came to a startling conclusion.

Ethyrne was missing from all of them.

From the moment he stepped inside that door carrying the baby me, there was no more visions of Ethyrne. It was like he simply vanished from the memories the spirits collected. Even as I retraced my steps and watched some memories for a second or third time. There was nothing to hint that something had befallen the old elf. It was just like the spirits stopped watching him.

_That made no bloody sense whatsoever._

I did not understand this and there were no answers to be found in the memories. The moment the veil went up, it was like nothing else came in. The last memory was always of Fen'Harel beginning the spell that would create the veil.

It seemed I was not to find the answer to the puzzle of me within the hall of memories.

  


I tried to find something in the memories. Maybe there would be answers there. That the spirits had managed to catch someone in the act that would bring me to the past or to the future or... whatever. I really was beginning to hate time magic.

I found a few things that could perhaps explain it. A gathering of elves here and there but the moment it all got to the point of them doing anything, it all seemed to vanish. It was like the spirits didn't even want to watch was happening or perhaps they were being chased away.

_Creators, that was even worse._

The only thing I saw that seemed of note was of the death of Mythal. I hadn't wanted to watch it but still. It was there and I watched.

They had her trussed up like a pretty sacrifice. They had used the magic that she had created, the band, to hold back her magic even as she was chained up by the wrists. I really did not want to watch her death but morbid curiosity kept me staring.

I watched as Dirthamen whispered something in Elgar'nan's ear which made his face twist in fury. He advanced on Mythal who whispered back at him. He shook his head angrily before his power arched out and seemed to latch onto her.

It was horrifying to watch as Mythal began to age before the eyes of the spirit. Sound was normally muted through these visions but there was no hiding that scream that ripped from Mythal's throat. It was one part pain, one part loss and one part terror.

I watched as the other Evanuris joined in. They all ringed around her and I recognized their faces. June. Dirthamen. Falon'din. Sylaise. Ghilan'nain. Elgar'nan. The only one who wasn't there was Andruil. Which made sense given that she was finding me in Sum'banal at that point. It seems she did not have a hand in the death of Mythal despite what Solas had said.

There were other faces behind them. And they too joined in on what I could only describe as 'soul sucking'. I didn't know any of their faces and they didn't seem to be getting as much of Mythal's power as the others were.

Finally it got to the point where there was hardly any energy radiating from Mythal. I watched with horror as she sagged against her bonds. Her face was drawn and withered, her hair had turned white and even her eyes seemed filmed over like she could no longer see.

Elgar'nan approached her and she lifted her head up towards him with whatever will still drove her on. I stared in horror as she looked up at him. She did not beg, she didn't plead for her life as he drew near. She merely said his name and then he was sliding a knife across her throat. They turned to leave and one of the unknown elves brought fire to life.

I watched as Mythal's body burned.

When the memory started to replay, I moved away from it. I did not want to watch it again. The first time was horrifying enough. I did not want to know what had made Elgar'nan look at Mythal so harshly and to twist up the love the man had felt for her.

It was terrifying to think of.

I wandered the memories then. Seeing bits and pieces of the past that belonged to the others. I tried to avoid the memories of Fen'Harel but it was hard. I saw everything unfold before my eyes. All the things he had done from the moment I arrived in Arlathan.

I saw the murals he painted.

The lady with the red hair and golden eyes.

The red halla and the black wolf.

I saw his face when he thought he had lost me to Andruil.

Everything was there.

I felt a sense of loss and regret like nothing I had never known. Solas had left me in my past but Fen'Harel had been more then willing. His heart had been bared to me and I'd rejected it over and over again.

Then came the memory of him and I in Adahldur. That dream where he had said I had been learning from him without realizing it and the distance that followed. I saw the memory with a clear head and I could see it was not him becoming distant. He was waiting. Every day he looked at me with a hopeful and almost expectant look. Like he was waiting for something.

I realized then that he had been waiting for me to finally tell him how I felt.

It was a terrible feeling knowing that he had wanted to hear it from me but I would never get the chance. If I was back there now, I would have told him everything. Every little piece of the future, every little thing that was coming. Everything.

But I had no power over time.

All I could do was wander in my grief.

  


I do not know how long I wandered the hall. Time had no meaning in this place. It could have been a few days, it could have been years. I had no idea. It simply was.

Then I felt them.

They were strange things. Like cracks in the air.

I did not feel what caused them but they were popping up everywhere I walked.

At first, I avoided them but then curiosity demanded that I get closer. I wandered to it and I could feel...

_Real._

Whatever was on the other side of that crack did not feel like the Hall but it did not feel like the cross roads either. It was calling to me like an old friend. A siren's song about what I would sense on the other side. The smell of grass, the press of a small breeze, the warmth of the sun and far more seemed to waft through that crack. It had been so long since I had even felt anything other then my self that it was almost frightening.

I had no reason to think I would survive it but I had no reason to think I wouldn't either. So, I found the closest one. A shimmering thing just off the pathway. I closed my eyes and took a breath before opening them.

I jumped.

I was surprised to find someone catching me on the other side. The eyes were soft with understanding and regret but there was no mistaking Mythal. She was in the guise of the human woman, Flemeth, the white hair and the armoured outfit. The same as I remembered from my meeting in the grove when she controlled me like a puppet on a string. I could not help but giggle like a mad woman as she looked down at me.

The surprise increased ten fold when it felt like my mind was snapping. My body arching in Mythal's arms as power rushed off me in a blast of pure magic that rushed upward into the heavens. It was like my body was suddenly rebelling at being on this side of the veil.

“Easy, child.” Mythal's voice was soft as I settled back down into her arms with a gasp of air. “We must be away from here, quickly.”

I did not question her even as I felt the stirring of things around us. My lips recoiled in horror as I realized we were surrounded by demons. The horror turned to anger as I reached out. My intention had been merely to knock them back but the energy that came from me pulverized them into nothing.

“That is one way to do it,” Mythal said with a chuckle. “You must not use your powers, you have been long in the realm of dreams.”

“Then... this is...”

“You have returned.”

She helped me to my feet and I felt unsteady. I took a glance around, my eyes sweeping around this little grove we were in. I knew it instinctively. I had come here once before. To seal the rift between the trees. My head whipped to the side and I saw it. Green and glowing. It was an angry thing on the world but I could see it differently now. I could see the pulses as the corners seemed to fade between this reality and the reality of dreaming but it was more then just seeing. It was like a raw wound on the fabric of the world.

I stumbled and Mythal caught me once more.

“Peace.” Mythal's voice was soothing in my ear. “I will explain when we are away from this place.”

I did not question her as I let her lead me away. I felt dizzy and almost sick. That strange feeling creeping along my scalp as I gradually became more aware. I remembered it from my brief time in Adahldur but it was far more present this time. A steady itching that I could not scratch. That sensation that told me my other self was here in this time.

“How... how long...?”

“You know the answer to that.” Mythal said.

“How long?” I asked again.

“This is... I'm not sure.” She said simply. “You are still here in this time. I do not know how long until you are taken from it. Time has almost caught up completely.”

I realized she would not know. Of course not. I had never told her exactly how long things had lasted. I never told her that I would face off against Corypheus with her aid. That Solas would leave to go on a quest to destroy the world. There was so much that I had kept from her. She was going by what she knew and what she could see in the world around her.

“Have I defeated...”

“No, not yet.”

“Then I won't be gone from Skyhold for at least another two years.” I lamented.

“Enough talk, we must go, now.”

She led me from the grove, even sliding my arm over her shoulders to help bear my weight. It was strange to think that I needed assistance walking when I had been wandering the hall without aid for... _Creators..._ all of history.

How was that even possible. I had not eaten since long before I went to Sum'banal but yet, here I was. Alive and well. Or mostly well as I was still having a little difficulty with the normal function of walking.

I had no idea where she was leading me but eventually, we found our way into a ruin deep within the forest. I did not remember this place but then, I assumed it was just somewhere I had never gone. She led the way to a small little chamber where she set me down against the wall.

“You will need to rest but you cannot be here long.”

“Why not?” I mumbled as I looked up at her with a small measure of mistrust. I remembered the vision I had seen, the one of her doing something to Fen'Harel to make him forget. I also remembered the vision of her dying but I was still trying hard to push that out of my mind.

“Your other self will be coming here.” She said simply as she moved to fetch some things. A jug of water, what looked like bread. “She has been quite thorough in closing the rifts across Thedas. This one will be no exception.”

“I remember.” I said dimly before taking the things she was now offering me. I had not realized that I was hungry but then, I guess I hadn't eaten in thousands of years. “Why are you helping me?”

She stopped and I could see the guilt flashing across those bright gold eyes.

“I wronged the both of you back then. You most of all.” Mythal turned away, refusing to look at me. “I had not realized where you had gone until after...”

“You could have reached out and used the bond.”

“I could not feel you through that.” Mythal said with a shake of her head. “One moment you were in terrible pain and the next, you were gone. He went to find you.”

“Oh...” I remembered then what Andruil had said. “I was... I somehow ended up in Sum'banal.”

Mythal whirled to look at me, her eyes wide. “Andruil brought you there?”

“No...” I muttered and looked down at the bread. “I do not know how I got there but... she thought that I had perhaps gotten there on my own.”

Mythal did not say anything for several minutes. It was hard to tell whether the silence was from the knowledge of me being in the crossroads or from the fact that I had actually spoken with Andruil there. I took that opportunity to eat the bread, hardly chewing through the bites. I had forgotten how good it could taste to eat bread. Creators, I felt starved.

“You must find a place outside of...”

“The flow of history,” I said between mouthfuls. “I know.”

There was a laugh from Mythal and it brightened my heart to hear it. I found that while I did not trust her, I was not angry with her. A little miserable over the way things had played out, perhaps, but not angry. She had suffered much over the ages and my anger was not something she needed. Or perhaps time had tempered the anger and loss I had felt after learning the truth.

“More then that. You must be wary when you dream. He must not find you.”

“He?... oh... Solas...” I fumbled a little. I tried to remember him from this time but it was Fen'Harel's face that came to me. The young Solas with that smile that had taken my breath away even as I rejected him. The longing to see him was still there and it rose at the mere thought of him. It had been too long since I saw him or heard his voice. The memories had only intensified the feeling and now guilt rose up despite the longing. “Would he be able to sense me...?”

“It is a possibility. I will do what I can to keep him from it.” Mythal's voice had a hint of concern.

“Mythal?” I asked, pushing myself to my feet.

“He is as you remember,” She said and I could hear the regret. “But he is now a danger to you.”

“What?” I asked, staring blankly at her. I could not picture the Fen'Harel of the past being a danger to me nor could I picture Solas. He had chosen the path for us, that he would leave and I would live in peace until he destroyed the world I knew.

Sort of ironic now, given that if he had chosen differently, I would never have ended up back in Mythal's temple.

“Fen'Harel will seek to undo what has been done, you know this.”

“I know.” I said with a nod.

“He will kill anyone to accomplish that goal.” Mythal's voice was pure caution. “Including you.”

I stumbled against the wall and stared at her. I did not think he would be capable of killing me if I stood against him, perhaps incapacitating me but never outright killing me. That was the one hope that had driven my decisions after he had confirmed the truth for me. A hope that we could one day put things aside and he could see me as something more then a woman to be left behind. Though now I knew for certain I could not allow him to bring the Evanuris back into the world.

“I don't think...”

“Child...” There was sympathy in her voice. “You are not as you once were. Being in Arlathan has changed you.”

“What do you mean... changed...?” It was better to focus on that then the thought of Solas killing me. I remembered what Fen'Harel had said. That I had grown in power. I could remember the way he said it. The longing and the pride.

“Can you not feel it, yourself?” Mythal said with a tilt of her head. “Your power is far more then what any Dalish elf or even Magister would have dreamed.”

I thought to the fact that I had apparently survived in the hall of memories without so much as a crumb of food to sustain myself. Then I recalled the demons and how easily I had killed them. Just a simple rising of rage and I had crushed them as if they were nothing. It was then that I realized it. I did not feel the compulsion to obey her. The connection was still there and strong but it was like I no longer felt the overwhelming sense of her. The realizing was startling.

“I'm no longer yours...” I stammered. “But I can still...”

“Yes.” She said with a nod. “You are powerful enough to resist my call if you wished but it is still there, binding you to me as it would a sentinel.”

“How.. how is that possible?” I stared at her.

“I am much diminished from what I was in Arlathan,” Mythal gave a half smile. “While your... unique predicament did not cause you to fade in power as much as others. You are not as powerful as you were in Arlathan but you are definitely far more then what you were when you were the Inquisitor.”

I did not think I was stronger then Mythal but still, it was a dizzying thought. I had been strong while I was the Inquisitor. One of the most powerful mages in all of Thedas. A woman that united a nation and yet, here I am. Stronger then even that. I wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not.

“That does not explain why he would try to kill me.”

“He will not remember you as Ethanara.” Mythal said simply. “And you would sense far different then the Ethara he does remember.”

“Oh...” I grimaced as there came the downside. There was always a downside to things.

“To him, you will be a power source.” Mythal's voice was a little sad. “I cannot undo what was done but I can warn you for what I know is coming. If he seeks you out, you must be prepared to defend yourself. He will seek that power like a moth to flame.”

I closed my eyes and thought of Solas, he had been my guide and my friend but I had forced the issue into something else. Even as his younger self had tried to force us into the same thing. Reality was terrible as it became clear, there were no happy endings. There would never be a Solas and I.

“What do you propose I do?” I asked with a sad sigh.

“Wait until you have felt yourself leave this time. Then return to the Inquisition. Lead them.” Mythal said with a self assured nod. “Make your choice about this world. Whether it is to survive or die at his hand.”

“You don't care either way?” I asked.

“No.” Mythal shook her head. “I am old, child. I sought only vengeance for what was done to me. What happens to me will happen. Your choice may be the deciding factor if this world will continue or if it will end.”

“That's reassuring.” Once more, things were piled on my shoulders.

“There is more then just the danger of Fen'Harel, Ethara.” Mythal said, a small sad smile as she used the name I had grown up with.

“Yes?” I said, feeling a little bit of a blush. I had never corrected them in the past when I had given the lie; it just simply never happened.

“Regardless of which you choose. You must unite those that can still fight”

“What are you talking about?”

“There is more danger in this world then what Corypheus sought to bring and even Fen'Harel. Corypheus was one of many but others were whispered to as well.”

I thought back to what I knew of history. Of the Magisters Sidereal who had gone into the fade and corrupted the Golden City. Corypheus had been proof enough for that event to have truly happened. I thought of the Archdemons that had led them to that action.

“The old gods became the archdemons of the Blights.” I responded.

“They too were whispered to.” Mythal's voice was sad and I could not puzzle out why.

“What are you saying?”

“You heard it within the crossroads, did you not?” Mythal asked, her eyebrow arching at me.

I remained silent for a moment. The Chantry spoke of how the Magisters were corrupted by the old gods to venture into the Golden City. I had apparently wandered the hall without realizing that had happened. I had missed all the great events of history. Yet, Mythal was dictating that it was not all completely the fault of the Old Gods. That it was in fact the thing that had whispered to me. Tu'Salhasis, the madness.

“Are you saying... that it corrupted them?” I asked. “Like it corrupted Andruil?”

“Yes.” Mythal's voice was flat and a little angry.

“What of their calling to the Magisters?”

“They could not access the fade themselves.” Mythal said, referring to the Old Gods. “Not in the manner that was needed. It sparked the idea.”

I grimaced as I started to pace. The bread and drink completely forgotten as I walked back and forth. Trying to put all this together. All of the bits and pieces beginning to fall together, and I could see a larger picture being made whole. This thing called to them as it had to me.

“Mythal...” I managed. “Did you see when my younger self arrived in this time as a baby?”

She did not speak nor did she look at me.

“Mythal?”

“I saw it.” Mythal's voice was low.

“What did you see?”

“I do not think it is wise for you to know.”

“Mythal. You're asking me to become the person that the world rests upon to face against an enemy that frightened even you and the Evanuris.” I straightened myself as I stared at her. “I deserve that much at least.”

“You appeared in a clearing. Alone.” She said but I could hear the 'but' in those words.

“Mythal.” I cautioned.

“A few years earlier...” Mythal continued. “There was a ritual done in that clearing. A blood ritual.”

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw as I thought about it. Blood magic was just like any other magic. It was not inherently evil but it was often used by those seeking a quick route to some goal they believed was worth it. Even worse were those who used the blood of the unwilling in their magic.

“Something interceded their magic, keeping it from fulfilling whatever the intention was.”

“Their intention was me.” I said it without ego or pride. Simple fact. Whatever had impeded my trip to the past must have interrupted my younger self's trip to the future. “They killed a halla, didn't they?”

“How did you know?”

“Just a guess.”

I did not explain that it was a halla that I had killed when I travelled to Sum'banal. I simply knew that it would be how it would go. Fate's sense of irony kept it from being anything else.

I also did not tell her what I had seen in the hall of memories. Of Ethyrne taking the infant me into a secret room to do Creator's knows what with.

“I was unfamiliar with the magic that interrupted theirs. They died in the process and I could not question them of their intentions.” Mythal was still speaking. “You arrived ten years later to the day.”

Ten years. Like I had spent ten years in Arlathan before my younger self had been born.

“Have you spoken with the Alinuris of this time?” I asked.

“No.” Mythal shook her head. “I do not know where their descendants have hidden themselves as their old homes are empty.” She said with a sigh. “They all disappeared after the veil went up.”

I guessed then that they were probably trapped beyond the veil like the rest of the would be gods. I doubted that they would have gone willingly but then, they seemed far more peaceful then the Evanuris.

“What of... Ethyrne?” I asked. I was hesitant to know the truth. If Mythal knew what happened to him, then perhaps I could fill in the blanks. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“I am afraid not.” Mythal shook his head before looking at me with a strange look. “You were related to him, then?”

“My grandfather.” I admitted.

“I had guessed you were one of the Alinuris but had never thought you were... no matter, it is in the past.” Yet the regret was still in her voice.

There was no point in dwelling on a past that neither of us could change so I simply sighed. “I suppose I should find somewhere away from the world then. For a few years.”

My eyes dropped to the crystalline hand and I grimaced. I had to ensure that it would not be seen if someone was to see me. No doubt the stories of the Inquisitor having a strange hand would be bad enough before my younger self actually lost the hand. Thinking of her brought another thought to my mind that I had to ask.

“Mythal... how did I not feel my presence?” I asked before wring up my face at how terrible that sounded. “I mean. I felt myself being born and that made me want to die. I still feel my other self now. How did I not feel it before?”

“Until recently, you were not on the same plane of existence.”

“And now?”

“The Anchor will keep her from sensing your presence.” She said with a small sigh. “It is an overwhelming thing. Both the power and the pain will hide you from her. That does not mean you should waltz into Skyhold as I'm certain that the close proximity would be enough to kill the two of you.”

“Good to know.” I managed.

“I have a few places you may hide from the world.” Mythal said before she moved to hand me a small roll of parchment.

“Mythal... there is one more thing...” I took it in my hand as I spoke.

“Yes, child?”

“There was... is a spirit. I knew it as friend.” I asked.

“I know.” That guilt was back in her face again.

I worked through that look, thinking back to the Falon of my childhood and the one who had encouraged me to join the Inquisition. That guilt on Mythal's face and the way she did not quite meet my gaze made it all very clear.

“You're Falon.”

“Yes.” The guilt had fled and was replaced once more by that self confidence. “I owed that to you at the least.”

I rubbed the back of my head as I thought about all the things I had shared with the spirit as I had been growing up. All the secret fears that a child had, all the secret thoughts of a teen, even my concerns when I had joined the Inquisition. I could not stop the blush that was creeping up my cheeks to the very tips of my ears.

“This is... kind of awkward.” I mumbled.

“I had wished to tell you long before now.” She said with a small sigh as she looked off into the trees. “But I knew I had to wait until you found your way back to the world. You had to go to Arlathan before I could.”

“You always believed that I would return to the waking world, didn't you?” I asked, eyebrow quirking.

“Yes. I had faith that you would be strong enough to find your way.” She glanced back and there was determination blazing in those eyes. “And if not, I was going to make a way for you even if I had to tear down the veil myself.”

“Were you the one who answered in the past as well?” I clearly meant the few times I had called out to Falon in the past.

Once more she was looking guilty. I felt a little irritated at the fact that she had clearly been lying to me back then as well. To pretend to be a friend that I desperately needed all while manipulating me for her own goals. I suppose I should have come up with a better name then Falon for my spirit guide as these actions hardly seemed friendly.

It was her advice that made me agree to go to the Conclave. That made me choose that fate for myself.

I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to say. Here was this mythical being who had become my teacher in the past and had been my guide as a child. It was a bit awe inspiring and a little bit frightening especially considering she'd had a hand in everything about my life short of my time travelling bits.

“Thank you.” I finally managed before I turned to go.

“It was always a pleasure.” Mythal said. “Until we meet again, child.”

I fled the grove and went deeper into the forest. Far away from the direction that led to Skyhold and far from Mythal. I would find a place where I could wait out what was happening in the world.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of hyper sped through the thousands of years she was actually imprisoned within the halls but didn't want to write a whole bunch of her watching the memories of spirits.
> 
> The memories all end at the point the veil goes up as the connection between the waking world and the hall has been broken.
> 
> She's surviving on the power of the fade like some elder elves used to do upon entering uthenera.


	12. Beyond History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara waits and feels history pass her by. An event rocks her to her very core and she now finds herself alone but it never lasts.

My new home was relatively peaceful. A small hut in a stand of trees. Nothing nearby to bother me. No villages, no people with prying eyes. It was so far removed from the world that I found myself slipping into a peaceful routine.

The hut was simple, a single room with four walls. A bed, a fireplace, and that was about it. Honestly, it was perfect for me. There I could rest or write or do what I felt like. I kept a small garden behind it for plants. Elfroot, some tubers, and edible flowering plants that would grow in the area. I even had a few fruit bearing trees.

It was not much but it was mine.

I had only stopped once on my way there, seeking to determine the date from an innkeeper. He had been quite sceptical of me, and I guessed he had recognized me as the fabled Herald of Andraste. I hurried from that village and into the wilds.

Here at my home, I kept track of the days. Time seemed to move so slowly here in the real world and I knew I had to find something to occupy my mind. I tried a little bit of everything over those days. Painting, carving, I even started singing again. The only constant was that I avoided the fade most nights, and only keeping to this area of it when I did dream. I avoided all others that strayed in my direction within the fade. All save for Mythal.

She did not visit me in the flesh but there were occasional visits in the fade. We talked, not as a student to a teacher or even as a servant to an Evanuris. We talked as two that were closer to equals and eventually we became friends. It was a strange thing, knowing this woman who was a god among my people and having her truly consider me a friend. She lamented the suffering that my younger self was going through but we both knew she had to stay her hand.

There was nothing she could do to change the fate laid out for me. My younger self would close the Breach, Fen'Harel would break her heart and then she would find herself back in the days of Arlathan. We rarely talked about the time travel magic, focusing instead on just simply being the two of us.

We did discuss ways of perhaps changing Solas' mind from the path he had chosen but most of it was conjecture. I could not risk being seen in the world. Word of an Inquisitor look alike would easily reach Leliana's ears and that would end poorly for me. She told me of where things were hidden, and where the temples of the other Evanuris lay hidden away. I memorized each one as I waited for the day when I could roam the world freely.

As time went on my nights became strange. There were dreams that I could easily feel myself falling into, ones of the few people who wandered this part of the wilds of the world. Mostly solitary people wandering on some pilgrimage or other. Each time, I hastily hid myself in the form of an animal and hastily fled their dreams. Perhaps it was loneliness that had my subconscious seeking them out but I sincerely did not want to be within the dream of another. Still, I did my best to keep myself hidden when I dreamed and never strayed in the direction of Skyhold. I knew Solas wandered the fade but I guessed that I was far enough away that he would not find me in my little sanctuary.

Other things, however, began to find me. As time progressed, I began to hear it. It took months but the noise went from a buzz to a hum. I woke myself up any time I began to hear it. It sounded too much like the voices in Sum'banal. Mythal had no answers for what it was and I never pried.

Instead, I kept track of the days until the day came when I would fight Corypheus. I climbed the hill behind my little hut and watched the stars that night. I saw the scar from the first opening of the Breach but then I saw what Corypheus did to lure my younger self to battle. I watched with a smile, knowing that the second Breach would be closed as quickly as the first.

There was a pang of loneliness as I watched the stars twinkling around that scar in the sky. My mind went to the friends that would be celebrating tonight, and the misery my younger self would feel at being left by the one person she thought she could trust the most. I tried to think of something other then that as it was still a sore topic for me.

Solas made his choice. Just as I had in the past.

I sighed and continued watching the stars.

I drifted off at some point but then I came awake with a start. A sense of vertigo over taking my body as I lurched up to my feet. It was a sickening sensation as I felt the bond to Mythal suddenly shatter into pieces. There was nothing I knew of that could cause such a thing short of the old goddesses' death.

_Mythal!_

The contents of my stomach came up unwillingly and I vomited in the grass even as the grief took hold. Mythal may have betrayed me but she had genuinely tried to make things right. In the end I considered a friend. A friend that was now gone.

I slumped back against the tree and could not stop the tears from coming. Not that I wished to.

I sat there as I cried out my grief into my hands.

Dimly, I felt the bond slowly reform but it was different. It was almost alien. Something had taken what was Mythal's and made it theirs. Even in my grief, I was aware of the danger. I felt it searching out, calling to the sentinels that still lived, pulling them to it.

I hissed between my tears as I slammed the connection shut as much as I could. I was still a thing belonging to Mythal but I would not allow someone else to control me. If Mythal was dead, I was determined I would be no one's creature but my own.

  
  


Time passes, as it always does. I continued to count the days.

  
  


I knew today as the day we would go to that silly Exalted Council. A few more days and it would be done.

Solas would tell me the truth and he would leave again.

  
  


Days began to bleed together as it was getting closer to the moment I had been taken through time.

I began packing up my few things when I heard the approach of footsteps. I tensed at the sound but I acted like it was nothing, like I did not hear the person approaching. One hand moving to pull a scarf up across my nose, hiding most of my features.

“Pardon me...” The voice suddenly drifted off but there was no mistaking the Fereldan accent.

I turned to look over my shoulder at the arrival. I did not recognize the man. An elf, perhaps of twenty years of age, a little older then me when I had gone to the Conclave so many years ago. He still bore the markings of the Dalish, the vallaslin of Mythal across his face. His eyes were not focused on my face but on my hand.

_Shit!_

I had forgotten about it, the crystalline hand. The Dalish had stories of someone like me, I remembered them as a cautionary tale from my Keeper. This would be problematic.

His big brown eyes were wide as they looked up at me in wonder and fear, with just a little bit of reverence mixed in. I knew that look, I had gotten it so many times when people had believed me to be the Herald of Andraste.

“Can I help you?” I asked as I pushed back a strand of red hair behind my ear like a nervous country girl would at seeing a stranger.

“You're... you're...” He stammered at me.

“Ethuwyn.” I said easily enough, the name slipping past my lips and sounding almost like a lie to me. “Are you alright? Are you lost? No one comes this far into the forest... You don't want my things do you?” I let myself ramble as if I was a hermit, being surprised by a new comer.

“No... you... your hand...” He pointed accusingly at me but that look remained. “Why did you not come to the people?” His voice had gone accusing.

“I'm not sure who you think I am.” I said, lying through my teeth. “My name is Ethuwyn.”

“No.” He said fiercely. “You are Ash'ter. The crystal goddess, first betrayed by Fen'Harel.”

I managed to laugh, like that was an absurd idea if I ever heard one. I knew the old story of Ash'ter but it was still hilarious given the inside knowledge that I had. “You have to be joking! If I was a goddess, do you think I would live here.” I motioned to my hut before motioning to my thread bare clothes. “Or that I would b dressed in this? I would live somewhere exotic! Like... on a mountain or in a castle.”

He frowned and I could see the doubt circling there. I guessed that he had been training as a Keeper's First, a Dalish from Ferelden but he had left to join with Fen'Harel. There was a bit of disappointment as I realized how easily it was for Solas to sway the elves to his banner. So many craved what we once were but none of them knew what was going to be the cost.

“But your hand...”

“Oh this...?” I said as I lifted it up, keeping my fingers completely still like they were unmovable. “It's something someone made for me a long time ago when they felt bad that I had lost my arm.”

“How did you lose your arm?”

“Wood cutting accident.” I blurted out without thinking. I blushed afterwards and turned away, pulling my cape over the arm. Let him think that this was a reaction from being embarrassed by the attention being pulled to it but it was more so I could keep my upper arm from getting cramped at holding my arm in such an awkward position. “I don't have much but I can offer you some food, if you want?”

He looked like he was still debating on it before he sighed and nodded. “That would be much appreciated.”

I went inside to fetch the remainder of my meal. It was nothing spectacular, a bit of rabbit and some vegetables but it was better then nothing. I returned to find him sitting near the door with a dejected look on his face. I said nothing until I handed him the small plate with the food on it, doing my best to keep the crystalline hand hidden and only using my flesh and blood hand.

“I'm sorry... the plate isn't well made, I'm not very good at carving.” I wrinkled my nose a little before I tilted my head. “What were you hoping to find out here, anyway?”

“Oh...” He said as he hungrily started to eat the rabbit. He had a mouthful before he glanced up at me. “You must have been here a long time if you hadn't heard.”

“Heard what?” I asked, letting confusion colour my face. “And I've been here for a few years, yeah.”

“The Dread Wolf has returned to us.” He took a breath around some food. There was a look of worship in his eyes even as he spoke the words. “He's calling together all the elves, he's going to bring back the Kingdom of the Elves.”

The utter devotion in the man's voice was a little disheartening but I paid it no mind. I knew that many of the elves had left the alienages and gone to be with Fen'Harel. Only the clans had remained apart but they were losing numbers to him as the days passed. All would flock to his call to begin a rebellion anew. This young former First was probably not going to be the last who left the Dalish.

“You shouldn't stay here, you should come back with me to his camp.” He said with a nod as that was obvious.

“Perhaps.” I said with a smile but I had no intention of going to Solas' camp. “I don't really leave here much.”

“Why would you hide so far from anywhere...?” He asked, casting a wary glance at me. It was suspicious that a lone woman would be living out in the middle of nowhere but there were hundreds of reasons why.

“I don't like cities much.” I said truthfully. “Why are you here?”

“Lord Fen'Harel sent me to scout the area.” His chest puffed up with pride as he said it. Clearly it was a big deal that he had been chosen for this little scouting mission despite the fact that a hunter would have been more suited to it.

“Why would you need to scout here?” I asked with surprise, managing not to let my concern show. “Other then my hut, there's nothing here but trees and plants.”

“He seems to think there might be a temple or something nearby.” The scout shrugged. “Something that belonged to Mythal. That's about all I know.”

_Something belonging to Mythal?_ The thought rose up within me and was quickly followed by anger. He had somehow sensed me, then. That had to be it. And now he was sending this poor child to determine what it was he was sensing. It seemed strange knowing that there were sentinels out there guarding other temples, bound to the duty they were charged with.

I knew I would have to leave and find somewhere new to hide for the final days. I had planned on leaving anyway but now it became clear that this had to be immediate.

“That's strange. The only thing here belonging to Mythal... well there isn't anything other then a carving of her.” I said with a small laugh. “But I don't think something I carved is going to help in the fight to bring back what we once were.”

The scout grinned at me as he finished his food and got to his feet. “Well... he can come check this place out for himself. He'll be coming here after I deliver my report.”

“Oh.”

I was trying to add up the time in my head when the scout grabbed my hand and peered up into my face with a hopeful look. I quickly looked away as he was clearly trying to guess what my face looked like behind the scarf.

“You should come back with me.” He was far too eager for that idea. “I know how to find the hidden eluvians that will take us there, we'll be there within a day. All the elves are there.”

“All the elves?” I said in astonishment and disbelief.

“Well... not all of them...” He admitted. “Some of them won't see that his way is right.”

“It's not right. She doesn't want to go with you.”

The voice was direct and came from just inside the open door of the hut. I nearly jumped in fright at hearing it but then there was the familiarity of it. I held my breath for a moment.

“Who are you?” The scout said as he was on his feet and glaring.

I turned and could see the wide brimmed hat and the downcast eyes. He looked a little more distant – almost faded – then I remembered but then he had returned to the fade as I recalled. I was surprised and happy to see him but I managed not to show it.

“I was... am... a friend.” The spirit said, tilting his head. “You can call me Cole.”

 

 


	13. Cole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara is reunited with one of her companions.

The elf was looking at Cole with clear distrust. His lips curling back in disgust as he glanced at me and dropped my hand like it was burning him. “A shem. You're here with a shem.”

“No, not a...” Cole started

“It's alright, Cole.” I said with a small smile before turning to the scout. I let my tone become almost scolding. “He is my friend. I would ask that you don't call him bad names. That's not very nice.”

The scout sneered at me and didn't wait around to talk. Running off as if we were going to chase him down and do terrible things to him. I could only imagine what report he would give to Solas when he saw him but I didn't quite care at that moment.

I turned and put my arms around the spirit and gave him a tight squeeze. There was a bit of give in the hug but I guessed it was because he wasn't fully all there. It seemed a part of him was still in the fade. He did not hug back but it was not like I expected him to.

“Creators, it's good to see you!” I said with a delighted laugh.

“You called yourself Ethuwyn...” Cole tilted his head. “Does that mean you know?”

“I know.” I said with a nod as I let go of him, suddenly curious as to how much Cole was aware of. “Most of everything.”

“Good. That was a hurt I could not reach.” Cole looked sad before he brightened again. I didn't pry to figure out what he meant by that. “You are here but you are there too.”

“For a few more days, yes.” I said with a nod, knowing that he was referring to both me and my younger self who was still here in this time.

“Are you going to go away?” Cole looked sad.

“No, not me.” I sighed before I walked into the hut and found a place to sit, knowing that he would follow.

“Good. I like you.” Cole said and perched on the edge of my bed with his knees up near his face. “You can see but you hurt.” He paused for a moment and I knew he was digging. “She's gone. Dead. Someone took her.”

“Mythal.” I answered simply enough as I looked over at him. Answering a question he didn't ask.

“You remember her now too.” He bobbed his head. “You were always easy to read but it was... different. She told me to leave but then there was two of you.”

I closed my eyes as it was clear. Cole had known that there were two of me since I stepped out of the rift and into Mythal's arms. He was enough of a spirit to know. It made me wonder if Solas was aware of it.

“He does not know.” He said with a shake of his head. “ He remembers but he doesn't remember. He only sees the Ethara that is now. Her mouth. Her skin.”

I shook my head. “I don't think you should get into that too much, Cole.”

“He does not remember the you that was.” Cole's face wrinkled up and he sounded a little distressed. “That hurts you.”

I hadn't even considered that but he was right. It did hurt a little given that I had spent more time dancing around Fen'Harel's affections then all the time I spent with Solas in the Inquisition. I still wasn't sure which was worse.

“It does but it's the past.”

“He can remember.”

I stared at him even as my breath caught in my throat.

“What?”

“He can remember.” Cole nodded to himself. “You can make him remember.”

“I don't think I can, Cole.” I said with a shake of my head before getting up to continue packing. “What was done to him was done by a being that was far more powerful then I am. And even if I could, I don't think it would change anything. He wishes to restore the elves.”

“Yes. Bring back the world that was.” Cole's voice went silent for a moment. “But he can't. You can't let him.”

I turned to look at him, surprised at what the spirit was saying. There had rarely been anger from him but now, I could actually feel it. A spirit of compassion turned to anger. There was something completely wrong about that.

“Cole?”

“We want to help. To be. To see. To feel.” He began to say everything quickly. “But they want it too. The bad things. He would let them out too. He can't. You must keep him from doing that.”

I grimaced as I heard the words. Even the spirits didn't want Solas to tear down the veil. That was not a good sign.

“Burn. The world will burn. Ashes. Nothing for any of us. Not spirit, not elf, not...”

“That's enough Cole.” I said sharply.

I didn't want to hear what the spirits thought would happen. I had a good idea already of that myself. A world of Tranquil was what Solas called this world which only meant that if he tore down the veil then everyone would be reconnected to the Fade. I knew what happened to mages when their connections were restored after Tranquility, they were almost half mad with no control over their emotions or powers. I could only guess what would happen with the entire world being thrust into that reality.

“Will you be Herald again?” Cole asked.

“I don't know.” I sighed. The people had worshipped me as the Herald of Andraste. Just another meaningless title given by people who had to cling to something to explain what was happening around them.

“You can be our Herald.” He sounded confident of that.

“Herald of the Spirits?” I asked with a small laugh. “I don't know how that would work.”

Cole went silent for a moment, and I let the silence hang as I rummaged about the clothing I had. I knew I needed a pair of gloves before I journeyed into the rest of the world. I could claim I had a fake limb created for me easily enough but people would be less inclined to believe it if they saw crystal that moved like living flesh.

“We don't want what he wants.” Cole's voice was sad and he shook his head. “We want to see the world as you do but we know. It can't be.”

“Is there a way to stop him?” I asked the question even though I did not think the spirit would be able to answer me. I had no idea what I could do to even solve that problem. Mythal and I had discussed it but even she had no ideas on stopping Fen'Harel from destroying the veil he had created. Not even love was enough to stop that, apparently.

“There is always a way to stop things.” Cole looked like he was thinking it over. “He thinks he has to. That there is no other way.”

“I know.” Cole was a friend but the tendency for spirits to speak in circles was a bit of a problem for me. I liked them but it took a great deal of patience to speak with them for long. “I need to find a way to keep him from tearing down the veil. Then... I can deal with the other problem.”

My mind went unbidden towards the thoughts of the humming I heard when I slept, which followed to what had happened in Sum'banal like a runaway halla.

“It is madness.” Cole's eyes got wide and he actually tilted his face up to look at me. “You were there. You heard it.”

“I heard it.” I said with a shiver. “I still do in some of my dreams.”

Cole gave me a sympathetic look but at least he did not volunteer to take the hurt away. It had taken a lot of convincing to keep him from doing that to people in the Inquisition and it seemed that had stuck.

“It twists things.” Cole whispered as he rested his hand on my shoulder. “Even spirits.”

I had a dizzying thought as I thought of the demons in the Fade. They had all been spirits once but they had been corrupted by the thoughts of mortals. Desire, despair, pride; strong emotions twisting the spirits into demons as they were pulled through the fade against their will. I wondered if there were spirits that had been corrupted by the thing in Sum'banal.

I didn't ask the question and Cole did not answer it.

“You must make him remember.” Cole said with a sudden conviction. “If he remembers, then maybe he won't tear down the veil. I can be me.”

“I don't think that will help.”

“It will.” Cole took my hands in his for a moment and I felt a strange sensation come over me. It was like an overwhelming feeling of love. Just that happy feeling of being with the one you felt you were destined to. “He loves you still. Beautiful and red, eyes of burning gold.”

I dropped Cole's hands quickly with a sigh. “That was never a problem, Cole."

“Not a problem. No. Love.” Cole frowned. “He doesn't want you with him. He's afraid. So many to die. It would destroy her.”

I sighed, knowing full well what he was referring to. I nodded my head at Cole.

“That's why he chose to walk alone, Cole.” I responded with a sad smile. “He knows what tearing down the veil will cost the world and he doesn't want to burden me with that.”

“All of them...” Cole paused and there was a genuine look of terror in his face. “You must stop him. It will destroy him too.”

I was about to respond when I felt that prickling on my skin, just beneath my scalp, and it became terrible for just a moment before it was just completely gone.

“Oh...” I breathed even as I slumped against the table I was leaning against. There was relief at the absence but it was still a frightening moment. I had lived with that for nearly three years and now it was gone. My younger self was on her way to Arlathan.

“Vhenan, no!” Cole's voice became pained. “Vhenan! Ethara!”

The words echoed in the little hut and I felt my heart lurch.

He stopped shouting and looked confused. “He calls in the fade. You are gone but you're here.”

It was a little much to expect a spirit to understand everything that was unfolding but it was still a little heart wrenching to hear Solas' words through Cole's mouth. I steeled myself against it as I remembered Mythal's warning.

“My other self is gone, time has caught up with itself.” I answered simply.

“Time?” Cole questioned. “Yes, time. They called her back so you can be here now.”

“What?” I asked, startled.

“What will you do now?” Cole asked, eyes questioning me and not answering my question.

“ I think it's time you and I went to Skyhold.” I got to my feet as I gathered a few little things.

“You are not going to him?” He sounded a little perplexed. “You could heal the hurt. You are here. You are not gone. Vhenan. His hands on the stones. She is gone.”

“No, I can't go to him.” I said weakly, my thoughts going back to the warning from Mythal.

“You think he will hurt you?” Cole sounded a little stunned. “Vhenan. Heart. Love. He would never.”

“Cole, it's not that simple.” I said with a sigh before Cole simply blinked and was gone.

I wasted little time, gathering up my things as I began the long trek back to Skyhold. I knew I would not arrive in time to stall rumours of my disappearance but it was better then never arriving at all.

 


	14. Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara begins to travel back to Skyhold but changes her mind and searches for the Alinuris.

I had begun my trip back to Skyhold while I tried to think over everything that had happened. I would have to decide what I was going to do from this point on as this was new territory. I've had years to think of my planning but I really could not remember much from this era of time.

I remembered my friends, and I remembered the Inquisition, but the little details had been forgotten as time marched on. The names of my agents, of the allies I had made, even some of the little choices I had made on side missions were things I had forgotten.

It was, however, surprising when I found myself in a familiar forest. I remembered it, not from the past as the Inquisitor but from the days of Arlathan. It was a bit disconcerting to think that the place had remained the same since then but one grove was what drew me.

At the centre of the grove, there was a dead spot. The earth had been scorched bare by magic and nothing had grown. The trees nearby seemed to be almost stunted. Their trunks gnarled and twisted by the touch of magic. I knew this place as the location where I had left Fen'Harel's halla.

Even after all these years, I still did not want to admit I killed the thing.

The veil was thin here and I could almost feel the spirits on the other side. They crowded on the other side and it was almost oppressive but they did not try to cross over. I knew there were some that were powerful enough to venture into the waking world but it seemed that none of the ones that were there were capable of doing so.

“They remember.” Cole's voice was soft and nearby.

“Hello Cole.” I said with a small smile before looking over at him. He was less solid today but I guessed I would sense him even if he was invisible. My senses were far more enhanced then they had been when I left to Arlathan and I could actually feel him standing next to me.

“You were here.” His voice was almost questioning.

“Yes, a very long time ago.”

“There was pain.” He frowned as he moved closer, his hand hovering just over my chest. “You died.”

“No, Cole, I didn't die.” I said with a shake of my head.

“So much pain...” He seemed to think for a moment before he looked at me bright eyed. “Why are you here?”

“This place...” I said as I glanced around. “I came here when I fled the Alinuris. It is also where Mythal...”

“Where Mythal made it broken.” Cole's voice was sad.

“Yes, where Mythal broke things.” I said with a sigh before coming across an idea. “Cole, do you know where the Alinuris are?”

I hoped that he would give me an answer. If nothing else, it would distract him away from peering into my mind to learn about things that had happened years ago.

“The Alinuris?” His voice was confused but then he continued in an almost cheery tone. “No, I do not. Adahldur, tree beneath the stone. Empty but not. They fled.”

“Adahldur?” I was instantly hopeful on that topic at least. I understood what he had said, that he had no idea where the Alinuris were but there was the possibility he could lead me to where I would find that information. “Can you show me the way to Adahldur?”

“Yes.” His head tilted.

“Which way?”

He turned and glanced in a direction off to the east. I took that as a good choice as any. I started walking and I knew he was following.

“Ethyrne, Wynthren. Where did they go?” Cole's voice echoed behind me. “Gone away. Always away.”

“Cole... can you do me a favour?” I asked, keeping my mind calm. I had the idea to send him to the Inquisition, to Josephine to tell them that I was alright and just finding out more information.

“Yes. You were friend. I would like to help but she won't see me.” Cole's voice was wistful.

“Varric then?” I provided. “Can you tell Varric where I'm going and that I'm alright?”

“Varric. Yes. I'm real to Varric.” Cole paused for a moment. “I can tell him too. He would come.”

“No, Cole. Tell only Varric.” I grit my teeth as I walked. I did not want him to tell Solas where I was or what I was doing.

“I will come back.” Cole said and then was gone.

I continued to walk in the general direction that Cole had showed me. I stopped just before the sun set, and found a place to set up camp. I set up my camp as basic as I could. Using little magic save to start a small fire. I had no intention of sleeping but I knew I could not continue during the night.

I drifted off sometime during the middle of the night.

  
  


_My dream was calm. An almost shapeless kind of void. I was content in that even as I rested. Slowly, it began to change. It went from that grey amorphous swirling shapes and began to take the form of a small grove._

_I knew the place as one that had existed outside of Haven. One where I had stolen moments of peace in the early days of the Inquisition. There were plants, and trees. Both familiar and beloved. Yet I kept myself apart from the blossoming dream._

_I could feel the presence and I knew who was creating this before me._

_I could flee, let the dream return to nothing but I knew if I did that then he would know where I was. Right now, I was safe. I was not within the dream but sort of out of it. An out of body experience within my own dreamscape as it were._

_I watched as the wolf padded into the dream. His fur was jet black and his eyes were blood red. There were too many eyes._

_Shadows seemed to follow as he walked. Swirling around him as he sat in the very centre of the dream grove. The head tilting about._

_I knew he was waiting for me to appear but I was not going to give him that satisfaction. I would remain in hiding all night until he woke if I had to._

“ _Ethara....”_

_The voice was soft but it was his voice. His voice that was beckoning to me to reveal myself. I could hear the pain and I knew I was the cause of it, the disappearance of my younger self and my refusal to reveal myself now. It felt like I should go to him. To appear. I struggled with myself as I tried to reject the compulsion. I may have begun to learn to be a dreamer but I was no match for someone who had thousands of years of practice._

_Just as I was about to give in, there was a blue flash and a figure appeared next to the Solas-Wolf. Cole, apparently, had not taken kindly to this._

“ _She does not wish to see you.” He chastised the wolf._

“ _Cole?” The Solas-Wolf sounded surprised. “You know where she is.”_

“ _Yes.” Cole answered._

“ _Then tell me.” The wolf shifted and became Solas as I remembered him last. The armour with the wolf fur down his chest. He stood regally, even his eyes glowing in the dream as he regarded the spirit of compassion._

“ _No.” Cole answered. “She does not wish to see you.”_

“ _Why?” Solas asked._

_It was then that I had another revelation. Solas could not find me. He had created this dream to try and lure my presence to him. Yet it had failed._

“ _She hurts.”_

“ _If she is hurt, you must tell me where she is.” There was pain again in Solas' voice but there was also a sense of urgency._

“ _She said it is not so simple.” Cole answered._

“ _Cole.”_

“ _No.”_

_I was immensely grateful as I watched this unfold. Solas, friend of the spirits within the fade was having a spirit reject his request because that spirit was obeying my request. Cole clearly thought I was more deserving of compassion in this situation then Solas was._

“ _Cole, I need to find her.” Solas said simply. “I thought she was dead.”_

“ _She is not dead.” Cole answered. “I will speak with her for you.”_

_I managed not to let my emotions reveal myself as I heard Cole speak. Apparently, he also felt Solas deserved some compassion in this situation._

“ _Thank you.” Solas seemed a little relieved. “I can ask no more then that of you.”_

“ _No, you cannot.” Cole responded. “She asked first. Afraid. Mythal warned her.”_

“ _Mythal?” Solas seemed to be taken aback a little. “What did Mythal warn her about?”_

“ _You.” Cole said and then he faded away._

_Solas did not seem pleased with that answer but he seemed to take Cole's earlier word to heart. He closed his eyes for a moment and then spoke._

“ _I know you're out there.” He said. “I do not know why you hide from me, vhenan, but I will find you to ensure you are safe.”_

_And then he was gone and I was left with the grey landscape of my dreams._

  
  


I was never more grateful for the feel of the sun on my cheeks to rouse me. I looked up and saw that the sun was not that far into the sky but I had lost some daylight from my slumber. I guessed it had to do with being drawn into the dream that wasn't mine.

Wearily, I got to my feet and packed up all my things from camp before I began on my way again. I walked on my own for several hours before I felt Cole return.

“Thank you, Cole.” I said in greeting.

“You did not want him to find you.” Cole said as he walked next to me. “You are a friend. I could not let him find you. It hurt him. But it would hurt you more.”

“It would.” I nodded.

“Why do you fear him?” Cole asked. “He would never hurt you. You are his.”

“I was, once.” I said in response. “I'm not what I was when he and I last parted ways.”

“No... you're not.” Cole's voice seemed to wrinkle. “You can see the edges now.”

“Yes.” I said with a sigh as we walked.

“You couldn't before.” He sounded almost curious. “Is it because you were then and are now?”

“I think so.” I nodded. “Mythal said it changed me.”

“It did.” Cole responded but elaborated no further and I had no desire to really push to find out what the spirit would say in regards to how changed I had been by Arlathan.

We walked for another hour with the two of us being silent. The trees had long become unfamiliar but I knew we were heading in the right direction.

“Yes. This is the way to the tree beneath.”

“Thanks, Cole.” I said with a chuckle.

We were getting close as I could see the edge of the mountains just up ahead. A small smile crossing my lips as I saw it.

“You are happy.” Cole was confused again. “But they are all gone.”

“I may be able to find out what happened to them.”

“Does it matter? You are here.”

“It matters, Cole.” I said as I neared the cliff face.

Cole seemed to shiver. “Things happened here.”

I nodded to him before speaking. “I know. You don't have to come with me in here, Cole.”

He frowned before he nodded and let himself slip away to nothing.

The cliff was mostly as I remembered. The years had affected the place, much as it had the rest of the world. A change in plants, some erosion and that was fairly much it. The entrance was sealed as far as I could see.

I sighed as I ran my hands against it before I decided to try a silly idea. I remembered what Fen'Harel had shouted and so I went with that.

“I've come seeking the aid of Ethyrne.”

Voicing the old man's name brought a pang of sadness. He had accepted me for me despite knowing that I had no recollection of him as my grandfather. I longed to know what happened to him and the others. That included my mother as the fates of the Alinuris had not been recorded in the hall of memories.

Silence greeted my ears and I sighed. It had been a long shot but at least I could say I tried.

I stepped along beside the cliff, running my hand over the stone as I walked. I had gone no more then three steps when I heard the crunch of stone being moved.

_Holy shit, it worked._

I turned back to the now open doorway and grimaced at the darkness within. I had been in terrible pain both times I had been there before but I didn't quite remember it being that dark. Still, the darkness did not frighten me, I just hoped there was nothing lurking in the dark.

I raised my hand and summoned a spark of veil fire before taking a deep breath and stepping into the cavern. It was dark but it was dry.

I walked, but the stone did not slide in place behind me. Seeming to be completely open now from my arrival. I was glad for that as it would be difficult to make my way back out through solid stone.

There was no light up ahead. Nothing like I remembered to shine onto the small homes I expected.

What I found was quite different then my memories.

The village beneath the mountain was reduced to little more then dead ground. Gone were the trees that had thrived. Only the foundations remained of most of the houses, a few walls here and there, but the village itself was a ruin. Up ahead, I could see the strange temple like stone building rising above all of it but it too looked like it had seen better days. I could see, even in the dark, that some of it was nearly caving in on itself.

I doubt anyone had been here in centuries if not since the fall of Arlathan.

I walked and found myself in front of the little house I had lived in while I was briefly with the Alinuris. There was nothing remaining of it. Not even a door frame. Just some stones where the walls used to be. It was utterly destroyed.

I had no idea what I had been expecting. Something more, perhaps.

I continued on, heading for that temple complex. A disquiet was building within me as I walked and it was hard to dispel that feeling. There was only the sound of my footsteps in the dark. Not an animal noise to be heard. Not even small insects that should have thrived in a place like this.

I got a good view of the temple as I neared. A lot of the eastern part of it had collapsed and I could see the clear signs of scorch marks. I grimaced as I looked at it, the clear signs of battle magic. It was old and of little concern at the moment.

I did not wait there and continued into the temple proper, avoiding the parts that had collapsed in on itself. I followed the memory of the place as best as I could, heading for the rooms I remembered from the hall of memories.

It wasn't long before I realized I was utterly lost.

This place had unnerved me to the point that I no longer remembered what hallway I had taken in. Taking a deep breath and remembering back to the puzzles I had done in the past, I decided to take the easiest route. I would take only lefts. That was sure to lead me out.

I took every left before I hit a dead end. I closed my eyes with a sigh and rested my head against the stone wall. It was cool and it helped to calm the rapid beating of my heart.

I was determined not to let fear take me that easily.

“So this is where you get yourself when you're not dealing with the Inquisition.” The gruff voice made me spin.

I stared at him but there was no mistaking the form. He was large and grey in colour, a pair of horns gracing his forehead and an eye patch covered his left eye. He wore a big smile as he moved over and lifted me into the air in a tight hug. Behind him, I could make out Krem and Dalish.

“Bull!” I practically cheered at the sight of him and returned the hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Varric found out you were in the area, Varric told Dorian, Dorian told me, and here we are. Also, we have horses.” The Iron Bull said as he sat me down onto my feet. “Course, we hadn't expected to find you so quickly but then we heard you shouting and found a cliff face that had suddenly gained a hole. How'd you do that by the way?”

“Just something I read about.” I lied to him but I had not exactly explained what had happened to me.

“You read about ancient ruins and didn't ask any one along?” He was sceptical.

“Well, a girl has got to spend some time by herself, you know.” I said with a chuckle.

I could not believe the joy I felt at seeing my old friend again. For him, it had probably only been a few months but for me it was far longer. I found myself giving him another hug.

“Are you alright, boss?” He asked, his eyebrow quirking.

“Totally fine. Just glad to see you, that's all.”

“Alright then.” He didn't believe me but he seemed happy to leave it at that but I knew he'd ask later. “Well, lead the way.”

I nodded and took one of the offered torches and continued to walk into the dark. I felt a bit relieved that they were there and the true light made everything seem far nicer then the eerie glow of the veil fire.

“So where exactly is this, anyway?” Bull asked as we walked.

“Adahldur.” I responded. “Home of ancient elvhen mages.”

“Mages?” I could hear the frown on Bull's face as he spoke. “You sure we should be spelunking in here?”

“Yeah, it should be safe.” I assumed it was as I hadn't felt any magic since I had wandered in. “There might be something where we're going but I think we can handle it.”

I flashed him a grin over my shoulder and he shook his head at me.

“I'd feel a lot better if we had more people with us.” Bull said with a small roll of his shoulders.

“Hey, Chief.” Krem said, almost a little insulted. “I think the four of us can handle this.”

“Besides, I'm just looking for records.” I said with a laugh. “I don't think you're afraid of some old books are you?”

Bull made a huffing noise before he glanced back at Krem and Dalish. He jerked his head and the two of them went back the way they came. Bull, on the other hand, moved to grab me by the wrist.

The wrist that was made of crystal but thankfully, the glove hid the magical construct. I focused hard on making sure I kept my fingers as still as possible.

“Alright, Boss, spill it.”

“What?” I asked with a surprised look as he held me there from going further.

“You tell Leliana you were going on vacation but no one hears from you for over two weeks. First time someone does, it's Varric who gets told by Cole.” His one good eye was fixed on me with a rather hard look. “Cole who supposedly went back into the fade after we dealt with the Dragon's Breath.”

I didn't say anything, I just stood there and let him finish what he was saying.

“Then, when I see you next. You've got a new hand and your hair has grown by at least two feet.”

_Shit._

I'd forgotten about my hair. It was done up in a braid but Bull was clever enough to take an educated guess about the length. I knew I should have cut it before I left my little hiding place but then, the old habit of Fen'Harel liking longer hair had urged me to keep it.

“Three feet.” I said with an almost defeated sigh.

“Whatever, it doesn't matter.” Bull's voice was almost angry. “You're not even supposed to be in this part of Thedas.”

“Well... no.”

“Where is the communication crystal Dorian gave you?”

I blinked at that. Only now did I remember the thing that was safely stored in my pack somewhere closer to Skyhold. That little grove I'd been in before I had been pulled back through time. I had completely forgotten about it.

“I lost it.”

“You lost it?” Bull's voice went to angry at that point.

“Bull... you wouldn't believe me if I told you.”

“Like hell I wouldn't.” Bull said with a glare.

I thought about it for a moment and realized I had no reason not to tell Bull. There was only one thing I needed from him before I would tell him anything.

“Swear you won't tell Dorian?”

“Boss...”

“Swear it.”

“I won't tell Dorian.”

“I somehow got sucked back in time by a couple of thousand years. I ended up in the same age as the Evanuris. That's where I got the new hand. What's been two weeks for everyone else has been a shit ton of years for me.”

Bull's eye looked like it was going to pop out of it's socket.

“I was literally stuck behind the veil until about... uh... three years ago?” I was sticking with three years as the time line, as I simply didn't have the dates. “I popped out of a rift and then had to go into hiding until I disappeared in the correct time.”

He let go of my hand but was now staring at me with a rather terrified look. Like he wasn't quite sure I was a real thing. I could admit that the story was a bit far fetched but Bull had seen some strange things with me over the course of the Inquisition.

“Oh for...” I sighed. “You were originally an agent for the Qunari. They offered us a deal that would have had the Chargers killed. You chose them over the Qun. You followed me for several years as we sealed the Breach. You shouted taarsidath-an halsaam while we were fighting a dragon and you explained to me what it was afterwards while we got drunk. Dorian Pavus is your kadan, you are his amatus. You were beyond upset when he left you behind during the Exalted Council and went back to Tevinter so now the two of you see each other every time you swing by the edge of Tevinter... Should I continue?”

“No... that's enough.” Bull looked completely freaked out or at least what passed for that when it came to him.

“That's why I wasn't going to bring it up.” I said with a sigh. “Or at least, I was hoping to do it with everyone together so I don't have to repeat it frequently.”

“So... you went into the past... and got a new hand...?” He was trying hard to focus on that instead of the whole being stuck in the era of the ancient elves.

“Yep, it's pretty nifty.” I said with a small smile as I lifted it up to poke him in the chest. I breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't recoil away from the touch in horror. “I can feel with it too. Not as well as my flesh hand but hey, it beats not having a second hand.”

“Still freaky.” Bull said with a grumble.

“I think it's nice.” Cole said as he appeared out of nowhere.

Bull jumped before rubbing the back of his neck. “Jeez, kid... that's a good way to give me a heart attack.”

“Sorry, The Iron Bull.” Cole said, looking apologetic.

“Cole, what are you doing here?” I asked. “I thought you did not want to be here?”

“You will need friends.” Cole nodded. “So I came.”

“What do you mean by that?” Bull asked.

Cole looked down the hallway. “Bad things. Ancient thing. It's still here.”

“What's still here?” I asked, suddenly feeling a lump in my throat.

“It's sad. It wants to go but it wants...” Cole's face contorted. “It's been waiting.”

“Then we should get to it.” Bull said with a nod although he did not looked pleased with that little revelation from the spirit.

I nodded in agreement and we started walking, the three of us moving along with the light from Bull's torch. I didn't need it to see but the light was comforting and helped illuminate things that I would not otherwise see.

“Cole...” I said quickly. “You didn't tell him I needed friends too, did you?”

“No.” Cole shook his head. “You said no. Should I go tell him? Would it help the hurt?”

“No, no that's fine.”

“Him?” Bull quirked an eyebrow in my direction.

“Solas.” I said. The single name was enough to end the conversation right then and there.

It was odd being here in the temple where my family had apparently worked. Especially now that I was wandering through it thousands of years later with the ones who had become my friends and, in some way, family. I mused over it as we went as Bull certainly seemed to have little interest in conversation as I dropped the bombshell on him.

We came to the door that I knew would lead to that balcony area where Ethyrne had me look down on the dining area but Cole put his hand on my shoulder.

“Not that way.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“It's that way.” He pointed down the hallway. “His secret place. It's there.”

I couldn't suppress the shiver that ran down my spine before I nodded. I turned and started to walk in the direction. It was like that memory came back to me, and I figured that Cole was helping it along.

“His secret place?” Bull questioned.

“Ethyrne, her gra...”

“Cole!” I barked sharply.

Bull stopped dead in his tracks and grabbed my arm again.

“Alright. It seems you've forgotten what the word everything means.” He set his feet stubbornly into the floor and refused to move.

“My grandfather.” I finished what Cole had started to say. “Apparently, the little shindig in Redcliffe wasn't my first time travelling through time.”

“Your grandfather?” Bull seemed to be having difficult with the idea. “Boss, this place is hundreds of years old...”

“Yeah, that's the rub.” I said awkwardly. “Apparently I was born in the past, taken to the future and then sent back into the past.”

Bull didn't say anything but Cole decided to answer for him. “It's crazy. Wrong.”

Bull stared over at him with a half sigh.

“It's okay, Bull.” I said with a small smile. “If I hadn't lived through it I wouldn't believe it either.”

He didn't say anything.

“You can head back to where the Chargers are waiting if you don't want to come through here with me.”

“No.” He struggled for a moment before shaking his head. “I'm not gonna desert you here, Boss. But after this. I want the full story, not just the quick version of it.”

“Deal.” I was a little bit relieved.

He let go of my hand and we continued to walk. Eventually we ended up at a dead end and I remembered it from the vision. I looked at the wall and swallowed.

“Bull, do you have a knife?”

“No.” Bull was staring at me. “Why do you want a knife?”

“I have one.” Cole said as he handed over a small knife.

“Hoping that this isn't blood magic.” I said as I drew the knife across my hand.

“Boss!” Bull said as the blood spurted out.

I grimaced at the pain before giving him a sheepish look. “Well, here goes nothing.” I pressed my hand on the wall but nothing happened.

“Not that one.” Cole said before he moved my hand from that stone to one that was just over to the left.

“How do you know that?” I asked, staring at him accusingly as I felt the stones began to collapse in beneath my hand.

“It knows. It remembers.”

“Well, that's not creepy or anything.” Bull grumbled before glancing over at me. “You sure about this, Boss?”

“As much as I'll ever be.” I said with a sigh before I looked at the door. I couldn't make out much inside the room as it was like a supernatural darkness seemed to cling to it. I took a deep breath and walked in. “If either one of you says this smells like death, I swear...”

I left the threat hanging as I walked into the middle of the room. There was a door off to the right but otherwise, this place just seemed to be dark. Abnormally dark. I swallowed against the little bit of fear that rose up but then I walked forward. I pushed open the other door and gasped.

Within, I could see the decrepit corpses of several men. They looked like they had been dried out but that made no sense. I could sense the presence of magic but it was old, like it had been cast years ago. It felt about as long ago as the magic out on the stones.

I froze at the sound of the something moving. I looked up at the ceiling and gave a small shriek as I stumbled back into Bull.

Hanging from the ceiling was pure nightmare fuel. It had a bunch of extra appendages that were almost spider-like but it was the form of the centre that got me. Distorted and grotesque, it was the form of a man. It was hard to make out most of what had been human but the face was clear.

“Ah... Ethuwyn...”

The face was Ethyrne's.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taken from actual dialogue in Dragon Age: Inquisition.  
> aarsidath-an halsaam - closest translation is "I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect"


	15. Creatures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara, Bull and Cole come face to face with the monstrosity that was once Ethyrne.

In that moment, I stood staring at the thing that was before me. Bull, however, was far quicker on his feet and yanked me backwards from the doorway.

I gasped as I fell to my ass, looking up to see that Bull had interposed himself between me and the Ethyrne creature that hissed and advanced at a frightening speed. Bull had already pulled his giant maul from his back and seemed ready to fight.

“Stop!” I managed to shout which had the Ethyrne-creature skidding to a stop just out of swinging distance.

Bull looked like he was about to charge but he seemed to take that stop as well and did not run in to fight the monster. It was clear that he was not far off from the idea however. His voice was a little strained. “Boss?”

“It's okay, Bull...” Even though I wasn't completely sure of that.

“It's been waiting.” Cole said as he helped me to my feet. “Waiting. Remembering.”

“Thank you, Cole.” I said as I took a breath and looked up at the creature that had once been Ethyrne. “Are you Ethyrne?”

“Once. Long ago.” It said, the head tilting in a way that was only possible if someone lacked a proper spine. “Now... we're something else.”

“Why?” I asked even as I felt a pain stabbing into my heart. I had no idea why the wise and kind Ethyrne would choose to become this thing before us.

“There were.... complications.” It's voice was somewhere between the tone of voice that had been Ethyrne's before switching back to that almost hissing noise. “He chose.”

“What did Ethyrne choose?”

“What else?” It asked, with a laugh. “An old man's life for the life of a baby.”

My mouth went dry. I remembered the scene that had played out before me when I had been in the hall of memories. The distraught faces and Ethyrne with the tiny bundle. He had traded his life for me and become this thing before us.

 _You died._ Cole had said.

“Why?” I struggled with the knowledge.

“Why?” It almost seemed to laugh at the question. “He knew you lived as he spoke with you. Older but living. He was the only one strong enough to bind me here but we knew you would come.”

It wasted no more time on talk as it rushed Bull. He managed to get a swing in before one large limb struck him in the mid section. There was a hiss from the creature as the maul landed but Bull was already sailing through the air.

There was nothing between me and it as Cole had disappeared. I pulled magic to myself to fire a blast of fire at the thing but it seemed to guess I would defend myself, one of it's limbs coming up to take the brunt of the damage. There was a shrieking hiss of pain but it did not hesitate, another limb came from behind the other and striking at me.

I felt something sharp drive into my shoulder and my vision seemed to swim before things seemed to go grey.

  
  


“ _Ethuwyn!”_

_I found myself in the grips of Ethyrne, his hands on my shoulders. His voice was urgent and there was genuine worry in his eyes._

“ _Ethyrne?” I stammered in surprise. I couldn't quite focus on anything other then his face but I knew there was things just beyond, I just couldn't figure out what they were. “But... you... the thing?”_

“ _Yes,” He said but his voice remained that urgent tone. “That is my punishment, and you must kill it. Do not let it leave Adahldur.”_

“ _Kill the giant monster...” I nodded but I felt a sense of loss. “You'll die.”_

“ _Child, I should have died thousands of years ago.” His voice was soft for a moment._

“ _Why would you do this?”_

“ _You had to live, Ethuwyn.” His voice was sad. “I bargained with things on the other side to return life to you.”_

“ _Ethyrne...” I stammered. “You should have let me die. You could have saved the Alinuris instead.”_

“ _If I had not met you, then perhaps I would have but you must know. I saw you and I knew. I could not allow my daughter or her husband take this on as I knew they would.” His voice was almost sad. “It had to be one of us. Tied by blood.”_

“ _Tied by blood?”_

“ _I do not have the time to explain.” He said, his hands getting tighter on my shoulders. “Fen'Harel can explain.”_

_I did not answer that statement with everything that was going on. Mythal had already warned me from seeing Solas and now Ethyrne was telling me I had to go to him._

“ _Ethyrne...” I shook my head. “I don't understand.”_

“ _I know, and I'm sorry.” His voice was wracked with grief. “You must speak with Fen'Harel. Tu'Salhasis and tied by blood. Tell him of my fate, that I summoned it into this realm before he erected the veil. He will understand.”_

“ _Summoned it?” I stared blankly at him. “Summoned what?”_

“ _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”_

_The grip on my shoulders became almost painfully tight before he was suddenly throwing me backwards away from him. Pain still remained in one shoulder as I flew into the grey space around him._

  
  


I felt myself hit the floor. My body sliding across the floor to smash into the wall. The thing was screeching and I could see Cole on it's back with a pair of daggers driven into the thing's side. Bull was once more on his feet and swinging that massive war hammer of his.

There was pain and I wasn't really sure of the source. I was fairly certain that something was broken and I definitely knew my shoulder was bleeding. I was dimly aware that my shoulder felt _wrong_ but I knew I couldn't hesitate. I climbed to my feet as I pulled my power to me. The last time I had done something like this, it had been instinctive reaction to the demons but now I was completely aware and I could feel the difference. The veil was there, like a block between me and the true Fade but it was like it had thinned. I could feel so much more.

Magic erupted around me as I molded it into fire. The heat travelled along my skin as I focused on the creature.

“Bull!” Cole's voice was loud as he was suddenly tugging the qunari out of the way of the flames.

“Damn it!” He dodged, following the tug of the spirit.

The flames hit the creature dead on and the entire room lit up in the light as it began to burn. The force of the blast was enough to knock the thing back further but I knew it wasn't going to be that easy. It never was.

I let my magic continue to work, I felt their weapons and it was only easy to let my magic leap to those. Fire leaped to life across Bull's maul and on Cole's daggers. I took a deep breath as I willed the very air to hold the thing in place. I had planned on a simple holding spell but I may have misjudged as the very stones of the room came to life and grabbed the creature.

Bull took that as his cue, and that maul smashed dead centre into the part of it that still looked like Ethyrne. I looked away but I could still hear the crunching from where I stood. I felt nauseaus for a moment but pushed it to the side. The battle was not done yet.

Cole was moving with speed but with the powers of a spirit, he was practically teleporting around the room. A stab here, a slice there. He fought just as hard as Bull, just with the little strikes.

I didn't risk another fireball with how much fire was already in the stone room but I was not going to leave things as they were. I could still feel the bits of stone that I had used to grip the thing and I reached to that. I focused on the largest bit of stone and simply _tugged._

The noise was sickening as the stone tore the thing in half.

“Well... that's one way to do things...” Bull sounded both frightened and a little impressed. He turned around and ran to me with a panicked look. “Boss!”

“I'm good...” I sagged and Bull caught me before I hit the floor. Something was wrong but I could not sort out where the source of it was.

“You're bleeding pretty badly.” Bull's hand was over the wound.

“Through and through, I think.” I managed. “Can... can you get me outside?”

“Too much blood. Blood everywhere.” Cole's voice sounded a little strained. “He didn't want to hurt you but it made him. I'm sorry. So sorry.”

“I know Cole.”

“Now is not the time, Cole.” Bull's voice was harsh as he pressed my hand onto the top of the wound in my shoulder. He tore a bit of cloth from my shirt and hastily made a make shift bandage. I didn't need to look to know that it was already seeping through with blood. “That'll have to do until we get outside.”

“Outside?” I asked although I nodded.

“Dalish can fix this right up.”

I snorted at the mention of the elf. She claimed she wasn't a mage but her 'bow' had a focusing crystal just like any mage's staff and she was far too handy with healing. I'd long believed she was a mage but she still wouldn't admit it. My mind was rambling over a thousand thoughts, probably the blood loss.

I took a breath as Bull lifted me up and began to trek back out of the temple.

“Once Dalish looks at that, you're gonna explain what the hell just happened.”

“Complicated.” I said with a small smile. “But thanks... for helping.”

“Any time, Boss.” Bull said.

“Cole?” I asked. “Is his spirit gone?”

There was no answer and I strained to look around. I could not see Cole nearby. Frowning, I reached out with my other senses and could feel where he slipped back into the fade again.

“Well, no answers there.” I muttered.

“He's gotten real good at that.” Bull said and I guessed that he had encountered Cole since the Exalted Council as that would be typical of Cole to keep an eye on all of us.

I went to speak but Bull shushed me as we walked. He seemed to remember the way out which was a good thing as I had no idea. I clung to consciousness and focused on the sound of Bull's heart and foot steps. I knew I had to stay awake, no matter how much blood I lost. If I fell asleep now, there was a good chance Solas would find me and that would be bad.

Bull stepped out of the temple but he froze in place.

“Bull?” I questioned.

“Damn it.” Bull's voice was strained.

I could feel the strain in his muscles, like he was trying to move and could not. I forced myself to a sitting position in his arms and turned.

It seemed I shouldn't have worried about falling asleep as I could see the advancing figure of Solas. There was a glow surrounding him, a bluish white shade that almost looked like it was crackling energy. He was wearing the Fen'Harel armour again and his face was set in a rather stern line.

“I had to.” Cole's voice was in my ear. “You need him.”

“Cole.” I said as I realized he had betrayed me to tell Solas where we were. “I asked you not to...”

“Dalish can not heal this.” Cole was full of concern. “It's old magic.”

I glanced towards Cole with confusion. At first I had no idea what he was referring to but then I remembered the stab into my shoulder. I turned my senses inward and I could feel it. Something was not quite right with the wound.

“Iron Bull.” Solas' voice was calm but I could hear the undercurrent beneath them. It was almost like a threat but it was too low to really be anything.

“Fuck off.” Bull's voice, however, was pure anger. I was certain that if he had not been locked in place by Solas' magic, he would have attacked Solas the moment he appeared.

Once upon a time, the two had been unlikely friends but now there was no mistaking the hostility from Bull. We all knew that Solas was Fen'Harel but I guessed that Bull had more information about what Solas was up to then I did or perhaps it was simply one friend caring about the heart break of another.

“I see.” Solas responded. He stepped closer and I turned away from him.

It seemed I didn't get much choice in the matter as I felt his hands started sliding beneath me to pull me out of Iron Bull's grip. I turned my face back to him and glared even as I threw up a magical barrier that expanded from my body.

He jerked and I knew he had felt it. That gaze of his became stern and he simply bypassed the barrier. He easily pulled me out of Bull's grip and I could feel his magic flowing over me. Trying to lull me to sleep.

“No.” I grit my teeth as I fought against the compulsion to sleep.

Then it came stronger and it was no longer just his magic. It flowed through the bond that had once belonged to Mythal. He had been gently calling me in my dream but now it was like a full on compulsion.

“You?!” I stared up at him even as the tears came unbidden to my eyes. “How...”

“Hush, Vhenan.” His voice took on a softer note.

“Let her go, Solas!” Bull yelled.

“Do not follow us.” Solas said simply as he turned, walking away from the other man.

I tried to speak but it was like I simply could not. Nothing I tried to say came out. What struggle I could manage was growing weaker. He was forcing me to fall asleep. The magic layered on top of the wounds and battle fatigue. He used that connection that now existed between us to force his own power further.

I lost the battle to stay awake but as I drifted off, I knew one thing.

I was now Fen'Harel's Creature.

 


	16. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas attempts to discover exactly what has changed with Ethara, he gets more then he bargained for.

I was warm. Snuggled into a large bed with blankets pulled up to nearly my neck and pillows beneath my head. Lots of pillows. A soft beam of light shown in through the open windows and lit up my face.

I peeked open my eyes and looked around. The stones were familiar but I had not been here for years. I stretched out my hand to feel the blanket beneath my fingers. I shifted before sliding myself up into a sitting position.

This was my room in Skyhold. Those windows were actually those huge doors that led out onto the balcony, and the mountains just beyond. It was a beautiful sight that I had woken to every morning for years.

I heard the door open and I reached for the small dagger that was partially hidden on the head board of the bed. It was a precaution that Leliana had arranged when I asked. Not many had known about it and I was relieved to see that it was still there.

The person that walked up the stairs was a servant. She carried a tray of food which she rested over to the bottom of the bed.

“Lady Inquisitor,” Her voice was soft but there was a hint of terror as she saw the knife in my hand.

“Oh... old habits.” I mumbled before I laid the knife on the bed.

I looked over at the food but couldn't quite figure out what it was. It looked like it was some sort of bird.

The servant looked over at me and I blinked at her. I knew her face but she was not one of the servants that had been at Skyhold, not that I remembered what any looked like, I just remembered her. It was Ailani but she was from...

“This is wrong.”

I shook the cobwebs from my mind and I could feel it. I pushed myself and knew that this was just a _dream._

“ _Where are you?” I called out as I forced the dream to grind to a halt._

_The sound of footsteps drew me to the doors to the balcony and I could see him step out from behind the pillars that would have kept him hidden from view. His face was unreadable as he approached the bed, but the eyes shown with curiosity and confusion. The servant had disappeared as he walked, that confident swagger to his hips._

_I could not help but feel a small sense of relief at seeing him. I knew the contours of his face and the set of his jaw. Even the eyes were as I remembered. Although it seemed a bit strange to see him as the bald Solas instead of the Fen'Harel that I had known. I loved him as both his older self and his younger but it had been Fen'Harel that I had kissed and fantasized about last._

“ _You've grown in strength.” His voice was cautious._

“ _As have you.” My voice was bitter as I stared at him. Even in the dream, I could now feel the difference in him. The part of him that had once belonged to Mythal. Rage coloured my mind as I glared at him. “How could you?”_

“ _It was necessary.” Solas knew exactly what I was referring to and he at least had the decency to have a note of regret in his voice. He also had enough sense not to come close to me at that point._

“ _Necessary?” I spat the word, my eyes hard as I glared at him.. “You did the one thing you changed the world for. Am I to suffer that fate as well?”_

_He had erected the veil and sent away the Evanuris for the crime of killing Mythal but it seemed he had been willing to do that same crime for his goals of undoing that action. It was horrifying to know of the lengths he would go to and I was concerned that I was on the same path that befell her._

“ _I would not harm you!” His voice was sharp and he closed the distance between where he stood and the bed. He did not join me on it, merely stood at the foot of the bed. Still a distance between us and for the briefest of moments, I thought about closing the distance and really making him sorry for what he had done._

“ _If you would kill your oldest friend,” I said, my voice harsh. “Then what hope would I have when you have only known me for a few years.”_

_I was angry and I was afraid. He was powerful enough to make me think this dream was a reality. Even with the powers I had grown into, it was still terrifying to realize I was no where near what he was. That did not stop the anger, however. Mythal had been my friend as well._

“ _You know full well the difference between you and her.” He snapped angrily as he stepped around the bed and was closer to where I was but still out of range. “Why were you within the ruins of Adahldur?”_

“ _That is no concern of yours.” I turned away from him. My hands clenched into fists as I pushed all thoughts of Adahldur and the Alinuris from my mind. I focused instead on something inane, like the particular colours of the blankets that were snuggled around me._

“ _Ethara,” Solas said. “It is a concern of mine as I had believed that none knew the location of it.”_

“ _Am I a prisoner?” I asked, ignoring his statement completely as I got up to my feet. I guessed that the easiest way to escape this dream was to wake up, and running from here would probably help with that. I began to plan my escape, remembering how my room led to the main Hall and then out to the courtyard._

“ _No.” His voice was a soft. “But you are not leaving until you answer. Why were you within Adahldur.”_

“ _We might as well get this over with.” I looked back at him with defiance in my eyes. “I am not going to answer anything you ask me, Solas. If you try and force me to, I will fight back.”_

_He seemed startled by what I said, his eyes even became wide as he looked at me. That had obviously not been what he had expected._

“ _What happened to you?” The tone of his voice was more concerned then angry but even that did not stifle the curiosity._

_I was caught off guard by the question and I lost the defiance for a moment as I tried to think of a response to that question. He seemed genuinely concerned but it had to be a trick. He was trying to lull me into a sense of security._

“ _You're different.” Solas' face had gone back to being unreadable. “I can practically feel the power from you but it's more then that.”_

“ _Does it matter?” I said finally._

“ _Yes.” Solas' voice was flat. “No one gains that much power this quickly without there being something dire having occurred. You also found your way to Adahldur for whatever reason.”_

“ _I told you, I'm not answering.”_

“ _Ethara.”_

“ _Don't Ethara me.” I said. “You made the choice to leave. Twice. You chose to take power from Mythal. You chose the path to destroying my world.”_

“ _I told you why I had to do that.” He turned his face away, his voice becoming almost neutral. “Ethara, I do not want to force you to tell me but I will if I must.”_

_I glared at him and crossed my arms. I knew it looked like I was being childish but I was not going to let him simply dictate what was going to happen here. If I could fight, then I would. I closed myself off as much as I could. I felt the prodding at that part of me that was connected to him but I refused to give into it._

_He looked at me with a strange expression, like he had not expected me to actually withstand that part of him he had inherited from Mythal. There was a faint look that was almost pride but those eyes were blazing with something else. It was that hunger that I had seen in Fen'Harel so often but I had no idea if it was actually for me or the power that I now represented._

“ _You still believe that I will hurt you.”_

“ _You did kill Mythal.”_

“ _You are not Mythal.” He closed the distance between us but stopped just short of touching me. “I meant what I said. I wanted you to live your life in peace for the remaining time you had.”_

“ _Then why take me from Bull. You should have just let him have Dalish heal me.”_

“ _You would have died.”_

_His voice was flat and I knew he was telling the truth. That still didn't make it any better. I felt betrayed by both him and Cole._

“ _Cole wasn't supposed to tell you where I was.”_

_His face contorted then to something akin to fury. “You would have preferred if Cole had not warned me that you had been hurt? You would have died.” His hands came up to cup my face as he leaned in. His mouth just next to mine when he whispered. “I had thought I lost you once before.”_

_His mouth pressed against mine. The kiss was gentle, almost like he was afraid I was going to disappear from in front of him. Whatever argument I had was lost as I gave in to the kiss and just the touch of his hands on my face. I remembered the last kiss I'd had with Solas and that had been when he was Fen'Harel and in a dream so long ago._

_He pulled away for a moment to look into my eyes before leaning to kiss again. It was a quick little kiss, then his hands slid back and pushed my hair behind my ears. “Vhenan....”_

“ _Solas,” I thought about slapping him. “Stop.”_

_His hands slid from my hair and down my arms and he took my hands in his. I forced myself not to look at them as I knew the dream was allowing my crystal hand to look like one of flesh and blood. If I thought too much about it, I knew it would shift to what it was in the waking world and I could not have him see that._

“ _You're planning on unmaking the world._ _ **My**_ _world.” I choked out the words, still struggling with my own inner turmoil over this. “I know there is nothing I can say or do that will make you stop on your own.”_

“ _I know.” His hands tightened on mine. “Answer my questions, and I will return you to Bull and the Chargers.”_

_He leaned close to breath into my ear. “I promise.”_

“ _You're persistent.” I closed my eye and pinched the bridge of my nose. I was going to have to come up with something plausible as I didn't want to tell him the truth. Deep down, I knew that was for myself and not because I as concerned about him but I wasn't going to admit that right now._

“ _Your hand...” Solas' voice made my eyes snap open._

_He had allowed my dream self to perceive my hand complete and whole but now that he was no longer controlling things, it had slid back into how I viewed myself. The hand went from flesh and blood to the crystalline hand that he had made for me back in Arlathan._

_All it had taken was just him whispering in my ear for me to lose concentration._

_I wondered how he had not noticed it when he had carried me away from Bull. Then I remembered I had been wearing gloves and he was probably more concerned with the injuries I had had sustained in the battle with the creature in Adahldur. I had no idea how he hadn't noticed it when he had treated me._

_I had apparently been closer to death then I thought._

“ _I made this.” His voice was almost strained. “I can feel my magic in it. Yet, I know it is not something you would have simply stumbled into.”_

_I remained silent. Not wanting to give voice to the truth. I should have said something as suddenly the room began to shift. I felt the change as we suddenly left my dream and into something else entirely, a place of his choosing. I did not know the place but I knew the paintings on the wall or at least the style they were in._

_All around the room was paintings of a red haired woman with golden eyes. I did not need to look close enough to see that these were all paintings of me. Solas was an amazing painter and my likeness was on those walls in such detail that it was almost breathtaking. It was the painting of the red halla and the wolf however, that drew my attention the most._

_There was no mistaking that posture and pose. That_ possessiveness _in the form of the 'self portrait' of Fen'Harel._

_Solas let go of my normal hand and pulled me towards the mural, lifting my crystalline hand up to match up with the hand on the wall._

“ _These are of you.” It was less of a question then a statement._

“ _You've been painting more, I see.”_

“ _No, not since I left the Inquisition.” His voice was quiet. “These are from before.”_

_Like a thunder crack, the dream shifted and we were now standing in the same room but the wear of several thousand years made it look different. Collapsed walls, the paint mostly faded. It lasted a second before it flicked back to the painted walls._

_Solas whirled me and pressed me up against the wall, pinning me between him and the wall. His eyes had become fierce and focused._

“ _I woke in the forest, confused. I returned here and found my walls were painted with these images of you.” The compulsion to talk rose with his words. “I painted you before I knew you.”_

_I struggled but he kept me securely pinned against the wall._

“ _I felt a sense of pain when I saw them the first time. A sense of loss that I did not understand.”_

“ _Solas...” I pleaded._

“ _No, vhenan.” His voice was forceful. “You will explain this to me.”_

_I struggled even as the dream shifted again. Our powers warring against one another but it was his that won out and it turned into Mythal's temple of the past. It was the room where I had lain in the bed while Fen'Harel and Mythal talked to me. The first moment I had woken to see the Fen'Harel of the past._

_Solas hissed as he let go of me, stumbling back away as he saw what I had seen then. The young him with the dark hair and the lustful eyes. That cocky, self assured smile as he leaned towards me and inquirred if the colour of my hair matched on everything._

_I knew the tips of my ears had gone pink as I relived that first meeting in full clarity._

“ _What is **this?** ” Solas demanded._

“ _This... this is the truth.” I said as I swallowed. Closing my eyes as I tried to force the image to something that was not that particular moment. It degenerated into a simple image of my room within Mythal's temple. That was good, so long as I did not think of what had happened later._

_Solas whirled back to me as I locked away that memory. I stood there, staring back at him and refusing to feel the need to do as he asked. I was not his equal in power but I was not the child that had fallen in love with him so long ago._

“ _I do not recall what you just showed me.” He sounded almost lost._

“ _You would not, no.” I shook my head._

“ _That was the truth?”_

“ _Yes.” I nodded. “That was the first time you saw me while I was conscious.”_

“ _While you were conscious?”_

“ _Yes.” I closed my eyes and focused on telling him instead of letting the visions shift. His power was still there, demanding that the dream shift but I somehow managed to keep it from going to anything else. “Haven was not the first time we met. The first time you met me was just a little more then ten years before you erected the veil.”_

_Solas remained silent. I cracked an eye open to look over at him. His face was once more that unreadable mask. His eyes seemed to spark with blue energy. The dream had shifted again around him and become a place I didn't know. This time, it was of Elgar'nan, Dirthamen and Mythal sitting around one another._

_I shivered as I realized this was something from Solas' memories as Mythal turned to look at us. She was asking us... no, she was asking Fen'Harel to follow her. The dream shifted as the memory followed her out into the hallway. Her voice still urgent as she told Fen'Harel that he had to go._

“ _This memory is not right.” Solas' voice had changed, becoming full of power. He snarled and it shifted._

_Once more, it was Mythal talking to Fen'Harel but this time the words were different. She was telling him that someone was in great pain and that he had to get there. I knew that Mythal was referring to me but it was still a bit of a disconnect as I knew what would unfold after this._

_It seemed that Solas understood this as well as he took in a deep breath and looked at me. My emotions must have been clear on my face as his own face contorted._

“ _I did not reach you in time.” Again, another statement._

“ _Solas...”_

_The energy crackled in his eyes and he was now pressed up against me once more. His voice was full of rage. “Who did this?”_

“ _Solas...”_

“ _Tell me.” It was an order and I could not refuse that compulsion to speak._

“ _Mythal.” The name came to my lips without a thought. “Mythal made you forget.”_

“ _Why?” His face twisted in anger and pain. “Why would she make me forget you?”_

“ _She thought I died.”_

_His face went completely blank but those eyes were still alive with power. There was something akin to pain there, hidden behind that energy that made his eyes look like the night sky._

“ _She did not sense you through the bond?” His voice had become emotionless as if he was trying to disconnect from the feelings that were running through him._

“ _I was somewhere that connection could not reach.” I wanted to leave it at that but he compelled me once more. “Sum'banal. I was in Sum'banal.”_

_He visibly paled and his hands trembled as he once more cupped my face. I watched as his eyes lost that glow of energy and became his normal but intense blue. There was concern and worry in his voice as he ran his thumbs against my skin._

“ _Vhenan, that is... that is not possible.”_

“ _Tu'Salhasis.” I responded and had the joy of watching his eyes almost pop out of his head. I vaguely remembered the thing within the crossroads and could not suppress the shiver. “I almost didn't get out of Sum'banal. If it wasn't for Andruil, I would have died.”_

“ _You met Andruil and she did not harm you?” His voice was a little hesitant as if he believed some of what I was saying but not all of it._

“ _Not that time.” I responded, not thinking about when she had come into Mythal's temple lest the memory twist the dream further. “She apologized and then tried to get me out. She managed to get out but you put the veil up before I could get out.”_

“ _She told you that she would bring me back to you?” The words were like another statement._

“ _Yes.” I paused before I spoke. “You remember that?”_

“ _I do.” His hands fell to my shoulder but I could feel him shaking as he spoke. “She begged me to go with her, that someone was trapped.”_

“ _And you sent her to the void.” I said flatly._

_I knew then that it was my fault that Andruil had been sent to the void like the others. She was innocent of the particular crime that Fen'Harel had been punishing the other Evanuris for. If I had not been trapped behind the veil, she would have continued to wander free or at least given more of a fight when he had come to send her away._

_That was guilt I knew I would keep with me to the end of my days._

“ _She killed Mythal.”_

“ _No, she didn't.” I shook my head, my voice becoming stubborn. “Mythal died while Andruil was trying to lead me out of Sum'banal. She was there until the moment you put up the veil. She was lucky, she was on the other side of it.”_

_He did not let go of my shoulders, but the look on his face was completely horrified. He realized what he had done. Not just to Andruil but to me. He had unintentionally locked me away as he had done with the Evanuris._

“ _I... I need to think.”_

_He let go after speaking and walked away. He faded into nothing, leaving me standing there by myself. I sighed and tried to wake up, only to find that I was incapable of waking. I swore under my breath as I flopped onto the bed. He was going to keep me here in this dream until he worked things out on his own._

_After a while, I got bored and tried to reach out to the dreams of others but it seemed like that too was out of my reach. I was stuck in my own personal bubble of the Fade._

_I sighed and focused my mind and returned the dream to Skyhold. If I was going to be a prisoner in my own dreams, at least it might as well be somewhere with a comfortable bed._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unintentional emotional warfare is so much better then slapping. >_>


	17. Whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara suffers and gets called yet another name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short.

_It was like one of the nightmares I used to have when I was part of the Inquisition._

_That oppressive feeling that I was going to die fighting Corypheus. I remembered what it was like, that feeling just before I woke up but this time, I didn't wake up._

_It started like an uncomfortable feeling while I lay there in the bed that mirrored the one in Skyhold. That doubt beginning to creep in. That paranoia that I would not be good enough. That I would not be able to save my friends or myself._

_I shifted in the bed before giving up and changing it to another room. This time, the one at Mythal's temple._

_Still, that feeling persisted._

_I tried another scene where I was sitting by a campfire with the stars overhead. Then one at the war table. Then the rotunda._

_I cycled through all the places that I had felt moderately okay at. From both the time when I was Inquisitor all the way back to when I was in Arlathan._

_Nothing dispelled that feeling._

_~ Stay, you'll be safe. ~_

_A chill passed up my spine and I took a sharp intake of breath in my dream. The air suddenly began to feel cold. I didn't want to think how that was possible. Feeling cold in a dream._

_~ Warm. ~_

_I started to feel panic as I looked around. I remembered those words. Those whispers just at the back of my mind but it wasn't whispers now, it was something else entirely._

_~ Loved. ~_

_I felt my control of the dream slipping, shifting into bits of mutable grey. The ground became a stone path as the trees melted into more grey nothing._

_~ Stay. ~_

_I tried to will myself to wake. Throwing myself at the magic that was keeping me asleep. This was not a dream I wanted to experience, not after having gone through it first hand._

_~ Child of wayward time. ~_

_Pillars began to form of that same shade of grey. The road began to stretch out before me leading to a single point that was far more grey then the rest. Not that I thought that was possible but it just seemed to be more grey then the rest. Almost heavier._

“ _Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.” I chanted to myself as I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to see the thing I had seen in the crossroads. Even with my eyes closed in this dream I could still **feel** it at the edge of my consciousness._

_~ You can't wake up. ~_

_I tried to ignore the whispers. It was just a nightmare and using what frightened me. It had stolen that feeling of being unable to use magic to defend myself and was using the memory of this place to suit it's own goals. Maybe this was a demon coming to plague me._

_~ This is not a nightmare. ~_

_The whisper became insistent even as something urged me to open my eyes. It was like the need to breathe. I needed to open my eyes._

_~ We are not a demon. ~_

_I flicked them open to see that swirling mass of grey that was in Sum'banal. The **thing** was right in front of me and a face was peering at me from the centre of it. The face shifted, changing from one person to another. I didn't recognize any of them which I was thankful for._

_I tried to turn and run but I was rooted to the spot. Unable to move as it formed a limb out of nothingness. Twisted fingers rubbed against my cheek in an almost soothing motion but the very touch was like someone dragged a white hot piece of metal along my skin._

_~ We see you. ~_

_The face shifted again, becoming a familiar set of features. They were muted and grey but there was no mistaking the face that was now peering back at me. It was my own._

_~ Come back to us, Then'len. ~_

_I threw my entire being into some sort of offensive spell. Screaming at the top of my lungs as I tried to will fire into existence around me. Anything to fight it._

_Anything to get away from it._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From FenXShiral's Lexicon
> 
> Then'len – Waking Child


	18. Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara feels like she's losing her mind and she tells Solas everything... mostly.

“Vhenan!”

Solas' voice is harsh in my ear but it is enough to rouse me. His hands are locked around my wrists, holding them tight between me and him. I open my eyes to see his own looking back at me, that crackle of blue radiating energy as he held me tight. I can smell ash but my eyes are locked on his.

There is fear in his eyes.

“Solas?” I questioned before burying my face against his chest. He was wearing a tunic similar to the one he wore while he was with the Inquisition but I did not remember it being so soft.

I could feel the soft hint of magic in the air and recognized my own intermingling with his but it was pushed to the back of my mind. My heart was going at a fast pace like I had just been in a massive fight.

“You fought against my magic and then my servants could not wake you.” His voice is one of relief as he pulls me close against him, his hands letting go of my wrists to wrap around and practically crush me up against him.

“Then... I truly am awake?” I asked, suddenly afraid that I was dreaming again. The memory of what had been in my dream coming back and sending a shiver down my spine.

“Yes.” His voice was soft.

“What if you're something that's intending to make me think that?” Suspicion crept into my voiced as I spoke.

“You are awake and I am here.” He sent a pulse along that bond. Not quite a compulsion but more of a press of magic as if to further confirm it. I could sense him there, against me like a barely contained force of magic.

It was the real him.

“You trapped me in my dreams.” I took a breath and slapped him hard across the face. Honestly, I think it hurt my hand more then it hurt him even if it did make his eyes go wide for a brief moment. “I couldn't wake up... I just kept dreaming.”

I couldn't stop the tears if I wanted to. I remembered the dream, and the terror rose up in me again. He was a bit startled by the slap and the tears but he didn't let me go.

“Ir abelas.” One of his hands gently smoothed my hair, the other remained wrapped around me in an almost possessive fashion. “I will not make you sleep again.”

“It... it saw me.” I spoke between sobs.

“What saw you?”

I felt his magic flowing around me, once more he used that bond to his advantage, using it to calm me further. It was not enough to remove the terror completely but it was enough that I could think a little more clearly. The abject terror of my dreaming mind beginning to fade in his presence.

“The thing that was in the cross roads.” I whispered against his chest. “I dreamed of it before but this time... it wasn't like a dream. It was like when you're in my dreams, I can feel you. I felt it. It saw me.”

The one arm he had around me tightened a little and I could hear the sharp intake of breath. I knew I was right and his reaction further confirmed it.

“That is impossible.” His hand was still in my hair.

“Don't lie to me.” My voice was flat but at least I wasn't sobbing.

“I am not lying to you.” Solas said, annoyance in his voice. “It cannot invade your dreams without a connection to you.”

I flinched at what he was saying. I recalled what Ethyrne had said and knew I had to pass the message along. I leaned up and looked into Solas' face.

“When I was fighting the thing in Adahldur, I had a vision of Ethyrne.” I struggled with it, not wanting to even picture the thing that my grandfather had become. I would face that reality another time. “He told me that I had to tell you. Tu'Salhasis and tied by blood. He summoned it into the world before you put up the veil.”

Solas' face contorted a little and those eyes became unreadable. I knew the look, it was the same one he had given me several times before. Once had been just after I had drank from the Well of Sorrows.

“I do not understand why he would summon such a thing to himself.”

Yet his voice did not share the conviction of his words. He did not understand but he did not deny that he would believe that Ethyrne was capable and willing of pulling such a thing into the waking world.

“He did it...” I took a breath and closed my eyes, thinking back to the visions in the Hall and even further to my brief time in Adahldur. “He did it for me.”

“Is this something else I have forgotten?” His voice was pained as if he thought this was his fault.

“No... this is something I wanted to tell you but Ethyrne told me I shouldn't.” I looked back as his chest. Gazing at the way the tunic fit across his chest. The way it stretched just a little with each breath he took.

“Tell me, vhenan.” He prompted.

“You know...” I said sadly. “You were right when you questioned me on the balcony in Skyhold. About the Dalish and all that.”

“Ethara?”

“I... I'm not a Dalish elf, Solas.” I closed my eyes and rested his head against his chest. I was suddenly frightened and couldn't shake that feeling. “I was born in Adahldur... I don't know the exact date but it would have been shortly before you erected the veil. Something went wrong with... my birth... and Ethyrne summoned that thing and...”

I let my words die off as I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't help but think of how sorry Ethyrne had seemed. It made me think of everything that he had sacrificed to ensure my younger self would live. I had gained no answers to who had sent me through time as a babe but at least I had learned what befell my grandfather.

Solas remained silent as I spoke but his hand stopped running through my hair.

“He was my grandfather.”

“You are... “ His hand tightened in my hair but I couldn't quite understand the tone of his voice. It was foreign and I felt that fear again. “You are an Alinuris?”

“By blood, yes.” I was Ethyrne's grandchild but I had not grown up among the Alinuris.

The silence dragged on and I was getting more and more nervous. He had not pulled away nor had he pushed me away so I clung to the little hope that this would not worsen things. I was still upset with him for what he had done to Mythal but it was hard to forget that he was Solas. The man I had fallen in love with first.

“Ethyrne said tied by blood?” His voice was still that abnormal calm.

“Yes but I don't know what that meant. I'm guessing that it was more then just blood magic?” I asked as I tilted my head up to look into his face but his expression was still unreadable.

“It means...” He paused and closed his eyes. “Ir abelas, ma vhenan.”

There was such sorrow in that voice that I could not help but reach up with a tentative hand to touch my hand against his cheek. He moved his hand from my hair to gently cup over mine that I had placed on his face.

“Tel'enfenim, vhenan.” I said gently, speaking to him in ancient Elvhen for a moment. “You must tell me what he meant.”

“He summoned part of something here, into the waking world.” His voice caught in what was almost a pained noise. “That action has marked you, just as I and Mythal had done. The bond of blood has tied whatever Ethyrne did. Tied it to you. Had you not killed the thing within Adahldur, it most likely would have consumed you as it did Ethyrne.”

I visibly flinched at his words. I did not press him to elaborate but I had the feeling that he meant more then just becoming part of the monster that Ethyrne had become.

“You are safe here, vhenan. I will not allow it or any other part of the void to touch you.” His voice was hard and almost dangerous but I knew that was not directed at me. It still brought little comfort as my mind went back to my flight from Sum'banal.

That breath caught in my throat as I remembered. The thing that had seen Andruil and I.

_Oh creators._

“Solas...” I struggled with trying to say it even as I knew. “It already touched me. When Andruil was leading me out of the crossroads, I remember... I remember something touching me. It was above the archway, and it was reaching for us.”

“Where?” Those eyes were nearly purple when they snapped open. “Show me where.”

I felt the compulsion but it wasn't needed. I turned in his arms, undoing the top clasp of the dress I was wearing. The burned edges of the bed were clear as I looked away from him but I was more concerned with that look he had given me. I trembled with fear as I worried that my trip through the crossroads had left something within me. It had been years but the worry was still there.

His hands were gentle against my back as he helped undo the buttons I could not reach before I slid the top of the dress down off my shoulders. Despite the fear twisting in my stomach, I sighed as I felt his fingers dancing along my skin as he slid my hair over to the side.

“My left shoulder.” I said.

Fingers ghosted over my skin and I could feel the pulse of magic from them. I swallowed as I remembered Mythal's warning but I made no effort to stop him as he examined my skin. Instead, I focused on my other shoulder where I could see the still healing injury I had gained in Adahldur. It was a wound done by magic but it would heal and become yet another scar to add to my growing collection.

“Most of it appears to have faded.” His voice was almost strained.

“What do you mean, faded?” I asked.

“That taint is there, almost too deep for me to find it.” He had leaned closer and I could feel his breath raising goosebumps on my neck. “I will cure this.”

I turned my face with a questioning look and could see those eyes of his. There was that energy crackling but there was something else. A look I had not seen since I had parted ways with Fen'Harel in a dream.

It was pure unadulterated _want._

“Solas?” I squeaked.

Then his fingers were in my hair and tugging me to face him. Lips pressing hard to mine. The kiss was raw and needing as his tongue found it's way into my mouth. Whatever thoughts about danger was completely lost as I let myself fall into that kiss. I was so completely caught up in tasting his tongue that I had not even realized he was removing my dress. His other hand sliding down against my skin as he shoved the cloth away.

I could feel his magic against mine, pulsating and trying to find it's way in. I opened myself fully to him, and felt his power crawl over my skin. My own power meeting his and I found there was nothing between us, I could feel him completely and intimately. My power rushing over him and exploring him in a way that physical touches could not. I heard a little groan at that simple act of acceptance of one another. It was not like it had been when he had been Fen'Harel and I had been Ash'ter, I was willing to just give myself to him here in this moment.

He pulled away suddenly and looked at me with regret. “I'm sorry. That was inappropriate of me.”

“Don't you dare.” I said as it looked like he was going to pull away.

“Ethara,” He said almost tersely but I could still see that hunger in his face and his fingers were still twined in my hair. “You are still hurt. I have been dulling the pain for you but I do not wish to irritate that wound any further.”

“Oh...”

“Did you think I did not want you?” He said with an almost laugh before he leaned in to kiss me again. This time it was more gentle and almost chaste but he let go of my hair as he leaned back. His fingers trailed through my hair for a moment before he moved his hands to himself.

“No,” I said, the disappointment clear in my voice. “But you had chosen that we shouldn't be together because of your decision to take up the mantle of Fen'Harel once more.”

“There is that.” He sounded almost uncomfortable.

I closed my eyes and turned away as I began to fix the top of my dress. I felt almost ashamed of how willingly I had thrown myself at him and into that kiss. He was supposed to be the enemy. The new foe to deal with, both for the death of Mythal and for what he planned on doing with the world. I was better off steeling my heart then dealing with this again. I didn't even know why I let him kiss me like that or why I had kissed him back.

_Void take me_. It had been a nice kiss.

“Ethara.” His voice was in my ear even as his hands moved to stop my hands from pulling my dress over my shoulders. “Ar lath ma, ma vhenan.”

“But it's not enough to keep you from destroying the world.”

“That is not fair.” He turned me to face him. There was hurt in his voice and a little bit of anger.

_Good._ _Let him be angry at me._

“Isn't it?”

“Then tell me, Ethara,” His voice was strained but pointed. “Did you tell me in the past about what was to happen?”

I stared at him and could see the look on his face. It was one of sadness and misery, so much so that it completely removed any lusty look that had been there before. I went to speak but he shook his head.

“Your face gives you away, vhenan.” His hands dropped to his sides. “You did not warn me.”

“No, I did not.” I felt guilt at those choices I had made. I had chosen to keep myself apart from his younger self and look what that had gotten us both.

“I see.” He moved away from me and got up from the bed.

“I... I thought about it.” I managed, looking down at my hands. “I saw you there in the past and I wanted to go to you. To tell you everything that I knew would happen.”

He stopped mid step as I spoke. I tilted my head as I thought back to that morning in Mythal's temple when I had felt that heady wave of power when I thought I had all their lives in my hands.

“I remember thinking how I could change everything. That I could save Mythal, that I could keep our people from becoming what they are in this time.” I looked up at him and started to cry. “But I had no right. I would have changed the lives of millions and not necessarily for the better. Even if it was better, who was I to choose? I am not a goddess.”

He returned to the bed to wrap his arms around me. He didn't say a thing, just pulled me against his chest while I cried. He just held me until I was capable of talking again without breaking into sobs. This time, he did not use his magic to calm me, just letting me deal with it in a normal fashion.

“Ethyrne told me that it didn't matter, that my actions wouldn't change a thing and what was happening was supposed to happen because it already did.” I turned to cling to his chest as I started to ramble. “Mythal believed I had to avoid everything. Even you. I tried so hard not to impact your life back then but you were so insistent. You entered my dreams. Void, you even took me from Mythal's temple.”

I may have told Mythal things before but this was the first time that I was truly unburdening myself to anyone and I found myself saying everything to him. He had always been a bit mysterious and aloof when we were in the Inquisition together but I had still viewed him as a friend before I fell in love with him. There were a great many things that I could not tell the others but my concerns about magic had always been to either him or Dorian. In this moment, it was easy to forget that he was planning to unmake the world. Right now, he was my best friend.

“Please, start at the beginning.” Solas' voice was sincere as he spoke. “When you first woke to find yourself there.”

“Solas.” I looked up at him through my tears and there was nothing but love and concern in those eyes when he looked at me. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” His hand was on my cheek again, gentle on my skin. “I want to know. Tell me about what you experienced in Arlathan.”

I told him nearly everything. I started with the very moment he had seen me in Mythal's temple to the moment I became trapped behind the veil. Everything that I had known and seen. He was silent the entire time I spoke but I could see his mind processing the story. I wanted to know what he was thinking but I knew he would not say anything until I was done. I knew that look. The only things I left out were the conversations I had with Ethyrne in Adahldur and the blossoming abilities that being in the past.

Finally, after I had finished saying everything, he spoke.

“I abandoned you.” His jaw flexed.

Just like his younger self, he focused on that little fact. It seemed he was determined to punish himself over those acts, regardless of what age he was.

“You promised you'd come back.” I said with a shake of my head, trying to reassure him. “It wasn't your fault that things unfolded like they did.”

“No, but if I had been there...” He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.

“You would not have managed to do anything.”

“Are you certain of that?”

“Yes.” I said before I leaned my head against his chest once more. “You would not have been able to stop what happened, Solas.”

“No, but then I could have prevented Mythal from stealing the memory of you from me.” He sounded firm in that belief. “If I had been there, then I could have done something.”

I went silent for a moment as we both thought over what had happened. How different would things have truly been if he had kept the memories that Mythal had stolen. I knew he would have searched for me for those years after he threw up the veil and then would have resigned himself to sleep until the year before the Inquisition began. It would have played out just the same, only he would have known the younger me the moment he laid eyes on me.

“And what would you have done if you had discovered me in the Temple's dungeon after Corypheus had torn open the veil?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. It was an amusing thought but I still could not help but push it forward.

“I would have....” He hesitated for a moment.

“Destroyed Haven.” I said flatly.

I had no illusions about what he would have done if he had discovered me after thousands of years in uthenera after thinking I was lost to him forever. Even lessened in power, he would have torn Haven apart brick by brick to free me from my imprisonment there.

My words brought a chuckle from him at least as he leaned to kiss the top of my head.

“Among other things, yes.”

“That's even if things played out the same way.” I shook my head as I thought about it, wondering how exactly different things would have been.

“It would not have gotten that far.” He answered truthfully. “We would have met before Corypheus created the breach. I would have woken from my long sleep the moment I felt your dreams.”

A shiver went up my spine with how he said it and I had no doubt that he meant that. He would have come to the clan and found me. I was about to ask how he would have reacted to encountering a younger me with no knowledge of him when he started to speak again.

“I remember when Cassandra brought me to the dungeons and I saw you there.” Solas said. “I was determined that you would live. I had to hear you speak.”

I frowned and looked up at him. He had only ever mentioned a few things about the time when he had become my healer to cope with the anchor on my hand. He had told me that he had watched me and studied the anchor but I had not considered that he had other emotions and thoughts.

“I had to know you.” His eyes were a little distant as he spoke.

I chewed on my lip as I listened to him, not wanting to stop him as he was sharing something he had never volunteered before.

“You were so different then any other elf I had encountered since waking. Despite everything that had befallen you, you were vibrant and alive. You were real.” He paused for a moment and corrected himself. “You are real.”

“Solas?”

He placed his finger against my lips, trailing it down to grip my chin in a firm but gentle grasp.

“I think it was more then that, vhenan.” His voice was soft and thoughtful. “I do not think my memories are completely gone. I feel a sense of recognition about the events you said we shared. When I met you, I felt that same kind of recognition.”

“Cole said that I could make you remember.”

“He is ever the optimist.” Solas said with a small smile. “In this, however, I think he is correct.”

“Then... do you want to remember?” I asked, looking up at him with a cautious look. “Knowing that I will end when you end this world. Would you truly wish to remember when you know I won't be there.”

I could feel the sudden sharp intake of breath and then as he held it. The smile completely dropped from his face.

“Vhenan, I do want to remember everything about you.” His voice was strained. “But you may end up surviving the loss of the veil.”

“What?!” I was stunned, staring at him.

“You are not the woman I left behind those years ago.” He swallowed. “I am sure you have become aware of this as well but your time in Elvhenan has changed you.”

I remembered Mythal's warning that he would desire that power but he had made no effort to take from me what he had taken from her. Instead, he was almost concerned about this, like he was worried what I would think.

I had not given much thought to the fact that he had taken me from Bull, or that he had not returned me to Skyhold after initially treating my wound. He had been willing to leave me behind before when he had believed me to be a simple Dalish elf. Now that I was something else, he desired to keep me. I wasn't sure whether I should be insulted or not.

“Before, you were like a breath of fresh air but now you are like a thunderstorm.” His hand slid down my neck and across my shoulder. “You were hiding yourself from me but I could still feel you. Like a force inside the fade. You may be one of the most powerful mages in all of Thedas now. If anyone was to survive it, it will be you.”

“I don't want to survive it, Solas.” I said sternly. “I don't want it to happen. Why can't you see the world before you as it is?”

“You have not walked the world with your new senses yet, vhenan.”

“I have. I came out of a rift several years ago.”

“And it did not feel like you were wandering a world of tranquil?” He asked, his blue eyes were questioning. “Did you not feel like the veil was pressing against you.”

“No. I spent most of history locked behind the veil and unable to get free.” I retorted somewhat angrily. I felt a little terrible for my choice of words as he already felt it was his fault but I had no thoughts like his after his uthenera.

“Ethara.”

“No. I did not feel like I was walking through a world of tranquil.” I closed my eyes as I thought about it. “You have to understand. I had resigned myself to wandering until I died but it seems like that wasn't going to happen. I didn't even realize that I was missing anything until the rifts began to open, then I could feel patches of the real world. A breeze. A smell. A sound. When I came through the rift, I was overjoyed with the simple fact that everything around me was real again. I didn't care that they could not feel the fade as I did. It was real.”

Solas went silent again and I didn't care if I had made him angry. I would take anything over the hall of memories. I had no desire to ever live in a place like that again.

“I am real, Solas.” I said with a sigh. I didn't want to fight with him. Not now, and not whenever it was going to happen to keep him from destroying the world. “Everyone else is real too.”

He remained silent and merely held me there. I don't know if he was waiting for me to say something but I did not want to speak any more. This topic made me heart sick and longing for days where Fen'Harel seduced me or Solas helped educate me on the finer points of the fade. Anything other then this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tel'enfenim – Never fear   
> Taken from Mir Da'len Somniar, a Dalish Lullaby.  
> Ar lath ma, ma vhenan – I love you, my heart


	19. The Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara discovers that Solas has her things from her outing into the grove for her 'vacation'. She manages to speak with Dorian but then is left with Solas and his guilt.

Solas was true to his word and did not make me sleep. He stayed with me for several hours after we talked. It was weird as he just held me. Not that I minded but it was new behavior he had never shown before.

I had fantasized about spending long hours sitting with him. Things like reading a book or watching the sun rise but the reality of actually sitting there and doing nothing was far less entertaining. I was aware of the press of his chest against my back, and I could feel every breath he took, but sitting in silence without any hint of anything else was going to drive me crazy. He may have been content to just hold me there but I had things I needed to do.

I went to get up but he tugged me closer.

“Just a little longer, vhenan.” His voice was soft as he nuzzled into my hair.

“Solas, I need to go.” I said firmly before turning to look up at his face. I was annoyed by the fact that he was trying to keep me here.

“Not yet.” His grip tightened a little. “You need more time to recover.”

“I can recover well enough when I get to Skyhold.”

“No, vhenan.” His voice was firm.

“Is that what you're doing? Sitting here to keep me from leaving?” I scowled.

“Partially.”

“Solas.” I was in no mood for this. I had run the gauntlet of emotions since he'd taken me from Adahldur. “Let me up.”

“Please, vhenan.” There was a sigh accompanying those words. He wasn't quite pleading but I could tell that he was not intending to give in to my request. There was something under his tone that almost sounded like regret. “If I let you up, you'll find some way to leave.”

“As I should. You stole me from Bull who has no doubt told everyone else what unfolded at Adahldur. Or did you think to inform them that I am alright?”

“No, you are no longer their concern.”

“You do not get to decide what happens with me, Solas.” I was getting angrier. Solas had chosen to leave me to pursue his goals of restoring Elvhenan. I loved the man but his choices made it clear that there was no us as much as I wanted it and this twisted little thing was not going to change that.

“No but you are in my care right now, vhenan.” He sighed again. “I will not allow you to leave this place until I am sure you are healed and even then...”

“Even then what?”

“It would be better if you remained.” He said it simply.

“So I can be your prisoner and keep you from undoing the world?”

“What? Void, no.” He looked at me with a strange expression. It was close to that look he'd worn when he had been irritated with me over some decision or other. That look that said he couldn't comprehend why I had said that. “I would never cage you, vhenan.”

That tone of voice sent shivers up my spine and tightened something inside me. I knew he was telling the truth but then, I had no doubts that he would also temporarily keep me if he felt it was what was for the best or try to anyway.

“Then let me go.”

He looked like he was going to argue with me, his eyebrows furrowing into that set look he had gotten every time he had disagreed with me. Finally, after seconds of staring down at me, he loosened his arms and merely slid his hands to my hips.

“I will but you must promise me one thing.” His voice was quiet as he leaned to whisper in my ear. “You may wander my home as much as you like but you must not leave it until I am certain that your wound is healed enough.”

“Solas.”

“Promise me, Ethara.” His lips were almost touching my ear and I shivered at the feel of his breath on that sensitive skin.

“Fine. I promise.” I muttered but leaned back against him for a moment.

He seemed to hum with approval and his arms circled me again. This time it was not something done to keep me sitting but just a simple hug. I did not remember a time when he or his younger self had held me like this where it did not involve kissing but it was nice. It was the thing that normal couples did.

“Good.” His voice was a purr in my ear. “Then, when you are healed, I will do what I should have done years ago.”

“What's that?” I asked.

“Your stories of our past indicate that we were never intimate.”

I froze and I was sure he could hear the ragged intake of breath as I fumbled with how to respond to that. It was one thing to let my instincts take me like it had when he kissed me earlier but it was another to actually sit and discuss things with him. There had been many nights in the Inquisition that I had fantasized such things but there had only ever been kisses and chaste touches. And the occasional whisper to Falon, or Mythal, which only made me feel a little more embarrassed.

“I will remedy that.” He said with a rich laugh in my ear, and for a moment he was Fen'Harel. The confident man who had offered to hunt me. “Then perhaps you will not be so willing to leave.”

I was a little stunned at what he was saying and it was a bit difficult to get my mouth to actually form words. “Are you... implying that you would bribe me to stay here?”

That was completely unlike the Solas that I was familiar but it was very much Fen'Harel. I could easily picture those words coming out of his younger self and it sent a bit of a tremor through my body at the similarity. That almost wolfish grin, that unabashed lust in his eyes, the tone of voice.

“Perhaps.” And he was once more back to being Solas, that solemn look on his face.

I snorted at him and shook my head, unsure as to whether he was serious or just teasing me. “Can I at least go get something to eat?”

“Ah, yes, you haven't eaten in some time.” He seemed almost ashamed when he spoke. “I will go fetch us both something to eat.”

“So, no exploring for me today then?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow up at him as he had clearly not intended me to leave the room despite our earlier conversation.

“No, not today, vhenan.” He slid from behind me and gently kissed my temple. He wore a look that was clear, he was hiding something else from me. I just didn't feel like questioning exactly what it was right now. “I will keep my word. You may explore but later. Food before anything else.”

I scoffed a little but didn't argue with him as he went for the door. The magic of a barrier going up the moment he stepped through was like a small slap. It seemed he expected that I would try to get out the moment he was no longer here. Of course, I had no plans on attempting escape at the moment. I didn't even have the slightest idea where I was. A blind escape would only have him, or his agents, bringing me back to this place.

Sighing, I paced the room. I opened up the small trunk that had been at the foot of the bed. I flipped through the books on the small bedside table. I paused to look at myself in the large mirror, almost not recognizing the red haired woman in the reflection. I looked noticeably _older,_ my face having lost most of it's roundness but there was no mistaking me for anyone other then me. No wonder Bull had looked at me strangely when he found me, he was far too observant to notice the little things.

Being locked in here only agitated me further as the grey stone reminded me of the hall. One prison for another.

_At least this one has company_ , I thought.

I continued to pace. Stopping only when my eyes fell on a leather bag tucked out of the way in the corner of the room. It was familiar to me and yet so foreign. It was an aged thing, the leather worn with a symbol emblazoned on the top of the bag. I recognized the symbol as the mark of Clan Lavallen.

I had the bag in hand and flipped open in seconds. The things that I'd had at my camp so many years ago were within. A few books written by Varric. A dagger Cassandra had given me. The crystal necklace Dorian had given me. Herbs I had picked before I had been sucked through time.

_The crystal!_

Everything was ignored but the necklace. I remembered the purpose behind it and realized there may be some hope after all in this situation. It took a little bit but I finally remembered how to work the little magic crystal.

“Dorian?” I called hesitantly to the necklace.

There was silence on the other end.

“Dorian?” I called a little louder.

“Ethara?” Dorian's voice was hesitant on the other side.

“Oh, thank the Creators!” I exclaimed in a breath. I had almost forgotten what he sounded like. I had not spoken to him for a few weeks prior to my trip to Arlathan. “Dor...”

“Ethara, where are you?” Dorian interrupted with some urgency, clearly Bull had already contacted him about Adahldur. I should have asked how long it had been from Solas but it was a little late right now.

“I'm not sure.” I answered truthfully. I could not see anything out of the window to determine exactly where I was and I had been unconscious when Solas had brought me here.“Some stone keep I'm guessing.”

“Did he hurt you?” Dorian's voice was full of concern and anger.

“What? No.” I shook my head even though I knew Dorian couldn't see. It may have been delusional but I didn't think Solas would ever hurt me. Not intentionally, anyway. There would be casualties in his war to tear down the veil but he would never directly harm me. “But he won't let me leave. I was...”

“Injured by the beast in Adahldur.” Dorian answered for me. “Bull told me everything.”

I sucked in a breath as I questioned. “How much is everything?”

“Everything.” Dorian said flatly. “You should have contacted me the moment you were back in this time.”

It seemed that Bull hadn't kept his word at all. I was not upset with the man for doing so, he had always been one of my friends but I couldn't help but feel a little annoyed.

“I would have but I didn't even have the crystal.” I said with a sigh. “Solas apparently found everything that got left behind and taken it here.”

“Well, that was awfully charitable of him.” There was no denying the sarcasm in Dorian's voice. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine for the moment.”

“You need to find out where you are.”

“Working on that. He's been keen on keeping me busy and not exploring.” I started pacing as I was talking. “I don't think it's going to be easy to get out of here.”

“Then we will all come rescue you.” Dorian's voice oozed confidence.

“All... what do you mean, all?” I questioned.

“We're all at Skyhold, we even managed to tear Varric away from Kirkwall.” Dorian answered as if it was obvious. “We don't know exactly all that happened but between Cole and Bull, we have a fairly decent idea of what happened after you disappeared and reappeared.”

Bull's “everything” coupled with Cole's “everything”. That was just wonderful. They probably knew far more then they realized but I prayed that Cole had at least kept some things to himself. He had managed to keep the 'two of me' quiet when he was part of the Inquisition but I had a guess that Mythal had a hand in that.

“Creators.” I grumbled. “The two of them really don't know how to keep things to themselves.”

“They're concerned about you, dear.” Dorian chided but there was no mistaking his own worry. “Cole especially so.”

I grimaced as I thought about Cole. He had not shown up here, not even in my dreams, since we were at Adahldur together. I guessed he must have thought I was fairly upset over him telling Solas that I was injured.

“Can you tell him I'm not mad at him?” I asked with a sigh. “That he can come here to see me if he wants?”

“Oh, I was planning on sending him regardless.” I could almost picture the grin on Dorian's face as he spoke. “His ability to travel the fade is coming in quite handy. He's been capable of zipping all across Thedas when he has the need.”

“Dorian, don't you dare send him to spy on Solas.” I cautioned.

“Perish the thought, I would not put him in any danger.”

“Dorian. Please.”

“I promise you, I am not going to send him to spy on Solas.” Dorian answered. “But you know we are all concerned about you. Him especially. He's gone into more spirit gibberish then before, and without you here to figure out exactly what he's saying, it's getting worrisome. Whispers this. Ancient things that. It took Varric most of the night to calm him down.”

“Alright, thank you.” I said, ignoring the bit about what Cole was saying. I didn't need to give Dorian more things to be concerned over.

“We're all worried, Ethara.” Dorian said softly. “Bull told me you were almost delirious before Solas showed up and made off with you.”

“How is he?” I asked, almost hesitant.

“He's fine, miffed that he couldn't stop Solas from taking you.” Dorian soothed my fear. “And fairly pissed that he put all the Chargers to sleep... are you sure you're okay there?”

“I am.” I said. “He just has no intention of letting me go. He promised I can leave once he's certain my wound is healed.”

“But you don't believe him.”

“No, I don't.” I sighed. “He's even tried to bribe me to keep me here but... I'm not sure what to think.”

“Just remember that we will find a way to get you out of there. You have all of us here, trying to figure out how to get you back.” Dorian's voice was full of conviction. I smiled thinking of the flamboyant mage and suddenly felt lonely despite knowing Solas was nearby.

“I know.”

“You don't sound convinced of that.”

“Oh, I'm convinced. It's just...” I rubbed the bridge of my nose before I spoke. “It's nice to hear your voice, Dorian.”

“I know.” He sounded almost sad for a moment. “It's only been a few weeks for me but Bull tells me it's been centuries for you. How ever did you survive without me?”

I laughed before shaking my head again. “Barely. Just barely.”

“Listen to me, Ethara. No matter what happens.” His voice took on an urgency. “We will find you. I promise.”

“Thanks, Dorian.” I managed to make my voice sound happy but I sincerely doubted him or anyone else was going to get me out of here. This was up to me.

I was about to say something else when I heard foot steps in the hall. “Dorian, I need to go.”

I quickly turned off the magic and not a second too soon as I felt the barrier come down. I slid the necklace back into the bag and the door opened a moment later and Solas was striding into the room. He held a tray of food in one hand as he easily closed the door behind him.

“I see you have found your things.” He said without really looking at the bag.

“Yes... thank you.” I slid it to the side before moving to sit on the bed again.

“You're welcome.” He answered.

There was an awkward silence that hung in the room as he busied himself with moving the small bedside table over to the bed to rest the tray on. I could see the tension in his shoulders when he was turned away from me and he did not quite meet my eyes when he did look at me.

Things had been almost alright before he went and I wondered if something had happened while he was out getting the food, or worse, he could be aware that I had been speaking to Dorian.

“Is something wrong?” I asked

“Nothing.”

“That's a lie.” I responded as I crossed my arms. “I'm not eating until you tell me what's bothering you.”

He stopped and stared at me. His face was that mask of calmness but his eyes were alight with emotions. I knew that look. Fen'Harel had looked at me the same way just before he told me he was leaving. I really hope this was not going to be one of those moments.

“I could compel you to eat.” He said instead of giving me an explanation.

I stared blankly at him. I had been so caught up in seeing him again that I had not noticed the changes in him from the Solas in my memories. Perhaps it was because his largest secret was now in the open, but he seemed different. He had been more open before he had gone to get the food but now he was looking almost hesitant. And he was threatening to compel me to do something else against my will.

“But you won't.” I stated with a harsh tone. “You're acting strange. First forcing me to tell you everything, then propositioning me to get me to stay and now this. What. Is. Going. On?”

He hesitated and I was even further confused. Solas had never been this way. Not as Fen'Harel and not as Solas in the Inquisition. This was completely different.

“Our minds were connected during your dream.” He looked away from me as he spoke but I could see the guilt and pain in his face. I could hear it in his voice.. “I felt you get torn from this world. It was not... an easy thing. You were bound to me as you were to Mythal so it felt like you simply did not exist any longer. I did not realize there was the other sense of you until several days later but I had thought I had lost you completely.”

I felt like the air was sucked out of my chest. It was a disturbing thought to realize he had thought I was dead to him but then, I had no idea what I had really expected. I remembered what had happened when his younger self saw the dead halla and should have realized that something must have happened like that.

I went to speak but stopped as he continued. His voice taking on a note like he was confessing another huge secret to me.

“I sensed the magic that took you and when I investigated, finding only your camp, I turned on those that had performed that magic. I believed that they were responsible for my loss.”

I swallowed nervously as I put my hand on his. “Solas?” I knew what he was saying but it was still something I didn't want to think of.

“Ir abelas.” He hesitated for a moment. “You are the last of the Alinuris”

There was no mistaking the guilt and pain in his voice. I felt the weight of those words and understood that despite his concern, that guilt had been weighing on him. His mask of happiness from earlier was completely gone and there was only that anguish in his voice.

I'm not sure what was worse, hearing the guilt in his voice or the grim certainty that he had gone and murdered the descendants of the elves of Adahldur.

“Get out.” I said as I retreated from him.

I didn't want to ask about where they had gone or how he knew it was them. There was only grief in my words.

He didn't say a word, merely got to his feet and left the room. I could feel the barrier slide back into place but I didn't care. The Alinuris had been an unknown to me but they had been the people I had come from. There were no answers to be found among them now.

I buried my face in the pillow and cried myself to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand things keep getting worse.


	20. Compassion, Sorrow and Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole visits Ethara before she discovers there are a lot of elves who know who she is but there is at least one familiar face among them.

I didn't dream as I slept. Whether that was through my own power or Solas', I wasn't sure but I didn't care, I was just glad that I did not have any dreams or nightmares. Nothing but blackness as I slept. It was comforting compared to what I had been experiencing.

Solas came to visit the next day but I did not talk to him. He didn't say much either and only apologized before he left. This repeated for several days. He always came at least twice a day. Once in the morning when I woke and then again before I went to sleep, he had my schedule down to the minute.

Once more, I was alone with my thoughts again. Thinking just about what had happened and what I had lost.

“He hurts.”

“Hello Cole.” I said as I looked towards the space that became occupied by the spirit of Compassion. I could almost see it before he appeared but I did not want to call attention to him. He liked being sneaky.

“It hurts. She is gone.” His face had that distant look as he spoke. “Their magic. Tainting the ground, tainting the air. They did this.” There was a pause. “He killed them but it did not take the hurt away.”

I sighed before looking down at my crystalline hand. I had no idea how I could explain this kind of thing to a spirit of Compassion. “No, it wouldn't take the hurt away.”

“I tried to get you to go to him.” Cole said with a hint of sadness. “But you wouldn't.”

I froze at his words and looked back at him with my eyes round. Realization dawned on me that Cole had told me to go to him on that day so many weeks ago when my younger self had gone missing. I buried my face in my hands as I realized that it was my fault. The Alinuris were dead because I chose to hide away.

“Oh Creators...”

“You did not know. He did not know.” Cole's voice was soft and I could feel his hand on my hair, offering what compassion he could.

“I should have listened. I should have...”

“Should doesn't matter. You are here now. He hurts again because you hurt.”

“Cole...”

“No. It is not your fault.” Cole's voice was calm, or at least calm for him. “They knew.”

“What do you mean, they knew?” I asked, looking up at him.

“They remembered. She came before. Red and shining.” Cole nodded. “Not their magic but with their magic. They learned. They had to stop it. Not let them hurt her.”

“Cole?” I was confused by his words.

“Es'an myemah salhasis. They wanted her.” He shook his head. “The Alinuris. Your Alinuris, they made the choice. To not let the bad men have you.”

I flinched at the words but I started to think. Considering what he was said and how I fit into all of that. I knew I could not ask him to explain how things had unfolded as that was beyond his powers, even as a spirit of compassion. It did, however, remind me of where I had been for so long.

“Cole, do you know what the hall of memories is?” I asked, hoping that I could perhaps see what it was the Alinuris were trying to protect me from.

“Yes.” He answered.

“Can you show me memories like that?”

“No.”

_Damn it._

I sighed as I tried to think of something else that would work. I thought perhaps he would be able to show me the memories of what happened to the Alinuris but it was clear that it wasn't possible. He was a spirit of Compassion and the hall was far out of our reach.

“But I know someone who can.”

“Who?” I asked in surprise.

“Another spirit. Knowledge.” He bobbed his head. “I think... I think they will help, they will show you what I can't.”

“Why would a spirit help me?” I asked in confusion. I knew why Cole wanted to help but not all spirits were the same as he was. Some were corrupted into being monsters, the demons that we encountered.

“You don't want the world to change.” Cole reminded as he began to fade. There was something else in his voice, almost a hesitation before he spoke again. “We don't want it either.”

“Thank you, Cole.” I said as I smiled up at the spirit.

“Ethara... he knows.” Cole's body had completely slipped into the fade but I still heard his voice. “Speak with him. He knows. It hurts but he knows.”

I blinked and knew full well who the 'He' was that Cole was referring to. I went to the doorway and put my hand against the wood.

Taking a deep breath, I reached out with my magic. I could feel the barrier just on the edge of my consciousness. There were many ways of taking down a barrier, most involved hitting it enough until it collapsed but I had no intention of doing it that way.

I pulled open the door and placed my hand back on the space where I knew the barrier to sit. There was a tremble in the air and I knew I had touched it. Magic swirled around me as I pressed against the invisible wall. My power was pulled to me and I willed myself through the barrier. It was not as difficult as I thought it was going to be as I stepped through it but I could feel the edges of the barrier pulling at my skin.

Once on the other side, I looked down the hallway. There were streams of light shining through the holes in the roof but I paid that no mind. I followed down the hallway, my eyes ever forward as I felt around with my magic. Just a cautious sense forward as I walked.

The hallway was surprisingly familiar and when I came out into a much larger hall, I realized that this was clearly the twin of Skyhold. There were several elves within and they all turned to look at me. Without hesitating, I walked across the hall and to the door that I knew led to what passed as the War Room in Skyhold. I hoped had a flair for the ironic and would be within.

I could hear the whispers as I walked, only the sentinels guarding the doors remained quiet. They spoke every name or title that I had held since the Conclave exploded. Some voices were raised in awe at my presence, others were hesitant and there were a few that were downright fearful.

I was thankful when the doors closed behind me as I heard someone whispering “Ash'ter” in a voice that was completely worshipping.

I leaned against it as I closed my eyes and took a breath. It had never been that bad at Skyhold, even in the beginning when the humans believed I was the Herald of their beloved Andraste. This was different, perhaps it was because I was truly who they believed I was. An elf that had lived in Elvhenan.

“It seems you are no longer just a shadow.”

I managed not to jump in the air at the fright that voice gave me. My heart, however, nearly beat out of my chest as I turned to look at the elf who stood mostly in the shade of an overhanging bit of stone. He was as I remembered, pale with the vallaslin of Mythal upon his forehead and vibrant gold eyes that were fixed completely on me.

“Abelas?” I questioned, looking at him in surprise. I did not remember the words that Solas had said to him before he left us at the well but I certainly did not expect to see him here.

“I see that you have not forgotten me.” He gave a small bow which only baffled me further.

“What are you doing here?” I asked but made no move towards the sentinel.

“I served Mythal, what remained of her now resides within Fen'Harel.” He said simply. “Just as you now serve him.”

I frowned as he referred to the connection I shared to Fen'Harel. The Well of Sorrows had given me the knowledge needed to defeat Corypheus and bound me to Mythal but it had been quiet during my time in Arlathan and within the hall. In fact, I was hard pressed to think of it speaking with me at all after Mythal had given her aid so long ago.

“You're not upset that he took Mythal's essence?”

“That is a complicated question.” Abelas answered, his voice still calm. “The other sentinels and I have come to serve Fen'Harel as he gives us new purpose.”

“So you agree with what he wishes to do?”

“It does not matter whether we agree. We serve.” Abelas shook his head at me, his eyes narrowing as he gave me a mixed expression.

“That seems a bit...” I really had no idea how to explain how I thought they were better then just being Solas' lap dogs. Especially when it might be against their will.

“We took a vow when we served Mythal, it does not matter that it is now Fen'Harel.” Abelas' voice was a little harsh as he said it.

I flinched a little but managed to keep my head held high. I still had no idea what this man was capable of, but after living in the past, I was sure that it was far more then the other sentinels had demonstrated when we had gone to Mythal's temple.

“Ir abelas.” He muttered. “I do not mean to sound harsh, ma tarlan. Our oaths are sacred to those of us who serve.”

“Ir abelas tas.” I managed to smile at him. “It was rude of me to question or to pass judgement.”

“You have grown much while you were transported to Elvhenan.”

“You know as well?” I stared at him blankly. Wondering just how many people knew I had been thrown through time.

“Well, yes...” He looked a little uncomfortable, his usually direct words faltering. “I was but a young man then.”

My mind almost shorted as I heard what he said. I didn't recall him at all but then, I had never considered he was there. I couldn't even think of any young elves that would have looked like him.

“You were in Mythal's temple while I was there?” I sounded a little accusatory.

“I was, briefly.” He answered. “You did not see me but I saw you.”

“Oh, Creators.” I rubbed the bridge of my nose as I was faced with this new reality. “How much... how much did you see?”

“Everything save what happened after Andruil came into the temple.” He said simply.

“You are aware of...”

“You and Fen'Harel, yes.” He said with a nod. “I was surprised when you arrived at the Vir'abelasan and seemed... different. Ash'ter and Fen'Harel, both by different names and so unaware of the truth of things.”

“Was that why you were so angry with us?”

My mind went back to our arrival at the well of sorrows. Solas and Morrigan had been bickering over everything in the temple, from the carvings of Fen'Harel to the very well itself. Abelas and the other sentinels had fought to protect the well but yet, they had agreed to let us pass. His words were mostly forgotten but I remembered when he had become so angry when I asked about drinking from the well.

“Partially, yes.” He gave a small nod. “I remembered the woman who had been so caught up in learning. Who could only be swayed by the attentions of Fen'Harel. To see you again, so... unknowing, it was a bit frightening. I had thought you had forgotten yourself.”

“No, I hadn't forgotten myself.”

“I became aware of that later.”

“When Fen'Harel told you?”

“No, Mythal told me.” He said it simply with a shrug of his shoulders. “She came to us all in a dream.”

“Oh?” I asked, suddenly very curious as to where this was going. “What did she tell you?”

“Who you were, mostly.” He nodded at me.

“Just that?” I asked, doubting he would have stopped me from going to see Solas if it was just that.

“No.” He said with a shake of his head before his hands went behind his back. “We are to aid you as if you are Mythal.”

“Does Fen'Harel know?”

“No, he does not.” Abelas said with a shake of his head. “We obey him as duty dictates but we will do what we can to help you. We are not as bound to him as you are, it is a vow that binds us while it magic that binds you.”

It was both awe inspiring and a little frightening to know that I had the former sentinels that belonged to Mythal willing to aid me. I knew I would not force them to choose sides between me or Solas but it was something.

I didn't ask about the magic binding me to Solas as I didn't think I could deal with that kind of revelation right now, especially if it was more then what I already knew.

“Thank you, Abelas.”

“Your thanks are unneeded.” He said. “We served Mythal first.”

“Still, thank you.” I managed to smile at him although the thanks seemed to make him a little uncomfortable. “Does my being here unsettle you?”

“No.” He said with a shake of his head. “You remind me of what once was, more so then Fen'Harel and his plans.”

“Why is that?” I asked, curious as to how I was reminding him of a place and time where I had only been for little under ten years.

“You were kind to her.” He said simply. “She used to tell me stories of you, how unlike the other nobles you were.”

“She?”

“Ailani.”

“You knew her?” I asked, suddenly remembering the elf that had served me while I lived within Mythal's temple.

“Yes.” Abelas said with a wistful smile. “She was my mother.”

I stared at him for a moment before I voiced the question. “What happened to her?”

“She did not survive what happened at Mythal's temple.” There was a touch of sadness in his voice but his features retained that calm look.

“Ah.” I said, unsure of what to say to that. It made me wonder exactly why he had taken on the name of Abelas, Sorrow, and if perhaps it wasn't completely tied to the death of Mythal. Not that I thought it diminished what had happened to Mythal but if that was the case, then every sentinel would have taken up the name.

I felt a slight tug on that bond that bound me to Solas and wrinkled up my face. Abelas clearly noticed and gave a small chuckle. It was strange to hear him laugh but it was a nice sound, almost comforting after the whispers from the other elves.

“It seems he is aware that you have found your way out of his little _cage_.” There was an almost disgusted note to his voice when he said the word.

I was startled as it was clear that he had not agreed with Solas keeping me locked in the room. It made me wonder what else he was disagreeing with although I had the feeling he would tell me nothing if I pried.

“I should go see him then.”

“As you will, ma tarlan Ash'ter.” Abelas gave a bow and moved to the side to let me pass.

I gave him a parting smile before continuing on my way. The hallway was much as I expected, ending in a large set of doors that were far more ornate then the ones at Skyhold. These doors were carved in a great many scenes from the lore of the Dalish elves and I guessed that it had been here for some time. Magic must have kept it intact.

I pushed the door open to find Solas standing within, leaning over a table just like the one in Skyhold. It was far more fancy then the giant stump of a tree like table that was in Skyhold but it held the same purpose. I could see little markers here and there across a large map. He looked up at me as I walked over, his blue eyes lit with a bit of pride but there was also mild annoyance in his features.

“I was worried you were going to flee after you opened the barrier.” He said simply as he leaned away from the table to stand fully.

He was standing with all the nobility one would expect from a god with his head held high and his lips set in a small but knowing smile. My heart beat sped up a little but I ignored it.

It seemed that he had once more slipped on the mask of being happy, regret over the death of the Alinuris long gone from his face. I guessed when one had an eternity ahead of them, there was plenty of time for regret once he had finished the tasks ahead of him.

“Sealing me within that room was not a nice thing.” I shot him a glare.

“Sealing you in...?” He quirked an eyebrow before he shook his head. “Tel na, vhenan.”

There was a chuckle in his voice which only brought another glare from me. I didn't speak, merely glared harder as I waited for him to explain.

“Some of the elves have wagging tongues,” His face became somber. “They saw your hand and called you Ash'ter. Despite my insistence for you not to be bothered, some still attempted to enter your rooms.”

“So you sealed me in to keep people from bothering me while I slept?” I asked, not quite believing that.

“Yes.” He said with a small shrug. “You needed rest to recover from your injury.”

“How long have I been here, exactly?”

“A few days past a week.”

“Solas!” I scolded.

“I told you, I am not allowing you to leave until I am certain that you are healed.”

“This seems like a great deal of effort.”

“What would you have me do?” His voice held the faintest twinge of anger. “Leave you to die when the Chargers are unable to deal with the poison in your blood?”

“What does my life matter in the grand scheme of things?” My voice was cold.

Solas looked like he had been slapped, his whole posture contorting at the words. That calm look on his face went straight to anger and his eyes sparked with that blue energy. The lack of secrets seemed to let me get under his skin far easier then had been possible before. He advanced towards me and forced me back up against the door, pinning me beneath his taller frame.

“Na garahnen!” His voice was a growl as he pressed his hands against the wall on either side of my shoulders. “Everything I have done, from the moment you walked out of the fade to leaving you, has been for the sole purpose of protecting you. Yet you seem intent on undoing that at every turn.”

I should have been afraid but I wasn't. I looked him straight in the eyes as I straightened myself as best as I could. It was just a little difficult with his hips planted firmly against mine.

“Was killing the Alinuris protecting me, Solas?” My voice was defiant. “Because that sure as void doesn't seem so.”

“I told you.” His voice was beyond angry but I could hear the guilt lacing just beneath it. “I thought they were responsible. In my rage, I turned on them.” His voice caught for a moment. “You were gone, vhenan. I had... I had nothing left.”

I stared into those eyes of his even as they began to subside to the normal blue shade I had become so fond of. There was pain in his features and I knew he honestly regretted the decision that had led him to slaughter the descendants of the Alinuris.

“Solas...” I said softly, the pounding of my heart loud in my ears. “You need to let me go.”

“I... I can't. Vhenan, I'm sorry but I can't.” He leaned in to ghost his lips over mine. “You will rush back into danger once more and I cannot risk that. I cannot risk you.”

“How do you know I'd run off into danger?” I asked.

“Because you are you.” He leaned away from me to take a step back. “You would gladly sacrifice yourself if it meant keeping others safe.”

“That includes you too, you know.” I muttered but did not move from the door as I tried to catch my breath.

“I know, vhenan.” He said with a small but sad smile. “You would be caught between it all, trying to save them and trying to save me.”

“You can't remove this choice from me, Solas.” I shook my head at him. “It isn't right and you know it.”

“Nothing is right, Ethara.”

“You can make it right by letting me leave.”

“I cannot.”

“Solas.”

“No, Vhenan.”

This was getting me nowhere. No matter how much I asked, he refused. Although this was a step up from where he was blatantly lying to me about it. I was still a little sore about that but I could almost understand why. If I was in his place, I probably would have done all I could to protect him even though I wasn't sure if I would go as far as caging him and blaming it on curious elves.

“Alright... then tell me what happened with the Alinuris.”

He looked startled before he looked away.

“Why do you wish to know about them?” He asked, his gaze flicking back to his table like that was far more interesting. “I killed them. There is nothing beyond that.”

“Where were they? Adahldur was abandoned for years.” I prompted. “Did they say anything to you? Were they using blood magic? Were there any dead halla?”

“That... is an awfully specific set of questions, vhenan.” He turned back and looked at me with a strained expression. “They were in a small village hidden away in the Free Marches. They... accepted their deaths. I do not believe they were using blood magic and why are you enquiring about halla?”

I sighed as I absentmindedly rubbed my crystalline hand. “Just a theory.” I mumbled as I pushed away the thoughts that the Alinuris had been so close to where clan Lavellan had been. It was a strange consideration, given what had happened but just another missed opportunity to have known them.

“A theory about what?” Solas was once more invading my personal space but he was at least not pinning me to the door.

“Are you going to compel me to tell you?” I asked with a small glare.

“No.” He said it with such sincerity that my resolve slipped a little. “I would prefer you to tell me what you are thinking.”

“It's... it's just that so far, as far as I can tell, someone has done blood magic with a halla when I've been involved.” I looked away from those vivid eyes of his. “At least twice. Once when someone was pulling my younger self to this era and when I...”

“When you what?” He was leaning against me at that point.

“I think I killed your halla. The big white one?” I swallowed as I closed my eyes. The memory of waking in Sum'banal with the bits of horn stuck in my side was still present in my mind.

“You used blood magic?” He sounded shocked. He was well aware of my distaste for that type of magic. It was magic as any other but there seemed to be something terrible about using blood, especially since all the Venatori we had encountered had been using the blood of others.

“Not intentionally. I was in a lot of pain and I heard it.” I flinched as I remembered the events that led to me ending up in the crossroads. My fingers ghosted over my side where I knew the faint scars to be. “I don't remember much but I woke up in Sum'banal with a bit of halla horn sticking in my side and I saw a vision of your younger self next to the halla.”

“You saw that?” He still sounded shocked but there was a bit of interest in his voice. “What did you see exactly?”

“It was dying. You were there. You were upset. Mythal as Flemeth showed up in spirit form and you were screaming. I don't know what you said but I think that's when she or the younger Mythal took your memories away.” I managed to keep the pain out of my voice as I said it. It had been a terrible thing to watch. “But enough about that, was there a dead halla there?”

“No, there wasn't.” His voice had gone soft.

“Then they didn't send me through time.” I wrinkled my nose as I thought about it. “I think... I think they affected the spell though.”

“In what way?”

“Ethyrne said that he felt the magic of the Alinuris within the spell that brought me to Elvhenan. I think they kept it from taking me where – or rather when I was supposed to go.”

“You think someone in the past pulled you back into the past?” Solas voice was calm but I could hear the concern in the words.

“Yes, just like I think someone pulled my younger self to this era.” I thought about it. “Both times, I arrived at least ten years off of what I was supposed to.”

“You are certain of this?”

“It was just under ten years before I was born that I arrived in Elvhenan which would be an important date. And I was found ten years after a group of mages cast blood magic involving a halla.”

“The second one sounds more like a coincidence.”

“It was the same grove that I was found in by hunters from Clan Lavallen.”

There was silence again, as we both thought over what I was saying. There was so much that didn't fit but I knew I couldn't give up.

“Solas... Cole said something.” I flicked my eyes up to his to see that look on his face. “He said that the Alinuris, my Alinuris, made a choice.”

Solas remained silent for a moment before he spoke. “I visited the Alinuris briefly before I entered uthenera. There was nothing out of the ordinary save that they were uncertain where Ethyrne had gone. They told me that he had given them instructions to move from Adahldur and that they were going to keep away from the rest of the elves.”

He seemed to think about it, and I could just imagine his younger self being angry with the Alinuris for abandoning the people when there was no one left to lead.

“Did you see a red haired elf.. I mean with hair like mine?” I asked, hopeful for a moment that perhaps my mother had been among those that had left Adahldur.

“Ir abelas, I did not.” Solas understood instantly who I was asking about. “They were rather tight lipped about things, none of them seemed at all bothered by the fact that I had erected the veil now that I think about it.”

“I see...” I paused for a moment longer before speaking. “Do you know what es'an myemah salhasis has to do with this?”

“Es'an myemah salhasis?” He looked a little perturbed by my question. “Where did you hear that?”

“Cole told me.”

Solas frowned and started pacing the room. His body had taken on a more predatory like posture and his gaze had darkened.

“Did Cole say anything else?” He asked.

“Es'an myemah salhasis. They wanted her.” I thought back to the exact words as I repeated them. “Not their magic but with their magic. They learned. They had to stop it. Not let them hurt her.”

Solas stopped in his pacing and looked over at me.

“He also said you know. It hurts but that you know.”

“I know.” He said with a nod but his voice sounded bitter.” Es'an myemah salhasis was the words the Evanuris used to describe a cult that had no qualms with sacrificing others to their cause. They threatened all of Elvhenan.”

“Solas?” I questioned but he held up his hand to explain.

“Remember how I told you how the Evanuris came to be seen as gods? It was because we defeated them. That was the war.” He closed his eyes as he struggled with it. “It would have been years, centuries before Mythal's death, we killed them. Killed every one of them.”

“Salhasis?” I questioned even though magic had long since granted me the ability to understand ancient Elvish like I'd been raised to know it. “They worshipped Tu'Salhasis, didn't they?”

“Yes.” Solas answered.

I started to tremble against the door. I made the connection just as I was sure that Solas had. I was being hunted through the years by agents of the thing in Sum'banal. The thing that had driven Andruil beyond the brink of insanity.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything isn't all Solas' fault either.
> 
>  
> 
> Almost forgot the translations. From FenXShiral's lexicon. And yes, I'm utterly trash at understanding how languages work.  
> ma tarlan - my Lady  
> Ir abelas – I'm sorry  
> Ir abelas tas – I'm sorry too  
> Vir'abelasan – Well of Sorrows  
> Tel na – Not you  
> Na garahnen – You are everything  
> Es'an myemah salhasis – They follow madness


	21. Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara reflects on the effect she's had on history, believing herself to blame for a great many things.

Solas had gathered me up in his arms but I had started to shiver. His voice was soft in my ear, as he tried to comfort me.

“I will not let them have you, vhenan.”

I clung to his chest as he carried me to his chair and sunk into it. He just cuddled me against his chest and ran his fingers across my back.

“Did you know?” I asked, looking up at him. “Before I said it, I mean?”

“No.” He answered truthfully. “I had thought that cult was dead thousands of years ago. I had not realized they lived into this era.”

“Mythal saw the bodies of the ones who tried to pull the younger me into this era but she didn't consider that it was that cult.” I mumbled. “She never even mentioned it.”

“She would have no need of it. As I said, we believed them dead and gone.” The look on his face was clear that he was already thinking things through. That there was already a plan forming in his mind to determine where this was going to lead.

“Why me? Why would they want me?”

“It has something to do with what Ethyrne did but I don't know exactly what happened.” Solas said with an almost frustrated sigh.

“It's all because of me.”

His arms circled me and held me tighter. I had mentioned it to him before that something had gone wrong but I was certain of it now. I had died that day so long ago. The life I had lived was never meant to be mine but by the simple act of being alive, I had caused an old man to sacrifice himself to ensure that I lived but it wasn't just Ethyrne that I was responsible for. The more I thought about it, the more sickened I felt.

“What are you referring to?” There was a frown in Solas' voice.

“If I didn't exist, none of that would have happened. There never would have been a civil war among the elves. Elgar'nan would never have accused Dirthamen of harbouring Andruil and begun killing everyone. You would have never taken me to Adahldur, Ethyrne would never have met me. He wouldn't have given his life for a baby that should have died. You wouldn't have left Mythal's side when she needed you most. There would be no veil.”

I started to cry as I spoke. I was at the centre of every thing that had happened that brought about the veil. I was the catalyst for it all.

“No, vhenan.” Solas held me tighter against him. “It was only a matter of time before the Evanuris warred with one another.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” I asked, looking up at him through tear filled eyes. “That time could have had the opposite effect, Elgar'nan could have seen that people were manipulating him to kill Mythal.”

“How... how do you know that?”

“I saw the vision of her dying.” I felt more tears beginning. “Dirthamen whispered to Elgar'nan and he got angry enough to... creators, I don't know... it looked like he was sucking her energy from her.”

Solas continued to gently rub my back.

“They were all there. Everyone but you and Andruil. There were even nobles with them. They all did it.” I sobbed. “You left to find me.”

“Shhh...” Solas said as he pulled me tight against his chest. “You are not to blame for the actions of the Evanuris. If anything, blame the ones responsible for putting you adrift in time.”

His belief in that was cold comfort knowing what I had seen and what had played out.

“You can't bring them back, Solas. The Evanuris.” I managed. “What they did to her... you can't let them back into the world.”

“Vhenan,” His voice was soft. “I will deal with them when they return.”

“How?” I demanded despite the tears. “You're not even powerful enough to unlock your own orb. You'll be no match for the Evanuris.”

“Do you have that little faith in my strength?”

“No, I have a lot of faith in you but you don't seem to realize.” I whispered. “You may have taken Mythal's power into you but they have not had centuries of living with the veil to dull their senses. You said I was like a breeze but became a thunderstorm? What would a thunderstorm become?”

Solas went silent. I did not know if that was in admitting to my line of logic or if he was thinking about something else entirely.

“Even the spirits don't want you to tear down the veil.”

He stiffened against me. “You are so certain of that.”

“Cole?” I called as I lifted my head from Solas' chest. It took only a few moments before the spirit of Compassion shimmered into being near us. I looked at him before nodding. “Tell him what you told me.”

“We don't want it. We know it's wrong.” Cole said. “If the veil is gone, we'll be real but we won't be us. I won't be me.”

Solas was staring at the spirit with an unreadable expression.

“Other things. Other things will come. We'll be twisted, wrong. It'll hurt. Everything will hurt.”

“You're certain of that?”

“Yes. Wisdom said so.” Cole nodded. “So did Knowledge. You stopped listening.”

“Away with you.” Solas said as he waved his hand at the spirit.

Cole hesitated for a moment before looking Solas dead in the eye. “If you hurt her, we won't forgive you. None of us will.”

Then the spirit was gone and we were once more left alone.

I stared at the space Cole had been in even as my mind finally caught up with what Cole had just said. The sheer absurdity of it made me laugh. “Did – did a spirit of compassion just threaten you?”

“So, it would seem.” Solas said but his voice was clear, he did not find that amusing. “That was a bit unfair, calling Cole to back up your side of things, vhenan.”

“I thought it would get the point across.” I sighed even as his fingers came to wipe the tears from my cheeks. “I can't fight both you and whatever these guys are that are chasing me.”

“Ethara.” His hand cupped my cheek for a moment. “You cannot expect me to cease in tearing down the veil.”

“I had to try, Solas.” I sighed again. “If you are not going to change your mind then you know I cannot stay.”

He was silent for a long moment. “I know.”

I looked up at him and could see that his jaw was working as he came to a decision. “You had best call Dorian again, I will need to speak with him.”

I fumbled for a moment at his words. “You knew about the crystal?”

“Of course.” Solas said with a smile.

“And you let me call him anyway?”

“You didn't think it took me that long to get food for us, did you?”

“That's devious.” I shook my head at him. “What if he'd been able to find out where I was?”

“They would never reach here, vhenan. I control the eluvians, remember?” His voice was soft again as his hands traced along my cheek. The touch was almost hesitant as if he was frightened that I would push him away.

That made it clear then that we were somewhere that could not be reached by foot. No wonder people were unable to find his base of operations.

“Why do you want to speak to Dorian?” I asked. “And if you say that's no concern of mine, I'm lighting your table on fire.”

I was not in the mind to be left out further. Especially since there seemed to be more things unfolding behind the scenes that I was unaware of.

“I wish to discuss what you've told me with him.” Solas said. “If that cult is indeed chasing you then there is the possibility that there may already be agents within my people, within his, within your Inquisition or worse yet, within all three.”

“Should I speak to Leliana then?” I suggested. Leliana had become Divine and there was the possibility that this would need to involve the Chantry. Especially if these cultists were attempting to do something with a monster from beyond the void.

“No. I wasn't kidding when I said you were injured.” He shook his head. “After you contact Dorian and pass the crystal off to me, you are to return to your chambers to rest.”

“You expect me to just go quietly?” I quirked an eyebrow.

“No, I don't expect you to go quietly but I am asking. Please, vhenan.”

I crossed my arms and looked up at him. “No.” I shook my head. “I do not want people planning what is going to happen to me without my consent. I am not someone's puppet.”

“I'm afraid that's what you've become,” Solas trailed his fingers over my lips for a brief moment. “Something put you on the path towards arriving in the past. I intend to find out who has been toying with your life.”

I bit back any harsh comment I had to that. Some old wounds hadn't really healed I suppose.

“Well, I know it was Mythal who guided me to being Inquisitor so you don't have to chase down that lead.” I muttered instead.

“What do you mean?”

“She masqueraded as a spirit that I talked to as a child. She said she did it out of guilt.” I grimaced as I thought about it.

“What's that look for?”

“I still talked to her while I was Inquisitor. I may have said a few... inappropriate things.”

“Like what, vhenan?” He sounded curious and I sunk a little lower in his lap.

“Mostly things about you.”

“Ah...” He trailed off for several minutes before he kissed the top of my head. “I will find out who is responsible for all of this, I promise.”

I didn't say anything as I just snuggled into him. In this brief moment, there weren't any other concerns, there was just me and him. The sound of the door opening had me looking up startled.

“It's alright, it's only Abelas.” Solas whispered against my ear as he shifted us forward.

Abelas was standing there, holding my bag out towards Solas and I. He was close enough that I could take the bag but still at a respectful distance from the two of us. His gaze was even fixed somewhere else as opposed to looking at where we were draped around one another.

I'm certain the tips of my ears probably went a little pink as I heard a soft chuckle from Solas.

“If you could contact Dorian.” He prompted.

I took the bag and looked through it for the crystal. It was still where I had safely hidden it, a precaution that was apparently unneeded. I glanced quickly up at Solas who nodded to me with a small smile. His hand gently squeezed my shoulder.

“Dorian?” I called as the crystal hummed to life.

“Ethara?” Dorian's voice answered quickly, he must have had the crystal on him. “Oh thank the maker, I was getting worried when you weren't answering.”

I hadn't talked to him in several days but I hadn't been aware of him trying to activate the crystal. I shot a glance up at Solas' face but he had the picture of innocence on his face.

“I'm alright, Dorian.” I responded to Dorian. “Umm... Solas wants to talk to you.”

“What?” Dorian sounded a little stunned. His usually articulate self stopping short of whatever words he had been planning.

“Yes, apparently I'm being chased by some ancient Elvhen cult that may be within his forces, your Tevinter people or within the Inquisition.” I said dryly. “He wishes to speak to you about that and my safety I suppose.”

“I... I see.” Dorian faltered a little. “Very well, hand him the crystal.”

I dutifully handed the crystal to Solas who then motioned towards Abelas. Solas stepped to his feet easily, even with me in his lap, gently sliding me to my feet. There was a small smile on Solas' face as he bent to kiss my forehead before he turned away.

“Hello Dorian.” Solas said as he stepped away from me.

I moved to follow but Abelas put a gentle hand on my arm to keep me from moving. Glancing back at him, he shook his head at me. Apparently, I was not to follow.

“Hello Solas or should I refer to you as Fen'Harel. Or would you prefer something more suiting of your little _betrayal_.” Dorian's voice was calm but there was no mistaking the bite in his choice of words.

“We can discuss that later, right now, Ethara is of the most concern.” Solas said with an unamused tone of voice as he walked to the other end of the room. I could feel Solas' magic rising in the air as he talked.

“Come.” Abelas said in my ear, leaning down just over my shoulder.

Ancient Elves seemed to ignore the concept of personal space whenever it suited them, apparently.

“No, I want to hear this...” I said with a glare up at him.

“I do not believe he is going to allow that.” Abelas responded simply.

The magic I felt radiating off of Solas suddenly made sense as the sound from that end of the room suddenly ceased. I knew he was still talking as I could vaguely see the movement of his mouth when he turned to look pace but there was no sound. I stopped glaring at Abelas, only to glare at Solas instead.

“He is concerned about you.” Abelas said. “He does not wish to worry you if he is proven incorrect.”

“That's not much of a comfort.” I said with an irritated grunt.

“I know.” Abelas said as he offered his hand to mine. “Come along, we will see about getting you something to eat and then you can glare a hole into Fen'Harel's back.”

“You're not going to force me to return to my chambers to rest?”

“Of course not.” Abelas said with a thin smile. “I am but a servant. If Fen'Harel wishes to push the issue, he may do so but I obey your wishes as well, ma tarlan.”

I sighed before following him as he led his way back out into the hallway and then back out into the large hall. Once more there were the whispers as all the eyes turned towards me. I almost flattened back against the doorway but Abelas' hand on my arm kept me from bolting then and there.

“This way.” He said as he led me through the throngs of people.

Well, that would be incorrect as they parted for the two of us. That same look of reverence was in their eyes that had been in the human's eyes when they declared her Herald of Andraste. It was unsettling.

Abelas' hand remained on my arm and I was grateful for the presence of the sentinel. He stopped only when we had gotten to the end of the hall. His gaze had darkened as we walked and I was certain he knew of how uncomfortable these people were making me.

“Do you not all have duties to attend to?” He barked at the people in the hall, and as one, they all turned to hurry about their business.

Some of them muttered apologies but most just moved before Abelas started shouting more orders.

The hall that led to the Kitchens was much more clear of people and I was thankful for that.

“They are as children,” Abelas said with a mild hint of annoyance. “They see you and Fen'Harel as reminders of a long gone age. Two gods made flesh.”

“I'm no goddess.” I muttered.

“No, but you are not as they are, either.” Abelas said with a small laugh as he let go of my arm.

“Closer to them then godhood.” I shook my head as we walked down the hallway.

“What is a god if not someone who is worshipped?” Abelas put forward as we came to the door.

That was something I had considered but the thought was quickly put from my mind at the simple annoyance that he might view me as that as well.

“Don't you start, either.” I shot him a small glare but he seemed to take it in stride as he held open the door for me. “Thank you.”

He bowed his head to me but said nothing as he followed me in. I could have sworn I saw a faint blush across his cheeks before he turned to close the door behind us.

The kitchen was large, almost twice the size of the one in Skyhold. I could smell a variety of different things. Spices, roasting meat and baking bread; but beneath all that, I could smell something else. Something nearly electric.

“Ma tarlan.” Abelas stepped in front of me, his eyes glancing quickly about the kitchen. There was instant tension in his shoulders as he quickly glanced around the kitchens.

“You can smell it too, right?” I asked, peering over his shoulder.

That smell was there, just laying beneath the normal smells of the kitchens. It was almost like the smell of magic gone awry but I could see no signs of any casting in the room before us.

I could also see no one in the kitchens. A place this large should have had someone working there at all times yet there were no cooks standing within the place. There was no one else but Abelas and I. Suspicion gave way to paranoia and I glanced at hm.

“Yes.” His breath was hissed from between his teeth, he unsheathed his sword so quickly that it looked like it had appeared in his hand. “Back the way we came.”

I did not need a second urging. I turned back towards the door and attempted to push it open.

It wouldn't open.

No matter how much I tugged on the handle, it did not move.

I reached out with my other senses and could feel the magic rising up around us. The door was the focus point of it but the magic was there. Like an impenetrable wall that had sealed the door. Placing a hand on the wood, I tried to find the weak points even as the magic seemed to intensify.

That smell began to intensify as well but it was not coming from the door. It was like it was coming from all around us, from within this specific room.

I swore under my breath as I forced my power against the door. If there wasn't any cracks, then I was going to make one myself.

I felt the magic tense and pull but then I saw it. Just beneath the other spell was something smaller, more compact. It was finely made, something I instinctively knew was beyond the mages of this time. It was too fine. Too small.

I tried to pull away from the cracks I had formed in the first spell but it was too late.

“Ma tarlan!” Abelas' voice screamed in my ears as the world exploded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FenXShiral's Lexicon  
> ma tarlan - my lady


	22. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara and Abelas deal with Ethara setting off a trap before she finds her way into the crossroads of the eluvians.

My ears were ringing and it was a little hard to see but I was definitely alive. I hurt too much to be dead. I could make out grey, blobby versions of the world around me; nothing was solid or looking like it was supposed to be. The door that had been the centre of the spell now looked like a solid mass of grey.

“Abelas?” I croaked as I slowly climbed to my feet. Dust clung to my throat but I didn't think anything was broken. I was pretty sure there was something wet dripping down my face, probably from a cut but it was pushed out of my mind as I looked for the sentinel.

“Here, Ash'ter.” His voice came to my left and I whipped my head in that direction. Perhaps a little too quickly as it sent a sharp strike of pain through my skull.

I stretched out my hand to reach towards him and was gratified to feel his hand grasp mine. I stumbled in his direction as he tugged me close. He let go of my hand for a moment and I could feel his hands ghosting quickly over my arms and legs.

He was checking for breaks.

I swatted his hands away and gave him what I hoped was a look that said I was fine.

“The doorway is caved in. We're not going back out that way.” Abelas said simply.

My eyes began to focus a little better and I could make out the distinction of colours and a lot of debris. Most of the kitchen on that side had caved in it seemed. I frowned and tried to pull my magic to shift the blocks but found I could do nothing of the sort.

I started to panic as I realized my magical senses seemed to be dulled.

“Relax.” Abelas' voice was calming. “The spell absorbed your magic.”

“Same with yours?” I asked as I turned my head to look at him.

“Yes, but not as badly. You were the one the spell targeted.”

“That's because I was trying to force the other spell to break.” I grimaced, knowing that this was entirely my fault. “I didn't see the other spell underneath it until I triggered it.”

“Nor would you, that's a tactic from the days of magical warfare.” Abelas' voice held a hint of disgust. “That is nothing you would have experienced, even in your time with Mythal.”

“We need to get back to Solas.” Even with my magic being depleted, I could still sense a wrongness in the air. There was something I could not make out what it was but it left a strange feeling crawling over my skin. The only way I could describe it was that it felt like I was standing beneath a roof with rain hitting the top of it. I could hear the rain and feel the dampness in the air but it did not touch me.

I could dimly make out Abelas' face nodding at me.

“Yes, but we'll need to take the long way.” His grip on my hand slid to my arm as he guided me around the remnants of the kitchens and out into another hall.

It looked the same as every other hallway. Grey stones. Floor and walls. There were occasional tapestries but they just looked like chunks of mottled browns to me. Whatever details were there were completely lost in my hazy vision.

“He's going to be pissed.” I mumbled as we walked.

“Someone will die for this, yes.” Abelas responded without even a hint of jest in his voice.

I did not question that. This spell had clearly been meant to target someone other then Solas. He would have seen the second spell waiting beneath the first. He would have been aware of such trickery from his days as a General so long ago. There was only one other person in Solas' keep who was high profile enough to attract the time and effort for such a trap.

Myself.

Solas was going to be furious.

There were a few more steps before Abelas stopped once more. His hand was still relaxed on my arm but I could almost sense the tensed elf next to me.

“What is it?” I asked trying to pick up on what the sentinel had noticed but everything still felt wrong. At least the faint taste of coppery blood dripping across my lips chased away the electric smell in the air.

I rubbed it away with the back of a sleeve, which was apparently torn and equally bloody as it just felt like it smudged the trail of blood on my face.

“Nothing.” He suddenly had us back tracking away from the way we had been going.

I did not remember there being this many hallways at Skyhold but I guessed this place was far different. The kitchens had been huge compared to the home of the Inquisition so it made sense that this place would be far more winding.

My thoughts on the size of the hallways was interrupted as I heard footsteps approaching us. There were quite a few, like a group of elves were coming to rescue us.

“Is that...?” I was hopeful.

“It is not a rescue.” Abelas' voice was strained but crushing to whatever hopes I had.

Silence hung in the air as I realized that it was the second part of the trap. Whomever else was in this part of the keep was walking to the kitchens to retrieve me. They must still believe that I had triggered the spell and was too unconscious to be moving.

“Where are we going?” I asked as he hurried me along. Somehow, I managed to keep from tripping as he seemed to be moving far faster then a casual walk.

“I serve. I will get you out of danger.”

There was something in Abelas' voice that made me worry, and I turned my head to look at him but I still could not make out a damn detail of his face. At least he was looking elvhen now instead of just an Abelas coloured smear that was dressed in more green shapes.

The footsteps were still following us but they were catching up. Even as we came through one set of doors, Abelas slamming it shut behind us, I could see our pursuers. They all had weapons drawn, and I knew that was not the sign of people coming to rescue us.

Solas wasn't among them.

I idly rubbed my crystalline hand even as Abelas pushed me further into the room. My mind wandering to why Solas had not come for us yet. I tried to sense for him but everything was still dulled.

“Why... why hasn't Solas come looking for us?” I asked, looking over at Abelas.

“I do not think he sensed the explosion which means something has blocked it from registering to the rest of the Keep.” Abelas answered as we walked. I wasn't certain if he was doing it because it was me or if he was trying to distract me from thinking too much about being pursued.

“What can do that?” I asked in surprise.

“I do not know. Short of you and Fen'Harel, there should be nothing powerful enough in this world to do so.” He swore under his breath in elven as he led me before a large shape at the end of this room.

That thought was utterly terrifying. I had no idea what was more powerful then Solas, a man who could turn a person to stone with a mere thought. It was strange that Abelas counted me in the same category as Solas but then, I was stronger then a normal mage now. Perhaps it was just that and not him worshipping me like the ancient elves did with the Evanuris.

I finally made out the shape of his face, being capable of seeing the stern line of his lips as he turned towards the shape he had led me to. Looking over at it, I could see that it was one of the largest eluvians I had ever seen. I guessed that it was perhaps the main gateway in and out of this place. It came to life with a hum as Abelas said a few words to it.

“Go through, he will find you on the other side.”

“Wait... you're not coming?” I looked at him as I realized he intended to remain here.

“No.” Abelas' face had become grim even as he pulled his sword free.

“Abelas...”

“I told you. We serve you as we serve Mythal.” His face was set in a determined line, glancing towards the door as we both heard the banging against it.

“Solas can find us both on the other side.” I said.

“No.” Abelas repeated again, his eyes flicking to the door even as banging began to start from the other side. “I will protect this side of the eluvian. They will not follow nor will I allow them to shatter it.”

“Why... why would they shatter it?” I asked, a stunned expression my face as I looked over at him.

“To hamper his efforts to get to you. Now go.” Abelas shoved me through the mirror.

I briefly saw the elves pulling through the door. They were an odd assortment but they were all fixated on me.

Then I stumbled out onto the other side, catching myself as I fell to the stone. I got to my feet and looked around and felt a sickening wave hit me.

There was no sky here, there was only a grey nothing and for a brief moment, I was reminded of Sum'banal. Terror rose up and I could feel myself starting to panic. I turned to go back into the eluvian but felt myself contact with a solid mirror and bounced off it.

Falling to my ass, I took a deep breath to try and steady myself.

_This was not the crossroads to the void._ I reminded myself as I got to my feet but it was still hard not to feel fear clutching at my heart. The similarities between this construct and that one was terrifying.

Looking around, I could see more eluvians. It took a few seconds for me to remember that this was the place that Morrigan had taken me so long ago. I focused on that thought instead, remembering when Morrigan had taken me through here as she sought to explain the eluvians to me. She had called it a crossroads, a place where all eluvians connected.

_Morrigan's eluvian!_

I lurched forward as I began to search for the eluvian that would lead me to the witch. Had I not been so panicky over what was happening through the eluvian I came through, I might have almost found this an amusing diversion. I wondered what Morrigan would think if I told her about Mythal.

“She would not find it funny.” Cole's voice was at my elbow.

“Oh, thank the creators.” I almost sobbed as I wrapped my arms around him. I had not felt his approach but my magic was still dulled and beyond my reach.

“You are hurt.”

“Yes, someone set a trap for me in Solas' keep.”

“He stayed behind. He protects.” Cole tilted his head. “I will not let them touch her. Shining truth, she is Mythal's hope.”

“Yes, Abelas stayed behind to pro... wait, what?” I stared at him as I took a wobbly step backwards. “Mythal's hope?”

“You did not ask?” Cole frowned. “I told you he knew. It hurt but he knew.”

I stopped breathing for a minute. My assumption had been that Cole had been talking about Solas but it was clear. He'd been talking about Abelas. I am such a damn idiot.

“Creators... I thought you meant...”

“Oh.” Cole looked a little apologetic. “No. He does not know. Mythal made them promise. Made them swear. They would help make things unbroken.”

“Okay... we can deal with when I'm out of here.”

“Yes. He cannot hold them for long. They use magic. Old. Stolen.” Cole's face contorted into an unreadable expression.

“Can you show me the way to Morrigan's eluvian?” I asked.

“Yes. This way.” Cole slid my arm over his shoulder and began to lead me through the landscape before us. “I cannot heal. Not here in this place. It is... it is too much in between. Not real but real.”

“I know what you mean. This place is too far outside of the normal reality of things.” I had sensed that this place was collapsing in on itself before but I was glad my new senses were dulled as I'd hate to know what it felt like now.

“They opened the doors but it strains this place. Weakens it.”

“That's what I thought.” I said with a sigh.

Solas had reclaimed the Eluvians but the stress of that magic was affecting this place. It had lain dormant for too long to survive the onslaught of magic that was being released now as he, and his agents, travelled through the eluvians.

“We are almost there.”

“You've been a big help, Cole.” I said with a smile. “Thank you.”

“I always wanted to help.” Cole smiled back at me. “Heal the hurt.”

“Heal the hurt.” I nodded to him.

We had gone some distance from where I entered the crossroads, or at least I believed it to be so as I had no idea how long we were really walking. I still hurt all over but I was beginning to think I may have broken a rib when I set off that trap as it was starting to get harder to breathe.

“Wait here.” Cole said as he laid me down on the ground.

“Cole?”

“You do not know how to open it. She does.” Cole nodded and seemed to fade away.

“Ah.” I mumbled as I shifted into a more comfortable position. I knew there was nothing to do but wait.

I thought back to the kitchens and accidentally setting off that trap. If I had not been pushing at the thing with my magic, it never would have gone off at all. Just another decision I had made that ended poorly. It made me wonder how the Inquisition ever survived with my wonderful decision making skills.

_Ah, but I had advisers then._

I laughed at myself as I thought of how the three of them would react to me laid out here in the middle of literal nowhere. Cullen would probably think that this was a tactical failure. Leliana would suggest I send someone to scout next time. Josie... Josie would probably plan a celebration just because I was still alive.

I could hear footsteps and felt a pang of worry.

Did they kill Abelas?

“On your feet, Inquisitor.” Morrigan's voice was above my head and I glanced up to see the woman.

Her lip was set in a grim line as she held her hand out to me. She was dressed less elegantly then I had seen her last, a simple low cut robe and pants but she looked every inch a Witch of the Wilds. Her eyes were that same golden I remembered, but I could see the similarities between them and Mythal's now.

“Well, you're a sight.” I said with a grin before taking the offered hand.

She eased me to my feet and did as Cole had earlier, slipping my arm over her shoulders. I leaned on the other woman as we walked. We were both silent, although I could practically feel her curiosity buzzing next to me. She didn't ask anything and I assumed that Cole must have told her that I was fleeing from pursuers.

She led me just a little further and into a now very active eluvian. I stepped through and took a breath full of real air before stumbling, only to have her catch me before I face planted into the dirt. The eluvian closed behind us with a satisfying sizzle.

“Now, care to explain to me why a spirit demanded I go rescue you out of the crossroads of all places?” Morrigan asked with a quirk of an eyebrow. “That you were being chased by bad men.”

“Well... it's a long story.” I said before I started coughing. “Wouldn't happen to have any healing potions would you?”

There was a fleeting look of concern across her features before she helped me sit on a little bench. I was dimly aware that we were in a garden of sorts. There were plants all around us, mostly practical things but there were a few flowers. I had little time to think as she pressed her hands against my chest and a small green glow spread from her fingers across me.

“Oh, blessed creators... that's nice.” I mumbled as I felt my pain beginning to subside.

The lessening of the pain also helped sharpen my senses again. Not to the point where I felt right but enough so that I felt Cole sliding out of the fade to appear next to us.

“Can I tell him where you are?” Cole asked in my ear.

“You will do no such thing.” Morrigan chastised. “Do not tell anyone where she is.”

She glared at me, making it clear that she would have no arguments on that. Knowing her, she would probably shove me back through the eluvian if her little safe place was revealed.

“It's okay Cole. Just tell him that I'm alive and safe, okay?”

Cole nodded and was gone once more into the fade. I knew he was heading back to Solas and that was a bit of a relief even if I would prefer to return to him myself. I at least knew that I would be safe with Morrigan, for the moment anyway.

“It is strange. I did not believe a spirit would so freely wander between the Fade and the waking world.” Morrigan said as she looked at the spot that Cole had been moments before.

“There's a lot of stuff you wouldn't believe.” I said with a weak smile. I did not want to discuss Cole with her, especially when I wasn't completely sure of the answer myself.

Morrigan had not been happy with my choice involving the well of sorrows but she had changed her tune when she realized that it would have bound her to her mother. I wondered how upset she would have been if she had actually done it and then become bound to the will of Fen'Harel instead.

It was a thought for another time. Right now, I knew she would help me simply because I had helped her rescue Kieran from her mother. Her mother, Flemeth, who just happened to be the ancient elvhen goddess Mythal. She was always Mythal to me even though I knew it was more of a combination of the two.

“Are you certain of that?” She asked.

“Definitely.” I lifted up my hand that had once born the Anchor. Carefully, I pulled the glove off to reveal the crystalline hand. “How about ancient elvhen magic?”

“Inquisitor!” Morrigan looked a little stunned as she regarded the hand.

I flexed the fingers and wiggled them back and forth in the air like a normal hand. She reached out her own hand to tentatively touch it, which I allowed her to do. She touched it with the reverence, almost looking awestruck by the simple existence of such a magical artifact. Her fingers graced over the crystal like she was afraid it would crack and fall to dust in her hands.

“This... is not possible.” Morrigan's voice was a low breath. “This magic is beyond anything that I have seen.”

“Trust me, I understand that totally.” My grin grew a little wider, suddenly quite amused by the reality that I was trumping her knowledge. “Although, I'm sure you've probably heard stories of a certain elvhen goddess who possessed something similar.”

Morrigan stared at me for a long minute.

“You can't possibly imply.”

“Not implying, flat out saying.” I chuckled as I attempted to slip the glove back on. The pain in my hand was a little too much and I just gave up and clung to the glove.

“Alright, now I am curious.” She helped me back to my feet. “Shelter, healing and a way back to Skyhold in exchange for an explanation on how you manage to possess the hand of Ash'ter.”

“Oh, dear Morrigan, that's easy.” I took a few unsteady steps as she led me. “That's because I _am_ Ash'ter.”

 


	23. Mythal's Daughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara recovers in the care of Morrigan and discovers a few things about what has been unfolding.

It took a few days for the worst of my injuries to heal but Morrigan was a skilled mage. It also helped that she was more then interested in my hand and what I could tell her about it. I told her some of the magic I had encountered but I left out the bits about who had been my teacher for nearly a decade in Arlathan or that it had been Fen'Harel who crafted the hand for me.

I really did not think she would enjoy the topic of her mother, even if there were centuries separating the woman I knew and the one that had raised Morrigan.

She was sceptical of my claims of being back in Elvhenan but she was more then accepting of the magic I was describing. It helped when I started regaining my strength and she could actually sense the power I now had. I could tell that she wanted to test the abilities I had gained but she was holding off. I must have been satisfying her curiosity enough that she did not seem bothered.

It was at least three days before I was strong enough to enter the Fade in my dreams.

  
  


_I let the Fade shape my body as I walked. I knew where I was going, not because I knew the way but because I knew he was there._

_I had never let my abilities loose like this but yet, it felt as easy as breathing. I remembered what Fen'Harel had said, that I had learned simply by having my mind opened, but it was a completely different thing to actually travel through the Fade dreams searching for someone._

_It was_ thrilling.

_I could understand the appeal dreaming had for those that were this gifted. It was like a true freedom, there was nothing binding me in one place but there was nothing to ground me either. Solas had mentioned before how easy things were in the fade for him and now I could experience that for myself. I could do anything I wanted within the fade. I could relive memories, I could shape the dreams of another._

_I could even fly if I wanted to._

_I shook my head as I focused on my purpose in the fade. One little slip was all it would take to get distracted with the simple experience of being within the fade and experiencing it like the elvhen were meant._

_I found Solas' dreams easily enough but it was strange._

_I knew this meeting. It was the one where I had seen Elgar'nan for the first time. He was sitting in one chair next to Mythal and they were whispering something back and forth. Fen'Harel was sitting off to the side with a clear look of boredom._

_But this was wrong. I wasn't in it._

_I frowned and simply willed the dream to be like the memory was. The chair came into being to the left of Mythal. I let myself slide into it like I was the dream version of myself. My memories began to mingle with the dream as I walked in._

_I let my gaze flit about the three of them. First Mythal, then Elgar'nan and then onto Fen'Harel._

“ _Ah, there you are.” Mythal said as I looked away from Fen'Harel. “Come, sit.”_

_I moved with grace as I sat in the chair. The dress swirling around my ankles as I made myself comfortable._

“ _Ethanara, I would like you to meet my husband.” Mythal spoke, her voice and smile warm. “Elgar'nan.”_

_I could see the quirk of Fen'Harel's eyebrow as Solas was no doubt curious about the Ethanara part. I had forgotten to mention that._

_I managed not to look at Elgar'nan with utter hate when I remembered what he had done. This was just a dream, and the real man was far beyond my grasp._

“ _Mythal tells me that you stepped out of a rift in the eastern woods?” Elgar'nan's voice was hard._

“ _I am not sure.” I remembered the words clearly but the dream spoke them for me regardless. “Other then being in a grove before I was pulled into someone's magic, I do not remember anything prior to waking up in one of the rooms here.”_

“ _I was planning on_ investigating _” Fen'Harel said, a faint look of surprise crossing his features at the words. “To see if any of our fellows were up to magic in the area but Mythal wished your opinion on the matter.”_

_I went silent and did not meet anyone's eyes as I waited for this to continue. I knew Solas was watching me through the role of Fen'Harel but it was the way things were supposed to play out. He had watched me intently the entire time._

_Elgar'nan and Mythal whispered back and forth before Elgar'nan finally dismissed me._

_I got to my feet and hurried to the door, only to find Fen'Harel standing there and preventing me from closing it._

“ _Yes?” I croaked._

“ _Allow me to walk you back to your room.”_

_That smile almost had me throwing myself at him. I remembered how it had looked back then and it was completely the same now. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to focus, to remember the next few words that I was supposed to say._

_For the life of me, I couldn't remember and the dream was no help at all._

_The memory shattered and I could see the frown forming on Fen'Harel's face. His face twisted then and his form slid to that of the present day Solas. One hand clamped firmly on my wrist even as he snarled._

“ _I do not know what game you are playing, spirit.” His voice was low, and those eyes crackled to life with energy, rage colouring his features. “But how dare you come here in her guise.”_

_I gasped as I felt his power coursing along me. It was not quite enough to be painful but it was enough that I was pretty damn surprised by his action. I didn't pull away as I was caught here in the realm of dreams. Panic rose as I thought of the story from Varric, about how the Keeper Marethari had wanted to kill a dreamer in the fade which would have effectively made him a tranquil._

_Would Solas do that to me?_

“ _Vhenan!” I shouted at him as it started to hurt._

“ _E...Ethara?” He stammered and hastily let go._

“ _Yes, vhenan.” I muttered as I started rubbing my wrist._

“ _That was not wise.” Solas looked a little distressed by what had just unfolded. “I was unaware that you were...”_

“ _Oh... I must have left that out.” I looked at him a little sheepishly. His reaction was not completely his own fault, I had not really gone into full detail about my awakening abilities. “Your younger self's frequent trips into my mind as I slept allowed me to pick up on the ability.”_

“ _How did I miss that?” Solas stared at me flatly._

“ _Lots of reasons. I'm not a natural in the sense of simply knowing. I was hiding from you. I was repressing it. Mythal was keeping you from noticing me. I ...”_

_He gathered me up into his arms and placed a firm kiss on my lips to quiet my talking. It was passionate and almost bruising but it was quick. He just held me there for a long minute and I remembered why I had come to see him._

“ _I'm alright.” I mumbled against his lips._

“ _I know. Cole told me.” He sighed but didn't loosen his arms from around me._

“ _Is Abelas..?”_

“ _He is alright.” Solas nodded before staring intently into my eyes, one hand gently sliding my hair behind my ear. It was a tender caress but one he was becoming fond of, it seemed. “That was a foolish thing to do, sneaking into my dreams like this.”_

“ _Well, I had come to tell you I was fine.” I said with a small smile. “But I saw the dream and the memory was wrong so I had to fix it.”_

“ _You could have given me some warning first, vhenan.” He lightly scolded. “I had thought you were some spirit come to taunt me.”_

“ _Nope, just me.” I said with a small laugh._

“ _And you are definitely taunting.” His eyes closed for a brief moment, and I could see the lines of stress etching across his face. Once, his emotions had been a complete mystery to me but now I could see it lining his face. The worry, the fear, there was even the faintest hint of that look he got when he was thinking._

“ _I have no intentions of taunting you, Solas.” I sighed. “I'm just glad to see that you are alright as well. What happened in your keep was a bit unsettling.”_

“ _I am pleased you are alright.” He slid his arms around me again, pulling me as close against him as he could manage. That concern was there, pulling at his features. “I was unaware of what happened until after the spell wore off. Someone managed to muffle that side of the keep.”_

“ _Did you discover who?” I asked as I rested my head against his shoulder._

_He scooped me from my feet and sat gracefully in a chair that seemed to appear out of nowhere. I knew it instantly as his chair in the rotunda, and sure enough, the rest of the room sprang up around us. All the walls painted as I remembered, save for the single unpainted one that had remained._

_It was a familiar place, a familiar scene, one that he now sought for comfort after what had occurred in his keep. A place that he had considered safe but was now breached by stolen ancient magic._

“ _Partially.” There was a frown to accompany those words. “I am loathe to admit this but it is not safe for you to return to me just yet. I am not certain that I have weeded all of them out.”_

_The way he said it was like he was discussing caring for a garden but I knew better. I remembered the rage I had seen first hand in Fen'Harel when Andruil had come to kill me. He had wanted to kill her for what she had done but Elgar'nan had stayed his hand. I found I really did not want to consider what Solas might have done, given that there was no one there to prevent him from unleashing his fury upon the elves that had threatened my life._

_I didn't want to admit it either, but a part of me was a little pleased._

“ _A threat within your elves is enough proof to let me return to Skyhold?” I asked with a small laugh._

“ _Yes.” Irritation crossed his features. “No matter. You will be safer there, it seems Dorian had gathered everyone to him.”_

“ _I know.” I laughed. “They were planning on coming to rescue me apparently.”_

“ _Perhaps I should not underestimate your friends.”_

“ _They were your friends once too.”_

“ _More acquaintances I would say.” Solas sighed as he started to idly trace his fingers over my shoulder. It was a simple thing, something I wasn't even sure he had realized he was doing but it was comforting even if it was just a touch in the fade. “You were the inspiration that held us all together, vhenan.”_

“ _Oh, I'm sure you at least got along with some of them.” I poked him lightly in the ribs. “Will you be joining us in Skyhold?”_

_He stared at me and I wondered what was so startling about the question. One of his eyebrows arched ever so carefully even as he gently traced his fingers along my cheek. I could almost forget for a moment that this was the Fade and that we were not in Skyhold, even though he had never held me like this back when we had been in the Inquisition._

_There had been little touches, ones to ensure I was alright after I had been hurt or just him re-familiarizing himself with me after I had been gone on some mission or other. Never had he held me like he had when I was in his Keep or now here in the Fade. I almost wanted to ask what had changed but it just didn't seem the right time._

_Besides, I believed it had something to do with his belief that I was strong enough to survive the destruction of the veil. It was something I'd think about later._

“ _You would still have me there?” He asked quietly, his eyes full of wonder. “Despite knowing what I've done, what I will do; you would still wish me near?”_

“ _Of course.” I said with a frown, looking up at him with my own questioning look. “You are still my vhenan or do you doubt that?”_

“ _Even if I caged you away from the world?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow._

_How could I tell this man that I'd still love him even if he'd keep me captive? I knew I would become unhappy if he did such a thing and probably end up hating him for it but I would never stop loving him. I wasn't even sure if he'd like that response, knowing that I'd willingly give up my freedom for more time with him._

_Time we really did not have._

“ _Your look is answer enough.” There was a small chuckle as he leaned to press his mouth against mine._

_I leaned in just the right way to deepen the kiss and he was eager for it, the hand on my cheek sliding to twine his fingers in my hair and pull me tightly against him. I managed to turn in his arms and press my hands against his chest. I could feel his tunic beneath my hands but I didn't want it to be there. Even as his tongue invaded my mouth, I knew I wanted to feel his skin beneath mine. I wanted more then the kiss._

_My fingers tensed on the cloth that suddenly wasn't cloth. I could feel the planes of his chest right there beneath my fingers. The heat of his skin against my hands. I let my hands wander without even thinking about it, just touching the now bare skin._

“ _Oh... oh my...” I stammered against his lips when my mind finally caught up and I realized I had managed to wish the shirt right off him._

_I had seen him shirtless before but we had never been quite as close as this. Any cuddling had been done with clothing on. There had been times where he nearly slipped enough to give in but never this. I quickly retracted my hands from his skin even though it was clear that I wanted to touch him._

“ _Ah.” Solas said with a strange little grin, a small flush spreading over his skin as he caught my hands before I pulled back too far. There was heat in his voice but there was also amusement.“It would seem you do not have much training with your...” He coughed a little, almost awkwardly. “... dreaming ability.”_

“ _Not in the least.” I squeaked as I blushed all the way up to my ear tips._

“ _It's alright, vhenan.” He laughed as the shirt flickered back into existence. My hands were returned to his clothed chest and he gave them a gentle squeeze._

“ _I didn't even know I could do that.” I murmured._

“ _You can do that and more.” He nodded, moving to rest his hands at my hips. There was an almost wistful look on his face and a faint bit of regret in his voice. “But that is not something to discuss right now. I should not be distracting you to that point.”_

“ _I swear, I'll think of chains if you're leaving me again.” I said with a glare._

“ _No, I am not leaving you.” There was another laugh as he shook his head. “But we both must wake soon. You need to get to Skyhold, every moment you tarry puts you in further danger.”_

“ _Pretty sure Morrigan would be good enough to kill anyone who thinks they're going to attack me right now.” I said with a small laugh. It felt good just to laugh and not worry about anything for a moment._

“ _Morrigan?” He scowled at the woman's name._

“ _Hey, it was a bit of quick thinking. Her's was the only eluvian that I could think of that didn't lead back to your elves.” I said with a huff._

“ _I'm surprised she hasn't tried to take your hand off to study it.”_

“ _Be nice.” I chastised. “She is curious and I have said much to her. Well, not the part about me being good friends with her mother. I don't think she'd like that.”_

“ _I don't know, she might particularly enjoy the topic.” Solas said with a sigh. “Just... just be safe.”_

“ _I will.” I promised him even though we both knew I couldn't guarantee it. “You'll come to Skyhold, won't you?”_

“ _I will.” He nodded._

“ _Good.” I said and wiggled a little in his lap._

_I had done it to get comfortable but the look on Solas' face indicated he was anything but comfortable. A flush spread along his cheeks and I could swear he sucked in a quick lungful of air._

“ _Sorry.” I said with a sheepish smile._

 _Things were always easier in the fade for him, he had said it often enough but now without needing to hide everything behind a mask, he seemed to be letting his guard down. There were still secrets but he seemed almost_ normal. _Not quite as overbearing as he had been when he was young but I could see the little pieces of the Fen'Harel from Elvhenan._

“ _It's alright.”Solas said with that wistful smile which quickly turned to a frown. “Fenhedis. I am needed.”_

“ _I know what that means now.” I said with an almost playful look._

“ _We can discuss your knowledge of Elvhen curse words later.” Solas chastised before kissing me on the temple. “Wake up, vhenan.”_

  
  


“Bastard.” I muttered under my breath as I came awake. I was still no match for his abilities in the Fade it seemed but I had not expected him to cast me to the waking world so easily.

I rubbed my hand over my face before looking over at the pair of eyes watching me. Kieran sat calmly on a nearby chair, just staring at me. His eyes were far too bright, far too watchful and wise for a child of his age.

“Mother says swearing is not polite.” He said as he tilted his head at me.

“Your mother is quite correct on that.” I said as I sat up and stretched.

We were in a small room in a small cottage. It was nestled far away from the city intrigue that Morrigan had once been a part of. I knew that this place was only reached through the eluvians and I was mildly thankful for that. Short of powering through the magic on the eluvian, none could reach me here.

Solas probably could, if he really wanted but I doubted he wanted to force a conflict with Morrigan who was one of the most powerful human mages we had encountered during the Inquisition.

“Are you really Ash'ter?” He asked.

“Yes, I was... once.” I grimaced as I thought about it. “It's a long time ago.”

“You don't look that old.”

“I know. Neither do you.”

“Grandmother said it was because I was different, that I was special.”

“That you are.” I smiled as I thought of Flemeth, the human form of Mythal. “Your grandmother was very wise.”

“Mother doesn't think so.”

“Well, your mother looks at her with the eyes of a daughter. I'm sure you don't think your mother is wise all the time?” I chuckled at him.

“That's true.”

He was a strange child but no more different the Cole. I wondered if that was because of what Flemeth – Mythal had done to him or if that was simply because of what he had been born with. I really did not want to know exactly what he was capable of, having once been the home of the soul of an ancient dragon. An Old God as they were called by Tevinter. I really doubted that it was divine but it probably affected the child far more then simply making him unique.

“Did you know my grandmother?” He asked.

“Once, yeah.” I didn't want to tell him or Morrigan too much about the things involving Mythal. I just had this feeling that Morrigan would be far too displeased to help me if she knew that I had been on good terms with Mythal until she died.

I also wondered if she was aware that her mother was dead but that was not a topic I was going to bring up, not right now anyway.

“Kieran, that's enough.” Morrigan said from the doorway of this little room.

“Alright.” Kieran smiled at me before he left. I was a little shocked by that smile as for a brief moment, it was completely that half-secret smile that Mythal used to do.

“It's no trouble, Morrigan.” I said as I slid out of the bed.

“I know, but I do not wish for him to get attached as you will be leaving soon.”

“Yes, I need to get to Skyhold.” I nodded to her as I stretched further, trying to shake the last bit of sleep from my body. “I've been away too long already.”

“Well, if you're ready to leave now, I can show you to an eluvian that should be close enough to Skyhold that you should easily get back there.”

“How far away is it?” I asked.

“Not far, you'd probably get there in a couple of days.” She said with a small nod.

“Oh well, that's lovely.” I said with a sigh. I had hoped she knew of one closer but then, most of the eluvians were controlled by Solas and his people now. It was just a good thing to know that Morrigan still had access to a few others.

“Well, it's either that or I drop you off somewhere further away.” She asked.

“No, that's fine... where is this eluvian anyway?”

“Redcliffe Castle.”

“Why... why do you have an eluvian at Redcliffe Castle?” I started but then shook my head. “No, never mind, please don't tell me.”

“Nothing sinister.” Morrigan said with a small laugh. “It was actually there long before I found it, they were using it as a simple mirror... but I reactivated after an old friend of mine stayed there for a time.”

I saw the wistful look on Morrigan's face and was suddenly curious as to who was so important to the woman. Kieran, her son, was the thing she loved more then anything in the world. Next was herself but whomever this old friend of her's was, she was clearly important enough to risk an eluvian in the care of people who had no idea what the thing was even worth.

“I take it your friend is no longer there?” I asked.

“No, she went off on some damnable quest.” Morrigan said with a sigh.

“She?” I quirked an eyebrow.

“Does it surprise you, Inquisitor, to know that I have friends?” Morrigan asked with another laugh.

“A little, yeah.” I said with a sheepish look. “You don't seem the type to really make friends easily.”

“I do not.” Morrigan agreed. “But... she is special.” She became thoughtful for a moment.

I felt a little awkward as I watched the woman slip into memories. I was definitely curious as to what kind of person could hold a place in the heart of someone so driven. It was not like Morrigan had been discreet with her desires while she was at Skyhold.

“What kind of quest did she go on?” I asked.

“She is a Grey Warden.” Morrigan said simply. “She seeks a cure to the taint in their blood.”

“Oh...” I suddenly remembered the little tidbit that Leliana had told me long ago, how the Hero of Fereldan had gone off to find a cure. “You're talking about Warden-Commander Surana, aren't you?”

“I knew her as Erena.” Morrigan gave a wan smile. “You are much like her, you know. Willing to see the good in everyone despite their faults.”

“Didn't her and the King have a... thing?”

“They still do.” Morrigan said with a sigh. “That is why she seeks the cure. She's still obsessed with saving him.”

“You don't approve?”

“No, but it is her choice to make.” Morrigan smiled.

I thought about it some more. Nearly everyone in Thedas knew the story. How the former circle mage had become a Grey Warden, and gone on to unite all of Ferelden to defeat the darkspawn. She had done it all in a year, from her Joining to the point of slaying the Archdemon in Denerim. She had even managed to put Alistair Theirin on the throne.

“She must love him very much” I said quietly.

“Indeed.” Morrigan became silent for a moment. “He has never married, despite suitors.”

“You keep tabs on him too?” I asked with a small chuckle.

“Of course.” Morrigan's grin became wicked. “He has the heart of my closest friend. If he hurts her... well... Ferelden may descend into chaos after I am done with him.”

I winced a little at the conviction in her voice. It had been years since the Fifth Blight ended but it was clear that Morrigan had no issues with taking on the King of Ferelden for her friend. I supposed it was the same with mine, knowing that they had all been willing to launch a suicide mission to Solas' keep to rescue me.

“Something troubling you?” Morrigan asked softly.

“Just thinking.” I mumbled.

“I guessed that much but I will not pry.” Morrigan waved her hand. “I do not wish to get dragged into problems your Inquisition has managed to land itself into this time.”

I knew she said it in jest, Morrigan had already proven once that she would show up to lend aid if the world was in danger. Of course, she was more liable to show up if she could actually gain something in return. She had knowledge that was not on par with Solas and Mythal's sentinels, but she more so then nearly any other mortal living.

“Morrigan...” I thought for a moment. “Do you know what Tu'Salhasis is?”

She gave me a strange look before turning away. “I have heard of it, yes. Why do you ask?”

“What have you heard about it?”

“That it is madness in it's purest form. Evil that existed before the elves. That which walks behind us all. The evil in all hearts.” She idly waved her hand in the air as she busied herself with whatever she was cooking in the next room. “Again, why do you ask?”

I followed after her, and found a chair to sit in. I weighed my options about it all. I had been careful not to share too much information with her, picking and choosing what would pique her interests enough to get her to help me.

“It lurks in Sum'banal, the crossroads to the void.” I said idly, poking at my crystalline hand. “It drove Andruil mad.”

 _Then'len._ Waking child. It had called me.

“You've seen it.” Morrigan's voice was flat and it was clear that it was more of a statement then a question. She didn't even seem to question the idea that I knew of Sum'banal or Tu'Salhasis, just accepting things as I said it. It was kind of refreshing.

“Yes.” I nodded but didn't quite meet her gaze. “I somehow ended up in Sum'banal, I saw it in there.”

I could not suppress the shudder. That whole place was fixed firmly in my mind as fodder for nightmares. I had been unable to feel magic or to heal myself and then there was Tu'Salhasis in general.

“I will answer you as best as I can, but then you must leave.” All the cheerfulness was gone out of Morrigan's voice. There was a definite family resemblance in that direct look she gave me.

“What?” I blinked, looking up at her before my gaze turned accusatory. “You know something.”

“Yes.” Morrigan's voice was still flat but there was an almost a note of regret in her voice. “I have encountered those that worship Tu'Salhasis before. They were quite intent on taking Kieran.”

“What?” I stared at her before looking out the door where the boy had gone. The idea that they had been targeting someone else was startling.

“He is safe.” Morrigan said simply. “They cannot find him here, nor will I allow them to take my son.”

“Do you know why?” I asked.

“No, I do not know but I assume it has to do with the fact that he once held the soul of an Old God.” There was bitterness in her voice.

“Did you question any of them?”

“I did.” Morrigan's face was grim. “I thought they were servants of Fen'Harel at first, as they had the same idea he had.”

“What are you saying?” I asked, unsure what she was referring to. We knew next to nothing about these members of the cult but yet she had information that we could use.

“I am aware that Fen'Harel intends to tear down the veil.” Morrigan said. “They seek the same.”

“What?” I was a little startled. “Why would they do that?”

“Why else?” Morrigan said with a sigh. “Use your head, think about how things would unfold if the veil was removed.”

“Everyone would have access to the Fade.” I responded quickly.

“Yes, there is that but what else. Think Inquisitor. What else lies on the other side of the veil?”

I felt a dawning sense of horror. I knew precisely what was on the other side of the veil. There was the Hall of Memories which connected to...

“Sum'banal.” I squeaked. “And the void.”

“Indeed.” Morrigan had paled a little. “Such an act would require a great sacrifice, to tear down the veil. Something powerful.”

I swallowed against the fear rising up. She believed they had gone after her son for a blood ritual. As far as bloodlines go, his would have been quite powerful just by the fact that Morrigan was his mother, let alone that he had been conceived through some ritual to capture the soul of an archdemon.

“You don't have to worry, Morrigan.” I managed weakly. “Kieran is safe. You said it yourself, he no longer has the soul of an Old God.”

I didn't believe that the Dragons were actually Old Gods, but I did believe they were powerful beings. There were only a few things that were on that scale in this world now. Mythal had been one but Solas had taken her into himself. Creators knows what happened to the Old God soul. That left the one thing they had been trying to get into this world. Abelas had said it. Fen'Harel and I.

“I still wish for you to be gone.” Morrigan said. “I will not risk my son.”

“I know.” I grimaced. “If you can show me the way to the eluvian, I'll be out of your hair.”

Morrigan hesitated for a moment before sighing. It was obvious by the look on her face, she truly felt bad for practically kicking me out of her little safe haven. It was just that her son was more important to her then me.

“I am sorry, Inquisitor.”

An apology from Morrigan. I'm pretty sure that was the first sign of end times. I just happened to be the Herald of it all.

 


	24. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara arrives at Redcliffe castle and moves to return to Skyhold but her travel is interrupted.

Morrigan was true to her word, and I arrived within Redcliffe Castle. I made a point of hurrying from the room and into the hallway. Morrigan had told me of the secret passage at the very end of the dungeons, one that should take me out just at the windmill. Apparently that was how the Hero of Ferelden had managed to get into the castle and eliminate the threat of a demon possessed mage.

I ducked into a side room when I heard someone going to investigate. I was thankful as I knew the eluvian had closed behind me but I still wished I could do that disappearing thing that Cole was capable of. It would be so much easier then trying to explain myself to the guards in the castle.

Instead, I just crouched, hidden behind a door while I waited. I counted foot steps as the person wandered off.

I peeked out, and sure enough, whomever had come to investigate was gone.

“You don't want them to see you.” Cole's voice behind me almost had me jumping out of my skin.

I could sense him, and the changes in the veil when he appeared, but it was still startling to have him just show up like that.

“No, I need to get out before they go calling for more guards.” I mumbled, more concerned that they would try to lock me up in a cell. Perhaps they would know me as the Inquisitor but I really could not take that chance right now.

“There are no more. Just him.” Cole said.

I nodded even though I knew he was behind me. I crept quietly through the hall and counted the doors that led to the dungeon. Morrigan had given precise and detailed instructions so it was easy enough to find.

I slipped through the door and I knew Cole followed.

The dungeons were exactly like I expected, and maybe a little worse. They were cold, damp and dimly lit.

I flinched as I suddenly remembered the first time I had been in here. It had been a trip to the then future, and had been lined with red lyrium. The corrupted lyrium had been growing out of the walls and the prisoners that they had held captive. Solas had been imprisoned in one of the cells, him and Varric with red eyes. They had looked like they would welcome death, and I had gotten to watch him die against Corypheus' demons.

“But that future never happened. You stopped it.” Cole whispered, trying to draw my mind away from those memories.. “You saved them. Saved us.”

“Yes, I know.” I knew that they had died buying me time to get back to the past which made it worse. Especially knowing what I knew now about Solas and how failing would have hung on him.

“This place saw bad things.” Cole whispered again. “A mother made a mistake, a boy gave in, a man kept near death. They executed the mage that was in that cell. He accepted it.”

“I know.” I repeated. I knew the stories of Redcliffe Castle. Of the Arl and his son who showed mage sign and ended up unleashing an unholy hell upon the village down below. “Let's not discuss that, okay?”

“Okay.” Cole responded and went silent.

I was thankful that all the cells were now empty. I didn't need to see how the Arl – or whoever was now in charge of Redcliffe Castle – treated their prisoners. Our only company was the occasional rat that scurried away from us in fear.

The dungeon was relatively small and we were out into the secret tunnel quickly enough. I wasn't sure why this counted as a secret exit as it was just a nearly straight tunnel from one end to the other. Perhaps not that many people wandered into the dungeon but I certainly would not have called it a secret exit.

We came to a ladder which led out into the mill like Morrigan had promised. There was no one there at this hour, thankfully, and I slipped out into the night air. A few people were further down near the tavern and the chantry but the mill was all but deserted.

I took a deep breath as I looked around Redcliffe.

“It has grown.” Cole said. “More people. Refugees, fleeing the destruction. It was safe here.”

“I know.” I remembered the refugees that had come flooding into the Crossroads some time ago. “It's nice to see that they settled in the area.”

“Yes.” Cole agreed before he looked thoughful. “You should get a horse.”

I blinked at him before glancing down the road. I remembered the man that had worked at the Inquisition, he had a home nearby, didn't he?

“Dennet.” Cole supplied the name. “His family still lives there.”

I nodded and began the walk to the man's home. It wasn't far from Redcliffe but it was definitely a walk. At least it was nicer out here instead of within that dungeon.

“It is nicer.” Cole agreed.

I started to laugh and shook my head.

“It is better that you laugh.” Cole said as he stepped up next to me, walking beside me like a friend instead of a follower. “I know what Morrigan said.”

“Once I get on my way, you'll need to tell Solas.” I said with a sigh, my thoughts going back to the small conversation with Morrigan.

“I will.” Cole said with a nod. “He will come. He will keep you safe.”

“I'm not sure he will.” I said, doubt in my voice. If all it took was a great sacrifice to tear down the veil, then I was certainly on the top of the list of the things he needed. I knew Solas loved me but he had already made the choice that it was more important to restore what once was.

“He will not kill you for that.” Cole sounded completely sure of himself. “He wants to tear down the veil but he won't trade you for that.”

“I'm not so sure of that.” I sighed. “I know he loves me, Cole but I think he loves the people more.”

“No.” Cole shook his head.

“I'm not going to argue this with you.”

“Okay.” He said calmly, not in the least bit bothered that I was not interested in arguing Solas. “You should hurry. He told Dorian that you are coming.”

“Do you know when he said he'd be there?” I asked.

“They're asking. Questioning. What became of Ash'ter? Why would someone hurt her?” Cole's voice was unfocused. “He will come as soon as he can. There are no eluvians he controls near here.”

We walked in silence for what seemed like hours. Well, I walked, Cole kind of wavered in and out of existence. After a while, I could deal with the silence no longer and spoke up.

“Cole,” I started. “How is it that you can pass so easily in and out of the fade now?”

“I am light. I am me.” Cole responded.

“That doesn't really explain it to me.”

“It is...” Cole went silent for a moment as if he was thinking about the answer. “I am a spirit. I passed through the veil to help someone. You helped me be me. You helped me heal hurts. You are here. I can be here too.”

“Are you saying that you can travel across the veil because of me?” I stopped walking to stare at him intently.

Spirits hadn't really been something I had studied while I was learning from Mythal. Most hadn't really been interested in me at all but there was something about what Cole said that made me think I should know the answer to it. I just couldn't think of what it was.

“Yes.” Cole nodded as he looked at me with a curious look. “You died. He chose to save you. You are more.”

“More... more what?” I asked, staring at him in confusion.

“You're... just more.” Cole frowned and it was clear that he had no idea how to explain what he was trying to say. “You are you. I am me.”

“Alright, I'll ask Solas or Dorian later.” I grumbled and started walking again.

Silence hung over us for a little while longer, and I thought about the whole issue with spirits and what it could possibly mean by me being more. I already knew I was more then a Dalish and that I was not quite as powerful as Solas which meant I was apparently weak enough to be a target for people who worshipped madness.

That wasn't a comforting thought.

“There, up ahead.” Cole interrupted my thought process as we climbed over the edge of a hill. “The brown one. It is nice.”

I could see the farm laid out before me. The fields and the small track that the horses ran. It had been a while since I had been here, even before I went to Elvhenan, and I could see the difference in the place. There was another house, recently built, just on the other side of the barn. The barn itself had been enlarged to fit more horses. I vaguely recalled something about giving Dennet's family a few of the horses I had purchased and guessed that was the reason why.

I nodded to Cole before I knocked on the door. I was surprised to see Dennet answering the door but then, members of the Inquisition had gone their separate ways after the Exalted Council. We had become more of a peace keeping organization dedicated to protecting the Divine then the military force we had been.

“Inquisitor!” He was surprised to see me.

“Evening,” I said with a smile. “I'm in need of a horse.”

“Certainly.” He nodded and went with me to the barn, and right to the brown one that Cole had mentioned earlier.

I managed not to chuckle as the horse nickered at the two of us

“It is good to see you, Lady Inquisitor.” Dennet said as the two of us prepared the horse for riding.

“As it is to see you.” I smiled at him. He had always been a friendly, if crotchety old man but I knew I could trust him.

We both became silent after that. My thoughts going to everything I had learned and Dennet wasn't much of a talker so it worked out well. Within a short time, the horse was saddled and ready to go.

“I'll send someone to return and pay for the horse.” I said.

I pulled myself up onto the horse before nudging it towards the road. The horse seemed to be quite good natured which is probably why both Cole and Dennet had suggested the horse.

“Very good.” Dennet said and returned to his house without questioning.

I started down the road, only realizing then that Cole had disappeared as I arrived at Dennet's. Not that it mattered, he had gone off to tell Solas where I was and what I had learned from Morrigan.

The road to Skyhold was far more well travelled then it had been years ago and it was easy to find my way. I let the horse set an easy pace and just settled as best as I could in the saddle. It had been years since I had rode anything and I could already feel the ache settling in to mingle with the other almost healed injuries. I was definitely going to indulge in some health potions and a nice hot bath after everything was secured at Skyhold.

The trip was mostly quiet, with only the sounds of animals to keep me company. I was surprisingly okay with that and enjoyed the sound of the forest. Hearing the world simply existing was a comfort as there had been nothing when I was within the hall. Being within the crossroads had reminded me of the stark difference and I was glad for the little things.

Still, it was a lonely ride. I almost wished that Cole was there to keep me company but I didn't want to pull him from whatever it was he got up to. I just knew he was either in the fade or with one of the people who was dealing with the problems I was bringing.

I thought over all that I had learned and knew I had to tell someone about it as soon as I got to Skyhold. Dorian was the most logical choice but I knew everyone was going to want to hear it. They'd all probably warn me from telling Solas as well but that was already done if Cole had gone like I asked.

I sighed to myself as I thought about it. I trusted Solas but I did not think he would be as charitable as Cole thought. He had been searching for a way to tear down the veil ever since he had woken. That was how Corypheus gained his orb and how I gained the anchor on my hand.

_Creators knows what else he's done._

I didn't like to think about it, but deep down I knew Solas could be ruthless when things threatened him or his plans. The fact that he had killed Mythal for power was another notch in that list that was damning for him. I wasn't sure there was anything that could take him back from the line that he had crossed with that act.

_Too bad I go stupid when I'm around him._

I sighed at myself again even as the thought came up. I had been in his captivity but yet, I had been unable to do much other then be angry, cry or kiss him. None of those were exactly self preservation techniques. Especially not the last two.

How was I supposed to stop Solas from doing anything when I couldn't even keep my resolve not to kiss him? I was either going to die at his hands or at the hands of whatever wanted to let Tu'Salhasis loose on the world.

_No, I can't give in to despair. I defeated Corypheus and survived Elvhenan._

Barely survived it but I had survived and people were waiting to help me this time.

I sighed again even as the horse suddenly stopped and reared.

I glanced in front of me to see Cole standing there, looking ghostly and not quite in the world. It was like looking at him through tinted glass.

“Cole?”

“Go back.” He said as he looked up at me from under his hat. His voice urgent. “They are trying to bind me. Make me not me.”

“Who is doing this, Cole?” I felt angry but also fearful. Someone was out there in the night, trying to destroy Cole. I pulled my magic to myself and formed a barrier around me.

“I can't. They'll bind you too.”

“Go, Cole.” I said quickly as I turned the horse. “Tell Solas what is happening.”

“I will. You must hurry. Go back. Find a new way.” Then he was gone as quickly as he appeared.

I urged the horse forward, putting it to a gallop back the way I had come. I would find somewhere safe, even if I had to ride all the way to Seheron.

I had gone no more then five minutes at a hard gallop when I made out people ahead of me on the road. I diverted the horse and was about to lead it off the road into the woods.

“Inquisitor!” One of them shouted, coming forward from the others.

“Ellendra?” I questioned, startled at the woman's approach. I knew her as the mage we had recruited in the Hinterlands, a woman who had been a healer that wanted no part in the battle between mages and templars.

“My Lady,” She said with a small bow. “We've been waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?” I blinked.

“Yes, we were to meet you.” She wore a warm and friendly smile.

“To meet me?” I was confused, I did not recall anyone being aware on my travel beyond my friends. That and she was on the wrong side of the road as Skyhold was in the direction I had been riding from.

“Yes.” She responded as she moved to the front of my horse. “We were at Skyhold when they received word you were returning.”

Something tickled at the back of my mind and I had the feeling that something was wrong. Cole's words were still in my ears but I had nothing to accuse Ellendra about. She had once been a part of the Inquisition, and been an agent for one of my advisers but I couldn't really remember anything about her.

“We have made camp just up ahead, we can continue on in the morning.” Her smile was still warm but there was something behind her eyes.

“No... that's fine.” I said, tilting the horse's head away from her, back towards the woods. If nothing else, I reasoned I could make a dash through the woods. “I'll continue on, you can catch up.”

“My Lady, I insist.”

Several of her fellows were moving closer to my horse. The hair rose on the back of my neck as I regarded the woman in front of me. I reached out with my senses and she felt wrong to me. Almost like a part of her was trying to crawl beneath my personal magic. It prodded at my personal barrier, looking for a crack or some weakness it could exploit to get in and touch me.

“Nope.” I responded and squeezed my legs around the horse, urging it forward.

Ellendra reached up and snagged the reins before I could get very far but I kept a death grip on them. I glared down at the woman, feeling a bit angry that this woman was here. If she was keeping me from getting to Skyhold then she was clearly not on my side.

“Let go, Ellendra.” I said through clenched teeth, magic beginning to swirl around me.

“I'm afraid not.” Ellendra's face no longer had the warm smile. “We have been waiting long enough for you.”

I could feel them around me beginning to pull their magics to themselves, like a current through the air. My eyes narrowed as I continued to glare at Ellendra but I was not going to let them attack me so easily. My own power welled up like a spring and I surrounded myself in an even stronger barrier. It was like a personal bubble of protection around me and my horse. I had not given much thought to the growth in my powers but I was confident I could prevent them from taking down the barrier.

They would not touch me.

I felt the first spell hit and bounce off my barrier. My eyes flicked towards the offending mage and I felt something akin to rage filling me. It was more fuel for my power. Part of me screamed not to give in to that rage but it was like a whisper compared to the part of me that revelled in that feeling. I was tired. Tired of people pulling strings behind my back. Tired of people intending to use me for their own goals. Tired of people trying to hurt me or kill me.

I was dimly aware of something else but it was lost as the man fired another spell at me. The lightening hit my barrier and arced heaven ward. I inhaled through my nose even as I fixed him with a look that had him taking a step back. The world became framed in a golden haze and I could even see him. Not the fleshy elf part but the essence of the man at the centre of it. His core that radiated with the magic.

He looked almost like a red colour and something inside me said _Blood Mage_ but it was ignored as I instinctively reached towards his magic, pulling it to me. I made it mine.

I watched the man's eyes become wide and completely terrified before he sunk to the ground. I felt a high unlike anything I had ever known as his magic coursed through my body like a drug. It made me stronger, lighter, better.

I turned to the others and I could see them just like I had seen him. They were bright and vibrant. So much brighter then the forest around us. One by one, I repeated with all of them, draining their magic into myself until only Ellendra was left. She stared up at me with a strange smile.

“Ash'ter, Then'len, you are as promised.” She sounded almost pleased.

I stared at her, not understanding the meaning behind the words. She alone had not raised magic towards me but she stood there, awaiting the same fate that had befallen her fellows. I raised the crystalline hand and began to call her magic to me like the others. Her body jerked upwards even as she began to weaken.

There was something different about her compared to the others but I didn't care. Her power would be added to mine.

Then I felt the approach of another magic, and my gaze turned in that direction. I could see it running towards me. An unrecognizable shape that glowed almost as brightly as the sun. A distinct mixture of blue and green as it darted through the trees.

_What dared?_

It came running down the road, a great black beast of a wolf. There was something familiar about it but it was another magical being and more powerful then what I was facing with the woman. It was coming to fight me. I would not have that.

My lips curled back even as I reached out with my other senses. I could feel the power radiating off it as it's magic hit my barrier. Like Ellendra's, it was trying to worm it's way beneath my personal magic. It was powerful but not that powerful. Still, I would have that power.

_Mine!_

I hissed as I tugged at that power, dragging it to me inch by inch. It was fighting me unlike the other mages that had fallen against my will. That alone made this far more exhilarating.

“Ethara!” The scream was full of pain and terror. I knew that voice.

It cut through the desire to take the power for my own and I felt like the air had been punched out of my lungs.

_Oh creators, what in the void am I doing?!_

My hand dropped and I shook as the wolf skidded to a stop near my horse. I could see it for what it really was, Fen'Harel, Solas. The form shifted quickly, becoming the elf that I knew and loved. My senses returned to mostly normal and I felt the horse collapse beneath me. I recoiled in horror as the beast felt cold, almost empty. Everything around us felt like that. I had never realized how much life could be in a small space, nor had I realized I could actually sense it. Now I was aware that I could feel nothing. An emptiness worse then anything I had felt.

I looked and I could see that the horse had become withered, the once beautiful brown coat was now mottled and grey like some disease had taken the horse. I looked around me and it was the same with the men who had attacked me. Every single one of them looked like they had been left in the desert sand to dry into husks. Their mouths open in terror as their last moments were frozen on their faces.

_Just like the men in Ethyrne's room._

“Oh... oh creators... “

I couldn't breathe. I didn't even know this kind of magic, yet I had done it.

Solas was pulling me from the horse, his arms wrapping fully around me as I started to shake. I could feel the tremble in his muscles but all I could think of was that I had almost killed him like the mages who threatened me. Like I had killed the horse. I had been willing to kill him.

This was terrifying as this was not me. I had only ever killed when I needed to, I had killed before, many more times then I could count but it was nothing like this. I had enjoyed it. I had revelled in stripping the magic, and life, from these mages.

I couldn't keep myself from vomiting the moment my feet touched the dirt.

“It's alright,” Solas' voice was strained as he ran his hands down my back trying to soothe me. “I have you.”

“I almost...” I sobbed between heaves. “You...”

“I am unhurt.”

I looked up at his face but there was pain and worry there. His eyebrows were furrowed and I could make out a few new lines around his eyes. His eyes were in that crackle of energy, bright and blue. I could feel that power rolling beneath his personal barrier, ready to be unleashed at a moment's notice.

“They were waiting for me. They tried to bind Cole.” I managed. “Someone told them...”

“No one told them, vhenan.” The pain had been replaced by concern. “Only your inner circle was aware that you were returning to Skyhold. They've been waiting here for you.”

“Oh... creators.” I whimpered. I knew why they were waiting for me. I had figured it out with all the information. “Solas... they intend to use me to tear down the veil.”

Solas face hardened and his arms tightened before he was suddenly to his feet with me still in his arms. That crackle of energy intensified as he turned to look at Ellendra, who had moved a few feet away. There was something behind her that I could almost make out. It was like rising heat off a fire, the faint distortions in the air but I knew it was not quite fully there. I dared not look at it like I had looked at the men, frightened completely at what I might feel. Regardless, I could still see that it was something that was pressing against the veil.

“Don't.” His voice was low as he looked at her.

“What will be will be.”Ellendra's voice was clear and confident. Her face showed she had faith in what ever she was about to do.

That dagger in her hand was clear as well. I watched with horror as she dragged the blade across her throat. It was quick, the blood spurting into the air. I saw as her body turn to stone but it was not enough to stop the blood from spurting into the air like some twisted water fountain.

Solas turned as I saw that flash of red. He curled his body around me protectively and I could feel his barrier go up around the two of us. Panic began to rise but I managed to have the sense to throw up my own barrier beneath his. The power I had stolen powered that barrier as I clung to him.

Then the world exploded. Again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to use Fiona first but well, I couldn't do that to Alistair so I picked one of the other random mages recruited in the game. Plus, what's worse then a healer corrupted into being evil?


	25. What May Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara awakes in a cell, alone, but not for long.

Every part of me ached. It was like someone had dipped me in fire and then ice, and then rolled me down a hill for good measure.

Opening my eyes to look around, I discovered that I was in a small little cell. I had the barest moment of deja vu as it almost looked like the cell from Haven. My hands were bound this time as well, and there was even that steady drip of water that had been there in the other cell. It was completely beyond creepy.

This time, however, I had something encircling my neck. I tried to reach up to touch it but my hands had limited movement. All I could tell was that it was almost chokingly tight.

_What in the void..._

I squeezed my hand into a fist as I tried to summon magic to myself but that resulted in a painful shock all across my body. It was almost enough to knock me back unconscious but it still took a few moments for my stomach to stop rolling against the feeling.

“Don't, you'll just hurt yourself.” The voice was soft and I looked about for the source.

Just to my right was a small figure, wearing little more then rags. Straw thin hair hung about her face and a pair of blue eyes was watching me with intensity. They were a startling blue shade, almost like lyrium. I frowned as I looked at her, noticing the similarities almost immediately. She looked like someone I had met years ago.

“Are you a Hawke?” I struggled as I pictured the faces of the Champion of Kirkwall and his siblings. It sent a pang of regret as I remembered that I had abandoned the Champion in the Fade years ago..

“No.” The figure smiled. “I helped one once.”

“You did?” I questioned.

“Yes,” The smile faded. “Your friends arranged it. She had been severed, I brought her back.”

“A tranquil?” I remembered something faintly, about a young girl who had been made tranquil but that had been years ago and it had been Cassandra that arranged for the woman to be saved. I pushed it from my mind and focused instead on the fact that this was a spirit in front of me. “Are you here to help me?”

“I can't free you.” It said with a sigh as it looked at what was binding me. “I'm not like Compassion, I'm not strong enough to fully cross the veil.”

“You're not here?” I questioned even as I ignored the little bit of despair creeping in. Things weren't hopeless yet, escape was still an option.

“No. I'm... I'm more in your mind then in this cell.” It said as an explanation.

“Why are you here then?”

“To do what Compassion asked of me, to show you.”

“To show me what happened to the Alinuris.” I said with a sigh, I wasn't sure how that was going to help me at this point but at least the spirit meant well. “I wanted to see if there was more information to be learned from them since I can't ask them.”

“They only knew what Ethyrne knew. They used their magic to warp the spell that was to take you across time, they could not undo it but they could... change it. Ethyrne prepared to combat the spell that would take you as a child, they performed it. Their descendents waited for the spell that would take you to the past.”

I shivered but I understood. The Alinuris, through my arrival in the past knew what was going to happen. They changed the spell. Thousands of years spent in hiding only to save me. Only to die when Solas thought I had been killed by them.

“Why did they save me?” I asked the spirit.

“You do not know?” The spirit seemed to hesitate.

“Cole... Compassion said something about the Hope of Mythal and that Abelas knew.”

The spirit sighed.

“What is it?”

“Compassion knows but he fears that telling you will change what you think of him.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to look more closely at the spirit. I knew she wasn't there, she had already said that, but it was something to focus on instead of the inability to use my magic or even sense anything beyond myself.

“If they succeed, Compassion will no longer be himself.”

“He'll become a demon?” I was startled by the revelation. Cole had mentioned that the veil coming down would change them all but I had not realized that it would change him so drastically.

“Yes.” The spirit said.

I turned towards the doorway when I heard footsteps approaching.

“How?” I asked.

“There is not much time.” The spirit frowned and dashed forward, a pair of fingers touching my forehead.

The world blanked out for an instant.

 

_I was still in the cell but I was no longer chained. I had no idea what I was seeing before me but I knew I had to get to my feet._

_I took a deep breath and it almost felt like I was inhaling dust. Shaking my head as I strode out of the cell and up the steps that lay beyond._

_This place was a duplicate of Haven. It was eerie as I walked, stepping through the Chantry. Every single detail was there, from the tapestries that hung on the walls, even to the chairs and little barrels full of salted food._

_I didn't stop to check how far it was the same and made for the door._

_Outside, it was as I remembered but there were no people milling about._

_On instinct, my eyes flicked heavenward and I saw the sky laid out before me. It was not the blue of the present or even the green of the days of the Breach. The sky was an angry red with lightening flicking across it every now and again. It looked like the sky was a wound._

_I shivered and sucked in a breath as I strode from the Chantry and walked towards the hut that had belonged to Solas. I struggled with myself as I walked, almost terrified of what I was going to find in this mirror Haven. I had no idea why but it just seemed like this was the right way to go._

_I was at the door far quicker then I should have been, pushing it open and stepping within._

_The inside was completely not a house but a hall. Stone lined every inch of the place, it looked like a palace hallway. Still, there were no people around._

_I turned to look back through the door and I could see the not-Haven through it. I took another breath to calm myself and began to walk away from the door and down the hallway. It led out into a court yard of sorts, I could see other doors that no doubt led to other halls._

_I was aware that I wasn't alone in this place as an elf darted out of a doorway, their head bowed as they hurried away. I had enough of a chance to notice that the elf had a collar about their neck, and manacles around their wrists._

_I followed in the direction they went as it led out into what could only be considered a magnificent city. It looked nothing like any place I had been in, with spires of crystal and stone rising up into the sky. Ahead of me, I could see a castle rising above the top of the buildings. The castle looked foreboding with an angry sun shining from behind it. On either side of the sun, the two moons seemed locked in position._

_I had watched the sky at night to know the sky was wrong, and that was beyond the strange red and white colour. The moons never rose like that, nor were they that similar in size. One should have been far smaller, yet they hung there like two eyes watching over the city._

_I took a breath before walking towards the castle. I tried not to look at the other elves as I walked but it was clear that they were a beaten people. They kept their eyes downward, staring only at the stone beneath their feet as they walked. Their backs were hunched as they shuffled along their business. Not one of them looked like the elves I remembered from Mythal's temple. These elves looked like slaves._

_I had expected to see some manner of noble caste but there was nothing beyond the slave elves._

_I began to hear a noise as I walked, the faint sound of someone crying. It grew louder as I walked, finally reaching another doorway and hall. I travelled through it, ignoring those I passed as I walked. Stepping through the door at the end of the hallway, I found myself in a garden full of statues._

_I looked up at the first one, and while I felt a sense of familiarity for the face, I did not recognize them. That was the way it went as I walked but there was a definite feeling that I knew these people._

_I turned my head to the left and realized that the statues continued on for some distance in that direction, turning in the opposite one, I could see the same. It was nearly an endless garden full of statues._

_I swallowed and focused on following the sound of the crying._

_I could see someone kneeling at the foot of a statue, her arms on the base with her face buried against her arms. I glanced up at the statue and while I felt that same sense of familiarity, I did not know that elf. A large double handed sword, also carved from stone, was held raised as if he had been about to strike someone down._

_The woman at his feet did not pay me any attention as I passed._

_I did not look up at the statues near where she stood but there were other elves, a woman in scant clothing, a human man and an elf standing next to one another. Then there was a dwarf woman that I vaguely remembered, something about Titans and the Deep Roads but her name was escaping me._

_Then I saw the first statue that I truly recognized._

“ _Josephine?” I questioned even as I approached. The Ambassador was complete in stone, even with her quill and paper in hand. Her eyes were wide with shock, as if she had been startled when someone carved her in the stone._

_I glanced past her and my heart froze in my chest. Leliana was next in this line of statues, a serene look on her face with her eyes closed as if she had accepted death. Then there was Cullen who had his templar shield up and his sword drawn, his face was contorted into a pained but determined look._

_I struggled to take a step but I knew I had to continue._

_My advisers gave way to my companions. Vivienne, Blackwall, Sera, Cassandra, Varric, Bull, Dorian. They were all arranged in a semi circle around the foot of the stairs ahead of me. Every one of them was posed in such a way that it was clear they had been fighting but Bull and Dorian's poses indicated they had been protecting one another in battle. The sight of the two of them almost made my heart sink._

_I didn't stare long as I passed beside Bull and Dorian to go for the set of stairs beyond them. Whatever the spirit wanted me to see, it was not these statues of my friends and the remnants of the Inquisition._

_I left behind the crying woman as I entered into yet another large hall. This one had a domed roof and glass windows that seemed to illustrate the world burning and torture. Lots of torture._

_It took a few looks but I realized that I knew some of the elves that were being tortured in the images. They were the Evanuris. Each one being tortured in some way unique to their legend, Falon'Din was being torn apart by what looked like ghouls, Dirthamen was at the mercy of a pair of blight touched ravens._

_The only three that were not there was Mythal, Andruil and Fen'Harel. Every other Evanuris was there like this was some memorial to the fates of the elves who would have been Gods._

_There was a doorway near where I had come in, and two more doorways near the back of the hall. The ones back there were closed off with curtains, and I could see no further through there so I turned my attention to what lay between those two curtained doorways._

_At the back and centre of the hall, there was a raised platform. I could see a glass coffin from where I stood but I could not make out the form within, only that it was a familiar sort of crystal looking shape. I frowned before looking down at my hand, holding it up and clearly seeing that it matched the colour._

_I guessed I knew where I was going to end up._

_Beyond the coffin, I could see a throne that looked like it was made out of bones. Skulls were laid along the top with a Qunari skill at the very top of it. I stared at it for a moment before my gaze flicked to the wall behind it._

_The mural that Fen'Harel had painted was there, perfectly preserved. The black wolf with his head over the red Halla. Candles floated in the air before it, framing the mural in an eerie light. Flowers lined the floor beneath the mural, covering all the way to the coffin._

_It was a shrine._

_I stepped out of the way as I heard the sounds of something moving. My eyes flicking over to the other doorway near where I had entered to see a group of elves dragging men between them. The men being dragged had clearly been beaten, and collars adorned their necks. From here, I could see the shining runes and somehow knew that it was keeping them from using their magic._

“ _We have brought them as requested.” The leader of the group said as they marshaled them into the centre of the Hall. He bore markings I did not recognize but they looked almost wolf-like. Vallaslin of Fen'Harel then._

“ _You may leave.”_

_I froze at the sound of the voice that echoed in the hall even as someone stepped from behind one of the curtains._

_I had expected to see Solas standing there, or perhaps even Andruil revelling in whatever madness had come about as he tore down the veil but it was neither of them standing there._

_Dressed in a tight fitting gown of red and black, a mix of lace and leather, was none other then myself._

_Her red hair hung down like a train, trailing across the floor and her skin was far paler then mine but none of these frightened me as much as her eyes. I knew my eyes were golden, a bright and shining shade but there was no light in them, just a coldness that chilled me despite this being merely a vision._

_The elves had fled at the words, leaving the group on the floor at the centre of the Hall. One of them seemed to find some courage and spoke up._

“ _We did as instructed!” His voice sounded a little broken like there was something wrong with his throat, and indeed, there were bruises all along his form._

“ _You did, yes.” The other me stepped to sit on the throne, leaning back as she looked upon the men._

“ _We were told we would have immortality if we tore down the veil!”_

“ _He did say that.”_

“ _Then why?” The man's voice had begun to plead._

“ _Because I can.” She waved her hand over her shoulder idly and there was a scuffling noise that came from above us._

_I looked up and my breath caught in my throat._

_I had faced many demons, abominations and even that thing that had become Ethyrne but this was something completely different, yet I could see the similarities in it. It was massive like a Pride demon but it was even spikier with faint tendrils of energy wavering off it's form. It was like this creature was a combination of every demon._

_It scuttled across the ceiling before it dropped down beside the throne, it's head turned towards the not-Me._

“ _Hate is all that remains.” The not-Me smiled even as her hand rested against the demon beside her. “So tell me, what shall we remove first. Leg or arm.”_

_She was not talking to the men but to the thing at her side. It tilted it's head to look at the man in charge, red eyes fixing on him even as the mouth opened to reveal teeth and a tongue that was obscenely long._

“ _He struck the blow.” The voice was a combination of voices but I could make out the one that was heart wrenching. Cole's voice was at the heart of all the whispers as the demon turned back to the not-Me. “Make him kill the others.”_

“ _I like your ideas best, Hate.” The not-Me crooned before raising her hand._

_The man at the forefront of the group suddenly jerked like a puppet on a string before he turned and began to attack his fellows. They did not move to fight back, held in the grip of magic even as he beat on them with his bare hands._

_I would not watch this. I turned my head away and the sounds ended. I took a breath before glancing back to find the Hall was now empty, save for that throne and coffin._

_I could feel my body beginning to slip from this little vision but I had to see what was in that coffin even though I was certain I already knew. I struggled, fighting the pull to wake, as I raced to it._

_I could see the handle of a knife that rose from the rest of the crystalline form, the blade driven in next to the jaw bone of a wolf. I swallowed against the truth as my eyes flicked up towards the face, and despite the crystalline form of it, I recognized him._

_Solas was the body in the coffin._

 

“Now you know.” Came the whisper. “Compassion will turn to Hate.”

I struggled as my eyes felt like they were going to explode at the sudden jarring change of scenery. The footsteps were still in the hall but the spirit was no longer visible. My mouth felt dry and my chest heaved as I tried to make full sense of what I had just seen.

“Wait!” I nearly shrieked. “Why... why was I like that? And Solas...?”

“Don't you know... Then'len?” The voice was strained as if the spirit was trying to cling to the waking world. “... blood will... tear... everything. You.... you will become...”

I could hear the key in the cell door.

“Tell Cole! Tell him to bring the others!” I hissed urgently but there was no answer.

I was faced with my guard who entered. He was an elf with a scar that covered most of the left side of his face, he was also missing his left ear and most of the hair on that side of his head. It was clear that he had suffered something traumatic. In his hand was a rod with silver blue rune work all around it.

“Up.”

I climbed to my feet as if my body wasn't my own. It was different then the compulsion from Solas. That had been almost warm, like I needed to obey. This was forceful, my body acting in tandem with the will of the person giving the orders.

“Follow.”

My traitorous feet moved on their own as he led the way out of the cell and into the hall above.

 


	26. Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara struggles to save herself and keep the world from ending, she gets some answers in the process.

I obeyed the commands and followed the man out of the cell. The steps outside were like in the vision but it was not the mirror Haven's Chantry that we ended up in but a much larger cave system. Even with the collar about my neck, I could still feel something.

The hair rising on the back of my neck as I looked around the hall for the source of the feeling but I could not see anything that would create such a sense. All I could see was a rather large table set out in the middle of this cave system. A few elves moved about but none looked in my direction. They were all preoccupied with whatever tasks they were about.

I had no idea where in the void this was as I didn't remember any kind of cave this large in the Hinterlands and I had travelled over much of the area as the Inquisitor.

“Ah, Ethara.” The voice was almost charming and I looked up to see a face that I had seen many times before within the hall of memories. His golden hair was pulled back from his face but there was no mistaking those vivid green eyes. There was an intensity in them that I had only ever seen on the elvhen who had survived the end of Elvhenan. He was smiling at me as he motioned for me to sit. “Or would you prefer one of your other names? I'm quite partial to Ethara, far less pretentious then naming you after an old man or after a construct.”

“You're...” I stared at him, my mind suddenly just going blank. I had many ideas on what I would say to my captor but I was shocked to see a man I had only met once and then seen in visions for most of my imprisonment behind the veil. “This... I...”

“I am, and this is my home.” He continued to smile at me, seeming genuinely happy to see me. “Had things played out differently, you would have been here much sooner.”

“I don't understand... you're...” I stammered, trying to wrap my mind around this revelation. There had always been questions in my mind but at this moment, there was nothing.

“Your father, yes.” He nodded.

“Sit.” The elf who had led me here barked in my ear and I dropped myself into the chair.

The golden haired man sneered at the other and I heard the crunching as he lifted his hand and squeezed his fingers together. The sound only lengthened, as my father twisted his hand in the air, becoming a cracking noise as the other man's neck twisted. My captor slumped forward to the floor, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. I thought about escaping for a moment but my magic was still bound even though no one held the rod. That and I was certain I would be caught before I took two steps from the table.

“My apologies.” The man said as he got up from where he sat, picking up the rod with a faint scowl. “It was necessary to restrain you, you had reacted rather badly to Ellendra's spell I'm afraid.”

He returned to his seat, the rod laid on the table next to his plate. He lifted his hand once more, waving it and I felt the manacles on my wrists fall off. I stared at him as a smile quickly returned to his features.

“You mean where she tried to kill me?”

“Kill you?” He quickly shook his head, looking completely horrified at the idea. “Oh, dear child, of course not. Fen'Harel's decision to turn her to stone at that particular moment resulted in the spell going a little... awry.”

My lips went dry as he mentioned Solas. The way he said his name was clear that he knew precisely who it was that had tried to come to my rescue.

“Where is he?” I demanded.

“In due time.” He motioned to the plate in front of me. It was heaped full of a variety of food, from fruit to meats, even fancy little Orlesian cakes. “You should eat, it is quite good.”

I stared at him. My head felt like I had been held under water too long. This could not be possible, this man could not be the father that I had briefly glimpsed so many years ago and then seen in the memories in the hall. That man had been loving towards my younger self and my mother, not someone cold and callous enough to snap another man's neck but then, several thousand years could change a person.

“How can I believe that you're him?” I asked, ignoring the food completely.

“Come, child, surely you'd recognize me.” He paused for a moment before looking thoughtful. Then the smile returned and he chuckled at himself. “Oh, I had forgotten. The collar prevents you from sensing me.”

He almost looked like he did not like that but he made no move to release me from the collar. Which was probably just as good as I had no intention of playing nice if it was removed. I glanced quickly at the rod before wondering if I could grab it and deactivate the collar before he moved.

“Oh, you certainly get your mother's look when you're planning things.” He said with a laugh even as he popped a piece of meat into his mouth but made no effort to move the rod to a new location.

That deflated me a little, as if he was aware of where my thoughts had begun to lead. I stared at him for several long minutes, trying to puzzle him out.

“Now now, no need to look at me like that.” He said with a brief sigh. “Would it put your mind at ease if you could see Fen'Harel?”

“You said in due time.” I did not trust him and it was clear in my tone of voice.

“That was for where he is. It's a simple thing to show you him.” He got to his feet and took a pitcher of water which he then poured into a bowl. A simple wave of his hand and the water's reflection changed to an image of Solas. “The veil is quite thin here. Not enough to be as we were but enough that I can perform feats that can dazzle the mind.”

I stared into the bowl and could see Solas. He bore a collar much the same as mine but he was chained up, his hands held aloft and pinned against the wall. His clothing was tattered and I could see blood flecking the material but I could see no wounds. He was not moving but it didn't look like he could move much. Especially with how the chains held him up just enough so that he could barely sit on the floor.

“What did you do to him!” I went to get up but only ended up knocking over the bowl of water, spilling it everywhere. My heart sank as the image of Solas disappeared from sight.

“Nothing.” My father responded. “Well, we did chain him up and have begun to heal his wounds but he did take the brunt of most of that spell. It is quite dangerous to interrupt something that powerful, you know that yourself. I am only glad that you both did not perish in the resulting explosion.”

“Wouldn't want to ruin your plans with an untimely death.” I managed with false bravado.

“Of course not.” He smiled as he returned to his chair. “You have survived nearly everything so far, you're quite resourceful.”

“Even being ripped through time.” I baited, hoping that he'd like the sound of his own voice enough to continue talking.

“That as well.” There was a faint note of sadness but I didn't think it was because I was taken from him. “You were meant to arrive in the proper time when the veil had begun to thin. We knew that Fen'Harel would soon wake but the Alinuris interfered.”

“You're aware of that?”

“Of course, there is not much I am not aware of.” He was still smiling.

“Why me?”

“You still question your worthiness?” He asked, surprise colouring his voice before he shook his head. “Ah, but then you do not know the full truth of your origins, do you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Tell me, what do you know of your mother and myself?”

“I know what I saw. She was the daughter of Ethyrne, the leader of the Alinuris.” I flinched as I mentioned Ethyrne's name.

“But you know nothing of me?” He quirked a blond eyebrow as he spoke. “Do you even know my name?”

“Uh...” I blinked, suddenly realizing that I did not know his name. I knew nothing about him beyond his appearance. Ethyrne had shown me both my parents but he had never once mentioned my father's name and I had been too caught up in the situation to actually ask. There had only been Ethyrne and Wynthren, never once had my grandfather mentioned my father's name. I frowned as I tried to remember any little detail but nothing came to mind but his appearance.

“I thought as much.” He took a sip of his wine but his voice sounded almost hurt. “My name is Radinan for starters.”

I stared at him. He was trying to make nice after being involved in everything that had gone wrong with my life. It didn't matter if he was my father or not, this man was crazy.

“As far as family goes, I was adopted by two beautiful people. Then they had a son. He was a self important little shit as a child and grew up into a self important asshole as an adult.” He fixed me with a flat stare, even as his words came out perfectly clear. “My mother, your grandmother, was beautiful and kind. Your grandfather, however, was rather cruel. Very strict. He was most unkind when he discovered that I would not fall in line with his ideals. He was a bit too heavy on the vengeance this, vengeance that.”

I continued to stare at him even as I recognized the people he was not naming.

“But my mother... you are a woman much like she was. You've spent your life trying to protect others, often at the sacrifice of your own happiness.” He sighed. “I would have preferred to take you away from Clan Lavellan long ago but my mother prevented me from intervening. Not intentionally of course, but none of my agents could get close to you because of her interference. Then of course, Fen'Harel had to go off and interfere as well.”

My heart was beating in my chest and I was starting to feel quite sick. Never once in my life had I considered the possibility of who my father, and that side of the family, had been but here he was, telling me everything. The story played out in his words but so many other little pieces were fitting in. Mythal's hope.

“I spent many years sliding in and out of uthenera.” He said as if he was explaining his absence to me like it was important. “I woke the year you were meant to arrive. Unfortunately, the Alinuris had involved themselves as well.”

I swallowed against the dryness in my throat as I just stared at him, my heart was already hammering in my chest but now it felt like it was trying to escape out through my throat.

“You kept Solas from realizing I was alive when my younger self was pulled through time, you let him kill the Alinuris.” It was less of an accusation then it was a statement.

“Yes.” Radinan said as he waved his hand idly, the rings glinting in the magic light. “They were quite weak from the spell they cast, I had expected that they would at least weaken him but it seems I underestimated how much power Flemeth held within her. Although it was quite easy to fan the flames of rage within him.”

“May I see him?” I asked again.

“Really?” He quirked an eyebrow at me. “I reveal your family line on my side and all you think of is Fen'Harel?”

I didn't say anything, I just stared at him.

“Very well.” He said with a small huff. “I was planning on putting the two of you in the same cell for a short time tonight anyway.”

“Why?”

“So, you can confirm what I just told you.” He smiled. “Remember, ask him about me. Radinan.”

A servant had showed up and was prodding me to my feet. I had the feeling that this was a dismissal and moved to follow after the servant.

“Oh, and Ethara,” Radinan called after me. “Do not attempt to escape, if you try to leave, the collar will hurt you quite a bit and the rod will tell me where you are. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Don't bother trying to remove Fen'Harel's collar either. The control rods will tell me if either are tampered with.” He returned to his food and let me wander off.

I grit my teeth and followed after the servant.

I took this time to quickly survey the room we were in. This place was more like a hall, with a raised portion at the far end. We passed through an open set of doors, huge wooden things that seemed at odds with the rest of the place. I did not gaze long as we were entering into a hallway that led deeper – I assumed it was deeper – into the mountain this place was within.

The other elf did not look at me, merely walked like she was a machine. She led the way down carved halls, passing many doors before she opened a cell door and motioned me in. She patiently waited at the door for me to go in, closing it behind me as I stepped in.

The cell was much like the one I had been in. Only in this one, Solas was strung up on the wall furthest from the door.

I darted over to where he hung, my hands going to try and find a pulse. He jumped at my touch, straining against the bonds that held him. The chains rattling as my hands touched his neck just above the collar. I could still feel the chill of the collar even with my dampened senses.

“Don't try to move.” I let out the breath I was holding. He was alive.

“Ethara?” He questioned as he lifted his head to look at me. There was relief in his eyes and I realized he had feared the worst. “You are alright.”

“I am, for now.” I nodded as I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes for a moment. “Don't ask for me to take the collar off, I've already had it explained what will happen if I try.”

“They are letting you wander freely?”

“Not exactly.” I responded, my hand falling against the collar around my neck. “Radinan has the control rod. My guess is he has the one for yours as well.”

“Radinan?” He stared at me.

“Yes.” I said and my eyes dropped. “You know him then?”

“I knew a Radinan a very long time ago, this man is just using his name.” There was disgust and anger in Solas' voice as he straightened up against his bonds. “He was a general centuries ago, during the war that made the Evanuris.”

“What happened to him?”

“We were ambushed.” Solas said simply.

“Solas, what happened to him?” I repeated, more insistently.

“What does it matter, vhenan?” He asked, fixing me with a hard stare. “That man out there is not Radinan. That is impossible.”

I sighed at him. I knew when he was going to be stubborn and not reveal anything without cause. That was always his nature. I knew I had to have answers. If I was going to find a way out of this, I needed to know more about the man who was my father.

“Would it help convince you to talk if I told you he's my father?”

Solas' face drained of all colour.

“That... you're certain?” He asked, his voice almost too quiet for me to hear.

“Yes.” I said as I looked down at my hands. “He was at Adahldur while I was there. He was in the visions of my mother and me prior to the veil going up.”

Silence hung in the cell and I looked back up at Solas. His eyes had become distant and I could see the look that said he was thinking things over. The way his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed. My heart sunk lower and lower as he remained silent.

“Solas?” I questioned.

“Radinan...” He took a deep breath. “Radinan was my second. Mythal begged me not to take him with me when I scouted the enemy camps but I took him anyway. We were ambushed, he stayed behind so I could escape.”

His eyes flicked up to meet mine and there was sorrow in those eyes. I gently rested my real hand against his cheek.

“You thought he died?”

“Yes.” Solas closed his eyes. “I had to tell them, Elgar'nan never forgave me.”

“It changed him?” I asked cautiously.

“It did, until Radinan's death, he had been for justice. Afterwards, he became obsessed with vengeance. He hunted down every one associated with the other side.”

“Radinan didn't die, Solas.” I said softly even though I knew that was clear already. “He tricked you, and faked his own death.”

“I don't believe that.” He said as he opened his eyes. There was hope in those eyes, a refusal to believe bad of someone he had known thousands of years ago. “He might have escaped them as I fled.”

“Solas. He was in Adahldur.” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “He... Solas, he hid the other connection from you when you thought I was gone, so that you would turn your rage onto the Alinuris.”

“No. Radinan was a good man. He wouldn't...”

“Vhenan. He told me he did.” My voice was firm, as I tried to make him see reason.. “He also told me he would have come for me sooner but you or Mythal were always near me.”

Solas went silent, his face becoming dark. There was something there that he wasn't saying. I wanted to demand the answer from him, to know exactly what other secret would be so damning that he did not bring it up.

“Why did he not find you during the years you were by yourself after you returned through a rift?” Solas questioned.

“Because my agents are idiots and were watching her younger self.” Came the voice from behind the door that was being pushed open. “And she was busy hiding herself. Of course, it was from you but it made it difficult for us to find her.”

He strode into the room but moved no closer to either myself or Solas. Just standing there with that almost smug look on his face as he looked at us.

“Radinan.” Solas' voice was a hiss as he lunged up against his chains. The recognition was clear on his face and there was anger as he saw proof of what I was saying.

“It is good to see you again, old friend.” Radinan wore a smile as he looked at Solas.

“How did you survive?” Solas demanded.

“Quite simply, really.” Radinan waved his hand in the air. “Why would my own men kill me?”

“You – you're one of the cultists?”

“Always have been.”

“Why?” Solas asked.

“Why?” Radinan questioned with a laugh before shaking his head. “I had simply wished to live out my life but then, I saw what was to happen. I saw that my father would be swayed by whispers from my brother or his crony and that he would slay my mother.”

“You saw the future?” I questioned, surprise colouring m voice.

“Yes.” Radinan nodded at me. “I witnessed what was to come. No matter what choices were to be made, Mythal would die. I could not live with that.”

“Then why not tell me? I could have stopped it!” Solas' voice became a yell.

“No, you could not.” Radinan fixed him with a stare. “My brother used your friendship with Mythal, and the friendship you had with me. Those were the words whispered to Elgar'nan, that you sought to usurp his place in my mother's heart. My father quested for power but it took that to be the tipping point.”

“You can't be serious...” I stammered but I remembered the vision of Mythal's death, of Dirthamen whispering something into Elgar'nan's ear. I took in a deep breath as the image of Elgar'nan's face contorting in rage came to mind. Something in my face gave me away as Radinan noticed the look.

“Ah, you have seen the hall of memories.” Radinan said, almost sadly. “I, of course, knew that wasn't true. I knew that Fen'Harel saw my mother as nothing more then a friend, perhaps even a sister. Besides, as I began to enact my plan to bring about your existence, I began to see what would unfold between the two of you.”

Solas hissed, straining against the chains.

“Now, now.” Radinan looked away from me to fix his gaze on Solas. “I think my daughter would be most upset if you hurt yourself or if I hurt you so try to calm yourself.”

I interposed my body between Solas and my father.

“Why did you bring about my existence?” I parroted his words back to him, my eyes never leaving his face.

“I needed someone powerful to stop it all.” He said with an almost charming smile. “Of course, the future that came to pass only truly solidified at the moment of your birth.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“The future is never truly set. Only the present matters.” He said with a shrug. “What I have seen are the possible futures. The closer to reality one future becomes, the more distinct it becomes.”

“You have been planning everything out from the beginning then?” Solas' voice was calm but I did not need to look to know there was rage in his eyes.

“Yes. From the moment the great war began, I saw how things would play out.” Radinan answered.

“Why are you telling all of this to us?” I asked.

“There is no harm in telling you the past, dear child.” Radinan said with a smile. “Wouldn't you prefer to know your reason for existing?”

I took a deep breath and stared at him, I remembered the me in Knowledge's vision and the words stating I would become something but I had no idea what the spirit was referring to. “And what is my reason for existing?”

“What else?” My father's smile grew even wider.

“Don't.” Solas' voice was almost pleading. “Radinan... don't!”

“She asked, Solas.” His eyes turned towards Solas for a moment, fixing him with a hard stare. “No one else is worthy of such.”

“Worthy of what?” I demanded, cutting off whatever words were about to come from Solas. “What is my reason for existing?”

“Please, Radinan.” Solas was begging and I was almost afraid to hear what Radinan's response was going to be.

I knew what the future would hold for me and those I held dear but that did not mean I was prepared to actually have it confirmed. Still, I waited for the answer, staring intently at Radinan.

“You, my dear child, my Then'len.” Radinan ignored Solas completely, his eyes fixed completely on my face. “You will bring Tu'Salhasis into this world.”

“You're lying.” I took a step back, pressing up against Solas' chest, my eyes wide as I stared at this man who was my father. I could feel the intake of breath against my back but my attention was focused completely on Radinan

“Why would I lie about something so important?” He began to smile again at me, holding out his hand. “It is not as if I am lying to you about who I am and what I desire.”

I felt the second sharp intake of breath behind me but I prayed Solas would not rise to words that were clearly meant to bait him.

“I'm sure you told the truth to my mother.” I managed to have some bite to my words.

“Your mother was a remarkable woman,” He responded simply, the smile fading from his lips. “You have much the same fire she had, so full of life and strength.”

“I wouldn't know.” I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice.

“Of course not.” That smile returning. “Although I could show you images of her.”

“Not interested.”

“Come child, I am powerful enough to keep both of you limited even now.” That smile turned malicious. “I even orchestrated that little show at Fen'Harel's keep. I could show you a great many things about your mother.”

I hadn't considered it but then, he had to be something stronger then myself and even Solas. And that fact was almost mind bogglingly terrifying.

“I don't want anything from you.” I stammered.

“But of course you do.” Those eyes became dark and I was reminded of Andruil when she had pinned me beneath her, that night where she had tortured me for her own enjoyment. “You do wish for him to remain alive, do you not?”

He lifted his hand in the air and I felt Solas jerk behind me. It was a painful spasm, like he was trying to fight being lifted from the floor. The mighty Fen'Harel reduced to little more then another prisoner at the whims of a mad man.

“Stop.” The fight was gone instantly, I had already seen him kill one of his servants and I knew he'd make Solas suffer if I did not agree to what he wanted.

“Most wise.” Radinan was smiling again, looking the part of a charming blonde elf. “Now that you have seen your wolf, come, we must return to dinner.”

“Don't do this.” I heard Solas' voice, a strained whisper in my ear. “Not even for me, vhenan.”

I turned from Radinan to look into Solas' eyes. I could see the anguish in those fathomless blue eyes. I pressed a quick kiss to his lips before whispering against his mouth.

“It's okay.” My voice dropped lower, quiet enough that even Radinan would not hear me. “The veil is thin.”

I pulled away from him but Solas chased as far as the chains would allow him, he was straining against the bonds that held him and there was genuine terror in his eyes. I knew that fear was for me but there was nothing we could do. Even if he could find some way to fight, we were still bound by the magic inhibiting collars and forced to obey Radinan's will.

I sighed and turned to look at my father, who was smiling broadly as he motioned for me to follow him out of the cell. I did not look back as Solas' voice rose up to call my name.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From FenXShiral's Lexicon  
> Radinan – Emerald Eyes from rad (green, emerald) and inan (eyes)


	27. Then'len

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara struggles with the knowledge of what she will become when the veil is destroyed.

Radinan smiled like I was some prized trophy as he led the way back to the hall. There was a spring in his step that also helped cement the fact that he was quite pleased with himself.

I said nothing as I walked, my eyes turning away from him to stare at the stones in the floor. I didn't want to think about what was going to happen but I had run through nearly every scenario in my mind already. I could see no way on getting out of this place, or getting away from Radinan. I just hoped that Solas had understood what I meant.

The veil was thin here and there was a definite possibility that Cole could get through to us. It would be better for Solas to try and summon him, as I had the distinct impression that Radinan was not going to leave me alone for very long. I had also told the spirit but I had no idea if she had actually heard me before she returned to the Fade.

If one of them managed to contact Cole then Cole could find us and then show the rest of our allies where we were.

“Ah, cheer up.” He said as he slid his arm around my shoulder. “You have a great destiny ahead of you.”

I stared up at him. Somehow, I managed to keep the hate out of my eyes.

“Did you kill my mother?” The question tumbled out of my mouth before I had time to think.

He removed his arm from around me like he had been burned. That smile fled and was replaced by a stern glare. The kind of look a parent gives a misbehaving child but he had no right to give me such a look.

“That is not something I would like to discuss.”

“Really? Because I thought you said you would show me a great many things about her.” I retorted, letting my anger show. It was better to be angry then fall into despair.

“I did say that, didn't I?” He mused for a moment as if he had forgotten that offer earlier. “Very well. Yes, I killed your mother.”

My footsteps faltered. I hadn't expected him to be so candid about it. He said it like he was discussing something inane, like what was for supper or the weather on a particular day.

“W...why?” I stammered.

“Great magics require great sacrifices.” He said with a thin smile. “Your mother was one of the prices I had to pay.”

I went silent. I didn't want to talk to this man who talked so easily of sacrificing my mother for magic that would end up destroying the world, all because his mother was going to die. The reasoning was just far beyond me. The whole thing was madness.

“Oh, don't be silent and staring, dear.” He said as he stopped at the table and motioned for me to sit in my place once more. “Both you and your wolf are safe for tonight.”

“I wasn't thinking about Solas.” I said with a glare before sitting in the chair.

“Of course not.” He sighed. “Your thoughts are to your mother, then?”

“Yes.” I continued to glare but slid my hands into my lap.

Bull had taught me years ago that if I was silent, people tended to volunteer more information about a topic and sure enough, Radinan continued.

“You wish to know why I killed her, then?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“There is no simple answer to that.” He said as he poured up more wine into his glass.

“Then give me the complicated one.”

“Sarcasm is beneath you, my dear.” He scowled at me a little before waving his hand idly in the air. “Complicated but simply put, I had to give up the last thing connecting me to the people. That was your mother.”

“The last thing?” I asked.

“Yes.” He had a strange, almost sad look on his face as he spoke. “She was a wonderful woman, someone who should have lived out her life far longer then she had.”

“You're the one who killed her.” There was acid in my voice.

“Of course.” He smiled at me again. “Better for her to die at my hands then at the hands of another.”

“You're insane.”

“Quite possibly.” He sipped his wine with a smile. “But wouldn't you rather spare someone you love the suffering that would come?”

I didn't answer that question. I wouldn't want someone to suffer for me, let alone watch the suffering of any one I cared about, but that didn't mean I would kill them to spare them that fate.

“She was going to be most distressed when we had to send you to the future.” Radinan said with a wistful smile. “But then, there was purpose in sending you away.”

I blinked, looking at him with a startled look. He had sent me to the future but for what, I had no idea. That was something that had been missing from all the information I had received. There was no reason why this time had been so important beyond the veil weakening.

“You have not realized the purpose?' He said with a chuckle before he peered at me intently.

“No, all I know is you and your little cult put me here when I was a baby...”

“And what happened to you as you grew older?”

“I trained to become a Keeper's First.” I answered.

“And after you became First?” He pressed.

“I...” I took a breath and stared at my plate. “I went to the Conclave.”

“That you did.” He sounded pleased with himself as if that had been something he arranged as well. “And everything fell into place to gain you a powerful bit of magic.”

“The anchor is gone.” I lifted up the crystalline hand to show that had replaced the hand that Solas had taken. Once, there had been the anchor there. A green wound on my real hand that had allowed me to open and close rifts.

“Dear child, do you really think something as powerful as that would be destroyed by merely removing your arm? It seems Fen'Harel was not quite truthful with you on that matter.” He quirked an eyebrow at me. “His foci may be gone but you, you still possess the powers of the anchor.”

“You're lying again.” I refused to believe that Solas would not have realized that I had that part of his magic within me, or worse yet that he had known and never told me.

“How do you think you came from beyond the veil?” He asked, that eyebrow arching ever higher.

“No... that's...” I swallowed. I remembered what I had known of the veil, everything that I had learned as the Inquisitor.

_A being of flesh and blood could not pass through the veil into the fade._

Even spirits had difficulty passing to this side. The anchor had allowed me to open a rift once, pulling me and several others through into the fade to keep us from dying from a great fall.

“I can see that you're figuring it out.” He said with a self important grin.

“You saw this future then?” I asked, my voice quiet.

“I did.” He waved his hand idly. “There were other possible Inquisitors, of course but I ensured that you would be the one to be there.”

“Others?” I questioned.

“Of course, the visions of the future are never set. In one future, the Inquisitor would have been a Vashoth mercenary. In yet another, it was a human mage. And yet in another, it was some dwarf. I took great pains to ensure they would never reach the Conclave.”

I stared at him as he admitted fully to arranging the fates of those other 'potential' Inquisitors. I knew it was murder that he had arranged as I doubted this man would settle for anything less. Not when he was so willing to kill his servants to demonstrate his power.

“All it took was waiting for the right moment to get you into the room.” His words chilled me to the bone. “Timing was everything but everything played out like I had planned.”

“The servant... the one who told me to go to that room..” I felt sick. It had been a simple thing, something I had long forgotten. An elvish woman who had served the Chantry, one who had come to tell me that I was needed in the room where Corypheus had held the Divine. I couldn't remember the words, or even the reason the woman had given, but I had gone there. I had touched the orb.

“One of many, willing to lay down their lives for the cause.” He tilted the glass as if he was toasting the woman's memory.

“You know Solas took the anchor from me.” I responded even though I was beginning to think that wasn't completely true.

“Oh, he took most of it from you, true.” He said with a smile that seemed just a little too large. “That was why I had to send you back through time.”

“What?” I frowned again, surprised by what he was saying.

“Do I need to explain this to you as well?” He gave a tired sigh. “I would have thought a child of mine would be far more intelligent then this.”

My frown turned into a glare.

“Very well.” There was another sigh before he continued. “I knew you would attract Fen'Harel. That is always the way it played out. No matter what vision I had of the future, the moment he laid eyes on you, he was always finding you appealing. Amusingly enough, the more you struggled to stay away from him or he from you, the stronger his feelings grew.”

I felt a little ill as I listened to him talk about my relationship with Solas as if it was inevitable. That no matter what life we had led, there was always one of us trying to pull away from the other.

“Of course, it was easier as I knew you would show up. I did see you that time you were on the balcony with Ethyrne.” He mused.

“Why did your people not take me when I was in Elvhenan?”

“You already know the truth to that.” He said.

The silence hung between us and he just stared blankly at me while he waited for me to answer. I thought about what he might be talking about but I just couldn't think of a single thing. Perhaps he meant learning from Mythal but that did not make sense to me. He could have taught me just as easily once she died.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” I finally said, admitting defeat.

“You really don't, do you?” There was another over-exaggerated sigh. “Your hand, my dear. You needed your hand.”

“My hand?” I blinked in confusion as I lifted it up, staring at the crystal that made up my fingers and thumb, before travelling along my knuckles to my wrist and then to where it disappeared beneath the edges of my sleeve. “Don't tell me you didn't want me as a cripple for your little plan.”

“No.” He said simply before his head tilted, those eyes showing just a little too much white as realization seemed to strike him again. “Fen'Harel did not tell you? Oh, yes, that future. The one where he believed the two of you could live out a life free of the Evanuris because of your innate power.”

“What in the void are you talking about?” I managed to demand but my voice wavered. I remembered the look that Solas had given me before Radinan had barged into the cell and I wondered if this was what it had been about.

“You see, Fen'Harel felt his magic in you – I can even feel it from here – but back in Elvhenan, he did not know how you had it or even what it was from. He just thought you were extremely powerful and believed that if he could help you harness that, then you would never have to fear one of the Evanuris.

“Oh, but that is also beside the point. You see, your hand.” He spoke as he took a sip of wine. “It is a foci, your foci. Fen'Harel made it for you and tied it to your essence with the bits of his own magic he still felt within you.”

_A foci?_

_Oh, creators._

A foci that had been trapped behind the veil, one that had thousands of years to soak in the magic energy of the fade. I knew what Fen'Harel's orb had been capable of and it had just been sitting in the waking world while Solas slept, I was terrified to think of what my hand could now unleash.

“I see the understanding in your eyes, child. It is not nearly as powerful as a foci of the Evanuris but it is quite powerful.” That smile was too large for his face and looked more like a monster that should be lurking in the dark. “Of course, your little hand has held a part of the anchor which has become part of you, more then it ever was his. You can thank Mythal for that, she healed the damage the orb had done to your spirit.”

“Creators...” My mouth felt dry as I spoke. Things were beginning to add up in ways I had never imagined.

“The Creators?” He asked with a laugh, shaking his head. “If they ever even existed, they have turned a blind eye to everything happening in the world. From the sickness within the Deep Roads to the tortured cries of the spirits trapped on the other side of the veil. All things our kind has caused.”

“The veil was necessary.” I ignored the comment about the Deep Roads, not wanting to think that the Blight was also caused by the elvhen. It was just another thing added to the list of information overload of the last few weeks.

“You may believe as you wish. I do agree that the Evanuris had to be punished for what they did.” His face was twisted in a faint scowl and there was anger there but it was directed elsewhere. “Everyone will be punished and you will be the key to that.”

“Why? Because a bit of Fen'Harel's magic still lingers?” I said with a glare at him even as I pulled my hand close against me, not wanting to think about anything other then Solas' power as opposed to a fade blessed foci.

“Of course.” He smiled and leaned across the table. “But it is more then that.”'

“What can be more then the anchor?”

“ _You,_ my dear. You're more then just the anchor.” He stood up quickly, his face becoming excited as he talked. “Your mother was chosen specifically because of her bloodline. Then, you were sent here to gain the power of anchor, to gain Fen'Harel's power. We attempted to steal you away back to Arlathan to teach you but those Alinuris were constantly getting involved where they shouldn't.”

I remained silent, letting him go on and on. I leaned forward slowly, sliding my hand to the table and trying to reach towards the rod that was on the edge of the table. His back was to me but I still moved slowly.

“Of course, that worked to our benefit as you learned from one of the most powerful mages of Elvhenan.” He had turned and was waving his hands expressively in the air. “I had not seen that but it was wonderful! Learning from Mythal like a little sponge. You even awakened dormant dreaming abilities from Fen'Harel's meddling.”

I had no idea how he was aware of that as I was certain only two people knew of that beyond myself. Ethyrne and Solas, and I doubted either would have told him anything. I continued to stretch out my hand, slowly, ever so slowly.

_Almost..._

“You even survived on the other side of the veil for thousands of years! Of course, I expected that but you came through almost completely unscathed. You are beyond any expectations.”

My fingers touched the rod, circling around it as I went to pull it towards me. A jolt of power went up my hand and towards my shoulder. It was like being struck by raw electric energy, pain before my arm and side went numb.

I knew I had to have made some noise in addition to the sound of the crackle of power as Radinan had turned to look at me.

“Come now, do you really think I would leave something like that within your grasp without casting wards on it?” He asked with a laugh as I slumped against the table. “You're just precious, my dear.”

He went around the edge of the table and scooped me up in his arms like I was little more then a doll. I wanted to scream, to fight, to do anything but that numbness had spread from my side to most of my body. Even my face felt like it was going numb.

“Hush.” He said and whatever noises I was making suddenly ceased. “It will wear off in time, I would not place a spell on it that would harm you but it will keep you docile for most of the night.”

It was getting hard to stay awake.

“Sleep, dear one. I will tuck you in.”

He kissed me on the forehead, much like a parent would do to a child as they carted them off to bed but this was a mockery of it. This man would never be the father I had wanted. No, he was far, far worse then that.

I couldn't fight it any longer and fell into a blackness.

 

 

_I was within the rotunda, sitting on that little cushioned bench. A book laid out in my lap but I wasn't really reading it._

_My eyes were cast towards the blank space on the wall. The single chunk of wall that was always unpainted in my dreams. No matter how much I willed it to be different, there was never anything there. Solas never came back to finish the mural and now he never would._

_I took a deep breath as I knew this was a dream._

_I was not in Skyhold, I was in some underground place, at the mercy of a mad man and his followers._

_I reached out with my senses and found that I could go no further then the personal area of my dream. I could not slip from my dream to wander the fade as I had done only twice before. Never had I realized how limited it was to just be within my own dream space but now I was painfully aware of the difference._

_I sighed and looked at this place that was made from my memories. Everything was where it should be. Solas' paints, the veil fire flickering on the wall, even the last few books he had taken down from the library to study._

_It felt lonely without him._

_I knew the real Solas was trapped in his own little personal space, if he was even sleeping, and I could not bring myself to summon a dream version of him._

_I could not be swayed by a happy dream when everything was falling apart in the waking world, yet I could not wake myself._

_Sighing, I got to my feet and wandered to the door leading to the library. Only it was not the stairwell that was out there but a small room._

_The room was set up as a child's nursery but I did not remember ever seeing one in Skyhold, or even in ancient Arlathan. The Dalish elves never had a home made from stone, let alone a nursery._

“ _Elgara vallas, da'len.” The voice held my attention and I turned to look at a red haired woman leaning over a baby's crib. It was melodic and I found myself just listening. “Melava somniar. Mala taren aravas ara ma'desen melar.”_

_I took a few steps into the room but stopped when the woman looked up. Her face was familiar but it was like a half forgotten memory, something like a dream. Her eyes were a bright gold and she smiled at me._

_I reached out towards her as I realized this was my mother._

“ _Lathem'na.”_

_The room faded away and I was back in the rotunda again. The doorway that led to the library was completely gone, sealed up like stone._

“ _Alright... “ I said to myself as I tried to sort out what I had just seen._

_The door that normally led to the main hall was closest so I decided to take that route. I walked quickly, stepping through the door and found myself coming out the door that would have been to my personal rooms in Skyhold._

_A younger me sat on the throne and she was surrounded by my Inquisition. Cullen, Josephine, soldiers. The other me was passing judgement on someone and I watched as it unfolded. Then all eyes turned towards me and I could hear that same voice._

“ _Arulin'na.”_

_And once more I was back in the rotunda. I sighed and looked to where that doorway had been but that was gone now too. Just a solid brick wall beyond the door. That left a single door for me to walk through. Apparently my subconscious wanted me to jump through hoops, or doors, to impart some greater message to me that I was missing here._

_I took a deep breath and marched through the last door to find myself in the Tavern._

_All of my friends were within, drinking and cheering about something. The Chargers, my Companions, even Hawke who I had left in the fade. They were all there. I almost felt like I was going to cry as I looked at the friends I had gained over my time as the Inquisitor. Every one of them had said they were willing to do what they could to help me or protect me. And as one, they all turned towards me._

_It was almost creepy._

“ _Falon'na.” They all said in unison._

_And right back into the rotunda. This was getting tiresome but I was refusing to let it get to me but it seemed this dream wasn't going to be that nice as I was not alone this time._

_Leaning against the table was Fen'Harel, every inch of him as I remembered from Arlathan._

“ _Ma vhenan.” He said with that cocky smile as he pushed from the table and strode to where I was sitting on the bench. “Na rya pan.”_

_I sighed as I felt his fingers gracing my cheek as he leaned in and I almost wanted to give in to just enjoying the moment here with him but I knew I couldn't. This wasn't real. This was but a dream and the real Fen'Harel – the real Solas was out there, a prisoner to keep me behaved._

“ _If this is some way to keep me motivated, it's not necessary.” I said as I pulled back from the image of Fen'Harel. “Spirit, show yourself.”_

_Nothing happened and I thought perhaps I was wrong, that this really was my subconscious but then the Fen'Harel faded away and a ghostly image appeared._

_It was like the spirit of Faith I had encountered in the fade before. In the shape of a person but lacking any thing to signify their appearance._

“ _So, which are you?” My voice was almost sarcastic as I stuck with the trade tongue. “Faith? Hope? Courage?”_

_It did not answer as it hovered near me._

_I sighed and closed my eyes. Leave it to spirits to come and try to mess with my head when things were at their lowest. It was hopeless at this point, I had no way of saving anyone or stopping whatever my father had planned._

“ _Not hopeless.” The spirit answered. The voice was strange, almost like a combination of voices. It reminded me of Cole's twisted voice as Hate but in a good way. There was something familiar about a few of the voices I could hear within it's speech but I couldn't place them._

“ _How isn't it hopeless?” I asked, casting it a weary look. “I'm trapped Creator's knows where. My magic is bound. Solas is also trapped and bound. No one knows where I am. And I don't think anyone would be powerful enough to even think of taking down my father. Oh, who happens to be a complete and utter nut job who wants to use me to bring forth pure madness into the world.”_

“ _Love.”_

“ _Love? Really? **Really?** ” I said with an angry snort. “If that's the advice you've got, I think you should just leave me be.”_

“ _Herald.” It said, floating closer._

“ _Don't start that.” I practically snarled at it. “I don't want to be anyone's Herald. I don't want to be the host for Tu'Salhasis. Voids, I didn't even want to be at the Conclave or lead the Inquisition. All I ever wanted to do was live my life in peace. Yet, I can't do that because apparently my whole life has been some one's play for the end of the world.”_

“ _They have faith in you. You inspire them.”_

“ _Oh, you're talking in sentences now?” I was angry. I was miserable. I was everything._

“ _We have faith in you.”_

“ _We?”_

“ _We don't want it.” The spirit voiced again and the form seemed to shift, becoming a larger form that changed shape rapidly for a moment before shifting back to the humanoid one. “Once when we existed together, we could become more but this world needs to live. It needs to be.”_

_I just stared. For the briefest of moments, I was damn sure that the spirit had taken on the form of a Pride demon or at least the shape of one. I remembered my message to Solas and what Radinan had said. The veil was thin here. Was this a spirit that was close to being pulled over across the veil against it's own will, and about to be forced to become something else._

_I felt a sparking in my hand and stared down to the crystalline hand that was now glowing green._

“ _What...” I knew the sparking energy. That was all Fen'Harel's anchor. Trapped at the very centre of the hand he had made for me back in Arlathan. There was no pain, although that could have been the dream but I didn't think so. Something about it felt normal, felt right._

“ _We don't want what they want.” The spirit spoke again as it moved to take the crystalline hand in it's shapeless one. “Remember what you're fighting for and when the time comes, you will know what to do.”_

_The green glow faded as the dream began to shift and I knew I was waking up._

“ _Wait... what am I to do?” I asked, struggling to try and keep myself in the dream._

“ _Vengeance.” The spirit whispered and then was gone._

 

I woke to several guards surrounding the bed I was in. I didn't even remember how I ended up there but I didn't question it. Somehow I was also fully dressed in what I could only describe as an ancient Elvhen gown that clung to everything. Even my hair was styled up in exotic braids. That collar was around my neck and I could sense nothing.

“Come, child.” Radinan's voice came from between the guards as he strode towards me. “It is nearly time.”

He was dressed in similar finery and I stared at him even as my body moved on it's own to force me out of the bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Mir Da'len Somniar   
> Elgara vallas, da'len - Sun sets, little one  
> Melava somniar. Mala taren aravas ara ma'desen melar. - Time to dream. Your mind journeys, but I will hold you here
> 
> FenXShiral Lexicon again. It goes without saying, I'm terrible at putting language together so yeah...   
> Lathem'na – You were loved   
> Arulin'na – You were important  
> Falon'na – You were a friend   
> Ma vhenan – My heart  
> Na rya pan – You must fight


	28. Anchor Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara tries to stop the plans from unfolding but things never go as planned.

I felt like a puppet, nothing more. Radinan had danced me out before guests, for he had decided to have some sort of grand ball. I guess if it was going to be the end of the world, they all wanted to go out with a bang. They all laughed and joked like this was the greatest thing to unfold in their lives.

I hated every single one of them.

It had been different when Solas had left me to continue his quest to tear down the veil. He understood what it was going to cost himself and the world but he had felt he had no other option. These people simply did not care about the cost. They did not care that the rest of the world would die screaming as they tore down the veil and brought pure madness into the world.

And I was forced to sit there, watching from the throne on a pedestal, as they all came up with gifts or honeyed words. Radinan was careful and had used the rod to bind my will to keep me from talking but I memorized every single face. I told myself that it was because I needed something to do but I knew, deep down, that the reason was a far more simple one. If they succeeded, I was going to kill every single one of them. No. Cole and I were going to kill them. That was the fate that Knowledge had shown me. We would kill every single one of them, and the Evanuris.

There was no comfort in that thought.

Radinan sat on a throne nearby, not quite as impressive as the one he had decided was proper for the one who was going to bring Tu'Salhasis into the world but it was still quite ornate. The two rods that controlled mine and Solas' collars were laid out carefully on a table next to him.

It was obvious that he had planned it for some time. That I was here just so he could show me off as if to proclaim his victory to the world. I wondered if he expected to have a new world to rule. I knew differently but I did not recall anything about him in the vision.

I did not watch him as he enjoyed the attention of those people a little too much. I turned, instead, to look at everyone before me. It was a steady stream of people coming up and stepping down. Once more I was raised above everyone and being treated as some legendary figure.

It was an endless procession of people bowing to my father and offering words of praise for my sacrifice but then there was one who looked at me in a strange manner. He bore vallaslin like many of the elves but I recognized the markings as those of Mythal. There was nothing about him that stood out, his eyes were a dark gold and he had brown hair. Nothing to really hint that he was anything other then a Dalish elf. He approached the dais with an almost reserved smile before he bowed low to me.

“I am honoured to be here, ma tarlan.” It was all he said before he was darting down down the steps and out of the way of the next approaching elf who was attempting to curry favour with me.

I managed to keep still even as I remembered the only person who had ever called me their lady in ancient elvish.

_Abelas! Mythal's Sentinels!_

I knew they were bound by the oaths they had taken while Mythal was alive, and had no desire to do what Radinan and his men wanted.

I sucked in a breath of air as I let my eyes scan the faces in the crowd. I dared not let my gaze focus too much on any one person, or even seek out the elf that had spoken, I was now looking for others with Mythal's markings. If there were sentinels here, then that means Abelas had orchestrated some kind of rescue mission.

I prayed that it was the truth.

“Something troubling you, dear?” Radinan asked from where he sat, his green eyes fixing on my face with that same smug smile.

I glared at him as he knew full well that I was bound by the control rod not to speak. His way of ensuring that I didn't scream my head off at all his honoured guests or, worse, tell them exactly what was going to happen to all of them once I changed.

“I'll take your silence as the usual.” He continued to smile. “Worried about your wolf?”

I glared even harder. If looks could kill, I'd be an orphan at that point.

“Now, now.” He said with a chuckle. “I will keep my word, after all, we need him to tear down the veil.”

I stopped glaring and went cold. I had no idea what he was talking about as I had assumed I was always the target. I was the one they needed to enact their plan of remaking the world.

“Oh, I forgot to mention that.” He grinned. “Fen'Harel is the one who erected the veil, he will be the one that will tear it down. Well, you probably could but that is not your purpose.”

I remembered what the spirit had said and I glared at my father. I knew that Solas had wanted to tear down the veil and save his people but I didn't think he would do it knowing what he was going to damn the people to.

But he didn't know. I hadn't told him what would become of the world when the veil came down, I hadn't told him that I would scorch the world and enslave the survivors. All he knew was that my father had orchestrated things to bring about a living herald of madness into the world.

I feverishly prayed that Solas understood what that would mean.

“It will be a fitting end for the god of rebellion,” Radinan said with a laugh. “Slain by the woman he loves as she rebels against the nature of the world.”

A strangled moan of anguish pulled from my mouth as I heard the words. I desperately wanted to speak, to shout and yell at this man. I would never kill Solas. Not in any life.

“F...fenedhis la...lasa!” I managed to get out even as it felt like fire travelled all over my skin. It hurt but it felt good to do something that was a little bit of a rebellion against the bonds that kept me under his control.

Radinan laughed before he smiled deviously at me, his green eyes becoming almost hateful as he looked at me.

“You two are well matched, child. Two little rebellious spirits.” He leaned in, his voice becoming almost taunting. “You know, there was a future where the two of you lived together in Elvhenan without a veil. When you were grown, he would have come to the Alinuris and been infatuated with you. Each day he would have returned, trying to tempt you to leave with him, bringing you gifts and stories of the wold beyond Adahldur. He would have sought you out in Vir Dithara and promised you the world.”

My eyes began to water but I was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I just let myself become angrier. It was better then the anguish at his words.

“The two of you would have lived in a keep not unlike Tarasyl'an Te'las, and there would even have been a set of twins. Boys, with bright blue eyes and even brighter red hair. They would have gone on to change the world, undoing evils and righting wrongs.”

The clan had raised me to respect my elders and love those that were my parents, even if I had never met them, but one thing was for certain. I hated the man before me.

“You would have sung for him while he painted. Such a pair, completely obsessed with the notion of one another that all else fell to the way side. You would have been his muse, his Inspiration.”

He sat there, enjoying himself as he taunted me. Taunted his own daughter with a story of what might have been. Even if it was a lie, it was still cruel and malicious. It was like pulling the wings off butterflies and I knew he was enjoying it. The way his lips curled and his eyes lit up at ever little angry look I gave him.

Gone was the pretence of being that loving father or that charming gentleman that had tried to garner my favour earlier. There was only the mad man.

“My lord.” One of the elves said as he approached the raised platform. “We have managed to capture one of Mythal's remaining Sentinels.”

My heart fell as I turned to look at the man that was being dragged between two elves. He was bound, rope tied firmly about his body but there was no mistaking the proud height of his chin or the markings of Mythal on his face. It was not Abelas or the man I had seen earlier but he was dressed like the Sentinels. The armour was always the same and his armour was flecked with blood.

“Ah, so tell me, how is it that you all manage to continue fighting after all these years despite the old woman being dead?” Radinan stepped away from the throne to swagger confidently towards his prisoner. “Or do you still cling to the old beliefs even without your goddess? Perhaps I should give you a new god?”

Radinan motioned back to where I sat on the throne, as I was the 'new god'. The Sentinel's eyes blazed as he stared back at Radinan. He remained silent even as the other man approached.

“What's this?” Radinan said as he leaned closer. “A false show of bravado?”

Still, the Sentinel remained silent as he stood there.

“Come, surely you have some words for me and all these people who are gathered here to watch you die?” Radinan was almost in the Sentinel's face. “Or perhaps you think I'll have the Then'len kill you. I doubt you're worthy enough for that.”

I glared at Radinan as he continued to taunt the Sentinel who remained silent. I wanted this to stop but I was unable to move at all. My father remained standing in front of him but then the Sentinel's eyes flicked past him for a brief moment and he looked at me.

“Mythal'as.” It was the only thing he shouted before he pulled his head back and drove his forehead into Radinan's nose.

The entire Hall went silent at the sound of crunching as the Sentinel broke Radinan's nose. Then all the guards were swarming him but out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone else move.

It was hard to keep track of everything as several things happened at once but I saw him.

The Sentinel I had seen earlier came darting towards the throne that Radinan had been sitting on, the one that held the two control rods that bound both Solas and I. An arrow seemed to appear out of his chest as he slumped forward. I strained to try and reach the man but he fell forward onto the throne and I could hear the sounds of the rods being knocked to the floor as he managed to knock the table over. I watched as they rolled down the stairs and out into the hall.

The grand doorways were thrown open and I could see people charging in. There was the flash of magic in the air and there were hundreds of voices shouting. I could hear the 'for the' and it seemed to vary by person but I was certain I heard Cullen shouting “For the Inquisitor” and Bull's “Horns up!”

The throngs of _nobles_ had already pulled Radinan out of the way and I could hear him swearing as he was being swept into the crowd. I knew precisely what he was going to try to get to and I tried to see where the control rods had rolled.

If I could get the rods then I could free myself and Solas, then my father would really get to see what I was capable of. My eyes flicked up to the fighting and I could see the Cultists facing off against the combined might of Mythal's Sentinels and my Inquisition.

I staggered from the throne as I saw one particular elf in the fight. Nearly falling as the compulsion to stay seated was there. However, without someone guiding the control rod, it was far easier to move, it was easier to fight it. It still hurt but it was no longer like fire was being poured into my veins. I didn't care as I saw him fighting his way towards me.

Solas was running across the hall to me. His outstretched hand wielding a sword with ease as he seemed to dance through the throngs of enemies and there was a determination on his face There was no blaze of energy in his eyes, the collar keeping his power from functioning like it did mine. He was coming to try and save me, not as a God but as a man.

I couldn't shout but I got to my feet. I could no longer see my father in the crowd and had no idea where the control rods were and for a brief moment, I didn't care.

I ran down the stairs, dodging what I could as the forces of the Inquisition warred with the Cultists. The sound of metal on metal ringing in my ears and the smell of battle magic, bitter and electric, filling my nose. I took the steps several at a time before I practically threw myself into his arms.

“Vhenan.” He breathed against my forehead for a brief moment before he was pulling me along beside him. We both knew there was no time for a better reunion but that simple act was enough for me.

I had no weapon to defend myself but he did well enough with just the sword. I was reminded that he had been a general so long ago, a soldier in a war of the elves and I was thankful that he knew how to use more then just a staff.

He kept a firm grip on my hand as we went. Always turning with me pulled against him, meeting wayward blows with the sword as he shielded my body with his. He did not stay to fight any Cultists who pushed a stray strike our way as it seemed they were intent in only fighting the forces that had come for us.

The battle had completely filled the hall but I knew that Solas was heading for the side that was mostly the Inquisition and Sentinels. I could see Bull's horns above a group ahead of us but I couldn't make out any one else.

Something tickled at the back of my neck. A sensation like bugs crawling across the sweat on my skin.

“Solas!” I gasped as I felt the power of the control rod slam into me hard enough to make me stumble.

“Ethara?” He questioned as he turned to me, his eyes went wide when he saw me. He understood what was happening almost instantly. “Everyone! Get out, now!”

I had no idea what about my appearance frightened me but I could feel it.

The command to turn on those around me. Anyone who was not a part of the Cultists was to be a target. Magic swirled around me as I prepared to cast - I wasn't sure what I was about to cast but it was something powerful.

“Retreat!” I heard Cullen's voice over the din of the fighting as he called out the retreat at Solas' words. If any one else said anything, I could not hear it.

No one came near us as the Inquisition and Sentinels began to try and get their way back to the doors.

“Fight it.” Solas dropped the sword and put both of his hands on my shoulders. He ignored everything around us, focusing solely on me. “Ethara, you are stronger then him. Fight this.”

I struggled even as the power began to crackle across my skin. I felt like I was on fire as the magic began to take root. I could see the barest glimmer of what the spell would be, it would be like a storm here in the Hall. It would be like I had done on the road to Skyhold, where I would strip the life from everything I was directed at.

“Vhenan, do not give in to this.” His hands moved from my shoulders to my cheeks.

“Solas...” I tried to focus on his face, mostly on those blue eyes. My whole body was feeling the pull of the control rod, pain following as I fought it. His hands were like an anchor, keeping me from losing myself to the magic and the command to kill.

His body was close against mine and I leaned into the comfort of it as I fought against the control rod. It was only a few seconds in passing but it felt like a life time as I simply refused to give in to the order to slaughter those that had come to rescue me.

I was stronger then this.

I was Ethara. First, mage, Herald, Inquisitor, ancient elvhen Goddess. I would not bow.

It felt like something snapped within me and I could resist it. The need to murder everyone in the room faded, he magic remained in the air but the bite was gone. The pain did not fade completely, but I was not going to let Radinan control me in exchange for respite from pain. I took a deep breath even as I saw Solas smile at me. His eyes were full of pride as he leaned to kiss my forehead gently.

“I have faith in you.” He whispered as he leaned back, love in his voice.

Then I felt something wet hit my face as his eyes widened. He staggered a foot step towards me before he started to fall, his hands fumbled and he let go of my face. I caught him as he fell, blood drenching my hands and the gown.

It was not like it had been in the vision Knowledge had given me.

The stab had come from the back, the blade sticking out this side of his chest. I looked up even as the only sound across the battlefield was the sound of my father's shout in angry denial. I heard what he was saying but I couldn't really make out anything over the realization that Solas had been stabbed. I could tell from here that it was a mortal wound. The position of the blade and the blood.

There was too much blood.

The Cultist who had struck the blow looked down at his handiwork with a smug look. He was proud of stabbing the Dread Wolf in the back, I could see that look on his face. Pain raced through my nerves as I raised a hand towards him and closed my fingers like a fist.

The sound of his body beginning to crunch in on itself was only met with the sounds of his screams as every bone in his body began to break. It echoed through out the hall as if everyone else held their breath while I crushed the man with my power.

“Ethara... don't.” Solas' voice brought my attention away from the enemy and I stared down at him.

The man was forgotten and fell to the ground like a boneless heap that continued to scream.

“Solas... I...” There was no stopping the tears that were flowing even as I pressed my hand over the wound he had just gained. I tried to will the wound to heal but it was slow. Far too slow and he had already lost too much blood. “Not like this... please... not like this..”

I ignored the press of the people around us, who were all hesitant to approach.

They weren't important, my world had shrunk to just Solas.

“Ir abelas, ma vhenan...” He whispered as he took my crystalline hand in his left one. “I wish we had more time.”

I felt a pulse of magic as it enveloped my hand. A green spark of energy as he started to reawaken the anchor. It felt strange, like he was turning a key in a lock but I knew it was pure magic. Instinctively, I knew he was passing over what remained of the anchor. His magic using the crystalline hand like it was a bridge, flowing over and into me like the force it was.

“Stop!” I screamed as I saw the pain washing over his face. His whole body struggled to keep himself from arching at the agony that came with using magic while bound with the collar. The effort was causing more blood to pour from the wound. I tried to get my free hand over the wound, trying to do anything to stop the blood. Every spell I tried seemed to fizzle out, as if I couldn't heal at all.

“It is okay.” There was blood on his lips and tears filled the edges of his blue eyes.

The collar was going to kill him if he used magic, but the wound was going to kill him regardless and I was powerless to heal him. Nothing I was doing was working and he was going to die here in this place.

“No, no this is not okay.” I leaned to rest my forehead against his as I begged. “Please, you can't leave me. Please... You promised.”

“I know.” His eyes closed and I felt his grip on my hand loosen. “Ma... vhen..an...”

“Solas?” I searched his face for some sign of life but he was still. So very still. “Solas!” I let out a shriek of grief.

The magic I had begun to summon earlier flowed out with that scream knocking everyone off their feet. Those that were closest were practically crushed at the pulse of pure magic.

There was only one thing left. Vengeance. I understood fully what the spirit – what Mythal had been trying to tell me even as the power from Solas reawakened the anchor. Magic that had been dormant for so long sprung to life in my hand. It was like regaining a piece of myself that I had never known was missing. Even as I lost him, I gained that part of myself back.

It was more fuel for the feeling of despair within me.

I got to my feet and let the tears fall to mingle with the blood that now drenched the front of my dress. Solas' blood. I could hear the people whispering around me but their words meant nothing. These were all the cultists. They were the ones responsible for all of this. All of my pain.

For the first time in centuries, I heard the whisper of the well within my mind but it was not the same as it had been.

~ _The Anchor. ~_ They said.

 _~ Vengeance. ~_ They demanded.

I raised my hand in the air even as I felt the collar hum to life. Pain blazed along all my senses but I would not be stopped. These men could throw all their magic at me but I was not going to give in. I felt the veil against my hand and I pushed all my power against it. Every single bit thrumming through my blood and down to the crystal foci.

The air seemed to hiss with energy as every Cultist mage tried to stop what I had just done.

The rift opened like an ugly green wound, shattering a single piece of the veil but that was not the main draw of my spell. I could see the spirits on the other side but my eyes were for the one spirit I somehow knew was waiting.

I watched as the form solidified and for a brief moment it was Mythal as Flemeth. Then it was like the outer layer of skin peeled away and it became the Mythal I had known in Arlathan. Bright and shining, the All Mother. The one whom the elvhen invoked when they demanded vengeance.

“Vengeance.” I whispered as I fell to my knees, all my strength fighting against the collar to perform this single act.

I could hear my father's scream behind me as I lifted up my hand and pushed it through the rift. I felt her fingers touch mine before I grabbed her hand to pull her through. She did not come through as a mere wisp of a spirit.

She came through as herself from the past.

The pain of the collar was almost too much to handle and it felt like my whole body was ready to explode but then I felt her power rolling over me and through me.

I was a thunderstorm, she was a hurricane.

Her power cooled the pain.

Soothed the fire.

I felt the collar drop away like it was nothing more then a piece of string.

Her head held high as she stood before them, the goddess in the flesh, her body illuminated by the green of the rift behind her. Other spirits began to come through but this was different then the rifts that had been formed by the Breach.

These spirits were not being pulled against their will, they were stepping through willingly, allowing themselves to be changed.

“Vengeance.” I whispered again as I collapsed next to Solas' body.

The strain of the last few months, all the injuries I'd sustained in one way or another, and opening the rift was too much. There was something else, something I couldn't explain but it felt like part of me had slipped away.

It didn't matter.

“And we will have it.”

I could hear the screaming start when I fell into darkness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write this in pieces cause I'm a terrible person.
> 
> Fenedhis lasa – curse word, pretty sure it's somewhere along the line of go fuck yourself or suck a wolf's dick or something like that. 
> 
> Mythal'as – Mythal's Hope  
> as from las - Hope


	29. The Longest Day

_I don't remember much of what happened after I opened the rift and pulled Mythal through._

_For the longest time, it was simply darkness. The weird thing was that I was aware that it was darkness. Even weirder was that I wasn't concerned that it was darkness. It was like that was how it was supposed to be._

_It made me wonder if I had actually died. Perhaps this darkness was what the void truly was without the monsters and things that lurked within._

_Eventually, the darkness gave way to light. And the light eventually solidified into trees and a shining sun. There were many shades of green. I had no idea what this was but there was a feeling of rightness to what was forming before me. It was forming piece by piece, like it was spreading from beneath me._

_It took a little longer before I could actually feel things. The grass beneath me, the warmth of the sun on my skin and a slight breeze stirring up my hair._

_I felt content, almost happy._

“ _You are happy.”_

_Cole's voice was nearby and I looked up at my friend._

_He wasn't like the human boy here. He was glowing, shining like a spirit should. I could almost sense that he was smiling._

“ _Where am I, Cole?” I asked._

“ _You are sleeping.” He said as he moved to sit next to me. His body solidified, becoming a little more real but he still glowed. A bright shining spirit of Compassion. “Dreaming.”_

“ _Sleeping?” I questioned._

“ _It is okay.” Cole said, his hand having solidified enough to take mine. “You needed to rest. You were badly hurt.”_

“ _How long have I been asleep?”_

“ _A long time.” Cole responded with a small nod._

“ _Cole?” I questioned, suddenly worried about how long it might actually have been._

“ _It's okay, it hasn't been that long.” There was almost a chuckle from the spirit. “But you still have to sleep. You're not healed all the way yet.”_

“ _I hurt myself that badly then?”_

“ _Yes.” Cole said sadly. “You weren't ready to open that door. It took all that you had, it almost took you.”_

“ _The rift.” I said with a sigh, remembering in vivid detail that I had opened a rift and pulled the true Mythal through into the waking world. How exhausted an in pain I had felt afterwards._

“ _It is still open but we won't let others come through.” Cole nodded._

“ _You... the spirits that came through already?” I questioned._

“ _Yes. They came through willingly. They let themselves be changed.” Cole answered as he looked out over the little glade that had formed for my dream. “We didn't want you to be changed.”_

“ _Tell them I said Thank you.” I said with a small smile._

“ _They know.” Cole smiled. “I told you. You can be our Herald.”_

“ _Thanks, Cole.” I leaned to give him a little hug. It was reassuring to know that the spirits were going to patrol the rift I had opened. I almost wanted to ask what became of Mythal and Radinan. Almost._

“ _He can't change things any more.” Cole said. “She made sure of that. You are safe.”_

_I didn't question that. I just chased away any thoughts of what she might do to him, her adoptive son but I honestly didn't want to think about it at all. I had asked for vengeance and she would give it._

“ _Am I still in his place?” I asked. I still had no idea where Radinan had held me captive but I knew Cole would understand._

“ _No.” Cole shook his head. “She had the Sentinels take you. They will protect you until you wake.”_

_I sighed as I worried over the people that would not want to see me go in the hands of the Sentinels. How had they all taken that, I wondered. I knew the Sentinels would obey whatever command Mythal had given them but it did not ease my concern any._

“ _They understand.” Cole tilted his head again. “Sera didn't but Dorian does. He made them take your crystal. He explained it to everyone else.”_

_I chuckled to myself at the thought of Dorian forcing one of the Sentinels to take the communication crystal. It also drove home that I was once more separated from my friends. Sleeping away somewhere secret with Sentinels guarding me. I wondered if that was what it had been like for Solas._

_The thought of him sent another pang of hurt and I closed my eyes for a brief moment._

“ _You still hurt.” He frowned a little, even as he put his arm around me. It was a comforting gesture, if a little strange as it was Cole that hugged me but then, he was a spirit of compassion and he probably thought a hug would help._

“ _Yes.” I sighed as I looked over at the grove before me. It was a peaceful place but I could see the similarities beginning as it started to expand into the place in Crestwood, where Solas had taken away my vallaslin. That did not help the blossoming pain any but the over all feeling of comfort kept it from being overwhelming._

“ _Why?” Cole questioned._

“ _That's complicated.”_

“ _No, it isn't.” Cole tilted his head at me like he was eyeing me with a strange sort of look. I considered myself a good judge of what he was thinking but it was almost impossible to sort it out when he was more glowey then human looking._

“ _Cole?” I turned to him, confused as to what he meant._

“ _You should not hurt. Everyone came.” Cole slid away from where he had been hugging me. “They didn't want you to change either. Bright. Willing to help. Gave up everything. Even the Sentinels, they knew. They saw how you inspired others.”_

_Cole tilted his head even as I continued to look at him with confusion._

“ _They saw how you inspired him.” Cole's voice was a whisper as he simply faded away before my eyes, leaving me to see the space that had been behind him._

_Two proud statues stood over the water, like guardians. Majestic halla that had not been seen since the days of Arlathan. The rest of it began to appear out of the nothingness and I got to my feet, staring at wonder at the fully manifested grove. It was definitely that place in Crestwood where Solas had taken my vallaslin away. Everything became solid and I could see what was there in this dream before me._

_My heart jumped into my throat as I saw the figure standing at the water's edge. His back was to me but there was no mistaking him for any one else. He stood like he was concerned over something, I had seen that posture so many times when he had been painting in the Rotunda and wasn't quite sure if something was right._

_I was running before I realized I was._

_He turned at the last moment, his eyes lighting up in surprise and joy as he caught me in his arms._

_Even if this was just a dream, I didn't care. I buried my face against his tunic, my arms wrapping around him. He felt warm and alive._

“ _Vhenan.” His voice was breathless as he sunk to the ground with me in his arms. “You are here.”_

_I didn't say anything as he held me tight against his chest. I just sat there with him, listening to the steady beat of his heart despite knowing his heart had stopped in the real world. It was comforting but it was also painful so I pushed the thought from my mind. Focusing instead on the fact that I could feel him here._

“ _Cole said I'm dreaming.” I admitted the words, not wanting to look up at his face in case he vanished like Cole had earlier._

“ _I know.” He slid one hand to cup my chin in his fingers and tilted my face up to look at his._

_I just stared at his face. Memorizing every little thing I could. I knew his face already but I just wanted to look at him. Not wanting the last memories I had of him being where his cold body had laid on the floor._

“ _I need to tell you.” He said softly, his fingers sliding from my chin to push that stray bit of hair behind my ear. “I remember everything now. Who you were back then and what you meant to me when I was young.”_

_My voice caught in my throat as tears threatened._

“ _You have always been my heart, Ethara.” He continued, his smile was kind but his eyes reflected the love in the words. “I loved you then as I love you now.”_

“ _I love you too but... I'm afraid that you're going to disappear.” I responded simply. “That you're just a...”_

“ _Shhh.” He leaned down to press his lips against mine, a soft gentle kiss. “It is alright, vhenan, I am dreaming as well.“_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And no, this isn't the last chapter.   
> This is just written in parts so it looks like an ending of sorts.


	30. Dread Wolf and the Red Halla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara has entered uthenera and time has marched on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short. Real short.

They say time flies when you're enjoying yourself and for us it was no different.

Solas showed me things in the fade that I had never imagined possible, and for a while, it was like it had been back in Elvhenan.

I simply lost track of time.

It was not that I forgot my friends, or the troubles of the waking world, it was just that it was one eternal day in the fade. It was the same as when I had been trapped in the hall of memories but this time, there was always something new to see or to learn.

I learned what a Dreamer, a somniari, was truly capable of.

How to forge pathways between dreams and how to change them.

Instinctively, I had found my way to him before but I learned how to do that without it being him.

The fade became my playground. Solas and I slid easily from dream to dream. Sometimes simply to watch, other times to guide someone into a gentler dream. Never did we show ourselves as elvhen, instead taking to the two forms of his old painting.

The Dread Wolf and the Red Halla.

I only truly became aware of the amount of time when I heard it for the first time.

 


	31. What Dreams Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara learns things have changed in the waking world, especially about her. Cole interrupts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update cause previous chapter was like... a page.

_We had been travelling through the fade together, seeking out an elusive spirit that Faith had told us about that had been reclusive but curious about us. We were in the part of the fade that did not belong to a dreaming mind, a shifting sort of landscape that was as mutable as any dream. Solas had chosen to give it the form of a path as we walked, making it a little more exciting then just a shifting nothingness._

_I knew he did it partially because that nothingness always unsettled me, reminding me of Sum'banal. The fade had reacted to my terror the first time and Solas instantly changed it to a glade and held me until I could explain what exactly bothered me about a nothingness like that._

_We had been walking, side by side, when I felt a strange tug which stopped me in my tracks. It was nothing like the compulsion I had felt to obey him but there was an insistence to it._

_It almost felt like a whisper but it was nothing like the whisper of Tu'Salhasis, this felt almost warm. If a whisper could even feel warm._

“ _Ethara?” Solas questioned as he stopped next to me, his eyes searching my face for some answer as to why I had just stopped._

“ _Do you feel that?” I asked, turning my head in the direction that I thought the feeling was coming from._

_He went silent for a moment, gently taking my hand as he listened to the quiet of the fade. There was that flare of power in his eyes for the briefest of moments before it subsided back to that normal blue with the faintest hint of violet. His fingers tightened on mine before he spoke._

“ _I was wondering when that would happen.” His voice was soft, almost concerned as if he was worried about what I might say in reaction to his words._

“ _Wondering when what would happen?” I tilted my face towards his even as the tugging feeling died and left behind an unusual feeling somewhere between calm and need._

“ _It seems that the elves we left behind have decided to treat you as a goddess.” He said with a brief sigh chasing the words. “It will probably be the first of many.”_

_I took in a deep breath as I heard what he said. They had called me a goddess, Ash'ter the First Betrayed but no one had actively thought me as such. I only knew my own supposed legend because I had been the First to a Keeper, not that I had been aware of the story speaking about me until recently. To hear that someone was praying to me and that there would be more following was a bit unsettling to say the least._

“ _You mean... someone somewhere is praying to me?” I tried to keep my voice even but I failed at it._

“ _Yes, someone who believes in you is praying.” Solas' thumb rubbed over the back of my hand in a comforting gesture. He knew my stance on the Evanuris, the false gods, and how I felt about people shouting my name like I was some holy being. “We.. we can go there if you like.”_

_I stared at him before shaking my head quickly. I had no interest in that idea, not at all. I did not want to be the being that people prayed to when they needed help. That was a responsibility and a curse all rolled up into one._

“ _No.” I said it quickly. I had never wanted to be a thing of legend, to be worshipped. First as the Herald of Andraste and now as Ash'ter. The fact that people were putting me on a higher pedestal made me feel a little ill._

_Solas clearly saw my thoughts on my face as he tugged me closer, wrapping his arms around me and crushing me to his chest. Even if this was the fade, there was comfort and familiarity in his arms and I could almost feel the real warmth of him._

“ _Then we will not.” His voice was soothing as he leaned his forehead against mine. “You do not have to be what they want you to be.”_

_They wanted me to be some symbol of what once was and what they hoped would happen again. No doubt praying to me like they had prayed to him and others in the past._

“ _Solas?” I questioned, tilting back to look up at him. “Have you been hearing them pray to you?”_

_I had never asked the question before but it had never seemed relevant to anything at all. Of course, I had not known he was Fen'Harel until after he had left the Inquisition. A lifetime ago for me but only little more then a year for him._

“ _Only recently.” He said with a small laugh. “You have to remember, the Dalish viewed me as the Trickster God.”_

_It had been a while since he had referred to the Dalish as my people. Especially not since he had become aware of my parentage. Something we had never really discussed as that seemed to be a wound he did not want to think about. I didn't want to think about it either._

“ _And in Elvhenan?”_

“ _Yes.” He smiled at me. “But I was apparently preoccupied with a certain mage who kept rebuffing my advances.”_

_I felt the blush creeping up my cheeks as his smile turned a little wolfish. He had regained his memories of the ten years I had spent in Elvhenan with him and Mythal. How his younger self had taken to stalking my dreams when he was not able to see me in the waking world. The memories had changed him, made him more open. He had answered every question I had for him._

“ _You didn't complain.” I managed with a laugh._

“ _No, but then I enjoyed the hunt.” He smirked as he leaned down to press his lips against mine._

_He had kissed me many, many times since I had regained awareness in the fade. Each one firm and full of centuries long need that had been finally answered. Plush lips and the press of his tongue seeking entrance into my mouth. And I was always eager to return that feeling._

_His hands had moved, one against my lower back while the other tangled in my hair – now suddenly loose around his fingers in answer to the fade bending to his will – as he held me against him. My hands gripped his tunic and helped keep us as close as we could get with our clothes on._

“ _Solas...” I breathed against his lips. “We're never going to get to the spirit if you -”_

“ _The spirit can wait.” He growled as he returned his lips to mine._

_The fade once more bent to his will and the surrounding area became my room at Skyhold. The large bed was the main draw but then so were the walls. I had learned early on that the simple act of thinking of walls could keep others out, no doubt that was what he was considering now as he half directed me, half carried me to the edge of the bed. He had come up with other places but Skyhold always seemed to be among his favourites._

_He pulled away for a moment, sliding his tunic over his head. It was an act grounded in the physical world as we both knew that all it took was a thought for the two of us to be naked. The fade was easy for us both to control but we had both silently agreed to the idea of removing our clothing the normal way. My eyes always followed the line of his shirt as it went up before sliding back down over him slowly. I propped myself up on my elbows to just look at him._

_It wasn't the first time and it definitely was not going to be the last that I just oogled him._

_The corner of his lips were tilted up in a half smile as he saw me looking. He leaned towards me, his hands circling around my back to lift me off the bed and closer to him. His mouth kissed at the edge of my ear, lips beginning to form words. No doubt something that would set my heart racing._

“ _Cole? What are you doing here?”_

_That... was not what I had been expecting._

_Solas let me go and I fell backwards on the bed and stared up to the head where Cole was sitting, nestled among the pillows with an almost confused look on his face. He still had that glow but he retained the form that I knew him as. The young human._

_Cole had visited us many times since the first time. He was one of many spirits that enjoyed the company of Solas and me. Spirits that normally gave us a wide berth whenever things drifted in the direction they had been going._

“ _Hello, Cole.” I said with a smile for him even if I felt a little annoyed at his sudden arrival. I had been so wrapped up in Solas that I hadn't even noticed the spirit's arrival._

“ _Dorian has been searching the fade.” He said softly as his head tilted in an owlish manner. His eyes were wide as they flicked from me to Solas and then back. “Important. Needs to talk but she's not there. No answer on the crystal. Sleeping. Must be sleeping.”_

_I was startled by the statement and moved to sit up, Solas sliding to my side as his shirt reappeared on his body. There was irritation in his eyes but concern as well. Neither of us had sensed Dorian seeking me out in the fade._

“ _He's looking for me?” I asked, just to be certain even if Cole's cryptic words were proof enough of that._

“ _Yes.” Cole didn't blink as he stared at me with a curious expression._

“ _Is he dreaming right now?” I could just reach out with my dreaming ability but it was just easier to ask._

“ _Yes.”_

“ _Cole, is something wrong?” Solas asked the question, a frown crossing his features as he regarded the Spirit of Compassion._

“ _You wanted her clothing off.” Cole said, confusion colouring his voice. “But you wanted to use your teeth. Wouldn't it be easier to use your hands?”_

_We both just stared at him before I quirked an eyebrow at Solas who's face was a mask of complete calm._

“ _Teeth, eh?” I asked and had the satisfaction of a slight blush travelling over his ears._

“ _We'll discuss that later, vhenan.” He managed a wolfish grin at me before sliding off the edge of the bed. His tone of voice full of promise._

_I couldn't help but shiver at the thought._

“ _He wants to use his teeth on other places too.”_

_This time I blushed. We may have been in love with each other for thousands of years but it had taken my entry into uthenera for our relationship to get to a more physical level. I knew he had wanted to when he was part of the Inquisition but he had believed it wasn't right to engage in that. Especially when I did not know he was Fen'Harel. Everything just kept getting in the way after that._

“ _Cole.” Solas said in exasperation. “Thank you for telling us that Dorian is looking for Ethara.”_

“ _You're welcome.” Cole said with a smile before vanishing into the fade. His voice hung in the air. “He's in Tevinter, dreaming.”_

_I sighed before looking over at Solas. The irritation faded from his eyes as he slid off the bed and held out his hand to me._

“ _We can continue this later.” He said softly. “You should go find out what your friend wanted.”_

_I took his hand and pulled myself to my feet. He leaned close against me, his way of keeping physical contact despite us being in the fade._

“ _Will you come with me?” I asked._

_There was a small frown on his features before he sighed._

“ _Alright, but you know that he might not be happy to see me.”_

“ _Well, you can always disguise yourself.” I said with a shake of my head and a laugh. We had so often travelled as wolf and halla that I knew it was just as easy as breathing for him._

“ _Very well.” There was a small laugh in his voice as if he knew what I was thinking._

_I took a breath and the walls fell from around us. It had become second nature, changing the fade as I saw fit and now it was like an extension of my will. There was a noise of approval as I undid what he had done. He delighted in the abilities I had._

_Enraptured was a better term for it._

_I knew he didn't see me like he had, now, I was an equal to him. Although there had been moments that I caught a glance that hinted he might think I was more then that. A look of awe._

_That was just as unsettling as knowing people were praying to me but those looks were so quick that I never really had the chance to bring it up._

“ _Come, let us find him.”_

_We walked from the fade version of my room, the shapes returning to nothingness as we moved away from it. It was not a long walk from the image of Skyhold to Dorian's dream as the fade did not obey the same principles as the waking world. Distance had meaning but not when it came to those dreams that reached the fade. It was simple to walk from one to another._

_Solas had explained that it was possible to wander all the way from the known lands to cross the oceans, and to see the places beyond that, while I remained in uthenera but it would become more difficult with the distance from my body. Dreams were different, especially if I knew the person that was dreaming. I would always be able to find those that were closest to me if I willed it._

_This time was no different and I imagined a path that would take me to Dorian. It took a direct route and we passed through several dreams along our way. Always cautious to keep ourselves to the outskirts so that those sleeping people only saw a pair of elves in the background. I knew we had slipped into the dreams of people in Tevinter when the scenery changed._

_Dorian's dream was up ahead, shining like a beacon in the shifting space of the fade. We didn't say anything as we slipped from this dream and into his._

_I looked over everything as it changed. He was dreaming of a library that was familiar. A circular room and a set of stone stairs that led down to the lower level. He was reclining in a chair beneath a window._

“ _The library at Skyhold.” Solas said softly to me. “Remember, this was his favourite haunt.”_

_I nodded my thanks to him. I had forgotten much about the little things of Skyhold, the library was included in that. I had only ever really gone there to speak with Dorian as I was usually preoccupied with Solas a floor below._

_Solas only stopped there, stepping away from me and letting himself shift from his elvhen form into that of the wolf. The form was huge, and normally quite fearsome but he chose to stick with just two eyes instead of the several._

_I ran my fingers through the fur over the back of his head and just behind the base of his ear. The form was completely wolf save for the eyes. Those were his, even if they were the wrong colour, it was Solas that stared back at me from within the black fur._

“ _Come, let's see what would cause Dorian to send Cole to find me.”_

 


	32. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara visits Dorian in the fade.

_Dorian remained seated on that chair, a book open in his lap. I knew he wasn't reading it as his gaze was fixated towards the window._

_I doubted he could see anything out there._

“ _Dorian.” I called softly as I strode into his view._

_Solas remained in wolf form, hanging back a little but watching Dorian carefully. The red eyes peering intently at the mage as if he believed this was some sort of trick._

“ _Ethara?” Dorian blinked from where he sat, his head jerking in my direction in surprise. “You're really here?”_

“ _Well in the fade anyway.” I said with a small laugh as I took a step closer._

_I knew he was still asleep and probably thought this was no more then a dream. Reaching with my power, like Solas had taught me, I gently tugged him a little closer to waking. Not enough to wake him up fully but enough that he understood that this was a dream and that my essence or spirit was there with him._

_Dorian jumped up from his chair, the book falling to the side and the table nearly knocked over, and raced over to put his arms around me in a tight hug._

“ _Goodness, you're a sight for sore eyes.” Dorian let go of the hug before taking a step back. Up close, I could see the tired lines on his face. The dark circles that had even made their way into the fade. “When you didn't come back, we all feared the worst.”_

_I grimaced at him, knowing he was probably unaware of my slipping into uthenera. I was a little more concerned with his state of being then of explaining that._

“ _Sorry, if I'd known, I would have contacted you.” I apologized._

“ _Really, where have you been for the last year?”_

“ _A... a year?” I stumbled over the concept that I had been sleeping for a year already. It seems I was going to have to have a talk with Solas after this was all said and done._

“ _You didn't realize it's been a year?” Dorian stared at me before sighing and rubbing the bridge of his nose like he had a headache. “I knew we shouldn't have let the Sentinels take you but Cole was so insistent. He didn't think we were capable of healing you after whatever happened in that hall.”_

“ _Well, it's a bit complicated to explain.” I grimaced again as I altered the fade to form a chair for myself._

“ _Ethara...?” Dorian stared at me as I dropped myself into the chair. He almost looked frightened._

“ _Oh, right... sorry.” I gave him a small smile. “I've been learning how to bend the fade to my will.”_

“ _You're... you're a somniari?” He gasped it out, mouth hanging open in surprise. It was easy for him to make the connection, to understand that I was something entirely different then the average mage._

“ _Yes but the veil initially dampened the ability. Being back in Elvhenan woke it up.” Among other things. “It's taken some time to get used to.”_

“ _I can imagine.” He shook his head before pulling his chair upright to sit in it. “I was aware of Solas being capable of it, that's why I was searching for him. I knew if he actually answered then he'd be able to find you and I could get you to return to Skyhold.”_

_I blinked, startled that he had actually been looking for Solas in the fade. If he noticed, Solas paid it no mind; still just a silent presence at the back of the dream._

“ _What has happened?” I questioned._

“ _Simply put, Thedas has gone to the void in a hand basket.” Dorian sighed. “Cassandra has had to step in and temporarily take charge of the Inquisition because you've been gone, Cullen has been helping as well but people are starting to wonder.”_

_I almost wanted to tell him that it's better for the Inquisition to be in the hands of Cassandra and Cullen. It had been several thousand years since I actually acted the part. Even if the majority of that time was spent locked behind the veil, I doubted I could effectively pull off the role of Inquisitor._

“ _The Chantry in Orlais has been requesting your presence, Leliana has been doing what she can on her end but it's getting to the point that even she can't contain the rumours.” Dorian continued._

“ _Why would the Chantry want to see me?” I asked, startled by the question._

“ _You haven't heard?” Dorian paused before sighing. “Of course not. You've been here in the fade.”_

_He rubbed his face for a moment, looking uncharacteristically frazzled._

“ _The Qunari have invaded Tevinter.” His voice was flat._

“ _What? When?” I sucked in a breath of fade air as I leaned closer to him. “Are you safe, Dorian?”_

“ _Of course I am.” He said with a forced laugh, waving his hand in the air as if that would chase away my concern. “I am in Minrathous, they have decided to launch an attack across the Ventosus straits, they've taken over many of the little towns but it's clear that they're targeting the city of Qarinus.”_

_I tried to think of where that was. It had been so long since I looked at a map of Thedas that was current._

“ _That's not the worst part.” Dorian sighed again. “It seems that their goal is not fully to take on Tevinter just yet, they're trying to get a foothold on the mainland. I believe their main target is actually the Arlathan Forest.”_

“ _There shouldn't be anything in the Forest to interest them.” I responded, I knew what had been there once before but thousands of years had passed since Arlathan disappeared. It was something I had never questioned Solas about as I honestly dreaded the answer._

“ _There is a growing group of elves there.” Dorian said as he peered at me between his fingers. “The Chantry believes that you may be the one leading them, invoking the name of an Elvhen goddess, Ash'ter.”_

“ _You can't be ser-” Then I remembered the prayer. Someone was invoking_ me _and now I was certain it was from the forest._

“ _No one in the Inquisition believes you're the leader but I know that's what some of the elves called you.” Dorian said softly, cutting off any further words but not explaining how he knew that. “We don't know what you've been up to over the last year but we need you, Ethara. We all hate what the Inquisition set you up as but you're the person Thedas needs right now. Everyone knows you saved them from Corypheus, even here in Tevinter.”_

_I sighed as I looked over towards the edge of the dream. I did not want to be the person people relied on this much but I knew I couldn't leave them all behind. Especially not my friends who were too good for the places they were in._

“ _Very well.” I said with a sigh. “I'll try to get back to Skyhold when I wake up but you have to promise me that you'll find out what's going on with the elves in Arlathan Forest.”_

“ _Good as done.” Dorian sighed yet again but this time it was in relief. “Varric has some friends that are capable of getting in. All that they've learned so far is that they're being led by an elf named Myal. She's gathered many of the followers that had once followed Solas but she's claimed to be a servant of Ash'ter.”_

_I blinked, startled at that. I had expected him to say that Mythal was leading the elves, not some elf that I'd never heard of. Solas was still quiet so I guessed I'd have to ask him about that later. Still, I could not help but voice my confusion over it not being Mythal._

“ _What of Mythal?” I asked._

“ _What of her?” Dorian quirked a well manicured eyebrow at me._

“ _Is she leading any of the elves?”_

“ _Not to our knowledge.” He shook his head. “Mythal – or Flemeth if you prefer – hasn't been seen since the time you and Morrigan went into the fade after Morrigan's son.”_

_I felt my stomach twist when I realized that he was not aware that I had pulled Mythal through the veil. That meant that she had hidden herself during the end of the battle with Radinan._

“ _Why so interested?” Dorian asked with a curious look. “It's not like Mythal involved herself with the elves prior to revealing herself to you and Morrigan.”_

“ _No, that's true.” I said with a sigh before turning my attention to that nagging question. “Dorian, what happened after Cullen called the retreat?”_

“ _Bull carried me out.” He said as if that answered the question. “Something about Solas shouting at us and the Sentinels all high tailing it out of the hall had Bull obeying without question. We... we left you in there.”_

_There was guilt in his face and his voice. It painted a picture for me. He had refused the order only to have Bull pull him out._

_I leaned over to put my hand on his, giving him a sympathetic look._

“ _I... I'm sorry.” Dorian said as he squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment. “Sometimes I still see your body as the Sentinels carried it out. You weren't injured but... you were so damn pale and you had that stupid crystal hand.”_

_I lifted up my left hand, letting the fade change it to what it truly looked like. I had forgotten that he had never seen it before I had been captured by Radinan's men. There was the barest flicker of colour within the crystal. It started at green before it slid all through the spectrum of rainbow before back to green._

“ _I'll explain it later.” I said honestly. “And in person. What else happened after Bull carried you out?”_

“ _The Sentinels barred the doors.” Dorian said, a little bit perturbed by the hand. “They wouldn't let us back in which was a good thing. An explosion rocked the mountain and then... then a dragon busted it's way through the wall.”_

_That would explain where Mythal had gone after the fight._

“ _We thought the dragon was carrying you but it was some blonde elf.” Dorian said, the words chilling me to the bone. “Afterwards, the Sentinels swarmed in first with us following. We saw you lying under the rift, it was...”_

_A dragon carrying a blonde elf._

_He paused again and I thought about Mythal carrying off Radinan. My mind already a mix of emotions._

_Mythal hadn't granted me my vengeance at all._

“ _Your head was in the lap of a desire demon.” Dorian said and my attention was once more fixed on the story he was telling. There was a distant look in his eyes. “She was... just sitting there... petting your hair. The other demons, they surrounded you but they didn't make any move to attack the Sentinels as they neared.”_

_I took in another breath of air as I listened. I knew Desire had been Knowledge, the spirit that had helped me in the cell._

_I had no idea how I knew, I just did._

“ _Cole told them they needed to hand you over.” Dorian continued. “She did and they all stepped into the rift.”_

_I bit my tongue to keep from hissing. I knew what would happen to them if they tried to pass back through the veil without me there. They had all stepped through, allowing themselves to be changed and then die._

_All to save me._

_No, to save all of Thedas._

“ _Is something wrong?” Dorian asked._

“ _No.” I quickly shook my head at him.”I've just never heard of spirits doing that.”_

“ _Neither have I.” Dorian admitted. “After that, the Sentinels carried you from the hall. Cullen demanded they hand you over but the leader... uh Abelas?”_

_I nodded to him as he said the name._

“ _Abelas refused. He called you a few words in elvish and then made it clear that you would die if they didn't take you with them. I convinced the others that it was okay.”_

“ _I know.” I said with a half smile. “Cole told me. He showed up in the fade when I first regained my senses.”_

“ _He said he would.”_

“ _He's true to his word.” I agreed._

“ _We all returned to Skyhold and then went our separate ways a few weeks later.” Dorian sighed._

“ _Anything else happen that I should know about?” My voice was quiet._

“ _No, other then the Qunari and the elves, that is all I know.”_

_I nodded to him before getting up._

“ _Dorian, excuse me for saying this but you look like hell.” I said with a half smile._

“ _I haven't been sleeping much, this being a Magister business is ruining my good looks.” For a brief moment, the old Dorian was back but it didn't last long. “When you wake, please, you must contact me to ensure you're alright.”_

“ _I will.” I said with a small smile before leaning to give him a small hug. “Sleep through the rest of the night, no dreams, alright?”_

“ _Easier said then done.” Dorian said with a small laugh._

_I stepped away from him to the edge of the little dream he had and willed it to change. I let his mind slide into a more comfortable sleep where no dreams would trouble him until morning. It was the least I could do._

_I felt Solas shift behind me as the fade turned into the usual nothingness. His arms circling around me to remind me that he was there and that this was not the place I dreaded._

_I couldn't keep the shiver out of my body as I spoke._

“ _She didn't kill him.” I said flatly._

“ _I know, vhenan.” He was not happy with that either. “You will need to find Mythal when you wake.”_

“ _You're not going to wake up with me then?” I questioned as I turned to look up into his eyes, seeking a reason for why he would remain in the fade._

_His arms slid around me, locking loosely around my back._

“ _No.” There was an uncomfortable look that graced his features for a brief moment. “I will be of more help to you here within the fade. Besides.” He let his hand trail over the crystalline hand before interlocking his fingers over mine. “I gave you most of my power already, I don't think you need me to protect you.”_

“ _Well, I shouldn't need protecting so long as no one tried to stick a collar around my neck again.” I said with a small laugh that I didn't quite feel._

_Standing there, I realized I was honestly terrified of returning to the waking world. I remembered the things I had done on the road to Skyhold. Where I had simply let go and drained the life and magic from the mages that had attacked me._

“ _I don't think any one will be doing that any time soon.” He turned me to face him, his fingers sliding up along my cheeks as if he understood where my thoughts had gone again. “You are strong, Ethara, you can face whatever is thrown at you.”_

“ _Still, I would still feel much safer if you were there.”_

“ _Vhenan.” His voice was soft. “I will not. You know this.”_

_I squeezed my eyes closed but felt his lips brushing softly over mine._

“ _But I do expect you to visit me in the fade every night.” His voice was rough and I couldn't help but laugh at his words. “Promise me, you'll visit.”_

“ _I promise.” I said as I opened my eyes and looked up at him._

“ _Good.”_

_He crushed his lips against mine. Hard and fast. I knew with that kiss that he didn't want me to go but we both knew there was no other way around it. There was no way I would just leave my friends to suffer at the hands of the Qunari or whatever might be stirring in the Arlathan Forest._

“ _And I will come if you need me.” His voice was breathless as he broke the kiss. “Nothing in the world will keep me from reaching you if you need me.”_

_I could feel his power wrapping around me as he began to will me to wake._

“ _Solas... just a moment longer.” I breathed as I tried to cling to him._

_His eyes were full of love and sadness as he leaned to kiss me one more time but I couldn't feel his lips or feel him beneath my hands._

_The fade around me lost all form and I became aware of the heaviness of my limbs as I returned to the waking world._

 


	33. The Sentinel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara wakes to discover someone watching over her.

Waking up was like swimming through water full of seaweed that was trying to drag me back under. My limbs felt heavy like they were wrapped up in mud and plant life. Every breath felt sluggish.

I strained against my own body as I forced by way back to the waking world. Gradually, my senses came back to me and I realized I was in a temple.

The ceiling above me was arched and had a great many designs carved across them. Halla, harts, bears, things I had never even imagined possible. Vines grew along the carvings but it was almost like the vines were trying to enhance the images, almost looking like giant trees.

There were soft blankets and pillows piled around me, and I guessed I was in a bed of some sort. It was comfortable despite the aching of my body. I honestly felt like I had tried to take on a dragon on my own.

I became aware of a presence next to me. It was strange, I could tell that it was someone else but it still felt a little bit like me which made incredibly little sense to me.

I turned my head, my neck feeling stiff and sore, and gazed over at the elf sitting next to my bed. Abelas sat there, his hands resting on his knees. He was dressed in nearly the same gear that I had seen him in last, the armour of a Sentinel of Mythal but it was missing the markings of his Goddess and that claok. His eyes were closed but I was more fascinated by the man's hair.

He had always worn a hood while in my presence but there was no mistaking the long braid of light yellow hair that trailed down over his shoulder. It was just the top of his head with hair, as long as it was, and he seemed to keep the sides of his head completely shaved. I had seen many elves with that sort of hair cut before so it was not completely surprising. I just did not expect him to have such a hair cut. It seemed more wild then I had expected.

“Ma tarlan.” The voice was soft as he opened his eyes to look over at me.

“Hello Abelas.” I responded and went to sit up. My voice even felt heavy, almost strained. “It's good to see you.”

I had not seen him since he had pushed me through the Eluvian but then I guessed, he had a year to heal whatever had been done to him as he hardly looked like he had been harmed at all.

He darted forward and his hand was against my back, helping me to a more comfortable position.

“Slowly, tarlan.” He cautioned with concern in his voice. “You should not have wakened so early from uthenera.”

“A year is not early, Abelas.”

“It is when you almost killed yourself.” Abelas' voice was almost chastising, the respect overshadowing that.

“Not that it's nice to see you Abelas... but why are you here?” I questioned. I could not think of a reason why he would be here, given that Mythal was out there roaming the world. “I would have assumed you would have gone off with Mythal now that she has returned.”

I had expected to see a Sentinel or two here guarding me but I had not expected to wake and find Abelas sitting by my bed. He was the leader of the Sentinels we found at the Well of Sorrows, or at least I assumed so as he was the one who had dictated everything to us when we arrived.

“Mythal has released us from our vows.” He answered.

“What?” I stared at him, surprise filling my voice. “Why... why would she do so? I mean... you have all dedicated so many years to -”

“She did not have the power to do so before.” Abelas said calmly.

“Oh.”

Of course, she had not been fully herself. Flemeth had held all that remained of her after Elgar'nan and the others had murdered her and it had taken Mythal centuries, if not a thousand years to get to her.

“Although...” I paused, thinking. “If that is the case then why are you _here_? _”_

If he had been released from his vow to Mythal then he owed me nothing. Not even if I was the last to drink from the well, it was Mythal that was the lynch pin for that.

“I believe you know the answer to that already.”

I stared at him, trying to think of what he meant.

I recalled that he had sworn in Solas' Keep that he would help me as Mythal had instructed all of her Sentinels and that he had protected me with his life from those that had tried to capture me there. He had been willing to give his life to save mine.

There was nothing that came to mind that should have explained it but then there was that sense of his presence and something seemed to click.

I had only ever really felt the presence of others like this with two others. Mythal and Solas. Those times had been different, more like they were a force at the back of my mind and being. This was more like the feeling I had gotten from the prayer in the fade but it was not a whisper. It was like a flickering light, a sense of light that radiated in _my_ colour.

That sense of mine was more then a little bit weird.

“You didn't...?” I questioned, my eyes wide as I stared at him. “Abelas, did you swear an oath to me as I slept?”

“Yes.”

_Oh Creators._

I stared at him. He was no longer Mythal's Sentinel, he had become mine.

“Why?” I questioned, trying to figure out why he would swear to me as he had done Mythal.

“You needed someone to guard you.” He said with a small shrug of his shoulders. “The other Sentinels were returning to uthenera or finding new homes out in the world. Without Fen'Harel, you were defenceless.”

“So you decided on your own to oath yourself to me?” I stammered.

I did not want to be seen as anything other then a normal person but here was one of the strongest Sentinels flat out telling me that he had sworn himself to me while I slept.

His oath, someone else's prayer. I really did not like how this was playing out. I may have used the idea of being an ancient goddess to psyche myself up but I did not want that or the responsibilities that came with it.

“Yes.” He responded again. “I would give my oath again to you now that you were awake.”

“Abelas, I don't... I don't want that.” I said with a grimace, trying to be polite but I still felt groggy.

“I know.” He flashed teeth with a wide smile. “You don't want to be what the people want you to be, for that reason alone I would be yours. You see it as a responsibility not as a right. Only Mythal and Fen'Harel saw it that way in Elvhenan. I would follow you as I followed them.”

He was referring to the elves as the People. I wondered what had made that change for him.

I hoped it was not me as I had no idea where I fit in the world any more. Not Dalish and not ancient Elvhen.

“What did Mythal think about that?” I asked, almost a little rudely.

“She was surprised.” Abelas said with a strange look that was almost guilty. “I swore before she released us.”

Now that would have been a conversation I would have liked to see. Mythal may have been the kindest of the Evanuris but she could be just as blood thirsty as the rest of them. She had spent thousands of years manipulating events to get to the point of her vengeance.

“You are aware she did not kill Radinan?” I asked the question before I even had time to consider it.

“I am aware she did not kill her adopted son, yes.” Abelas bowed his head. “I... did not agree but she had made that choice.”

There was genuine anger in his voice at Mythal's decision. I did not question that anger but I had the feeling it had less to do with me and more to do with the acts that Radinan had orchestrated over the years.

“Abelas, I... I don't know if I should accept your oath.” I tried to keep my voice as gentle as I could. “I don't want to take away your free will.”

“I understand.” He said, his head still bowed. “But if I may interject?”

I was staring at him again. He was asking me permission to give his opinion.

“Uh... sure.” I mumbled, not really sure how to take that subservient attitude from a man that was probably several hundreds, if not thousands, of years older then me.

“You are about to throw yourself back out into the thick of things.” He lifted his head but there was no emotion in his voice or on his face. Just calm fact being presented. “You are greatly weakened from pulling Mythal through the veil. It will be time before you are even capable of rudimentary magic. By my oath, I can help you. Think of me like a tool to assist until you are well enough on your own.”

“Think of you like a tool...?” I scowled at the wording. “Abelas, that's not really convincing me.”

“Then... wait until you are strong enough to fully release me.” His voice had gone soft. “Allow me the chance to prove that it is helpful to you.”

“And if I decide to release you, you'll go?” I asked.

“Well, I won't go but I will not swear to you again.” Those eyes burned for a moment. “Please. Let this be my purpose.”

I realized that it must have been frightening to him, and perhaps even the other Sentinels, to now be in a world vastly different then Elvhenan and without purpose. If I had to guess, I would say more then half of them returned to uthenera as opposed to facing this world without Mythal or the Well.

“Very well.” I said with a sigh. “Does that mean you're going to remove your vallaslin?”

It was meant as a joke but he did not laugh.

“I think it would be best if I retained the markings of Mythal.” He said simply. “There would be less questions if I have recognizable vallaslin, I may need to pose as a elf of this era.”

The idea of Abelas trying to blend in with the Dalish or City elves was beyond hilarious. I did not have the heart to tell him that he carried himself far differently then any of the other elves in Thedas. Instead, I knew I was going to have to humour him.

“That makes sense.” I said finally.

I moved to slide out of the bed and he reached forward to help me again. Almost leaping out of the chair he had been sitting on.

“Slowly.” He cautioned. “It takes time for your body to readjust.”

“I was only in uthenera for a year.”

“Even so, your soul completely left your body to wander the fade.”

“That's what uthenera is?” I asked, startled as I pushed myself into standing.

My legs felt weak and I was certain my knees were shaking. We had no stories for what uthenera truly was. It had been something lost when the elves had become mortal for there had no longer been a need to find something to do with the endless years of immortality.

Something heavy slid down my front and I ended up looking down to see Solas' wolf jawbone necklace hanging there. The crystal from Dorian was next to it but the jawbone was what held my attention and I held my breath as I just stared at it.

“He would have wanted you to have it.” Abelas said quietly before he quickly jumped back to the topic of uthenera. “Yes, when you enter uthenera, you separate from your body completely. It is different then simply dreaming and why your body cannot be left unprotected.”

I grimaced but focused on what he was explaining instead of the necklace. It felt heavier then I remembered but I had never actually worn the thing.

“Is that why some elvhen died in uthenera?” I asked as I took a step, the gown swishing around my ankles.

“Some, yes.” Abelas responded. He did not try to hold me steady, merely stood close enough that I had something to lean on should my legs give way. “The temptation to just wander takes them away from the physical world. Their body withers away and then they can never return to it.”

“That doesn't sound pleasant.”

“It is not.” Abelas admitted.

I wondered if there had been Sentinels who had slipped away like that over the centuries.

“Abelas, do you know what is happening outside the temple?” I asked instead.

“I do not.” He answered. “My duty has been here, watching over you.”

“Where are we, exactly?”

“We are in the land that is called the Free Marches.” He used the modern word for it, no doubt for my ease.

“Free Marches?” I asked before thinking out loud. “I need to get back to Skyhold, and Varric should be in Kirkwall. We will need to go there.”

He said nothing, merely followed me around the room as I fought the stiffness of my legs.

“Well, do you have any opinion on that?” I questioned.

“I serve.” He said with a shrug. “If you decide we are going to Kirkwall, then we are going to Kirkwall.”

I groaned before turning to look at him fully. I put on my best 'in charge' face and spoke.

“Alright, starting off.” I took a deep breath. “If you're going to swear to me. I don't want a mindless follower. I want your opinion on things. Creators knows if I make a bad decision, I want you to tell me before I go ahead with it.”

He quirked an eyebrow at me, looking almost surprised.

“You have thousands of years of experience and knowledge, Abelas. I have... twenty years.”

I had less then ten years of experience when I became Inquisitor, I had only been First for a few short years and I had only just been out of my teens. Thinking back now, I wondered how they ever thought that was a good idea for me to lead. All I had was the anchor and yet they had been willing to follow me, and still willing apparently.

“You will not take offence if I question your decision making?” He asked softly.

“Void no.” I answered. “I value your opinion.”

“Then would it be wrong of me to state you should rest for at least several days before you attempt to venture to the city of Kirkwall?”

“No.” I responded. “You're given leave to question what I do, doesn't mean I'm going to agree to it.”

“That does not seem practical.”

“I will take it under advice. A day to get my legs working normally again?” I posed.

“Very well.” He sounded a little awkward as if he truly had not expected me to even take his suggestion into account.

 


	34. Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara and Abelas begin the journey to Kirkwall.

It ended up being more then a day before we set out for Kirkwall. Abelas refused to let me do much but then it seemed that he was not the only one with that intention.

It appeared that the temple housed more then just Abelas and myself. The same elf came every day, bringing me something to eat. They did not speak, just respectfully placed the food on a nearby table. I had not even noticed the first few times.

“They were once followers of Fen'Harel.” Abelas had explained when one of them had delivered new riding clothes for me.

Clothing that finely tailored and fitting perfectly – which was a little weird as it meant they had measured me while I slept and I was not completely sure I was alright with that. The clothing was closer to what I would have worn if I had been raised a city elf but there were a few pieces that almost looked like they might belong to a Keeper.

I sincerely hoped that was not how they saw me.

“They all swore to help care for you as you slept.” Abelas continued. “Although none of them expected that you would wake during their lifetime.”

_Their lifetime._

The elves here had expected me to remain in uthenera for decades at least. Abelas had clearly thought the same. It put my injuries in a bit better perspective. How much damage had I done to myself by ripping open a hole in the veil?

“So what? They just swore themselves to me and then their kids?” I asked, even more disturbed by the idea that they had simply sworn their family line to a woman they did not even know, or assumed would never wake.

“Yes.” Abelas had answered simply as he led the way to our horses. “They will remain here and watch over this temple. It is their home now.”

I said nothing as I watched the elves hurry away from us. The more I watched them, the more it seemed like they were avoiding me. They would avert their eyes downward if they caught me looking at them.

“Are they afraid of me?” I finally asked, looking over at Abelas with a small frown.

“It is nothing to be concerned about.” Abelas said as he waved my question away.

It was as good as him saying yes. These elves were afraid of me, yet they had all come here for the single purpose of protecting me. My frown deepened as I thought about it.

“Do not trouble yourself, ma tarlan.” Abelas said with a small shake of his head. “It is not fear that they feel towards you. They are more in awe then fearful of you.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him.

“As I mentioned before, you are not as they are. Even weakened, they can sense the difference in you.”

“They can sense me?” I stared at him. I had never recalled anything like that from my time with Clan Lavellan, not for all my training with them. My time in Elvhenan had been different, but even then, I hardly sensed another person beyond Fen'Harel.

“Yes.” He said it quickly, almost uncomfortably as if the question bothered him.

“How?”

He shifted awkwardly but I continued to stare at him.

“We who have oathed ourselves to you can -”

“They swore themselves to me too?” I said, cutting him off.

“Yes.” He quickly looked away.

“I take it that was something you were not going to inform me of?” I crossed my arms in a stubborn gesture.

“Their fate is not my concern.”

I glared at him but he seemed not to notice.

I quickly shaded my eyes as we stepped out of the temple proper and into the sunlight. I did not recognize this area but it was beautiful.

It reminded me of Mythal's temple where the well of sorrows had been hidden away but only in the general idea. This temple was well cared for. The overgrowth had been cleared away from some areas, allowing for easier travel, and broken walls had been repaired. I could see a few small huts through the nearby trees but there were gardens between here and there.

A few children even played among the forest trees.

“This... was not what I was expecting.” I answered truthfully. “How long has this place been here?”

“The temple itself has been here since before Arlathan,” Abelas answered as he continued to lead the way. “The newer buildings are within the year.”

They had been here the entire time I had been sleeping.

“How has no one found this place?”

“No one ventures this far into the forest unless they know about the temple. We are very, very deep into the forest here.”

“Not even soldiers from Kirkwall or...” I tried to think of the nearest city besides Varric's home but nothing came to mind. I knew there were others but it had been so long that I simply could not remember.

“Not even soldiers. And the elves here are not without their defences.”

I did not ask about that as I stopped next to the stables. Several elves were gathered there, watching us with wary eyes. A pair of horses was waiting for us. A dappled grey and a brown one.

I visibly flinched as I saw the brown horse.

“I... can't ride that one...” I murmured, taking a step back.

I did not want to think of that night and what had happened to Dennet's brown horse but it seemed like I did not need to.

Abelas merely nodded and one of the elves led the brown horse away. No one looked at me in sympathy or judgement. They simply accepted that I would not ride the brown horse.

I focused instead on looking towards the forest where I could see other people moving about. I could hear the children laughing as they went about their games and it eased some of my apprehension.

I realized then that it had been a long time since I heard someone having fun. There had not been many children at Skyhold when I led the Inquisition, and I could not remember any children around me while I was at Mythal's temple.

It was strange but somehow comforting to find that people were gathered here with their families. Even if they had sworn themselves to me.

“My lady.”

I turned, startled at the voice beside me. An older elf with greying hair tugged a large black horse closer to me. He did not meet my eyes but he did not look away either.

I must have been staring off into the forest for some time as they had managed to saddle the horse up and transfer my things to it.

“Thank you.” I said with a warm smile before moving to mount the horse. The man simply nodded and held the horse before stepping away.

Abelas had already mounted the grey but was patiently waiting for me before he started moving. He nodded towards the old man and then we were on our way.

Once we travelled out of the deep part of this forest, I recognized a little bit of where we were. Once, a very long time ago, Clan Lavellan had travelled near here. Time travel made things seem so weird as it was only about ten years, maybe a little more, since the Clan travelled this way but it was so much longer then that for me. My memories of this place were like half forgotten dreams.

I frowned as we rode, not liking that thought.

“Something troubles you?” Abelas asked. I was not sure if it was concern for me or simply because the silence was wearing on him.

“Just thinking.” I said, glancing over at him. “Clan Lavellan passed through here once.”

I thought to the Clan that had raised me and the fate that had befallen them. I could barely remember the people that had been my family for the first part of my life but I could still remember that decision I had made. The one that had sent them to their deaths.

I had been so new to leading the Inquisition and had trusted the wrong people.

“Did you ever return here?” Abelas continued to question.

“No. This is the first time I have been in this part of Thedas since before the Conclave.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Sometimes.” I admitted. “I can't really remember what they look like. I remember some of the names but I can't remember them.”

There was a knowing look in his eyes. He had lived through losing many of his compatriots in addition to his family.

“Would you like to look for them?” Abelas asked. “The survivors. Surely some have survived the events at Wycome.”

I stared at him for a moment, working through that little tidbit of information. He had said it so easily that I knew it was not something he had picked up from overhearing a conversation.

“You know what happened to my Clan?”

“I know what happened to Clan Lavellan, yes.” He said with a nod.

“How? Why?”

“Mythal informed me of your time with them and then what befell them.”

“Mythal?” I continued to stare at him. “Mythal told you about Clan Lavellan? Why?”

“Despite her choices, Mythal was not a cruel woman.” He turned away, fixating more on the road ahead of us. “She understood that I had made the choice to be your Sentinel and she did wish for you to be protected. She had been watching over you as a child, as much as she was able given that she had a daughter of her own.”

“Morrigan.” I supplied the name.

“Yes, her.” He wrinkled his nose a little. I did not doubt that he was probably still bothered by Morrigan and her actions in Mythal's temple. Especially since he learned that she was Mythal's daughter. “I know much of your childhood among the Dalish and the difficulties you faced.”

“Difficulties?”

“Yes.” Abelas answered, his gaze flicking back towards me. There was a strange look in his eyes that I did not quite understand. Something between mirth and sympathy. “That you were feared by most of the other elves and did not quite make too many friends among them. Your magic displayed at an early age, even for an Elvhen.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “I knew I was early for the Dalish but I didn't think I was...”

“You were.” He said as I trailed off. “Most children demonstrate the smaller things at around six or seven, you apparently lit the Keeper's aravel on fire when you were four.”

I did not remember the event but I knew I had been young when I did something bad. That was all I really got from the adults of the Clan, none of them wanting to really explain it to me.

“Mythal began to teach you shortly after that.” Abelas continued. “Your natural magical ability is possibly why you survived the anchor without too much trouble.”

I looked down at the crystalline hand and I could feel the crackle of energy there. The magic that had once been Solas' but was now solely mine. It hurt a little as I thought of Solas but I pushed that thought to the side. Now was not the time for that.

“What would have happened if I had not been Elvhen?” I asked.

“At best, you would have survived and been in near constant pain.” He did not say what would have been the worst case scenario as I had a good idea of what that would be.

I recalled the moments when the anchor had almost consumed me. The pain had seared that memory in my mind and despite the years passing, I could remember how it felt as my arm had begun to disintegrate beneath the power of the anchor.

“Do you think Solas was right, that I will survive if the veil comes down?”

“Yes.” He answered honestly. “You are not like the elves of this age. You never were. Even with the veil, you're more then they are. Far more.”

I grimaced at the thought and fell into silence. I did not want to consider the fact that I was nothing like the people I had grown up with. Everything had always been different, I had just never really paid enough attention to it. From the magic I used to how quickly I learned, I was always different.

“Fen'Harel never noticed as his own magic impeded his ability to sense what you were.” Abelas answered a question I had not even considered. “He would have realized it but you were taken into the past before he could.”

“What do you think would have happened if he had realized that while he was a part of the Inquisition?” I asked, curious about the idea.

“That, I cannot say.” Abelas said as he shrugged his shoulders. “What may or may not have happened is nothing to really consider when you have to focus on the now.”

“True.” I admitted softly. It was just another what if that I should put to the back of my mind.

We rode in silence again and I focused on what I was expecting to find at Skyhold when we arrived. Cassandra had taken the reigns of the Inquisition and I was definitely okay with that but people still saw me as the figurehead, as the one who had saved the world twice over.

“Ethara?” Dorian's voice suddenly called from the crystal and I jerked upwards.

I had not felt the pulse of magic as the crystal woke.

“Remember, you are weakened, ma tarlan.” Abelas said without even so much as a smile.

“Ethara?” Dorian called again.

“I'm here!” I answered, picking up the crystal in my hand to bring it closer to my mouth.

“Oh, thank the maker.” He sounded relieved and not quite like his usual self.

“It's good to hear you, Dorian.” I said with a small laugh.

“I wasn't imagining things, you were in my dream, yes?”

“I was.” I answered. “And I remember the things you said.”

“Good, that makes things a lot easier. Where are you?'

“Free Marches.” I responded. “I'm on my way to Kirkwall to take a boat to Ferelden.”

“The Free Marches?” He said in surprise before quickly shifting the topic away from that. “The Sentinels brought you all the way to the Free Marches?”

“Apparently.” I said with a small chuckle. “Maybe I should head north and just go to Tevinter.”

“That would not be wise.” Dorian said at nearly the same time as Abelas.

“Why not?” I asked.

“You may be the Inquisitor, but you're still an elf.” Dorian explained. “Elves are not treated kindly here and I would hate to have my favourite elf treated poorly.”

Abelas scowled but said nothing, letting Dorian explain his reason for not wanting me to go to Tevinter on my own. I had the feeling that he had a completely different reason from Dorian's.

“No one would take you seriously as the Inquisitor unless you showed up with your entourage. Plus there have been some that have begun discrediting an elf as their saviour. Especially with Cassandra having taken on the role in your absence.” Dorian continued. “You need to be seen in that role before you come north.”

“Well, thanks for the advice on that.” I responded. It made sense, I did not agree with it but it made sense. “You'll be alright there, right?”

“Of course.” I could almost picture the look on his face as he said it. “You get back to Skyhold safely and then you can worry about coming to rescue me from these dreadful politics.”

There was a small strained laugh on the other end of the crystal and I knew that he was tired. The dream had been proof of that. I worried about him but I knew he would just brush the concern away with some quip or other.

“Yes, and then I'll ride in from the sunset on a glowing Hart -”

Abelas pulled his mount in front of mine before bringing them both to a quick but jarring stop. I nearly fell out of my saddle and looked over at him with a questioning look.

“Someone is up ahead.” His voice was cautious but he was already drawing his sword.

“Who's that?” Dorian asked across the crystal. “That doesn't sound like Solas.”

“Hold on Dorian.” I said to the crystal.

“What is it?” He questioned.

“Nothing, just give us a second, would you?”

Out of the trees came a trio of brigands. They were dressed in leather armour that had most definitely seen better days. The one at the front fixed his gaze on Abelas, sizing him up.

“That's some pretty nice armour, knife ears.” He said with a lopsided grin.

Abelas just stared the man down.

“We don't want any trouble.” I said softly.

“A knife ear who thinks she's a lady, that's hilarious.” The man's eyes darted over to me and that look was nearly covetous as they travelled over my body in a lecherous manner. I scowled in response.

“You look at me like that again and you'll regret it.” The softness fled from my voice as I stared him down like Abelas was doing. I did my best Inquisitor voice that I could manage. “I said we don't want any trouble so you best be on your way.”

“Fraid not.” The man said with a shrug. “You've got horses, nice gear and probably supplies in them saddle bags. Much too good for a pair of knife ears.”

I huffed in irritation even as I went to pull my magic towards myself but felt only the barest glimmer of power. It was different then when I had been cut off as this was more like the pool of my magic had shrunk to a mere puddle.

I had expected to be physically weak but to be without my magic was something completely beyond the norm. It was almost frightening to consider what that might mean for me if I encountered someone who actually could kill me.

“Ma tarlan.” Abelas cautioned. “I will handle this.”

I scowled over at him instead of the bandits. He was clearly aware of my situation. Now his offer to be my sentinel made perfect sense.

“As she has stated, we do not want any trouble.” Abelas said, his eyes still on the bandits before sliding off the horse.

“What? You think we're gonna fight you?” The bandit leader laughed. “My man Henry is good with a bow. You make another move and we'll put an arrow through the woman's eye.”

I quickly scanned the tree line and made out the faint glint in the distance. Not far enough to make the shot difficult but enough that Abelas would not make it in time to stop an arrow from being fired.

I felt the barrier sliding around me and my scowl turned into a look of surprise. I had known he was capable of magic but it was another thing to see and feel it. The barrier was very much like the magic that Mythal had taught me. Tightly crafted to better protect.

Abelas moved just as that barrier came up around me, his blade held out as he prepared for the men to attack.

The bandit leader raised his hand and let it fall. A clear signal as an arrow suddenly flew out of the woods.

Reflex had me squeezing my eyes shut but the arrow bounced harmlessly off the barrier. I peeked open an eye to watch Abelas and held my breath for a moment.

His skill in combat was evident. He was probably the most proficient person I had ever seen in a sword fight but then there was his magic. It allowed him to dart across the ground in the blink of an eye. Slicing as he went. There was a brief moment when I thought of the memories that I had seen in the Fade. Of other Sentinels protecting the temples of their chosen Evanuris.

His style was much the same. I wondered how many years had he dedicated to simply learning to fight.

_A decade? A century? More?_

He was silent the entire time. Not a word as he cut down the bandits who had been willing to kill the two of us. The bandits had a few moments of shock before they were sent on to the next world.

It was only when there was a single one standing that I regained my wits to shout out.

“Stop!” I shouted as Abelas was about to swing his sword.

He halted, the blade mere inches from the bandit's neck. The bandit squeaked in fear, dropping his own weapon and staring at the elf who had seemingly materialized out of nothing. He had moved so effortlessly across the field of battle that it must have seemed like a nightmare made real.

I slid from my horse and approached. I could see that the weapons and armour were far more battered then I thought they had been. It was hardly the calibre of a successful group of bandits. More like thieves who had simply found what they could.

“As you wish, ma tarlan.” Abelas said with a bow and took a step back from the bandit. It was only respect for me that he stayed his hand. Otherwise this man would have been dead at his hands.

I walked over and looked at the bandit. He could have been no more then a child. Perhaps a teenager. His eyes were wide with terror as he just stared at Abelas.

I could understand that terror. Elf or not, if something like Abelas had approached me back before I joined the Inquisition, I would have been terrified.

“What's your name?” I asked the young bandit.

“Please don't kill me!” He pleaded as he dropped to his knees and covered his head with his hands.

“We're not going to kill you.” I said with a sigh.

“Then... then I can go?” He looked up at me through splayed fingers.

“Yes -” I went to speak further but the boy was up and running.

I was startled by how quickly he darted off into the woods but little could be said as the young man did what he could to lengthen the distance between him and us.

I looked over to find Abelas watching him go even though it was clear he could have easily caught up to him and ended his life like he had done the others.

“You should have let me kill him.” Abelas said simply.

“He was no more then a boy.” I responded sadly.

“A boy on his own who will most likely starve.” Abelas said with a shrug before walking back towards the horses. “If other bandits don't get to him first.”

“It did not feel right.” I stubbornly responded, my eyes still glued in the direction the boy had run off. Part of me wanted to follow, to try and help him like I had before but I had to get to Kirkwall. I had to get to back to my friends.

Abelas was once more at my side with the horses, pulling mine to stand near me so I could easily climb onto the horse's back.

“It is time to continue on, ma tarlan.” He said softly before climbing back into his horse's saddle.

I did not question nor did I look at the men on the ground. I simply mounted up and turned the horse in the direction we had been travelling. I thought about burning them but I did not think I had the energy to even summon a little fire.

Once I would have found a problem with killing these men so easily but I had dealt with so many people killing me that it was now just the simple practicality of it. They were enemies who would have easily seen me dead. They may have had their reasons for it but it was nothing to be done about it now.

These men were dead and their youngest member was now alone in the wilds.

“Why would you choose to save the one and not the others?” Abelas questioned as the horses slowly walked along the well worn trail.

“He was just a boy,” I responded, repeating what I had said earlier. “They were most likely driven from their homes with the conflict happening around Thedas. Had I the sense, I would have stopped you sooner.”

“You would save the lives of those who would try to kill you?”

“Some people are just stuck in a shitty situation.” I glanced over at him with a small shrug. “What's to say these men didn't have families they were trying to take care of?”

“Then they should have become hunters.” Abelas responded flatly.

“And what of you and the other Sentinels? Did you not kill any who came near Mythal's temple?” I challenged.

“They were interlopers.” Abelas' eyes blazed angrily at me. “They invaded the temple and killed those of us that remained.”

Sighing, I urged my horse on. We rode in silence again for several minutes. Quickly putting the small glade behind us. I really did not want to think further about his willingness to kill the men as it had mirrored my own thoughts.

“Why didn't I sense the crystal activating?” I finally asked. “And why couldn't I perform a spell?”

“You're weakened.” He answered as if that should have been the end of it. The look on my face had him continuing quickly. “Your senses are dulled both from waking from uthenera and how much power you put forward for Mythal.”

“But what of... what of what Solas gave me?”

“Even with that, you were not prepared for physically pulling someone through the veil.” He responded quickly as if he did not want to answer that question completely.

“What exactly happened to me when I did that then?”

“I don't fully understand it.” There was honesty in his voice but he did not quite look at me. Still hiding something. “What I do know is that you pushed a part of yourself into the fade and pulled Mythal through. For a brief moment, you were touching the actual fade. The true fade.”

I went slack for a moment as I heard what he said. I had touched the fade. I had understood full well that I had made Mythal real but I had not realized exactly the full extent of what I was capable of. There were other things on the other side of the veil that would no doubt be as dangerous to pull free. I refused to let myself consider what those were.

“Oh...”

“Precisely.” Abelas responded. “Your foci can channel your power and allow you to access the fade in a way no other mage in this era can.”

I had not considered my power working like that in such a manner and I stared down at my crystalline hand. It flickered with that rainbow of colours and my stomach suddenly sank as I considered my foci. A key through the very veil itself.

“Abelas... can the other foci do that?” My voice was quiet as I asked. “Can they bypass the veil?”

“Yes, if they are properly unlocked and activated.” He answered. “You know what happened when Corypheus attempted to unlock Fen'Harel's orb, it would require something of equivalent power to do the same and even then, the person wielding it would have to be powerful.”

“What of Mythal? Would she be capable of opening another?”

“That... that is possible.” He frowned, as if he had clearly just thought of that. “I do not believe she would. She has no need of such power, not from how you pulled her through.”

“But she could.”

“Yes, she could.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be updated at least roughly every Tuesday/Wednesday from this point on.


	35. Kirkwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara and Abelas arrive at Kirkwall.

The travel to Kirkwall went quicker then I thought.

Abelas rarely let me keep watch and my nights were filled with strange dreams. Solas visited almost every night but the dreams were weirder on the nights he did not arrive as if he was keeping the stranger parts of the fade at bay.

One particular dream had been about the hall where Radinan had held me captive or at least I believed it was that place. The ceiling was completely gone and there were always stars overhead as if I was looking into the night sky. The place was stripped clean of anything that hinted at people. No chairs, no tables, nothing.

The spirits were there, or at least it looked like them. They were in the guise of demons with the Desire demon always the one who came to talk to me. Each and every time, I woke up before anything could be said.

Both Abelas and Solas believed they were trying to tell me something but their grip on the fade was tenuous at best. They had been changed too much by stepping through the rift I made.

It was just another thing added to the long list of things I had to fix.

I was still thinking over it all when we arrived at the gates of Kirkwall.

I could barely remember what the city looked like but it was a lot less friendly looking then what I could remember. We could see the giant statues as we approached, rising into the sky like fearsome protectors. I had no idea why Varric wanted to live in a place like this but then, people called the strangest places home.

“ _I do not like this place_.” Abelas voiced his concern in ancient Elvhen as we approached. He quickly went silent as we neared others walking on the road.

I nodded in agreement to him but said nothing as I led the way into the city proper. There were guards but no one stopped us from entering.

It was just as one would expect of a large city. People everywhere. Beggars, merchants, guards, and everything in between. It bustled with life and energy.

Occasionally, someone would glance towards Abelas but otherwise ignored me. His armour did stand out quite a bit compared to what everyone else was wearing. I realized I would have to find something less ancient Elvhen for him if he truly did want to attempt to fit in with the people when he needed to.

We stayed close as we went through the throngs of people and I tried to remember where Varric would be in all of this. It had been years since I had seen him last and I simply could not remember where he would be.

The press of people around me made it harder for me to think. Their voices rising in a cacophony of noise made the hair on the back of my neck stand up on end. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself but it was hard. I had not encountered this many people in years. There had been far less at Solas' keep and they had all parted for me to pass.

“We will need directions, I think.” I said over my shoulder to Abelas who nodded in agreement.

Forcing our way through the crowd, we managed to get off the main street. I realized then that Abelas was frowning at me.

“ _What is it_?” I asked in ancient Elvhen.

“ _Rest here. I will find information._ ”

I scowled but he was quickly on his way back out into the group of people before I could say a word.

People still moved about the side street but it was a relief not to have someone jostling my horse every few seconds. I gently stroked the creature's neck and I was just glad the creature was far calmer in the crowd then I was. I did not even want to consider what it would be like to wander through here with a skittish horse.

I stopped petting the horse when I felt something beside me. It was almost like a sudden increase in heat next to me but it also flickered, like a candle.

“I told Varric you are here.” Cole's voice came from between the horse and the wall.

He looked almost human as he stood there. That big hat shadowing his face as he kept to the shadows.

“Cole!” I said with a smile before sliding off the horse to give the spirit a hug which he awkwardly returned. “It is good to see you, Cole.”

He felt as real as any other person but I knew better.

“You are tired.” Cole said with a tilt of his head.

“It's nothing.” I shook my head and tried to alleviate his concerns. “Just...”

“Not used to the people.” Cole finished for me. “Big. So many people. Hard to think.”

“Yes, well. I haven't really been in large crowds without something bad happening.”

“Nothing bad will happen. He will protect you.”

“I don't want people to protect me, Cole.” I wrinkled my nose.

“I know.” Cole bobbed his head. “You are strong, but he sees. He knows. Endless sleep, endless dreams.”

“Abelas won't let me do much on my own.” I said with a small laugh.

“Abelas...?” Cole cocked his head. “Oh yes. He sees too. Not as much but he sees.”

I blinked, realizing that the first he was not Abelas. I had the feeling that he was referring to Solas but I was not entirely sure about that.

“Cole?” I questioned.

“Ah, there you are.” A voice from down the side street had me glancing over the horse towards a group of town guards walking in my direction.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Cole had vanished once more. Sighing, I stepped from around the horse to get a better look at the people approaching.

The speaker was a woman with red hair and a uniform that clearly marked her as being the leader of the group of guards.

“My apologies, Lady Lavellan, we were only just made aware of your arrival.” Something about the way she carried herself almost reminded me of Cullen. Almost like she was being crushed by a sense of duty but yet loved every moment of it.

“Ethara is fine.” I responded, wrinkling up my nose.

“Ethara.” A small smile cracked the stern line of her face. “I am Guard Captain Aveline, Varric sent me to fetch you.”

“Oh... you're _that_ Aveline.” I stared at her.

Strangely, the Tale of the Champion was one of the things that I could remember clearly. Perhaps because I had read it so many times. Seeing Aveline here was a bit surprising.

“I thought you left Kirkwall after the Chantry -” I continued.

“Don't believe everything you read in Varric's books.” Aveline said with a small laugh, cutting me off before I continued. “I remained in Kirkwall after Hawke and the others were forced to flee.”

“Well, pleasure to meet you, Miss Aveline.”

“If I'm to call you Ethara, you may call me Aveline.” She said with a small nod before gesturing to my horse. “If you'd mount back up, we'll lead you to the Keep.”

“Certainly but I need to wait for my companion to come back.” I responded as I climbed back into the saddle. “He went to ask about where Varric would be.”

Aveline flashed me a strange look, like she was about to question that but thought better of it. She nodded over towards two of the guards before speaking to me.

“What would he look like?”

I did my best to give a description of Abelas, from the horse to the armour. The guards quickly made themselves scarce as they followed her orders to seek him out.

“There, they will inform your friend where you can be found. Varric was fairly insistent that I get you up to the Keep as soon as possible.” Aveline motioned for me to follow.

I thought about it. About refusing and just waiting there for Abelas to return but there seemed to be a sincerity about the woman that made me want to go with her.

I also had the sneaking suspicion that Cole had informed Varric that I was drained.

I turned the horse in her direction and urged it forward. The guards all fell in step near the horse with Aveline walking just ahead of me.

She led us through the streets, keeping to the back ways instead of the main streets. I eyed her back suspiciously until we came out in front of a set of stairs leading up to a rather large building. There were more of those statues but it looked like they had gone through some effort to at least make it look friendlier.

“You'll need to leave your horse here, I'm afraid.” Aveline said as a guard stepped forward to take the reins of my horse. I must have looked startled as Aveline quickly spoke again. “Don't worry, nothing will happen to the horse and there are plenty of guards here. You'll be alright. Varric's offices will be up the stairs to the left once you enter the Keep.”

I shot her a questioning look before climbing off the horse.

She merely smiled and beckoned for me to continue on my way. I was not quick enough to ask as she had turned to speak to another nearby guard, clearly giving him instructions about my horse and general guard behaviour.

Sighing, I climbed up the stairs on my own and entered the building.

I remembered what Solas' Keep had been like, teeming full of elves, but this was completely different. It was full of people from all the races of Thedas. Elves, humans, dwarves, even a qunari or two. They were all chattering away at one another, some louder then others.

Guards stood along the walls and at the foot of the stairs.

It seems the city had done alright since the days of the Champion. I would never believe it if someone told me that the Qunari had ransacked the Keep. The damage was almost nonexistent at this point.

I straightened myself as I walked. My head held high like the Inquisitor I was supposed to be.

Thankfully, no one really cared about the lone elf walking up the stairs towards the Seneschal's office. I was only stopped by the guard standing at the door.

“State your business.” His tone was gruff and his gaze was harsh.

“I'm here to see Varric Tethras.”

“You and every other person.” His voice became downright dismissive.

“He's expecting me.” I said with a shrug. Caution had me keeping my name to myself, given that Cassandra was supposed to be impersonating the Inquisitor in the South.

He stared at me but did not move.

“Just go tell Varric that his expected guest is here.”

The guard next to him just rolled his eyes before stepping into the room. I had no idea whether he was irritated with me or his fellow guardsman.

I could not really see much through the small crack, nor could I really hear anything.

The other guard came out shortly before nodding to me.

“You can go in.” He said simply.

I stepped between them and through the door but I could hear the first guard complaining to the other. I tuned him out as I shut the door behind me.

I turned around and found myself caught in an almost rib crushing hug from Varric.

“It's damn good to see you.”

I returned the hug even as I felt a little teary eyed. I had only seen Solas, Cole and Bull since I returned from behind the veil. The full weight of that hitting me like a blow.

“Hey now!” Varric said, a small chuckle coming from the dwarf. “No crying. If you start, then I'll start and that will just be terrible.”

“It is good to see you, Varric.” I said, giving him another little squeeze before letting him go.

“Come on, sit down.” He stepped away and motioned towards the desk on the other side of the room.

The papers were piled high beside a quill that looked like it had been used quite often. Two chairs were situated around it, one clearly having been moved from the other side of the desk.

I quickly glanced around the room as I walked over. A window to let in light, a small fireplace, a lot of shelves full of books and parchments. It looked every inch the room of a Lord.

“I forgot that you had taken over Kirkwall.” I smiled as I sat in the chair.

“Yeah, Dorian told us about you being through time and stuck behind the veil.” He grimaced a little as he sank into the opposing chair. “That must have been hell of a thing. How did you manage to get out?”

“The Breach tore holes in the veil,” I answered, knowing that he meant my imprisonment in the fade. “It took a while before I was brave enough to try going near one of the little rifts but I managed to get through one. Remember that rift we closed that had no demons around it?”

“I thought that had been a little strange.” He chuckled. “That was you on your way out?”

“I didn't quite mean to but yes, that was me.”

“Took out a full rift worth of demons by yourself, getting quite powerful kiddo.”

“You do realize I'm now thousands of years older then you, right?” I could not help but smile at him.

Varric had always been one of those guys that you could not help but laugh and smile with. Sure, he was capable of some pretty large lies but he was not cruel or evil. Every lie he had said had always been for a good reason, or at least the ones I knew he had said.

“Let's not think too hard on that.” He shook his head with a grimace. “At least not until I'm good and drunk.”

“If we had the time to get you that drunk...” I laughed.

“Right, problems in Thedas.” That grimace deepened. “That's why you're here, isn't it? Dorian said something about the elves taking you to spend time in uthenera.”

“Yes,” I stopped laughing. “Apparently I overstepped my skills a little and needed to rest. Dorian managed to pass on the message that things were going badly but he was really, really out of it.”

“I imagine he's mentioned the war in Tevinter then?” Varric said with a quirk of his head. I nodded and so he continued. “We've had an influx of people fleeing the conflict, a lot more elves coming south then staying there.”

“I thought they had a community in the Arlathan Forest?”

“They do but the refugees coming south? Those are kids. Old people.” He sighed. “They wouldn't admit it but they're all the ones the others sent south to keep safe.”

I stared at him in surprise. This Myal in the north was sending away all those who could not defend themselves. That meant they had to be gearing themselves up for battle. There was no other reason why they would do such a thing.

“Do you know that for certain?” I found myself asking.

“Yes.” Varric nodded. “They won't talk to my people but they will talk to the Sabrae Clan.”

“The Sabrae Clan?” The name was familiar but I just could not place them.

“Dalish elves that live just outside Kirkwall. I can arrange for you to meet with their Keeper.” He paused for a moment, thinking about that. “Actually, I probably should do that anyway. She'll be pretty upset that I didn't bring you to visit her if you left without going.”

“You're on good terms with the Keeper of a Dalish clan?”

I was a little sceptical of that. Varric was a friendly man but the Dalish were not that keen on outsiders, especially ones that were not elves and generally not with the people ruling cities. Clan Lavellan had been different but that difference had cost them their lives.

“Of course. It's my old friend Merrill.” He said with a grin that reached ear to ear.

“That's the one from the book?” I asked although I was a little surprised. If I remembered the story right, she had attempted to make a deal with a demon which had ended badly. I really could not remember how terrible but just that it had been bad.

“Yes and I know what you're thinking.” His eyes twinkled. “After the destruction of the chantry, there was a lot of problems here in Kirkwall and with the elves. Merrill is the one who pulled them all together. Dalish and city elves. Things aren't the same here as they are elsewhere, elves aren't as hated because of the things her and Carver pulled off.”

“Her and Carver?”

“Ah yeah, left that out too.” A slightly sheepish look. I assumed it was just another thing he left out of the book as I had no idea about this Carver. “Carver Hawke has pretty much been by her side ever since they left Kirkwall. He's pretty accepted by the elves in the clan as well.”

I did not believe that. There was accepting that the Clan was more like Clan Lavellan and friendlier with outsiders but to have an actual human in the Clan and tied to the Keeper. That was just a little too unbelievable.

I suppose being related to the Champion of Kirkwall might have helped a little with it but it was still surprising.

“Trust me. It's the truth. Clan Sabrae has taken in a lot more then just Carver when it comes to humans.” He was back to smiling again. “They've even taken in some elf blooded kids. It's mostly elves there but they seemed to take after a particular elf that decided to save the world regardless of what everyone else thought of her.”

I felt a blush creeping all the way to the tips of my ears.

“You made an impact, even here. Especially since I was walking proof.” He shrugged before getting up. “After the Chantry, you doing all that was what people needed to realize that if we all don't work together, things were never going to change. Merrill started that change here by rounding up Clan Sabrae and anyone else who needed a home.”

“I definitely need to meet this Merrill then.” I nodded with a smile even though I sincerely hoped that he had not been promoting me as someone larger then life to them.

“You'll also be pleased to know that there are survivors of Clan Lavellan there as well.”

“Really?” That was a pleasant surprise. “I thought they were all up near... “ I paused, not quite remembering the name of the other city.

“Wycome.” Varric provided with a look of sympathy but it was clear that gave him an opening to something that was bothering him. “Look... I know it's not a question you've really been thinking about... but how much do you actually remember?”

“What? Why?”

“Dorian said that you were gone for thousands of years. I can hardly remember things from a few years ago if it's not written down.”

“I can remember enough.” I did not meet his eyes. “I remember the Inquisition, I remember my friends and most of the important stuff.”

“Ethara...”

“It's not a big deal, Varric.” I sighed. “I was only the Inquisitor for what...? Five years? Prior to that, I was just trained to be the next Keeper of Clan Lavellan. I ended up spending more time in Elvhenan then at either of those.”

“Still, it's not something to dismiss. Especially if you're going to be jumping head first back into politics like the others want.”

“So you know about what's happening with the Inquisition as well?”

“Of course. That and the shitstorm up north.”

“What can you tell me about the leader of the elves in the north?” I asked, only too happy to divert the conversation away from myself.

“Not much. She's a young elf, Dalish and she's promoting you as the goddess of the people. She's apparently capable as a leader as there aren't many complaints from the ones that do come south.”

“That doesn't help much.”

“Well, does it help in knowing that they're not actively searching for something in the forest?” He provided, watching me keenly as he spoke. “They did a few sweeps through a small area and then disappeared into the deeper parts. A few groups of them split off and that's about all we know. If there is something in there that they want, then they know where it is already.”

“That helps. Troubling but helpful.” I admitted.

“You know something?” He quirked an eyebrow as he asked.

“It really was the location of Arlathan.” Was all I said.

I honestly did not know what had happened to the city. I had spent my days with Mythal in her temple outside the city proper before venturing to the Alinuris. I just knew that was where it was.

I guessed Solas knew more about what happened with Arlathan but I did not want to bring that up with him.

“That's what most people assume.” Varric sighed. “There's something else you should be aware of.”

“What's that?”

“Remember those people that kidnapped you?”

“You mean Ellendra and her companions?”

I would always leave it at just that. The less people that knew, the better. Especially given that she had been part of a group of cultists led by my father.

That was a conversation I really did not want to have right now.

“Yeah.” Varric looked away from me as he spoke. “They've been popping up all over Thedas now. Not large numbers but enough that it's clear they're looking for something. My guess is that they're trying to find where you are... or Solas but I'm going with you as they had you prettied up when we got there.”

I frowned and looked down at the glove covering my crystalline hand.

“There are some here in Kirkwall.”

My frown deepened but I did not look up. I knew what Abelas had said earlier, that I was still too weak from what I had done. I was not sure if I would be able to stop the Cultists if they came after me while I was in this particular state.

“Damnit.” I muttered under my breath.

“We've managed to route them out but they come back every few months. Aveline caught one trying to sneak in here while I was out.” He half-laughed, half-snorted as he thought about it. “As if I would keep documents about where you were lying around.”

“That is going to make me getting back to Skyhold a lot more difficult.” I said.

“I'm thinking there might be a way around that.” Varric's voice went thoughtful for a moment.

I glanced over at him to see that he had that expression on his face like he was working things out.

“Merrill might have the answer, that's if Solas didn't completely lock down her eluvian.”

“Merrill has an eluvian?” I sucked in a breath of air, startled by that revelation. I had assumed that either Solas or Morrigan had control of the eluvians. “I thought you wrote that Hawke had destroyed it?”

“That's much better then she repaired it and it did nothing, right?” Varric said with a thin smile. “It's a long shot but if it actually does work, we might be able to get you back through there without having to cross through all of Thedas.”

“So, when do I get to meet this Merrill?” I asked.

“As soon as your chaperone shows up.” Varric said with a laugh. “Cole did say you weren't alone.”

“Oh right... Abelas.” I had not forgotten about him, I had just gotten so distracted with talking with Varric that I had forgotten he was not nearby.

“Not Solas?”

“No.” I answered, not quite looking at him.

“Well, not gonna pry into that one.” He shook his head before laughing again. “You're free to come and go as you please in Kirkwall, my home is your home for as long as you're here. When Abelas shows up, I'll have Aveline take you to meet Merrill.”

“Thanks Varric.” I said with a smile, truthfully meaning it.

We continued to talk for what seemed like hours. He reminded me of what things I had said or done as the Inquisitor and I told him what my life had been like since I disappeared. I did not get into too much detail about the time travel as he clearly said that whole thing gave him a 'headache'.

I began to feel a bit on edge as time wore on.

“I think I should have Aveline look for him.” Varric said, whether it was because he noticed my behaviour or he simply realized that it was far too long.

“Thank you.”

“You get some rest until then.” He said as he got up. One hand motioning to a set of doors leading further into the keep. His personal rooms, I guessed. “No arguing. Go lay down.”

I grumbled but I could not help but deny that I was feeling drained. I knew I could trust Varric and his friends to look for Abelas so I slipped into the other room and fell asleep the moment I laid my head down on the pillow.

 


	36. Restless Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethara dreams and has a conversation with Solas

_Sleep came easily and I was pleased to find myself in a familiar grove._

_This was always Solas' first choice when I first entered the fade, even if it had been the place he brought me when he removed my vallaslin all those years ago. I knew now that he had intended to tell me the truth as this was one of his favourite places in modern Thedas._

_He was waiting for me by the water's edge as usual. Hands clasped behind his back as he stared out over the water. I could tell by his posture that he wore his usual thoughtful look. He had stood like that so many times in Skyhold._

_I walked over to him and threaded my arms beneath his before resting my head against his back. His hands slid over my own as we stood there for several long seconds._

“ _You are tired.” There was no accusation in his words._

“ _Just a little.” I admitted._

_I knew he was concerned about me. Here, he could protect my dreaming from nightmares and allow me to rest but he had no reach to the waking world. I wondered if it bothered him but I did not want to ask._

_He turned, wrapping his arms around me before bending to place his forehead against mine. There was a small sigh as he closed his eyes. It almost sounded like a sigh of relief, like my presence was soothing._

“ _I have missed you, vhenan.” His voice was soft. “The fade always seems a little duller when you are not around.”_

“ _Flatterer.” I laughed and leaned up to kiss him. “Although, I would stay longer if you did not keep shooing me awake.”_

“ _You are needed in the waking world.” There was mild annoyance in his voice. Apparently, he did not like the idea of me being awake, not after what I had done in Radinan's hall but I was bound by my duty to my friends. “Otherwise, you would still be in uthenera with me.”_

_I shook my head at him. We both knew why I was awake. Dorian had gone in search of one of us and I was the one who had to answer._

“ _Abelas and I are in Kirkwall now.”_

“ _Then you are a step closer to returning to Skyhold.” He pulled away and the grove behind us changed. It slid easily to the rotunda. His desk, his paintings; just like it always did when we discussed Skyhold. I always wondered if it was him or me that did that and just like always, I never asked._

“ _Yes although, there may be some problems getting there.” I admitted before moving to sit in his chair._

“ _Problems?” He questioned, eyebrows furrowing in concern._

“ _Seems things are not quite so simple in Arlathan Forest.” I then proceeded to tell him everything that Varric had told me. Starting with the information about those coming south and the ones who had been searching for something in the forest. “Is there anything in the Forest I should be concerned about?”_

_He paused as he thought it over. Thousands of years worth of knowledge seemed to be turned over in his mind as he sought an answer._

“ _No.”_

“ _Solas?” I questioned, not liking that simple response._

“ _Truthfully, there should be nothing there.” He stepped closer and leaned against the desk. One hand resting against his chin as he thought. “Arlathan has long since disappeared from that forest. Although the tethering point may remain but I do not believe anyone would be capable of accessing that.”_

“ _Not even me?”_

“ _Well, you could. And perhaps Mythal.” He gave me a terse look. “I doubt either of you would want to. The other end of the tether no longer exists in the waking world.”_

“ _But it does exist in the fade?” I was curious. I had not been in the waking world when Arlathan disappeared and I had no idea what had happened to the city. Not that I had ever truly been there. It was still just a place of legend to me, a forgotten city and nothing more._

“ _Yes.” He nodded. “It would take your power to be able to traverse through the tether and even I do not know what would happen if you tried.”_

_Something told me that I did not want to try. The fade, most likely._

“ _What exactly is this tether?”_

“ _Arlathan was a floating city, held aloft by magic and the belief of the people. As long as the people existed, so did the city.” Solas explained. “The tether is exactly that, a tether. It was attached to the city on one end and the waking world on the other. It kept the city leashed to that point in Thedas and prevented the wishes of the people from changing it further.”_

_I stared at him. That explanation made little sense to me but then all I knew about ancient elvhen architecture were stories handed down by the Dalish Keepers. Mythal had never once bothered covering that particular aspect of elvhen magic._

“ _Remember, magic was different in Elvhenan.” He continued to explain, clearly understanding the look. “Places took on the aspects that people believed, or wished for. Arlathan was perhaps the place that the most people wished and believed in. Spirits and elvhen alike.”_

“ _Are you telling me that Arlathan was worshipped like an Evanuris?” I continued to stare._

“ _In a way, yes.” He nodded as a far off look came across his face. “It was the center of Elvhenan. The pride of our people. No city was it's equal. Not then and not since. It was full of spires of crystal and stone that thrummed with life and magic. I truly wish I had taken you there at least once for you to see it as it was.”_

_I thought it over. The very nature of the city was almost too much to imagine even if I had lived as long as I had. Never had I heard of such a thing but it must have clearly existed or else Solas would not bother with the explanation._

_Of course, he spoke of it with such longing that I wondered if his idea of the place was not tinted by happy memories._

“ _Surely you remember feeling that certain places have a presence?” Solas queried, looking intently at me while he waited for an answer._

_I thought hard about that and most of the places I could think of had all been the more eerie places. The village of Crestwood suddenly came to mind even if I had not visited in thousands of years._

_It had been during the Fifth Blight that the mayor had sacrificed the sick populace of the city to save the rest by unleashing water held back by the dam. Such an act had left a mark on the town, and the very ground upon which the houses sat. Spirits had crossed over, and it had felt like ghosts had lingered among the broken homes._

“ _Like Crestwood.” I could not help but shiver as I thought about it._

“ _You understand then.” He nodded._

“ _A little bit.” I frowned and tried to think of something beyond the creepy village. “I take it that the wishes of the people caused Arlathan to disappear?”_

“ _I assume so.” His frown mirrored my own. “Truthfully, I do not know how Arlathan disappeared. It occurred some time while I was in uthenera.”_

“ _That would have taken a lot of magical power to be able to move the city once the veil was up.”_

“ _It would.” He nodded in agreement. “I believe that is what happened to the mages who remained after the veil was erected.”_

_I said nothing about it as I considered the possibility of that._

_The veil had changed the world. Many who had magic had lost their abilities with the veil was erected. I could not even imagine how they would have reacted to realizing their world had changed so much in a single night._

_Pooling their collective power to transport Arlathan away from the world did not seem like such a far fetched idea._

“ _One thing I know for certain is that they did not survive the trip.” There was no sadness in his voice, only regret and pity._

_He had entered uthenera out of need as his powers had been drained erecting the veil, he must have believed they would remain to help those that held no magic power in the new world he had created. It must have been strange to consider that those beings would simply not wish to be in the waking world any longer._

“ _You are certain of that?” I quirked an eyebrow at him._

“ _I am.” There was a small shrug of his shoulders. “I have visited the city during my wandering. It lays empty.”_

“ _Oh.” I paused, looking up at him in surprise. “Where is it?”_

_I felt a chill go up my spine even as I asked the question like something had blown a cold wind up my back. Like that very knowledge was something my body rebelled at knowing._

“ _When you are stronger, I'll show you.” He smiled thinly at me. “Magic such as that leaves a mark, it is not a place to wander.”_

_I shrugged, trying to get rid of that creepy feeling. There was something about the idea of going to Arlathan that almost seemed repulsive. My skin crawled at the very possibility of walking the city._

“ _Let us change the subject.” He seemed to understand and gently took my hand in his. His thumb trailing over my knuckles in a circular manner. I was not sure if it was done for my comfort or his. “Now that you are in Kirkwall, how do you plan on returning to Skyhold?”_

_He knew full well the answer to that. I had to cross the Waking Sea in order to return to Ferelden or travel far west to reach Orlais. Ferelden was the quicker of the two even if the thought of a ship across the sea was enough to make me feel queasy._

“ _We had intended to take a ship to Denerim but Varric has a friend who may have an eluvian. I'm not sure if it'll work but if it does, then we may be able to cut months off this trip.”_

_My thoughts drifted away from Arlathan and a sense of calm slowly returned. It was subtle and made me wonder if Solas had a hand in that._

“ _An eluvian?” Solas' eyes lit up with curiosity. “I do believe I recall an eluvian near Kirkwall, I was unaware of who had laid claim to it.”_

_I did not ask how he knew about the eluvian._

“ _Her name is Merrill.”_

“ _Ah, the Dalish elvhen from his story about the Champion.” Solas paused thoughtfully before his face lit up with almost childlike glee. “It would indeed be fortuitous for you to meet with her.”_

“ _Why is that?”_

“ _She possesses an arulin'holm.” Solas answered. “It is a tool of June's design, used by those who crafted eluvians.”_

“ _And you think that she will just willingly give it to me?”_

“ _Certainly.” He smiled. “You can reactivate her eluvian and allow her access to the rest.”_

“ _Reactivate?” I stared at him. “You deactivated it on her?”_

_He chuckled before shaking his head in response._

“ _She lacks the ability to activate eluvians. I do not know if she managed to fully repair it but if you have the arulin'holm, you will be able to fully restore it to what it once was. It would be a fair trade, travel across Thedas in exchange for a tool that is useless in her hands.”_

“ _You really want me to get that arulin'holm.” I said with a laugh._

“ _I really want you to finish this and return to uthenera.” He countered. His voice was a mixture of teasing and annoyance. One for me and the other for the situation at hand._

“ _Yes, well, when Varric finds Abelas, I'm going to go meet her.”_

“ _Abelas is not with you?” His smile faded and his tone became serious once more._

“ _No. He went to look for Varric but Varric's guard captain found me instead. I'm at the viscount's keep.”_

“ _Did Abelas not tell you to remain waiting for him?” He scowled at me._

_I could see that look starting. The one that he had worn every time he disapproved of a decision I had made._

_It was irritating._

“ _Solas, I'm not a child.” I managed not to glare at him but my tone was flat._

“ _No, you are not but you are quite weak in the waking world.” The scowl remained but he sighed. “You need Abelas' presence to help you recover.”_

“ _What do you mean?” I asked even if I had already guessed what the answer would be._

“ _He is your Sentinel, you draw strength from him.” He answered tersely. “Like a follower but far more direct.”_

_I gained power from him and he was bound to me._

_It was never going to sit well with me. I did not like having that kind of responsibility. It was different when it was the Inquisition, there were so many others that could put their input towards my decisions._

_This was unsettling to have a person tied so completely to me and relying on my choices to dictate their life._

“ _People have gone to find him, I'm sure he'll show up in no time.” I mumbled._

“ _You could find him far more quickly.” Solas sighed again, the scowl finally fading. The words made it clear he was becoming irritated as he only ever spoke in short sentences like that when he became annoyed with me._

“ _What do you mean?” I parroted the question again._

“ _You can sense his presence.” He said it as if that was explanation enough._

“ _Yes, I know that.” I responded in an annoyed tone._

“ _You can follow that sense to where ever he may be.” Solas finished._

“ _Ah, so like a bloodhound.”_

“ _A strange analogy but yes, like a hound.” Solas shook his head at me before lacing his fingers in mine. “You should wake and seek him out. The sooner you are done with this, the better.”_

“ _Yes well, I don't think that's a good idea.” I grimaced._

“ _Ethara?”_

“ _Varric believes there are cultists in the city.” I tapped the fingers of my free hand on the table as I spoke. “He eliminates them every so often but they always return after a few months.”_

_Solas had gone very still while I talked. His gaze darkening but he said nothing._

“ _He believes they are there because he is there and they think he would lead them to me or you.”_

_The dream of the rotunda had suddenly become very silent. It was strange that I had never considered the sound of it before now but I could tell that it had changed. The normal background sounds had simply just ceased._

“ _Does he know what they truly intend?” Solas finally spoke._

“ _No, I didn't tell him.” I said as I looked up at him._

_It was strange as I could see more then just him standing there. The shadow he cast had changed, growing larger and more fearsome. I was almost certain that it had taken on the appearance of a giant wolf._

_It was unsettling._

“ _Then it is best if you do not.” He said. “The less people who know the true intentions, the better.”_

“ _Did you not explain it to Dorian?”_

“ _I merely stated they wanted you, not what they planned to do once they had you.”_

“ _Ah.” I had never really asked before now but then that made sense. I did not want my friends to know that I was supposed to be the physical form of the abstract form of madness. “Should I be worried?”_

“ _No... not once you are with Abelas.” Solas scowled again. “When you find him again, you are not to leave his side. Not until you are far stronger.”_

_I would have retorted but the look on his face made it clear he was not going to accept any arguments about it. There was anger lurking just beneath that scowl._

_Of course, just because I agreed now did not mean I would have to follow through on it._

“ _I know what you're thinking, vhenan.” The scowl faded as he sighed._

“ _I don't know what you're talking about.” I responded almost sullenly._

“ _You are thinking that you will agree,” He leaned closer, letting go of my hand to trail his fingers against my cheek. “And then do as you wish in the waking world where I cannot scold you.”_

_I scowled at him but said nothing._

“ _Please.” He pleaded. “You must be careful and you must listen. You need Abelas near you, he can protect you where I cannot.”_

_His hand trailed down the side of my face before he lightly gripped my chin and tilted my head up towards him._

“ _I would be lost without you.” He leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes._

_There was something about his voice that tugged at my heart. I thought back to my earlier thoughts about where he was stuck here, unable to be near me in the waking world, and I felt a little childish for my earlier attitude._

_It did not excuse his behaviour but I did feel a little terrible about it._

“ _Fine.” I grumbled and caved to his request. “I will stay near Abelas from here on.”_

“ _Good.” His voice had become soft but that shadow behind him had deepened. “I will seek out spirits who will help us deal with the cultists.”_

“ _Alright, that sounds like a good idea.”_

_He leaned closer to press his lips firmly against mine in a kiss before he and the rotunda disappeared into nothingness._

 


	37. Twisting Streets

I came awake just as easily as I had fallen asleep and I thought perhaps it had just been a Dreamer's trance but the stiffness of my legs made it obvious that I had slept in my riding clothes.

Sighing, I got to my feet from the small cot and did my best to stretch those aching muscles.

I had no idea how long I had slept as there were no windows in this room. I reasoned it was for defensive purposes but it still made the room far darker then I liked.

Veil fire came unbidden to my hand as I stood. It was a simple instinctive reaction to the dark.

I could see well enough without it but I could not help but want the light. Even if it was green and merely the memory of fire, it was comforting. Something that reminded me of days long ago with companions I had not really seen in thousands of years.

I walked to the door to find that Varric was not out in the main room either. I could hear people just beyond the door and extinguished the veil fire as I wandered over.

Life still continued on in the main area of the Keep. I did not recognize any one other then the markings of the city guard. Two happened to be standing just outside the doorway.

They were not the men who had been there earlier so I guessed that I had slept through a shift change.

“Ma'am.” One guard said, bobbing his head towards me in respect.

“Uh... sir.” I said, failing at remembering what I should be calling the guards. “Is Master Tethras around?”

His companion looked at me with a strange look but said nothing, letting the first guard do all the talking.

“He is currently occupied with dealing with the diplomat from Starkhaven.” The guard said without even so much as a hint of a smile. “He left instructions that you weren't to be disturbed.”

“Ah, thank you.” I said with a small frown. “Has anyone been here looking for me?”

I already knew the answer but I figured I would ask any way.

“No Ma'am.” He said as he shook his head.

“Alright.” I thought about remaining there but quickly decided to do what Solas had suggested.

I nodded at the pair of guards and wandered towards the stairs. The silent guard finally spoke about my strange accent but I ignored it. Another thought for another time.

I moved past the people in the crowds, not bothering to look at anyone as I made my way down the stairs and out into the crisp night air.

Once I was standing out there with only a pair of guards nearby, I sighed and tried to focus on that presence I had felt when I first woke up in the temple.

It was a strange thing. I had given it no more thought after that first moment but it had been there all along. A strange warmth that never really seemed to change.

I thought it would be difficult to feel it or even to follow it but it was as easy as breathing. Natural and purely by instinct.

Without so much as a second glance back, I followed where that feeling led.

Through the twisting streets off High Town and then to the shabbier parts of the city. I moved through the city with a purpose and no one seemed to pay me any attention.

Everyone was seemingly preoccupied with their own plans.

I ended up far from the Keep and the road we had taken in, instead, I turned a corner and found myself face to face with a massive tree in the middle of a courtyard.

I stared at the tree and felt a sense of comfort about it even if I could not remember what the purpose behind such a thing was. There were symbols painted along the trunk that seemed reminiscent of Elvhen words but it was hard to really make them out. I did not know if it was time or simply that these people did not know the proper way of writing.

However, it was kind of humorous to realize that the tree was the best looking plant I had seen in this part of the city.

I quickly glanced around but it seemed that no one noticed my staring at the tree. Everyone was preoccupied with their lives just like they were in the rest of the city.

I did notice that there were more elves here, a few even had stalls selling goods that were clearly of elvhen make. A few humans wandered around and at least two dwarves.

“Not what you would expect?” A quiet voice came from behind me.

I turned to find myself looking at a young elvhen woman with light blond hair and all too serious green eyes. She bore no vallaslin but her outfit was more like that of the Dalish and not a city elf. Nothing fancy like a Keeper or First but the weave of the cloth around her legs and arms was clearly Dalish.

“Uh no.” I managed, glancing back over my shoulder at the tree for a moment longer.

“You have never been to an alienage before?” She asked, her head tilting curiously as if that was the most fascinating fact she had discovered recently.

“No to that too.” I gave a small sheepish look. I had not realized that this was the alienage as I could only faintly remember people telling me how dirty and poor alienages were. This place looked hardly like that at all. Varric had said that there had been changes here in Kirkwall, mostly because of this Merrill. “I got turned around from where I meant to go.”

“Where did you mean to go?”

“That's kind of difficult to explain.” I responded with a frown, trying to figure out how to politely remove myself from this conversation. “I'm trying to find a friend of mine.”

“And you don't know where he is?” She asked.

“No, I know where he is, I just don't know how to get there.” My frown deepened. I did not know this woman from every other elf in Kirkwall.

“Keeper Merrill says we should help each other.” The woman gave a small shy smile. “You're a stranger and you're lost.”

She did seem earnest despite the shyness.

“Alright.” I said with a sigh. “Can you show me the way into the lower part of the city?”

“You're already in Low Town.” She said with a sympathetic smile which quickly turned into a frown. “Or do you mean Dark Town? It's not good to go there by yourself, especially not for elves.”

“Yes, Dark Town...” I agreed when she spoke before I caught the rest of it. “What do you mean? It's not good to go there for elves?”

“That's where most of the bad men went after they cleaned up the city.” She seemed to almost think about it.”

“And what does that have to do with elves?” I pushed.

“Well... some of them... they kidnap lone elves. Keeper Merrill has been trying to deal with them but they've gotten a lot smarter.”

“Varric hasn't done anything?” I asked in surprise.

“You know Varric?” Her eyes became even bigger and there was a distinct look of awe in them. “He's tried too but it never lasts. He has Aveline go down every other month but they always come back.”

I kept a calm look on my face even as I considered what Varric had told me earlier and what this woman was telling me now. I wanted to believe there was no connection but I had long since learned that there was no such thing as coincidence.

“Alright, can you show me how to get down there?” I asked.

“You still want to go?” Her voice was a bare whisper.

“Yes. A friend of mine is there.” Or at least I thought he was down there. It felt like he was still in the city but he was definitely not on this _level_ of it.

“Alright, I'll show you but miss... I can't let you go alone.” That look was quickly replaced by a determined one. “Keeper Merrill would be very upset if I didn't at least try to help.”

She did not wait for me to argue, turning on her heel to walk quickly in the direction that I assumed was towards this Dark Town.

I followed after her with another sigh.

As it turns out, we did not have to walk very far from the alienage. If I had only turned back the way I had come and taken a side street, I would have found the way down into Dark Town.

This city was confusing.

“Alright, I should be fine from here.” I said to her with a smile.

She only shook her head at me.

“Really, I don't need your help.”

“Miss, if you couldn't find your way topside, you're not going to find your way down here.” Even if her tone was shy, the words were still direct. “And I will just follow you anyway.”

_Great._

I muttered to myself in ancient elvhen before turning back to the darker streets.

“Fine.” I said with a shrug. I would pretend indifference but I was going to keep an eye on her.

“Good.” She practically beamed. “Where did you say your friend was?”

“This way.” I responded and started walking.

Dark Town was as different from the rest of the city as night and day. There were no stone streets here, no fancy statues and a foul smell wafted up from cracks in the ground. It looked very much like it had been forgotten by all those that lived above.

I had the distinct feeling of being watched as we walked but I did not see anyone. That feeling was creeping up my spine in a strange sort of chill.

“So how do you know your way down here?” I asked. “If Keeper Merrill doesn't want you all to go down here I mean...”

“We used to come here more before.” She answered. “I lived in a house near here that had a hidden entrance down here.”

“Oh.” I answered, slightly in surprise. “So you came down here a lot?”

“No. Not really.” She wrinkled her nose as she thought about it. “There was a clinic down here too. People tried to help but...”

She trailed off and I did not push.

“Why would your friend be down here?” She asked instead.

“I'm not sure.” I answered truthfully. “He wasn't supposed to.”

I really, really hoped that he had come down here of his own free will and not because he had fallen prey to cultists or these bad men the woman had mentioned.

The woman had been right, these streets were far worse then the ones above. They twisted and wound about themselves in such ways that it was nearly impossible to navigate.

I did not want to admit it but I was getting frustrated with how nonsense these streets were.

Sighing yet again, I turned back to my new companion.

“You don't really know where he is, do you?” She blinked those big green eyes before leading the way. “Come on, we'll go to the main area and you can figure out from there.”

She darted through the streets like she was born there and had us out in a more open area within minutes.

“This way.” I said with a warm smile, grateful that she was at least being helpful.

Still, that old worry was at the back of my mind. Everyone had their alterior motives and I was worried that this woman might actually have reasons other then being helpful.

I led the way and went straight towards the part of Dark Town that smelled even worse then the rest. I could see that this direction was making my companion a little more on edge then before but I did not question it.

She could leave if she wanted to.

I looked towards the building in front of me and I just knew that Abelas was within. It was a strange sort of feeling but I knew I was right.

“I should be fine from here.” I smiled at her and nodded my head. “Thank you for showing me how to get around here.”

“You're welcome.” She responded with a smile.

“I can take it from here.” I prompted, hoping she would take the hint.

“Oh I'm still coming with you.” She continued to smile at me. “After you, Miss.”

I did not bother even sighing as I pushed open the door and went inside. She followed just a step behind me.

The building was just like the rest of Dark Town. Old, smelly and looking like it had been abandoned. The hallway was lit up with torches and helped to guide me in the direction I needed to go.

Thankfully, the building seemed to be a straightforward hallway with a few doors splitting off but nothing like the streets we had just wandered through to get there.

That warm Abelas feeling was getting stronger as I walked. Down a flight of stairs and behind a rather heavy set door.

The door was strange, almost cold to the touch but we were deep under ground at this point. There were a few designs on it that made it look almost like mechanical cogs and wheels but they seemed more like carvings.

I pushed the door open but the woman stopped me before I walked in.

“Let me go first.” She said softly.

I gave her a strange look but she had already shouldered past me and into the room. Irritated, I followed after her.

The room looked just like a regular dirt floored part of the building. The roof, however, was made of metal bars and almost like the walls of a cell. Light shown down through it and I stared blankly upwards for a brief moment. The walls above were far nicer then the

“Ma tarlan!” Abelas' voice, from the other side of the room, was somewhere between relief and warning. “The door!”

Abelas rushed over towards us, shoving the woman out of the way but he did not manage to reach it in time. It had closed behind me and that click was audible as it locked.

He swore several times in elvhen before turning to face us.

“Now that we're all stuck here, how do you propose we escape?” Abelas asked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally got distracted with playing Enderal and forgot to post this last Thursday. Sorry about that folks.


	38. Deepstalkers

I just stared at him before pinching the bridge of my nose at the absurdity of this situation.

“And exactly how did you get caught?” I asked, unable to keep the irritation out of my voice. “Or better yet, who are our captives?”

“I have not seen anyone above.” Abelas completely ignored my first question.

Sighing, I turned back to the door to look it over but there was no signs of a keyhole on this side of the door. There were the same intricate looking carvings but nothing to hint at a complicated locking system.

“It is no use, ma tarlan,” Abelas said as he walked back to the other side of the room. “There is no method of opening it from this side of the door.”

I looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I have examined the doors thoroughly.”

I ignored what he said and moved to look at the other door near where he stood. It was of far plainer wood without even the barest hint of decoration. It just looked newer then the other door.

I glanced back to the young woman who had followed me and caught her staring up at the grate ceiling.

“Do you see something up there?” I asked.

“No.” She paused before glancing back at me. “But there should be something up there. I mean. Why would someone have a room like this with one above if not for a reason. Yet there isn't anything I can see up there. No chains, no chairs, nothing to hint at a purpose.”

I found myself staring at her. I had no idea what she was getting at but Abelas apparently seemed to catch on. He walked over to where she was standing but stared at her instead of looking up.

“And what would you know of rooms like these?” He had gone still, his face showing little of his emotions as he asked.

“I have seen in a room like this before.” She answered with a neutral tone. “I... I used to be a slave.” She said as if that was enough of an explanation. “The woman who owned me used to put slaves in a room like this one while she sat above. She liked to watch.”

“Liked to watch _what?_ ” Abelas asked her.

I turned towards the newer door with a sudden realization. Backing away, I inched myself towards the two of them.

“When slaves were old, or not capable of working...” The woman continued. “She would face them off against each other or...”

“Or what?” I demanded tersely.

“Spiders. She liked to put giant spiders in with them.”

I felt a wave of disgust at the thought. I really did not want to think of what would happen to the old or infirm against giant spiders.

Abelas' face had a similar look of disgust but he then proceeded to ignore the young woman as if she did not exist to him.

“I really hope there aren't spiders behind that door.” I mumbled under my breath.

“I... I don't think so.” The woman responded. “But I think we should get out of here. Keeper Merrill is going to be very upset that we're here.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I walked you into this.” She sounded like she believed this was entirely her fault. Guilt shining in those big eyes of her's.

“It's no fault of yours.” I waved my hand idly as Abelas stomped past me to look at the second door again. “I was following Abelas here, you were trying to be helpful.”

“But I live here, I know –“

“Silence!” Abelas said urgently.

I was about to say something to him when I heard it. A scrabbling sound that was suspiciously close to claws on stone. There was a faint hissing to accompany it.

“There is something on the other side of the door.” Abelas said as he ushered me further from the second door.

“Do you think it can get in?” The woman asked.

Abelas did not answer.

I turned towards the door and could see nothing wrong with the door. That claws on stone noise quickly became clawing. It was easy to understand that the creatures on the other side were now attacking the door.

A loud thump as something hit the door made me jump.

“You are not to fight.” Abelas said as he fixed me with a stare. “I will deal with whatever is there on the other side.”

He continued to stare at me and I knew there was no point in arguing with him. He moved to stand to one side of me while the young elf took a step to the opposing side. Both had moved to stand in front of me and I bit back whatever retort was building.

I felt Abelas' shield erupt around us, a sort of warm and familiar tinge of magic but then I felt a second. It was not that strong but it was there. Flickering beneath Abelas' shield like a second protection for us.

“You're a mage?!” I stared at the young woman in disbelief.

“Well... yes.” She looked at me with surprise. “I'm not the First to the Keeper but I'm one of her students.”

“Talk later!” Abelas hissed as the door exploded into splinters.

I had begun to expect spiders, at least that would be familiar and normal but no, what came through those doors were not spiders. They looked like lizards but their heads were strange, almost worm like with sharp teeth at the front. Most of them were about the size of a house cat, maybe a little bigger but there were a few that were easily the size of a mabari.

I did not recognize the things immediately but the young elf did.

“Deepstalkers!” She shouted.

Abelas was already moving towards them. His blade arcing out and slicing through the first couple of them. The woman was moving behind him, flames shooting from her hands to incinerate the deepstalkers closest to her.

The pack of deepstalkers stood no chance against them and between the two of them, they had most of them killed within minutes. Their bodies lay where they fell with some partially in the doorway.

Abelas turned towards me the moment the danger had passed.

“Ma tarlan, are you alright?” Abelas asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” I waved my hand to try and keep him from asking further.

I had done nothing. I had just stood there and watched as the two of them took on the deepstalkers. I had not attempted to cast even a single spell.

“And you?” He asked the young elf.

“F.. fine.” She stammered before frowning down at the dead animals. “Deepstalkers shouldn't be here.”

“What do you mean?” Abelas asked before I could.

“Deepstalkers aren't normally found in the city. They're usually in the Deep Roads.” Her frown deepened.

“I really hope there isn't a hole to the Deep Roads around here.” I walked towards the pair of them before staring down into the hallway from which the animals had come. “Perhaps that's a way out?”

“Not likely.” Abelas answered.

“Well, would you prefer to just wait here for our captives to come find us?” I said tersely.

“It's probably a dead end.” The woman said. “But you're right, I think it's better to look through there. If they were keeping the deepstalkers as pets, then someone must have been feeding them and I don't think they were feeding them here.”

“Very well.” Abelas flicked his gaze between the two of us before he started walking down the hallway.

I guessed that was his decision that we were indeed going to go down the hall. I shrugged at the woman and started to walk behind him. She hurried up to me and walked almost at my side.

The hallway started out like the same material that the room had been made of but it seemed older.

The light dimmed but the three of us had no problems with walking into the dark.

The further we went, the less it seemed like a hallway and more like a tunnel carved into the dirt. I was distinctly aware that we were gradually going down.

“I don't like this.” The woman answered.

“Neither do I.” Abelas seemed to share that sentiment.

There was a gradual sound of water up ahead. Something that was becoming louder as we approached near the bottom.

I could make out light ahead, and random crates stacked along the walls.

We came to a stop just behind a pile of crates. One of them had a hole bitten through it.

“I think this is where the deepstalkers came from.” The woman said but there was clear confusion in her voice. “Why would someone ship deepstalkers?”

Abelas was already looking inside the crate for answers.

“It seems deepstalkers were not their intention.” He said softly before getting to his feet. “I believe it is more a case of an infestation.”

I had no idea about the deepstalkers or their behaviours beyond their obvious attempt to attack us so I just remained silent.

“I don't recognize any of the markings on these crates.” The woman added. “Traders are supposed to mark their crates with their own emblem.”

“Regardless, standing here does not do us any good.” Abelas turned from the crates and motioned further down the tunnel. “I will scout ahead.”

“Oh no.” I shook my head. “We're sticking together this time.”

I fixed him with my best Inquisitor face. The one I had given soldiers when they had questioned the orders from a tiny little elf woman.

He stared back at me as if he was trying to sort out whether to argue or not. In the end he just shrugged.

“As you wish, ma tarlan.”

He turned quickly and headed down the hallway to where the light was the brightest.

The woman followed along beside me once more as we walked.

We stepped out of the tunnel and found ourselves on the inside of a small cave. A pool of water filled more then half the floor and massive stalactites hung from above. Plants clung to the walls and the majority of the light seemed to come from glowing mushrooms that skirted the edges of the water.

“Wow.” The young woman said. “That looks like deep mushrooms but I've never seen them with that kind of glow before.”

“Neither have I.” I admitted.

“We should continue on.” Abelas responded but there was a strange set to his jaw. He still had his sword out but now I could clearly see the tight grip on the hilt.

“Alright.” I merely said as I realized he was tense.

Abelas nodded and continued down the tunnel, with me and the woman following close behind.

It looked the same as the path we had taken in but there was a brief fork in the tunnel. A close look to the right one made it look more like the recent stone of the lower part of Kirkwall but a cave in had blocked the way. The path on the left continued downward.

Abelas glanced back at me with a frown before he sighed and continued down the open pathway. Those strange glowing mushrooms clung to the wall in random patches. It lit the tunnel up but it was a little spooky.

I had this feeling creeping over me as we went down that tunnel. It was almost like when I had walked into Adahldur and found nothing there.

“I don't like this place.” The woman said.

Neither Abelas or I said anything in response to her as we came to a great wide cavern.

The woman gasped as we all just stared into the abyss that opened up beneath us.

There, we could see buildings. Huge buildings that seemed carved out of a single gigantic piece of stone. Those glowing mushrooms lined the way down. Some even growing up the sides of the nearest buildings but most of the overgrowth was a strange moss. Rising from between the buildings were towering statues that put the ones above to shame.

The three of us stared down into that city.

_Emerius._ The name came to me without thinking about it.

“This is...” The woman seemed to stammer.

“The City of Chains.” I answered for her.

Abelas looked at me in confusion and I recalled that he had been primarily holed up with the other sentinels of Mythal.

“Emerius,” I tried to explain. “It was a city founded by the Tevinter Imperium.”

“We were told that Kirkwall was Emerius.” The woman frowned. “But if it's under Kirkwall... Oh Creator's... this was a slave city. It was _the_ slave city. Hawke had books about this place.”

I blinked. I knew that name.

“Hawke? As in... Garret Hawke?” I stared at her. I remembered the man who I had left to die in the Fade. That choice was one I could never forget, even with the thousands of years wandering the hall of memories.

Just another thing I was responsible for.

“Yes. Messir Hawke rescued me and gave me employment.” She said as she bobbed her head. “He was good friends with Keeper Merrill, she took me in after...” She paused and the grief on her face was plainly visible. “After the Chantry fell.”

Abelas' confusion only grew.

“A few years ago,” I said to him. “Before we went to the vir'abelasan, a man blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall. It's what resulted in the problem with Templars and Mages.”

I really hoped he knew what those meant as there really was not time for a history lesson.

“Yes.” The woman said with a nod. “And then you managed to fix that problem.”

My head whipped over to look at her.

“You know who I am?”

Abelas inched closer to me, his gaze now fixed on the woman.

“Of course.” She smiled at me before realizing that look on Abelas' face. “Oh... I'm sorry. I thought you knew that I knew...”

“No.” I said with a grumble before pinching my nose. “So exactly how much do you know?”

“You're the Herald, the Inquisitor.” Those big eyes looked so full of awe. “Keeper Merrill and the Viscount told me all about you. You saved the world.”

“I had help.” I tried to say something that did not make this any more awkward then it already was. “Is that why you wanted to help me?”

“Well, yes.” She smiled. “Keeper Merrill already sent word to her students that you were in Kirkwall and that she would be there within a day to talk with you. She's really excited to meet you.”

I shook my head but said nothing.

“A meeting between the two of them is not going to happen unless we find a way out of here.” Abelas said with an annoyed tone.

“Let's head back up to the break in the path to see if there is any way to move those rocks.” I said quickly before striding off on my own. I knew the other two would follow and I had no interest in hearing about myself if this woman wanted to continue.

“If it helps,” I heard her speaking behind me. “My name is Orana.”

“I don't care.” Abelas responded gruffly.

My thoughts ran wild as I walked back up to the split in the path. If this woman, this Orana, knew who I was then there was a greater chance that other people in the city knew who I was. I had been careful not to give my name when I could but if she had recognized me on sight alone, then who else was capable of doing the same.

Being in this place was far more worrisome then it had been before. Especially if those cultists were here and in this place.

I stopped only when we had reached the rock slide. Several minutes of looking made it clear that there was no way to move those rocks. It would require a tremendous amount of magic but it clearly looked like it might start off a chain reaction and take down the rest of the ceiling.

Abelas looked it over but it was clear he had the same thoughts.

“Alright... to hell with it.” I looked over at Abelas, not caring that Orana could hear us. “I want you to walk me through drawing on your magic.”

“Why?” He eyed the rocks cautiously.

“We're going back to the initial chamber and I'm going to blow a hole in that damn door.”

“Are you sure that's wise...?” He questioned.

“I don't care that I'm weakened right now. We're getting out of here before whomever owns this place comes back.” I did not allow him time to argue as I stomped off for the room with two doors.

Abelas explained carefully and quickly in ancient Elvhen how to do what I needed to do. I was pleasantly surprised that it was not that different from when I had learned magic with Mythal.

The same principle was there and I knew I could do it.

I just was not prepared for the audience that waited for us when we got back to that room.

“Lookit this. Two city elves and a Dalish.” There was about six men standing there, all dressed in various levels of gear. The one closest to us was the one talking. “How much do you think we'd get for them, boys?”

“I don't know. They don't look worth the trouble.” One of them answered. “Especially if they were too far down the tunnel.”

Abelas once more interposed himself between me and this new threat.

“We don't want any trouble.” I said quickly. “We just turned a wrong turn and ended up in here.”

“You already found trouble, little lady.” The first said with a sneer. “Your boy toy isn't going to do much to save you.”

I tried to stifle the laugh but ended up making a snorting-huff noise.

“I'm trying to save you.” I managed afterwards. Even if I knew that Abelas was more then capable of taking care of business, I really did not want a fight right now. We had only just dealt with the deepstalkers.

“Save us?” The man laughed.

“Well, look at his armour.” Orana said simply. “Or his sword. He doesn't look like your average Dalish, now does he?”

The others looked between themselves and Abelas, a dawning sort of realization crossing their features.

“Just let us pass and we won't tell anyone that we were here.” I said in a pleasant tone.

“Sorry, but I don't believe that.” He said with a shake of his head.

Orana moved closer to me but I never looked away from Abelas in front of me and these brigands in front of him.

“They're mages.” His second suddenly said, his eyes lazily flicking between the three of us before settling on Abelas. “I don't think we should do this, boss.”

“Don't tell me you're getting chicken.” His boss responded.

“You'd get chicken if you could sense him.” He grimaced before backing towards the door. “You're on your own with this one.”

I did not look towards the man who was leaving or at the other two that decided to join him. I just stared at the guy in charge.

“Cowards.” He muttered. “I'm not afraid of fucking knife eared apostates.”

“How about the Captain of the Guard and the Viscount?” Varric's voice from just beyond the door was enough to bring a sigh of relief.

I was certain I heard other people putting their own names forward but I did not quite make it out over the sudden shuffling of feet as guards practically poured into the room. Within seconds, we were ringed by the Kirkwall city guards.

“Hey Daffodil, I'd wondered where you'd gotten to.” Varric said as he walked in.

Aveline walked next to him, followed by a dark haired elf wearing the outfit of a Keeper and a tall man wearing heavy armour. All four of them looked completely relaxed as if this was just another regular event for them. At least I assumed all four of them looked that way as I could see nothing of the man's face behind his helmet.

“Sorry, Viscount Tethras, I didn't think we'd find our way into a place like this.” Orana said with a small smile.

“Don't worry about it.” He chuckled before turning towards the men who were surrounded. “Guard Captain, how about you take these men into custody.”

“With pleasure.” Aveline said, not letting the men get a word in before they were all being dragged out by the guards.

“Now, why exactly were you wandering around down here?” Varric said as they left.

“Trying to find our way out.” I answered as I laid a hand on Abelas' shoulder.

The sentinel instantly relaxed and slid his sword back into it's sheath but he did not leave where he was standing.

Orana had already moved over towards the elf and armoured man, the three of them quickly talking in elvhen. I was a bit surprised to hear it but I ignored them for the most part.

“You'll never believe this, Varric, but apparently your city is built on top of Emerius and not actually Emerius.” I said with a small shrug.

“You're serious?” He said with a laugh before shaking his head. “Only you would go wandering off into ancient ruins when you're supposed to be meeting with people.”

“Well, wasn't intention and I didn't really go into them. I just saw them.” I jerked my thumb back the way we had come from. “Down that tunnel will take you to a ledge that over looks the old city. There are some funky glowing mushrooms along the way, can't miss it.”

“We'll have a look at it later.” Varric shook his head at me before turning towards his other two companions. “This is who I wanted you to meet. Ethara, this is Merrill.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, I will one day post this regularly on Thursdays.


	39. Merrill

Merrill merely introduced herself before leading the way. Both Orana and the armoured human stayed close beside her. I could hear them all speaking to one another but none of the conversation was directed my way.

I was surprisingly alright with that.

Abelas kept as close to me as they were to Merrill but he said nothing. I deliberately hung back so that I could at least try to talk to him.

“ _Abelas?”_ I questioned in ancient elvhen, keeping my voice low. “ _Care to explain how that happened?”_

The fact that he had somehow managed to fall into a simple bandit's trap actually confused the ever loving fade out of me. He had led Mythal's sentinels and then assisted Solas in whatever capacity. A simple trap should not have held him.

“ _I was distracted.”_ He answered but did not meet my eyes when I looked at him.

“ _Distracted?”_ I almost laughed at that answer.

“ _I do not wish to discuss it.”_ His tone was like a scolded child's.

I wanted to push him for answers but I thought better of it. I could hear the conversation between the three up ahead, a mix of the trade tongue and ancient elvhen. It was strange to hear it but it was enough to warrant caution with what Abelas and I might say to one another.

Not that I thought Merrill was not to be trusted but I did not know the three before me. Two elves and human.

I nearly stopped when I realized that the human must be Carver Hawke.

“ _Are you alright?”_ Abelas asked, noticing the falter in my steps.

“ _Fine.”_ I answered as I found something else to look at while we walked.

He did not push either but it was clear he did not believe me.

I did not want to tell Abelas about what I knew of the Hawkes, or of Garrett Hawke to be more precise. My memory of the human was one of the few that had always stuck with me.

He was the one who I had left behind in the fade.

I just hoped that his brother was not the type to hold a grudge, although his anger at me would be justified.

“This way.” Merrill said cheerfully as she led the way into the Elvhen Alienage.

I was surprised as I had assumed we were going to the Keep but it did kind of make sense that she would head here.

She led the elves and this was the home of the elves in the city.

Merrill did not stop in her stride towards a house on the far side of the alienage but Orana darted off. The remaining four of us stopped only for Merrill to unlock the door, say hello to a nearby elf, and then we were inside the building.

It was clear that it must have been a home at one point. A small fireplace, a table with chairs. A door leading off to another room. It did not look like it was lived in but there was something that was almost cozy about the place.

Merrill moved to sit down in one of the chairs while the human, Carver, stood beside her. She motioned to the free chair beside her and I sank into it.

“You know, I really wanted to meet you while you were leading the Inquisition.” Merrill said with a small grin. “But things here kept me busy.”

“Varric told me that you united the elves here.” I said with a nod. “I think that's a little more important.”

“Maybe.” Merrill said thoughtfully before she tilted her head. “Do you know you talk with an accent?”

“What?” I asked, suddenly unsure where that had come from.

“Yes. An accent. Not like those from Clan Lavellan but it's there.” Her nose wrinkled up as she continued to think about it. “I can't place it but it's noticeable. Really noticeable.”

I was not sure how to take that so I merely kept my mouth closed.

“Oh, I don't mean it's a bad thing.” She frowned, more at herself then at me. “Goodness, that was a little rude of me, wasn't it? First time we start talking and I comment on your accent.”

“I think you should focus on what you wanted to talk to her about.” Carver said with a small chuckle behind his helmet.

“And I think you should take off that dreadful helmet.” Merrill said as she looked up at him with adoring eyes.

Carver chuckled again before removing the helmet to set it aside. He looked very much like Garrett had. The same eyes, the same jawline, the same ruffled hair. Of course, he did not have the stubble I remembered on Garrett but there was no mistaking them as anything other then siblings.

“Happy now?” He shook his head at her before staring back at me.

“Much.” She beamed before glancing back to me. “I know Varric has said otherwise but you should know that I know about the cultists.”

I could practically feel Abelas tense up next to me.

“Are you certain of that?” Abelas asked, his tone low.

“Very.” Merrill fixed him with a strange look before looking back to me. “We had an elf who tried to come back to us after what happened beneath the mountain. He told us pretty much everything.”

A cultist turn coat.

Somehow I was not surprised by that at all. My father had not been the kindest man and without him instilling fear in his followers, most probably jumped ship.

“Is he still with your clan?” I asked.

“No.” Carver answered, his face becoming grim.

I did not ask what became of the elf as I knew by that look.

“That being said, Varric is wrong about why they are here in the city.” Merrill said, completely glossing over the subject. “They aren't here looking for you or for Fen'Harel.”

Abelas tensed even further but he did not say anything this time.

“Then why are they here?” I asked.

“Emerius.” Merrill said with a frown. “You happened to wander into one of the entrances of it, one we have been looking for actually.”

“Why would they be looking for Emerius?”

“Because Emerius was the home of one of the Magisters Sidereal.” Merrill answered.

“How would you even know that?” I continued to question.

I vaguely remembered what the Magisters Sidereal were. The servants of the old gods who had pierced the veil in an effort to reach the Golden City. I just did not remember mention of any of them living in specific cities outside of the capital of the Tevinter Imperium.

“We found documents about a temple in Emerius. More digging revealed that the Appraiser of Andoral, one of the Magisters, lived most of his time here. What better place for the High Priest of Slavery then in the City of Chains itself?”

“Alright but what are they looking for in Emerius?” I asked.

“A way through the veil.” Abelas answered simply.

“Yes.” Merrill said with a nod. “You denied them that way through and now they're looking for another way.”

The thought that they were hunting for a new way through the veil was a bit terrifying to me. I knew what lay beyond and what would happen if they brought it through but yet, there they were, still determined to bring about the end of the world.

“My guess is that they want to find a way through first and then find you.” Merrill said with a small shrug. “Quite intelligent for a bunch of fanatics if you ask me.”

“So you really do know then?” I could not stop myself from asking.

“Yes.” Merrill said with a clear look of sympathy on her face. “What they intend to do with you... I can't even imagine. I mean... do they even realize what is going to happen if they try and pull that through to the waking world? Abominations would be the least of their worries.”

I did not want her sympathy but I said nothing. It was just another reminder what the cultists were up to.

“Do you know if they have found anything?” I asked.

“Doubtful.” Carver said as he shook his head. “We did some looking and if they even managed to find a vault belonging to the Magister, they won't be able to do a damn thing with it.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“The old Magisters of the Imperium, and not just the Magisters Sidereal, were really fond of magically locking their vaults.” Merrill said with a small smile. “If he was anything like the others, then he probably has it sealed up tighter then... well... a lock that can't be opened.”

Even if we had gotten off on an awkward foot, I could see myself liking this Merrill. Perhaps even a friend.

“But yeah, there is no way they're going to be able to open any vault if it belonged to him.”

“What if the magical seals weakened?” Abelas asked as if that should have been an obvious thought.

“That's the problem.” Merrill said with a nod. “We thought that too but we know someone who tried to get into a vault from the ancient Imperium already. She nearly fried herself.”

“Our friend, Isabela.” Carver explained. “She'd gotten wind of a vault and thought it would be just an easy score. It didn't go quite as planned.”

I did not remember an Isabela but then, I only remembered the Hawkes because I killed one.

“Well, it's a little bit of a relief knowing that they're focusing on something else instead of me. That means I can get back to Skyhold a lot easier.” I said.

“If you're going by ship, I think we can send word for her to come here.” Carver said thoughtfully.

“Oh that would be wonderful.” Merrill said with a grin. “I haven't gotten to see her in quite a while. And she promised me a girl's night out when she's back in Kirkwall.”

“I was kind of hoping to actually travel by Eluvian.” I said a little sheepishly.

“Eluvian?” Merrill quirked an eyebrow at me. “There aren't any functioning eluvians here in Kirkwall.”

“No but I did hear that you have a non-functioning one.” I responded.

“Well yes...”

“And you have an Arulin'Holm.” I continued.

“I have tried to repair it but it doesn't work.” Merrill said with a frown.

“I can get it to work.” I said with confidence even if I was not entirely sure how I could get it to work. “If you give me the Arulin'Holm, I can open the eluvian and get access to the others for you and your clan.”

Merrill went silent as she considered it. Carver said nothing either, merely staring at me and I truly hoped that it was just because of how outlandish my offer sounded.

“Alright but on one other condition.” Merrill said softly.

“What's that?” I asked.

“When you go, take Orana with you.” Merrill said. “Varric has already arranged for your Ambassador to teach her so it would be far easier for her to get to Skyhold in your care.”

I blinked, having not expected that request at all. I glanced up at Abelas who merely shrugged, making it clear that this was completely my decision in the matter.

“Very well.” I nodded in agreement. “If she wants to go with us that is.”

“She won't be much trouble.” Merrill said quickly. “And if you're going by eluvian, it won't take too long for you to get there.”

“That's if you can fix the one that is broken here.” Carver said with a small shrug.

“I can fix it.” I chafed at his insinuation.

He said nothing else and merely shrugged.

“Let me go speak with her.” Merrill said as she got to her feet and stepped out too quickly for me to say anything.

I sat there between the two men as that silence seemed to grow and become awkward. Maybe it was my sudden surge of guilt but I felt more and more uncomfortable. Finally, I could not handle it any longer and spoke up.

“I'm sorry about your brother.” I said.

Carver blinked very slowly at me as if he was having difficulty processing what I was saying.

“I did not want to leave anyone behind but someone had to-”

“Enough.” Carver said as he held up his hand towards me.

Abelas moved between the two of us far more quickly then it took for me to take in a breath.

Carver looked surprised at the other man but returned his attention back to me.

“You don't need to apologize for that. I knew my brother.” Carver's voice became sad. “I understood full well that if he stayed in the fade it was because he decided to, not because someone else told him he had to.”

I had never considered that but then I tried not to consider much about that particular event.

“I don't hate you or the Warden for it. Well... maybe I hate the Wardens a little because they were so bloody stupid but not you.” He actually grinned at me. “You did kill Corypheus after all and that was the ass that was responsible for it all in the long run.”

“Well... if you say so.” I did not want to push it further then that. He did seem genuine.

The door opening was enough to end the conversation regardless if either of us were going to say anything. Merrill had returned with Orana in tow.

“Alright, let me show you my eluvian.” Merrill said with a small grin before leading the way to the other room in this little home.

I got up and followed.

The other room was clearly a bed room, a small bed against the wall with the eluvian nearly dead center in the room. It was a smaller one, nothing like the gigantic one from Solas' keep or even the ones that Morrigan owned. It would be enough for us to get through but the horses were now out of the question.

“Here is the Arulin'Holm.” Merrill said as she rummaged through the nearby chest. The tool was still wrapped in cloth when it was handed to me.

“This might take me a little bit.” I answered truthfully as I stared back at the eluvian.

I could see where it had been broken but to the casual observer, it just looked like a regular old mirror. Without asking, I leaned close to it and ran my fingers along that nearly invisible line.

I was a bit surprised to feel the magic in the eluvian reacting to my crystalline hand. That must have been what Solas had been referring to, that I would be able to repair it because I had a tool far greater then just the Arulin'Holm.

That pulse of magic seemed to curl around my fingers and I wondered what would happen if I just gave it a little tug.

Without really thinking it over, I did just that.

Magic enveloped the five of us before a bright light snapped through the entire room and I felt myself lose consciousness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to write Merrill as her usual DA2 self coupled with the burdens of leadership kind of made her not-  
> Merrill. -_-'


End file.
